Welcome back all my Tales faithful readers. I’m so excited to start the end of this series for you all I request patience on your end but I will always try to update at least once a week!

Thank you for the reads, feedback, and support! I can’t wait to see what you all think of this new journey!

Enjoy!***

Chapter 1 - Suffering

Because I left you, I loved you.

Because I hated you, I needed you.

Because I turned from you, I followed you.

Because I was silent with you, I called you.

Because you wanted to be mine, I wanted to be yours.

Because I cursed you with need, I was saved by your greed.

Because I knew only darkness, I was saved by your light.

And in this tangled desire...?

I found only to aspire to never damn you with my weaknesses and blight.

(Because...) – Written by Crimson Petals

There was something to be said for the constant company of crushing fear, anxiety, anticipation, and an achy longing that had settled over Brandon’s soul cutting him deeper and vaster than the oceans. Its utterly sucked!

For the reluctant Druid, there was a constant mass of emotional weight on his mind that was both numbing and agonizing to be caught up in every minute that passed and he questioned his painful choice to leave the Leopards behind.

The only real escape he found from it all was in the tutelage that Ann gave to him as they traveled through forests and over rough rugged mountains and through thick dancing fields full of dry tall grasses and dying sunburst, tan and crimson colored leave.

A cool wind blew over the areas they traveled through as a pair, their comfort hampered by the hard cold earth at night and the choking sense that their enemies were just at their throats.

The Brotherhood was now able to reach them because they had traveled beyond the safety of both the Leopard Clan and the Elder Balders barrier.

The sun had sunk far beneath the horizon, and the sky danced an eerie aquamarine as the dregs of clouds blocked out the stars blinking above the trees and off into the distance. It had been nearly six days since they had departed out of the Leopard’s lands and started traveling across the vast expanses of wilderness.

Brandon and Ann had set off towards the south of the Leopards’ lands; taking pains to skirt the more developed or habited areas of the land as they went.

Brandon guided their forwards’ march simply by the virtue of the dreams and memories he had experienced as well as the nostalgic sense pulling him forwards in his soul.

For Brandon, it was a cutting pang that pulled at his senses like an internal compass eternally pointing the way. Somehow he awakened and went to sleep and at all times like a small star in his thoughts the location of his true home glinted and gleamed and lured him. It almost made him want to pluck out his eyes and claw out the pinching sensation for good.

Brandon seemed to not only understand that this nagging pull was directing him towards Ishtar, but even though he was confused by it he knew he had to trust these obscure feelings.

They were all he had to guide him now and considering what he was willing to leave behind him, Brandon had no choice but to let his memories/dreams lead him to what he was searching for.

Ann and Brandon crossed lands with little to nothing to their names in the way of provisions They ate and drank the foodstuffs they had packed for the journey, while Brandon took the time out to open his Druid senses and pinpoint the weak Ether of any small creatures in the area he could hunt and feast upon as his energy-starved blood demanded of him.

By the handfuls, he would feed. Thin Bunnies, turtles, and even squirrels were captured, all before Brandon sucked them dry of all their life energy, leaving behind lifeless brittle husks that crumbled into dust and blew away in the cool late fall winds.

Brandon found even now after discovering what he was and why he needed to feed on the energy of the living, that he simply couldn’t help but despise the waste of any life.

And yet the Druid let his voracious hunger for Ether and the stabbing desire of the Acris loose upon these things, each kill doing nothing to satiate his bottomless hunger.

No matter how desperately he wanted the Druids’ hunger to lessen, in the end, he only managed to placate his dwindling self-control. He wanted to kill with a dark lust born more from gluttony than from anger.

He suffered more because he knew what he craved, the one man whose Ether had managed to calm him down and take off the edge was far away, and somehow the knowledge of how much he needed the Shifter both to feed and to feel more in control of himself was discouraging. Brandon hadn’t meant to allow himself to become so...dependent.

Sweet Ezekiel’s proximity and his importance to the Druid had been something that had helped Brandons restraint and temper his willpower not to just feed and kill and give in to the pain tearing him to shreds inside and now a serious part of Brandon feared the way his own body was rebelling against him the longer and the further he went from Ezekiel’s side...but Brandon couldn’t turn back...

Surprisingly Ann, who had regulated herself to keeping Brandon moving and her eyes forever scanning for an attack easily followed the apprehensive Druid with little to no complaints. Lacking the experience with the wilderness that Brandon had been forced to lean Ann often grew tired quickly from marching across unfamiliar terrain and yet it was often she who set the grueling pace for them both.

Unfortunately as powerful and knowing as Ann had proven herself to be as a teacher of Alchemy Ann was not used to hiking for miles on end and she had very little experience with camping, food prep, hunting, or even keeping to a set direction and so most of that fell to Brandon.

Considering that much like the Brandon of three years ago Ann had been raised inside of the Brotherhood’s Base and never traveled by foot so her easy reliance on Brandon’s direction made sense.

Added to this was the fact that using a Portal of any kind was pointless because Ann didn’t know where Ishtar was and could only create Portals to places she had been to before, and that meant that the last few days and many of the days before them was going to be spent marching through the wild...and eventually they would be forced to confront the more developed areas of the mortal city they were going to need to cut through as they got closer to the protected and eerily ancient lands of Ishtar.

Even now as they went the telltale signs of human cities began to punch the landscape as they went along, long stretches of asphalt cutting through the quiet wilderness.

Leagues of forests were cut down and smoothed into rolling dusty fields, revealing the horizons to the far east. Marching across the crackling snap of dry branches Brandon sighed, tossed back his head, and swiped at his dirty blond hair as a vicious bite in his gut and chest nearly buckled him.

“Shit!” he cursed quietly as he let himself slow to a stop on wobbly knees and lay his shoulder up against the trunk of a thick tree, one of the few left dotting the countryside.

These trees were nothing like the tall, pencil-thin pine trees that had crowded around the Leopard Lands. Instead, the trees closer towards mortal civilization were gangly with peeling grey and white bark curling and rolling away from the smooth wood beneath like old tan wallpaper.

The stiff paper-like bark cracked and crumbled beneath his weight, some of it sprinkling onto Brandon’s clothes and into his hair as he struggled internally to breathe and think past the dual fits of hunger swirling around inside of him like snapping storms ebbing and rising against his wishes.

Trembling hands rose to rub at his stinging frustrated eyes, and rub over his tight chest.

Jesus... it is so hard to control this shit! I feel like I’m slipping more and more out of control too... I know I can’t control the Acris. The stone is mindless, but if I could just turn off my Druid Hunger then maybe I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed by it all...God, I want to feed so badly! And these fucking bunny rabbits aren’t cutting it....at this rate...I’m going to snap!

Brandon clenched his jaw, shook his head, and bowed his eyes down towards the earth searching for the peace of mind that seemed to have evaded him the moment he decided to leave Ezekiel behind.

It was almost frightening how much he struggled now in comparison to how things had been for Brandon in Ezekiel’s embrace...it was like Ezekiel’s very spirit had soothed something dark and demonic inside of him and now that vicious side of him was back off the leash.

Or was it perhaps because Ezekiel’s being and spirit and Ether had proven to be such a delectable temptation Brandon hadn’t been able or willing to focus on anything else but him? Somehow his Druid blood and the Acris had both been tamed by this terrible, but humbling yearning for Ezekiel and Ezekiel alone.

Just thinking of the man-made more tears sting his eyes and Brandon let out a grumbling moan and shook his head.

Why am I acting so sad? I left him not the other way around. I hurt him I’m sure...maybe I deserve to be in pain for that...I wonder if he hates me now...?

Small cool fingertips dance over Brandon’s chin startling the Druid and making him flinch back into the tree as his eyes shot open and he started to push the gentle touch aside.

Ann’s cool black eyes met him in the darkness as Brandon froze and the other Mana User slowly placed her left hand back against his cheek, and her right hand across his forehead which was damp with cold sweat.

The white healer’s dress that she had donned days ago was still a pristine snow white, the slits at her hips and legs allowing easy traversal, even as sticks snagged and caught in the skit as she drew near him. With the menacing cowls of her Alchemist’s robes no longer obscuring her face and body it was readily apparent how much smaller and delicate than him she was...and yet she commanded an aura of calm authority with him that kept Brandon from shying away again.

His teacher’s touch was gentle and openly concerned, but Brandon trembled as a flash of need cut him and he took a shaky breath.

“Ann...don’t. You can’t touch me without warning like that...it’s not safe...for you.” he brokenly admitted, his voice shaking as he felt a burning lash tighten inside of him as he looked at her and at the back of his mind hissed a single thought.

Kill her! EAT! Must eat!

His teacher made no move to respond to his warning instead her cool black eyes glittered in the night as she said. “I don’t fear for me right now Brandon. You’re weak, deeply flushed, and your skin is like a flame to the touch...”

Ann’s expression wormed its way between worry and confusion as she looked into his eyes with a question. “This is how you seemed to me back in the Base. You are degrading so quickly Druid even though you feed every day and hunt so much game...what can we do?” The Alchemist’s voice was genuine and calm as she stepped closer. “I don’t know how to help you, but I will try.”

Brandon sighed and lightly shook his head; he leaned back more into the tree, ignoring Ann’s hands as they slipped off of his face and chest.

“Nothing will help me, Ann. There is nothing you can do...for me. I need...I need something I can’t have.” Brandon swallowed thickly and looked up to the stars. “It’s funny I had managed to forget how fucking miserable it was for me out here on the road. Spending all of my time and energy just trying to survive the pain.”

Brandon bit his lip as he recalled how much he had agonized in solitude, sleeping in darkness nowhere as merciless as his deep twisted thoughts and heart.

“Before all of this happened I used to think I was always in hell. How the hunger burned like lava all day and night. Day after day, week after week, month after month. I knew there was no end in sight....now after just a few days without him, I can barely function. Fuck me, I think living in the Mansion spoiled me...having blue boy beside me ruined me.”

“So the Guardian made you weaker?” his teacher supplied in a cool tone.

“Are you crazy? He made me stronger...better than the hunger....” Brandon chuckled dryly. “But It’s hard to go from surviving in hell to living freely...then going back to just surviving again I guess.”

Ann watched him quietly then she softly said. “Just say the word Druid...and I can take you back to the Leopards Lands. Do you know that your guardian is only a Portal away? While Ishtar waits at the end of a very long and painful road to the east...or so you stubbornly seem to believe.” Ann shook her head and crossed her arms.

“If I am bound to you as my Novice, I want to help you, but I would end your suffering in a moment if you were only willing to go back...”

Unbidden that forbidden flavor invaded his senses, and a warm bullet of the memory of the heart of his lover’s energy tore through his mind. At the mention of going back...going back to his Guardian, Brandon’s entire chest flipped and his soul seemed to lurch around inside of him. All of his thoughts and hunger and desires whipped into a flailing frenzy that felt like having his entire spirit electrified, he shuddered as he imagined how pleasurable it would be to have his Reaver touch him...

Blue boy...

Only a portal away...a few minutes from his azure eyes that could steal breath, his powerful sensual kisses that set Brandon aflame, and Ezekiel’s love that Brandon could have sworn was the only thing still keeping him sane.

The Druid only had to hear him mentioned and he didn’t have the strength to ignore the way his entire chest nearly caved in as both the Acris and his blood broiled with longing.

Wanting to tear out his heart as it sent pangs over his body Brandon slammed his fist into his chest and cried out as he squeezed his eyes shut to fight past the weakness that wanted to drive him to his knees and beg Ann to take him back to Ezekiel.

“Ann it’s cruel of you to offer to take me back!” He seethed past his teeth as he opened his eyes and cut her a glare.

"And I’m warning you not to offer it ever again! I told you when we left! Ezekiels got a target on his back because of me! The Bane want to kill Ezekiel because of me and I don’t know how to stop them! I can’t protect him until I figure out the truth about my past!” Brandon clenched his jaw and breathed out in furious denial.

“No! I can’t go back...I go back and everyone in that Clan is a target because of me! I won’t put them at risk any longer.” he spat somewhat shakily, then feeling annoyed Brandon tried to step off the tree, turn and walk forwards, the incessant pull in his head leading him to Ishtar never far beneath the pain and hunger.

But he overestimated his grip on his body and with an awkward stumble the Druid fell to his knees as his numb legs and throbbing chest stole the wind out of him entirely.

“Brandon! Brandon!?” came the terrified cries of Ann as the Druid suck into sudden darkness, his body a cage of surmounting torment that he couldn’t ignore.