Lucas

“You sure this looks alright?” Standing at the full-length mirror, I turn from side to side, still not entirely convinced. “I feel like a damn penguin in this thing.”

“For god’s sake Lucas. You’re hanging with a bunch of six-year-olds. I doubt they’ll have much of an opinion about what you’re wearing.” As expected, my sister does a piss-poor job of reassuring me.

“Then why this? Wouldn’t jeans and a dress shirt be more appropriate?”

“Seriously?” Pulling at the lapels of my suit, she turns me so I’m facing her. “Because there’s a little girl on the other side of that door who is waiting for her knight in shining armor to come through for her. She’s a Princess, Lucas. Didn’t she tell you? The least you could do is stop whining and do your best to look the part.” She smiles up at me as she smooths out the front of my suit.

Standing here with Jenny, her face radiating joy as she dresses me up is surreal. Whether her happiness stems from our reunion or my discomfort with the outfit she chose for me, I almost don’t care. After years spent wondering how she was, seeing her this way soothes that part of me that always wondered if leaving her was a mistake.

Fighting back a smile, I smart. “Then shouldn’t you be styling me in armor instead of this?” I lift my arms and look down at myself in feigned disgust.

When it comes to wardrobe, I’ve spent most of my adult life wearing whatever the mission required. Typically, choosing function and comfort over anything else. The closest I’d come to dressing up was when wearing my Navy service blues, and that was only when it was officially required. I would have been more comfortable going that route instead of this, but Jenny outright revoked the idea. Her reasoning… that it was about time I learned to fit into society, and then something about learning to keep up with the Joneses. Whatever the hell that means.

“Trust me. This is perfect. Alyssa’s going to love it.”

At that, the now familiar feeling of warmth creeps back under my skin. There’s something about making those two little girls happy that zaps the toughness right out of me. The smile that lights up their faces when we hang out and play together is like nothing I’ve ever experienced and floods my system with happy hormones I’m growing addicted to.

When Embree gave the okay for me to take her to the dance, I damn near cried. My knees went weak with the hope that slowly but surely, I’m making progress in my quest to convince her I’m here for the foreseeable future. A fact that just a few weeks ago would have sent me into the deep end of a panic attack.

“You ready for this, big brother?” She brushes her hands over my shoulders one last time, and when she meets my gaze, her eyes are a pool of emotions.

“Jenny…” Overcome by the sudden heaviness, I swallow hard. “Thank you for this. You have no idea what your being here means to me.”

Rising on her toes, she reaches up and throws her arms around me. “You’re wrong. I do know because you being here means everything to me, too.”

“Uncle Luc! Look at me, look at me, look at me!” The little whirlwind twirls into the room, her pretty pink dress flowing around her as she spins in circles. The look of unbridled happiness on her face permeates the room, bringing brightness and light to everything around her. She’s perfection. A God-given miracle. And I’m the lucky bastard who gets to take her to her first dance and show her how a princess deserves to be treated.

Walking quickly, I get to her just as she tips over from dizziness. Her loud giggles as I lift her into my arms make me smile, but when her little hands wrap around my neck in a tight hug, my heart damn near bursts out of my chest. Much like their mother, the girls are quickly becoming as necessary as the air I breathe, which leaves me wondering how I’ll survive the day Embree’s issues are resolved, and I’m forced to get back to my life.

“Hey there Ally girl. You look beautiful.” At my words, she shrugs and gives me a shy smile. The depths of my feelings for this little girl and all her expressions never cease to amaze me.

“What! What’s happening here, Alyssa? Don’t you know you’re making me jealous?” Ben teases from where he stands at the door of the guest room, which over the past few weeks has become mine. “Uncle Luc’s been here for what, like 5 minutes, and he’s already stealing all the best hugs?”

“Hey, don’t make my Ally girl feel bad. She can’t help it that she has good taste. Right Ally?”

“Right.” She giggles and then squirms to get out of my arms. “Don’t worry, I still love you, Uncle Benny,” she squeals as she runs up to Ben, who squats down and pulls her in for a hug.

“Where’s Embree?” I ask when I notice she didn’t come in with Alyssa.

“She’s with Mallory, who’s having a tough time right now.” The sad look on Ben’s face hints at what could be wrong. 

After letting Alyssa know I’ll be back, I go in search of them. When I enter the girls’ bedroom, I find Embree lying on Mallory’s bed with her back to me and Mallory snuggled up against the front of her.

The sight of the two of them gives me pause, as flashbacks from my time in the hole spark in my brain. How many times during captivity did I imagine this very scenario? Embree and I in our home, the two of us very much in love, which transcended as we cared for our children. That I’m experiencing those very scenarios is unreal and serves as a painful reminder that none of this is mine to want.

This is all his.

His children, his house, and since it’s only been a week since the ink dried on the divorce papers, in a lot of ways, Embree is still his as well.

I’m only a guest here and no matter how normal and natural it all feels, I’m only “playing house”. I’m essentially walking in someone else’s shoes, filling in and partaking in a life that’s not mine. It’s something I need to keep in the forefront of my mind because someday soon this will all be in the past. They’ll still be here, while I’ll be forced to go out into the world still alone.

Clearing the emotion from my throat, I step into the room and ask, “Is everything okay?”

Lifting her head, Emilia’s glassy eyes come to me. “She’s sad.” She mouths to me, her voice silent so Alyssa doesn’t hear.

Walking to the bed, I take a seat at the edge next to Emilia. With my mind still reeling with the reminder that she and these girls aren’t mine to want, I take great care to make sure we don’t touch. Even so, my body reacts to the curve of her hips and the narrow waist that beckons to be touched. There’s nothing sexual in the way she’s lying here, but as is always the case when she’s near, my fingertips yearn for the feel of her skin.

Taking a second to gather my thoughts, I look down at sweet Mallory, who stares back at me with sad eyes. “Hey, Mally, you doing okay?”

When all she gives me is a slow shake of her head, I reach over her mom to take her little hand in mine. The position brings Emilia’s body ever closer, and the way she sinks back against me steals my breath. Even with the sad little girl in the room, everything about this moment feels perfect and real, which makes my chest ache since I’m merely a stand-in for the man to whom they belong.

Swallowing down the hurt, I turn my attention back to Mallory. “That makes me sad, sweetheart. Can you sit up for me a second so we can talk?”

With a nod, she sits up, turning her little body, so she’s facing her mom and me. Her eyes are glassy, her face somber as a stray tear falls down her little cheek.

“I need to hear your words, sweetheart. Can you tell me why you’re sad?”

She shakes her head as another tear trails down the other side of her face. Unable to help myself, I reach up to wipe it away.

“That’s okay. How about this? What if I ask you some questions and all you have to do is say yes or no?”

She nods and then reaches for the hand I placed on her face. Wrapping her little fingers around mine, she sets our adjoined hands on her lap. It’s a gesture that tugs at my heart and nearly brings me to tears because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about this little girl is that for her, trust does not come easy.

“Are you sad because Alyssa’s leaving?”

When she shakes her head, I remind her. “Words, remember. I need to hear your words.”

“No.”

“Okay. Next question. Are you sad because you want to go to the dance?”

“No” This time she shakes her head while giving me her words.

“Okay, I think we’re getting somewhere then. Let’s try this one. Are you sad because you want to wear a pretty dress?”

“No.” This time she smiles as she shakes her head.

“Got it. Okay, how about this? Are you sad because I’m not wearing a dress?”

“No.” This time she giggles, which lifts some of the sadness from her eyes.

When her little hands reach up for me, I lift her over Embree and sit her on my lap, facing her mom, who now turns to her other side so she can look at us.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m afraid I’m out of questions. Think you can tell me what’s wrong now?”

As she nods, she takes my hand while also reaching for her mom’s.

“I want you to stay with me Uncle Wuc.” It’s almost a whisper, my name said in her signature way as she’s still learning to annunciate her L’s.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I promised your sister I would take her to the dance, but how about this? What if next weekend you and I go out for dinner and ice cream? Just the two of us. I’ll have your mama buy you a pretty dress, and I’ll let Aunt Nic torture me into another suit that makes me look like a penguin…” At this, she laughs, “and then you and I can hang out. What do you say?”

She smiles wide, her glossy eyes communicating a kind of love I never knew existed. When she turns and wraps her little arms around my neck, burying her moist little face against my skin, I damn near break. Emotions choke me out, forcing my eyes closed as I fight to hold back tears. As if she knows what I’m feeling, Embree takes my hand in hers, setting up a series of flashbacks that take me back to those moments I shared with her and our family as I lay there dying in that dark hole. As if that’s not enough, my mind then takes me back to that horrible day when I woke to the realization they were but a figment of my imagination. The family I loved, cherished, and found comfort in during those 28 unbearable days never existed.

Desperate to regain control over my emotions, I pull my hand away from Emilia, instead wrapping both my arms around Mallory’s little body. “That’s a date, sweetheart. Your mama and I will talk it over tomorrow and we’ll get it set up.”

Determined to keep it together, I give her one last squeeze, then I sit her down next to her mom. I can feel Emilia’s eyes on me, but I try my damnest not to return her gaze. Right now, I just can’t take the chance she’ll see the turmoil running through my mind. There’s a good chance she’ll misinterpret my reaction to the situation and I just can’t take that risk.

Thankfully, Alyssa comes running in just in time to save me. “Ready, Uncle Luc?” She bounces into the room, her little body launching at me, so I have no choice but to catch her.

“Oh my goodness, yes! Let’s go.” Standing, I turn to Mallory one last time, and with a smile remind her, “Don’t forget. Next time, it’s you and me.” When she smiles back, I rub my hands on her little head playfully, before turning my attention to the beautiful woman I can’t get out of my system. “Ben and Jenny will be with you until I get back. Don’t worry about Alyssa. I got her.”

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Author’s Note: 

In this scene Lucas struggles as reality collides with the memories his mind created while he was fighting to survive captivity. To him it feels like he's reliving moments from the past which scares him. It's why he keeps reminding himself that Embree and the girls aren't his to want. 

What do you think of this chapter? Am I the only one smitten with these two little girls and the way they love their Uncle Lucas?

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