Lily awoke to the sound of her alarm. For a terrible second she panicked, but it was just the alarm that she had set to make sure she didn’t sleep too long. With a groan she sat up and looked at her new stuffed friend.

“I’m still so tired. How about you, huh?”

The seal didn’t respond. She was still dead, but she’d awoken feeling so much better than earlier. If she wasn’t probably losing opportunities by the second she wouldn’t get up. But, a short recharge was still a recharge and she’d take what she could get. She rose, grabbed her things, and found her way to the soda isle. There she grabbed a Rockstar, and headed back to the van.

Once she was behind the wheel, she faced the same question as earlier. Where was she most likely to find a working internet connection? Maybe the library? Santa Del Mar had a university too, but Lily was a little nervous about going there. She’d heard it was pretty big and she didn’t want to get lost. Plus, she wasn’t totally sure even how to get in. Why was this so hard? Just make a decision. First one that came to mind was the library. Do that.

She popped open her GPS and directed herself to the library. It was only a short drive. At one point, her seal fell off the passenger seat, so she parked and buckled it in, but otherwise the trip was uneventful. That is, until she arrived. The library was a smoldering ruin. But that wasn’t all, it was also the source of the purple smoke she had spotted earlier.

Lily sat in her car staring at the plumes of dark purple billowing out of the husk of the library. Should she go in? She kind of wanted to see what was causing such strange smoke. On the other hand, what if it was poison? Or some strange chemical? Or worse?

“What kind of strange chemical would be in a library…?”

More than that, given the everburning fire she already found, what if this was another anomaly? If things like this were going to be commonplace for her, shouldn’t she try to learn about them? But, she sat in her car, frozen. She was scared! It could be dangerous. But, she should at least try to get close enough to see what it was, right?

“Okay Lily. You’ve gotta do this. Just get out of the car, and go take a look. Easy.” She didn’t move. She willed herself to get out and go look. She couldn’t. Staring at the smoke, she wondered why this was so hard.

“I did so many scary things yesterday. Why is this different?” Exhaustion? No. She’d been exhausted then too. Stress build up? Hah, she’d been riding 100% stress capacity since the world ended. So, what? If anything this should be easier! There was nothing pushing her to do it or die!

“...oh.” There was nothing pushing her to do it or die. That’s why it was so much harder. Yesterday, everything she’d done she had no other choice but to do. Today she was languishing on every decision, freezing up, unsure of herself.

“It’s because I’m not going to die if I don’t do it?” Yes. That was it. Lily had always been controlled by her fears and anxieties. It had trapped her in her apartment for years! While the entire world kept going and passed her by. The only thing that eventually got her to MOVE was the threat of burning alive.

Now that that threat was gone, things were different. It was like a river. Normally she was confined to her little riverbed, flowing along a well worn path, with no deviation. Yesterday there was a flood, and for the first time in forever she broke free of that. But now that she wasn’t in mortal danger, she was sinking back into that confinement.

“No.” She refused. This might be a stupid place to make her stand, but she was going to make her stand right now. This was the turning point. Either be brave and go examine this strange smoke, or it was only going to be easier to turn tail and run next time. This was the time. This was it. It was either break free of her fears right now, or sink back into them for the rest of her life here.

Lily could see two paths ahead of her. The one where she learned everything there was to know about this new world. Explore it. Conquer it. Make it hers. The whole world, her new containment. Or, the one where she didn’t. She could leave. She could make herself comfortable. She could live in a little house, and make sure she had enough food and water to survive until she eventually died, never having left for more than basic needs. She had to choose, right now.

“I’m going.” She didn’t move.

“I said I’m going!” Still nothing. Why was this so hard? She wasn’t held by anything. It was in her head! She railed against it. All of the things that always kept her from doing what she wanted to do. Fear. Anxiety. Self hatred. Depression. It was all there. It was a cage. And right now, she had to hit it hard enough to make a dent, or she knew she would never be strong enough again.

In her mind, chains creaked. Metal bent. She shoved her phone in her pocket, grabbed her everburning flame vase and her seal. She opened the door and got out, breaking into a run. About three steps later, she had to slow down. Her body was exhausted to the point of being near broken still. She doubled over and caught her breath, but then continued forward. She wasn’t going to lose this momentum. Slow or not, she would break through. She had to break through. It was stupid to run towards a fire like this. Lily didn’t care. This was about more than that! She was going to claim agency over her life right now even if it killed her!

Something inside her snapped.