The guard’s aren’t outside. No one is. Except for the one angel leaning against one of the tree-like plants. Their lavender hair is a bit past shoulder length and their shoes look expensive. And I can tell they're really rich, not just from the shoes, but also from the limo parked beside the building. 

They’re on their phone–super cute kitty case–with one foot against the wall. They tuck their hair behind their ear; I can feel my cheeks heat up. 

Back on Earth, I was single. I’d never dated anyone and I was a hopeless virgin. I’d never even kissed anyone.

But now that you’re in heaven, you can change that. This might be your chance to finally be a man. To finally lose your virginity. To finally be the person you’ve always wanted to be. Cool, confident, not a care in the world– 

“Hey mutant!” 

The angel’s head snaps upward as Caz glides over to me. 

“Don’t fucking leave like that,” he growls.

“A newbie like him can’t follow orders,” Cotton murmurs, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks to your very clear instructions,” I say, my eyes still on the lavender-haired angel. 

“There weren’t any–”

“Exactly.”

“Ooooh! He burned you!” Caz pretends to wince. He laughs when Cotton purses his lips. “You want some ice for your wound Cotton Ball?”

Cotton ignores him and turns to me. “I will not allow you to speak to me like that. I am an angel of class and sophistication,” he rambles on, even though I could literally not give a shit. 

“Ok Mr Bigshot, we get it.” Caz throws his arm around Cotton. “Where’re we going again?”

“Oh right, the Academy.” Cotton shrugs Caz’s arm off him. “Get your filthy hands off me.”

“Germaphobe.”

As we began to leave, the lavender haired angel glances up and catches my eye. They wink.

The whole way to the Academy, Cotton and Caz ramble on about angel positions and cats. As for me, I’m thinking about them. 

What does it mean when someone winks at you? I mean it probably means they like you, but maybe they were just blinking. Maybe their other eye also blinked and I didn’t see it. Or maybe they do like me. What if it’s some secret way of asking me on a date and I’m supposed to meet them somewhere and I didn’t know ’cuz I’m–

“Are you ok buddy?” Caz shouts. “You look like your mom just died.”

“Is that really a bad thing?” Cotton grumbles.

“Hey, not everyone has mommy issues.”

The Academy’s huge. Gigantic. Even bigger than the castle. A lot bigger than the castle. I can’t even see where it ends–upwards and sideways. 

“Just keeps going on and on,” Cotton mutters under his breath. “They add a new layer every day.”

’Cuz there are deaths every day.

Angels bustle to and fro. Halos and all. Strange thing is, if halos get knocked off their head, they can just put it right back on their head. I like to make a little “boop” sound effect whenever they do that. 

Each halo is a different size too. I guess it’s kind of like dicks. Some people have big dicks, and some people have smaller sized dicks. Some people don’t even have dicks.  Dicks are weird; I’m glad I don’t have one.

“So do I just go in?” I ask, trying to make conversation. It’s been silent for way too long. 

“Do whatever you want,” Caz replies. “It’s your life. Or death, I mean.”

Cotton sighs. “I can’t deal with you, Caz.

“Just go in,” he says to me. “There’ll be guidance aids.”