I stared blankly at Louis with my mouth wide open. My mind was a chaotic mess. 

While I was desperately trying to gather what was left of my sanity, Louis’s brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Again, why are you so surprised? I thought you knew?” 

He asked, not realizing how ridiculous his words were. 

“How was I supposed to know?” 

Instead of answering, Louis blinked and tilted his head. 

It was then that I realized what had happened. 

We were idiots who thought we could understand each other without needing to say anything. 

But…

“It’s been six years for me, Louis.” I smiled. 

It’s just six years, but it was an exhaustingly long six years for me. 

I began to recount the events that happened after he died. 

The Goddess’s Blessing wasn’t just a title. For the people of the Holy Empire of Erlain, Louis was the manifestation of their hopes. A savior. 

His mere presence alone brought joy and prosperity for the Holy Empire, while it struck fear to the neighboring nations, especially those that did not follow the fate of the Goddess Aritia. 

Which is why, when the news of his demise reached the people, the despair it caused almost brought the Holy Empire to ruins. The people were angry and needed someone to blame. 

There were two victims. The mage most renowned in the Holy Empire, and me, the one they call the ‘Curse’. 

Our father shielded me and wagered his title, riches, and everything he had to protect me. The mage, however, wasn’t so fortunate. He was ripped to shreds by the people. 

That mage was the Second Imperial Prince’s father, and the Empress’s hidden lover. His death brought her to despair, and she followed him to the afterlife soon after. 

This situation led the First Imperial Prince to take the throne at the age of eighteen with the support of the House of Aleister and the Papacy. Meanwhile, the Second Prince soon ran away from home after finding out the truth, never to be seen again. 

Seeing the weakened Holy Empire, the Magic Kingdom in the Northeast of the Empire, Fanzheya, decided to wage a war against the Empire. It was a losing battle due to the weakened morale of the Holy Empire’s forces. 

Around that time as well, plagues, droughts, and famine came unexpectedly for the Holy Empire. It really seemed like the world was soon coming to an end. 

Eventually, our father, Archduke soon had no choice but to join the battlefield, while I was engaged in a political marriage with the First Imperial Prince. 

However, the situation only turned for the worse when the news of the Archduke’s death arrived in the Imperial City. I was sent to prison, and was mercilessly tortured. Meanwhile, The Witch decided to appear and showcased herself as the saint, eventually seizing the minds of all the people. 

An illness erupted among the Priests and the Holy Knights where their Ether began to get corrupted by demonic energy, causing massive amounts of deaths, eventually bringing down the church to its destruction. Furthermore, the Pope was accused of colluding with the Curse, causing him to end up in prison, and was eventually executed. 

Not long after him was my turn. 

“That’s why you must never die again no matter what, understood?” 

“It’s not like I wanted to die.” 

It was midnight by the time we finished talking. I snuck under Louis’s blanket as usual. I have been doing that ever since I woke up. It came as no surprise to me that I’ve become unable to sleep without Louis by my side. Just having him away from my sight makes me uneasy.

I avoided having to think about it, but knowing that I’m not alone, sets my heart at ease. I was scared of having to experience all of those again, and frankly I don’t know what to do to change it either. 

***

“Haa…” 

The Empress sighed looking at the papers the Archduke had left her with. Rubbing her temple, the Empress stood up and picked up a glass of wine. She looked at the Imperial City’s view through the window of her study and muttered to herself. 

“What’s gotten into that hopeless man…? To do something like this, has he finally gone crazy?” 

[ Resignation letter ]

That’s what’s written on the document’s front page. 

It never occurred to her that a noble could just resign just like that. In reality, no they can’t. However, if the Archduke says that he no longer wishes to do any work for the Imperial Palace, then she as the Empress can’t force him to stay. 

In the first place, the Archduke’s position was so special that even the Empress wouldn’t dare mess with him. The fact that he informed her of this, was a sign of his respect. 

But still, it was truly strange. 

“Ah…I guess without that guy, my life is now going to be difficult. Oh Alexei…how could you do this to me…” 

***

When I woke up in the morning, Louis was already gone. He most likely went out to do his swordsmanship lessons. I knew that but I couldn't help but worry. 

During his swordsmanship lessons were the only time where Louis would leave me on my own. And usually I would sleep-in and by the time I woke up, Louis was already back. 

But for this day, I woke up earlier than usual.

It's been a month but I still can't go around on my own. Not like I would be permitted in the training grounds anyway since Louis and Father regarded it as a dangerous place. As such, I have no choice but to wait patiently for Louis to come back.  

It’s cold 

I bit my nails as I hugged my knees. The room strangely felt unfamiliar and cold. 

"Your Highness?" 

Hans, Louis's Valet, called upon me but I ignored him. Not minding this, he continued to do his job. 

"His Highness asked me to take care of you for the time being. Breakfast shall be served once he returns. For now, I bought some water here to wash yourself with. Call me if there's anything you need." 

Hans placed down the basin of water and bowed, leaving the room. 

My room wasn’t a place just anyone can go into. Only trusted servants are allowed, but even then, they aren’t allowed to stay long.

It was a precaution to prevent incidents where servants would lay their hand upon me. 

Due to this as well, I didn't have my own personal attendant. There wasn't anyone trustworthy enough to fill the role. So Hans is the one who usually does the job. 

Of course, the difference in our gender made it so that he couldn't help me with everything.

I hope Louis comes back quickly 

I thought as I dipped my hand in the warm water and splashed it to my face. Then I wiped it with a towel Hans also provided. 

As much as I hated to admit it, having Louis out of my sight gives me anxiety. My mind couldn't help but be plagued with thoughts of this dream-like situation ending, and I'll be back to suffer once more.

The thought of it alone makes me shudder. I can't help but feel myself getting weaker and drowning in despair despite trying my best to convince myself that he'll only be gone for a moment. 

Perhaps I too saw Louis as my peace, my salvation, and my light. 

He hates it when people think of him that way.

I sighed. 

Fortunately, Louis soon came back. As he was fresh from the training grounds, he was covered in dirt and sweat. Of course, he was still as beautiful as the Goddess made him to be, but I was honestly more concerned about the blood dripping from his cheeks. 

"Did you get hurt?"  

Louis wiped the blood off his cheeks and shook his head. 

"I was distracted for a bit. But it's fine. It's just a scratch." 

I didn't say anything more and just patiently waited for Louis to clean up and get dressed with the help of Hans. 

I lied back down and stared at the canopy, trying to calm my anxious heart

"Cena?" 

As Louis's shadow drew closer, it shaded my eyes from the light coming from the window. The mattress beside me sunk a little as Louis sat on it.

"What's wrong?"

He asked, but I just bit my lips, unable to answer. 

Frankly, I was filled with frustration. I'm trying my best to suppress it, but I'm constantly being consumed by paranoia. I couldn't help but think the worst of every situation, and I tend to needlessly worry and fuss about little things. 

"Ha..." 

I let out a breath, laughing to myself. 

"I'm such a mess." 

I tugged on his sleeve then curled up. Then I called my brother's name. 

"Louis."

"Hmm?"

He patiently waited for me to talk. 

"I'm scared." 

He moved a little at my words. After a little hesitation, he lifted his hand and started caressing my head. 

"I don't know what to do." 

"Isn't that why we're here together?" 

Louis spoke in a soft voice. 

"They say that two is better than one. Rather than mulling it over by yourself, isn't it better if we do it together?"

Louis sported a gentle smile when I looked up at him.