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Be My Light

One Step Forward Two Steps Backward (1.3)

One Step Forward Two Steps Backward (1.3)

Feb 10, 2024

beep. beep. beep. beep. The alarm on Juni’s phone goes off. He stirs, sitting upright on his bed. He runs his hand down his face, sighing heavily. He turns the alarm off, about to turn off his phone, when he notices a strange number and a text. He clicks on it and it reads:
Hey, Mr. Sato, this is Aiki Jeo! I do apologize for sending this early in the morning but I am free today during 12-8pm. Let me know if today works and at what time! 🙂
Juni stares at the text. It was delivered at 3:45am. Does this kid even sleep? He checks the time and realizes that it’s 12:50 pm. For just a moment, Juni thinks he’s overslept wondering how he’ll turn up to work but remembers that he doesn’t have work anymore. That means he’s free all day. Every day. It won’t be the same old, same old, getting up at six to arrive at eight and staying past nine or ten. He could try things. But he can’t just waste his money. Then again, his parents were multimillionaires and when they died, their inheritance went to him and his sister…yet, she’s gone so that money went to him instead.
It’s fine. He’s fine. He should be fine. Right? Maybe this was better to distract his mind, to do new things rather than the same things and be stuck in a loop.
Juni sends back a text: hey aiki im free at 2 - works 4 u?
Aiki’s response is immediate: 2 works just fine. Here is a coffee shop we can go to for something to drink. He sends over an address.
After sending a quick OK, Juni then sets his phone down on his bed. Perhaps a hot shower will clear up his mind. He gets up, stretching, wincing when his back cracks. He never was flexible—plus his body always hated him. He makes his way to his closet and rummages around, finding a soft blue button-up shirt and pairing it with dark jeans. He goes to the bathroom. He has a habit of locking the bathroom door even though it’s only him in the apartment. He doesn’t care. He feels more secure like that. So with the door locked, he undresses and steps into the shower before twisting the knob to let hot water spill over his body.
Before, his arms would hurt from the hot water because they were constantly bleeding. However, he’s stopped cutting. Technically. It wasn’t because he’s over it—it’s because he feels like his arms will fall off if he cuts it again so he chose a different method. Pills. Then that made him nauseous. He keeps on going down a rabbit hole, dark thoughts constantly clouding any logical reasons.
Then, for some reason, he remembers—
You’re a handsome guy, you know, Miyra said, balancing on the sidewalk’s edge.
am i? Juni asked, giving his younger sister a grin.
Miyra nodded. She faced Juni and said, Bet all the girls will go crazy for you.
Juni gave off a short laugh. i don’t know, mi.
Then boys, Miyra stated.
Juni stopped walking, a strange feeling washing over him. He looked at his younger sister who was now crouched down, admiring some dandelions. She was young, only ten. She didn’t know what she was saying. She was just speaking whatever came to her mind. She didn’t understand. Not really. She didn’t understand love, not in the sense of romantic love. How could she? Their parents had died when Miyra was only four. She barely knew how they looked unless she was given a picture to recall.
Juni hadn’t dated anyone—he was fifteen. He didn’t have anyone catch his eyes necessarily; he was too focused on academics and taking care of his younger sister, as she and academics were his main priorities.
Juni believed that he was a decent-looking guy, considering his father was a handsome man and his mother was a beautiful woman. He wasn’t athletic, more book smart, but he wasn’t underweight or overweight; he wasn’t too tall or too small. Decent. But he always worried that someone might not like him because he might come off as too much. He was a dedicated person, pouring his heart and soul into everything he paid attention to. That was how he was able to keep Miyra safe—
The water is too hot—Juni turns off the water immediately. The silence is painful. He exhales sharply and exits the shower to dry off and then wears his clothes. He goes back to his bedroom and grabs his phone off his bed.
1:45, the time says.
He needs to hurry. He grabs a towel hanging off a chair and quickly tries to dry off his hair. Grabbing his phone, he heads downstairs, two stairs at a time. He’s about to walk out the door only to remember his key is on the countertop. He goes back, snags his key, heads to the front door, wears his shoes, and exits.
He arrives at 2:23.
The coffee shop is rather big with four individual tables and a long table by the window. The smell of sweetened coffee hits Juni in the face when he inhales deeply—
Can I try? Miyra asked, staring at the coffee cup Juni was holding.
Juni gave his younger sister a stern look. you’re eleven, mi.
So? Miyra whined, tugging on Juni’s sleeve. She looked at the cashier with what Juni would describe as ‘puppy-dog eyes’.
There’s stuff without coffee in it, sir, the cashier said.
Juni hesitated. He didn’t want to spoil his younger sister, but at the same time, he might as well treat her. She was going to enter sixth grade soon. Might as well have her have some fun, right? There was no harm in having fun.
[right—?]
fine, Juni said, and Miyra bounced up and down, clapping her hands.
So what can I get you, young miss? The cashier asked, leaning forward, a gentle smile on his lips.
Whipped cream, sprinkles, cream base, and extra caramel please! Miyra said, bouncing on her toes, grinning at the cashier who was giving her an amused look.
Juni liked the way Miyra said caramel—car-mel, not cara-mel like he did. Strange that she pronounced it that way considering that even their parents didn’t pronounce it that way. Must be schoolmates. Or maybe TV. Something. Whatever it was, it was endearing to Juni, a reminder that his younger sister was her own person with her own thoughts.
You, sir? The cashier turned his attention to Juni.
a caramel and strawberry frappé, please. i’ll take a venti. she’ll have a tall. Juni said.
The cashier gave a short nod and rang in their order—
Mr. Sato? Is that you? A clear voice cuts through Juni’s thoughts and he blinks. His memory of Miyra and him disappear slowly, dissipating into the air like smoke, and he looks at Aiki who is giving him a concerned look, a look that reads Are you okay? Juni didn’t like it when people gave him that look. It made him feel unhinged.
He wasn’t unhinged.
Not really.
‘m fine, Juni says stiffly, and Aiki’s brows furrow, a dubious expression on his face.
Sure. Aiki says. He gestures to the blackboard and says, Well, whataya want? I’ll pay.
No need, Juni says. I can pay for myself. You’re a college kid, right? You might be paying off those student loans or something.
Aiki laughs. Again, it’s that warm laugh that makes Juni want to smile but he prevents himself. No smiling. There was no need to smile.
Student loans or something, Aiki says in a joking manner. Nah—got a scholarship. Me smart. He taps his temple.
Juni cracks a small smile. This is bad.
Aiki waves his hand at the blackboard again. Seriously. I suggested we come here so I pay. You can pay next time. No worries. So. Whatcha getting? He motions Juni to go to the cashier.
The cashier looks at Juni, a questioning look in her eyes, and taking a deep breath, Juni says:
A whipped cream, cream base, and extra caramel drink with some sprinkles.
The cashier puts it in, a bored expression on her face. You? She says, looking at Aiki.
Mango and passion fruit milk tea, please! Aiki chirps. As the cashier is putting that in, Aiki looks at Juni, an amused look on his face. What’s with the drink? He asks.
Juni fights back the urge to snap that it shouldn’t matter but he knows that he can’t keep it a secret. Why would he, a twenty-three year old male, would want such a childish drink?
 [they wouldn’t understand—]
It…was…something my sister…liked. Juni says slowly. Past tense. How painful. It brings a lump in his throat that he awkwardly tries to cough away.
Oh, okay, Aiki says, now turning his attention to the cashier, pulling his phone out to pay.
Juni stares blankly at Aiki. He expected him to ask questions. Questions like, Does she no longer like it? What does she like now? You have a sister? What’s her name—anything, really. Any questions, but Aiki said nothing. This is surprising. Different. Weird. It makes Juni feel uncomfortable.
After paying, Aiki leads Juni to a table-for-two near the window. It’s really pretty outside. The sun’s out, the sky’s crystal blue; people are walking and talking and walking their dogs and talking and—
So how are you this afternoon, Mr. Sato? Juni asks, fingers laced together, elbows on table as he leans forward, attention riveted.
Uh. Juni avoids Aiki’s eyes. They’re too…innocent, too perfect, too…searching. I-I’m fine, Juni says. And it’s true. He’s fine. All right. Not good, not bad. Mediocre.
I’m glad you’re doing just fine, Mr. Sato. How am I? I’m doing splendid. Just barely passed my test in class today, but that’s all right. Say, you said you wanted a dog, huh? What kind? Aiki says.
Juni doesn’t understand how the fuck this young man has so much energy and is full of positivity. Maybe there was a time Juni was just like that. Maybe.
Uh. I don’t know. Never really thought of it. Juni mumbles.
Oh, that’s fine. Say, what about—Aiki begins eagerly but is cut off by the barista calling out: A cream base caramel drink and a mango-passion fruit tea!
I’ll go get that! Aiki says, jumping up from his seat. He grabs the faux-coffee and tea; he makes his way to the table and sets the faux-coffee in front of Juni. Hey, your coffee sounds good. Maybe I’ll get it next time. He smiles at Juni.
Juni doesn’t say anything, merely takes the cup from Aiki, staring at the lid. The cup is hot but he continues holding it with both hands, feeling it burn him but it doesn’t hurt like the burn in his heart with the memory of his sister—
Goldens are a good choice to start off with, Aiki says.
What? Juni says, dazed.
Golden Retrievers. Brilliant breed. I actually had one when I was young. Too bad we had to put him down because he had an incurable disease. Aiki tells Juni. Ooh. Huskies. Or Alaskan Malamute. Border Collies. Or Australian Shepherds. German Shepherds? There’s so many breeds out there. Aiki says.
Juni wonders how he is not winded by talking so fast.
Say, do you like cats? Aiki suddenly asks.
Um. No. I never liked cats. Though my si—He stops short, feeling a wall of guilt slamming into him, a wave of nausea choking him. Shit. He was about to talk about his sister. Not good. That would lead to questions. He didn’t want people to ask questions. That becomes a problem. And problems lead to anxiety. And anxiety to panic attacks. And—
Whoa, hey, hey, you need to breathe, man. Aiki says, standing up, making his way to Juni. Mr. Sato, hey, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. His amber eyes are filled with concern, with fear; he is hesitating, standing in front of Juni, hands knitting together. Mr. Sato, just take a deep breath—
I’m fine, Juni snaps, sighing angrily. He leans back in his chair, covering his face with his hands. I’m fine. His voice is muffled from his hands. I’m fine. He insists. He drops his hands and looks at Aiki. I’m fine.
Aiki tilts his head side to side. Uhh, he says, shrugging, no, you’re not. You were having a panic attack. Listen, I can—
Juni holds his hand up. No. No help, no offers, no nothing. I’m fine, kid.
I’m literally an adult—Aiki says dryly.
Leave me alone. Thanks for the coffee. I’ll be going. Juni stands up but Aiki blocks his path.
Uh, no. With you not over your panic attack, I think it’s a real bad idea if you drive. Aiki says.
The fuck you care for? Juni snaps.
I literally saved you, like, two weeks ago. I don’t want anything to happen to you. That’s not going to settle right with me. Aiki points out.
Stop playing hero, kid. Juni says. And do step out of the way. I want to go.
Aiki scowls. Mr. Sato, I am not a kid.
Then why the fuck are you calling me ‘Mr. Sato’? Juni says.
Aiki sighs. Respect, okay? That’s how I grew up. Respect. I’ve got conservative, Asian parents. They gave me hell for not being respectful to people who were older than me, even by a couple of years, when I was younger. I mean, I haven’t talked to them for a while because of—never mind. But I’m not letting you walk out of here in the state that you are in. Not until you’re calm.
I am calm, Juni growls. Get the fuck out of my way—
I said no. Look, if you were calm—
I don’t want to push you, get the fuck out of my way—
—you are not calm, man, plus, you’re shaking—
—get the fuck out of my way—
—I already said no—
Juni has a violent surge in him and he lets out a snarl, shoving Aiki.
Aiki stumbles backwards, stumbling into the table behind him, and people glance over, murmuring.
Juni, not wanting to hear anyone say something to him, storms out of the coffee shop. His ears are ringing and his heart is hammering in his constricted chest. He’s trying to slow down his breathing but it’s coming out hard and heavy. He lets out a frustrated snarl as he heads to his car only to be stopped when someone calls his name.
Juni! Wait, please! Sir! Mr. Sato! Hey! HEY! It’s Aiki, the madman. What is wrong with him? Can’t he see that he is angry?
Juni ignores Aiki’s calls and enters his car, slamming the door shut, turning the vehicle on. He starts to pull out of the parking stop but slams on the break when Aiki stands in front of his car. Rolling the window down, Juni yells, Are you fucking insane?! Get the fuck out of the way!
Just hear me out for a moment. Please, I’m begging you. Aiki pleads.
I don’t fucking care! The fuck is your problem? Stop controlling me! Stop being a saint and move out of my way! Juni snaps.
Aiki looks mad—well, more so frustrated. His amber eyes are dark as he runs his hand through his hair before moving out of the way. He looks dejected. Juni doesn’t understand why.
He drives off, leaving Aiki behind. So what? They’re just strangers, nothing more, nothing less. Strangers whose paths just so somehow managed to cross. It meant nothing. How can it mean something? After all, everything was a coincidence. Nothing happened for a reason.
DareStarlight
Faded Fyre

Creator

Hey everyone! Here is the third part of Chapter One! Hope you like it.
Also, how do you pronounce "caramel'"?

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Be My Light
Be My Light

886 views3 subscribers

Age 16+ | heavy topics (suicide, death, depression) | bittersweet love story

Twenty-three year old Juni Sato hates his life. Ever since his younger sister died in a suicide bombing, he finds his life to be useless. Struggling with depression and a cutting disorder, he nearly calls it quits until he meets a mysterious college kid by the name of Aiki Jeo. Aiki gives Juni a sense of purpose, a sense of life that Juni hasn't felt since the death of his sister. But things take a dark turn when Aiki faces a life-threatening disease and begins to give up on his life. Now caught between his own life and Aiki's, Juni is wondering if he can somehow use his brokenness to heal the man he just might be feeling something for.
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One Step Forward Two Steps Backward (1.3)

One Step Forward Two Steps Backward (1.3)

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