I looked at the people standing with me at the edge of the deep forest. All clad in clothes in a shade of white. Some I couldn’t even look at because of their choice of clothing, or rather the lack of. Both male and females, high on hormones, and ready to pounce at their chosen one.

The very thought of it made a shiver run down my spine.

Yes, it was definitely going to end up in something in the lines of what they had in mind while picking those outfits, but it was still too much in my opinion. Especially the young ones seemed to be more skimpy on the clothing. I am not judging them. I remember myself being equally giddy my first time. The outcome, though, was something far from my imagination.

The air was very tense, and I could feel the anxiousness in everyone around me. Not that I was not feeling the same, even though I had no interest in it. They say that it is out of your control. You can’t choose who becomes your mate, and that is the part which bothered me the most. After all, I lost him to this very thing that possesses our very existence.

To a girl he never knew.

I sighed softly and watched as the warmth of it fogged the cold mist in the air. It was almost time and I could feel it. The dread of it all and the need to run away and hide in my room. For some reason, this feeling was stronger than my previous attempts. Something told me that things will not go like they always have, and I hated it more by every passing second.

I hated being in love.

“Don’t be scared, it will be over soon.” I looked up at Ace as he looked back at me with a nervous smile and a certain kind of fear in his eyes as well. As if he was rather convincing himself to be not afraid.

I knew he liked me. Maybe more than that as well. But I couldn’t feel the same way, and he knew why. He saw me at my happiest, and he saw me at my absolute worst. I was every shade of broken with sharp edges, and he was mature enough to not try to put the pieces together by taking advantage of my sadness to his benefit. He didn’t try to be anything but my closest friend, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Perhaps someday, I might be able to love him like he did. It can’t be bad to be loved by someone who won’t break my heart. Someone who loved me more than I ever could. Who loved me more than he did.

I smiled back at him and nodded. Relieved to have him by my side.

“Okay Amber, you can do this.” And I didn’t get too long to convince myself, either.

A gust of wind slowly blew in the forest, rustling the shadows and the darkness that laid beyond. We knew it was time. The moon shined upon us in its full glory and just in the blink of an eye, everyone vanished into the deep dark forest. And as custom declares, I had to too.

There was not a lot going through my head, and it was nearly impossible to think about anything else at all as the invisible chaos ensued around me. Men and women swivelling by, pouncing and jumping at each other, all that and more in this dark haze of the forest with just the occasional shine of the moonlight, peeking through the slightest escape between the thick cover of large and tall trees.

I couldn’t stand still either, I had to run to avoid being caught in the crossfire. And I had no direction but it felt like I was running a straight line with no intention of stopping. Maybe, by the time I cross the forest, all of this will be over.

But it was dangerous too, I didn’t know who else was hiding in the shadows. Not to mention the strangers from the other packs who were also taking part in this ceremony. It scared me a lot. What if my mate was someone who I never met? Just like his was. And the chances of that happening was more than ever.

The wound on my heart suddenly opened up more, unannounced. My body collided against something with great force as I stumbled and fell back quite a distance and almost blacked out. Pain shot through my body in places I didn’t even know could hurt. All I could do is roll up so that my back was against the hard and cold ground as I winced and groaned in pain. Not sure if anything was broken or not, but the cold snap in the air was making it ten times worse.

I wheezed, coughed and tried to blink out the darkness that had clouded my vision. I knew I was not alone as my eyes barely outlined the shadow of someone walking towards me. Their footsteps thumping against the ground, slow but precise with a clear intention to reach me.

I rolled back with my arms underneath me and tried to crawl away, still coughing and gasping for air until two arms wound around my torso and lifted me up.

It was the intoxicating scent that hit me first. And then the electrifying jolt of his touch burned me to the very core. The pain was completely gone, replaced by the warmth, comfort and need to be closer to him. I could feel him more than I could see him. Every part of his body touching mine, burning. Our breaths dancing, mingling at the close proximity we shared. His fingers digging into my flesh and the gradual increase of force he applied to push our bodies together. I felt it all.

It was out of my control. It had spiralled beyond my restraint. And even if I tried to stop myself from feeling the things I felt right now, I will experience an astronomical failure.

He was my mate, afterall.