“I thought you disdained the very existence of your engagement with the Ocelon Kingdom’s crown prince, I would have never known it if you hadn’t told me yourself before he arrived, judging from how you have treated him,” Tia says, while we walked back to my personal bedchamber.

“I still do, but he reminded me of myself when I had just ascended. I was lucky because you and Ethan were always there to support me but he was thrown off the deep end alone in a foreign country,” I answer, unable to keep sympathy out of my tone.

“Just because I’m showing him a bit of kindness, it doesn’t mean that I magically harboured feelings for him but I also can’t deny that I have been feeling some physical attraction, however that’s not really a rare occurrence is it?” I tell him.

Tia has never been subtle about his feelings for me and I had never been subtle about my feelings for him but I have always been clear about how our relationship could not go any further. He is the one person I will never sleep with, not because I do not want to but because he is the person I respect the most and I will not give him more hope than I already do.

I want to see him happy, with his own family, something I could never give him fully. While he does sleep beside me sometimes, a habit that needs to be stopped before my marriage is finalized, he knows it’s the only thing I can ever offer him but it does not mean he understands or wants to understand my reasoning.

I have tried reasoning with him but I can’t do anything about somebody who refuses to listen. He has always been a hopeless romantic and for him, the only thing standing between him and I is myself. Oh how I wished that were the case but our social world is much harsher than he realizes and I have no other choice but to constantly remind him of our tragic reality.

It’s been a week since Elio arrived and I spent it meeting with different marriage candidates. Not one made me an offer that was better than what the Ocelon Kingdom offered me which made a lot of sense since after the Pavenia Empire, the Ocelon Kingdom is the second strongest empire in the world, not to mention it is where the most promising scholars come from.

The Ocelon Kingdom not only offered me thirty percent of its earnings annually in exchange for a twelve percent discount in our iron dealings; money which I could use to build infrastructure, educational institutions, as well as fund scholarships. The king also agreed to the most important clause in my marriage - the guarantee of the line of succession. A clause no other country has agreed to.

I was informed that a letter arrived from the Ocelon Empire and it didn’t take a genius to know that it would contain an inquiry about the status of our engagement. Minutes after the letter arrived, I was informed that Elio requested a dinner audience to which I agreed, no point in holding out the inevitable.

After finishing the paperwork for the day, I make my way to a secret room in one of the abandoned attics – our secret space. I knew what I had to do, but I needed time to say goodbye to the dream I had always held deep in my heart – a simple life with Tia.

An hour later, I hear familiar footsteps coming closer and I smile sadly. He really does know me best. He stops in front of the door, no doubt hesitating to make himself known. He probably heard me crying and he never did want to see me cry.

“Tia, I know you’re there, might as well come in,” I say and he does.

He strides toward me and cradles me close to his chest.

“My offer still stands you know. I want you to take me as your concubine. It’s not prohibited by law and I never dreamed of having a family with another,” he whispers into my hair and I shake my head.

“I will not put our would-be children in a position to fight for the throne. If I take you in as a concubine, you will only live half a life and our children would always carry the burden of my bloodline. It will never be something that I will wish on you,” I tell him, tears silently streaming down my face.

“Better to have half of you than none at all,” he says, tightening his grip on me.

“No Tia,” I say, turning to face him.

“You deserve to have someone devoted to you fully. You deserve a happy family and I know that’s what you want. That’s also what I want for you and you of all people should know that I want to raise my children in a peaceful and loving environment. I want to afford them the privilege that I never had, I want them to be free to love who they wish to and that starts with not warping their idea of what love is,” I answer sadly.

“Even if the price is your own love and happiness?” he asks and I snuggle back into his chest.

“Yes, even if it means that. With any luck, my relationship with Elio will grow to be more than agreeable but we must say goodbye to the life we had dreamed,” I say sobbing.

We stayed that way – in each other’s arms – lamenting the life we could have had if circumstances permitted it. After about an hour of mourning, I uttered the words I never uttered to any other outside my family. I cupped his face in my hand and looked into his warm brown eyes.

“This is the first and last time I will ever tell you how I feel. I love you Anthony Bastian Lamone. I have loved you since before I even knew what the word meant and my love for you will always be as sure as the earth revolving around the sun,” I lament.

“It is because I love you that I must let you go. I will not afford you a half-life when you could find someone who would wholly devote herself to you and you of all people deserve that and more,” I place a gentle kiss on his cheek and leave, collecting myself to go and get ready for my dinner with Elio.

My earlier confession to Tia left me in a trance-like state. I was absentmindedly going through the motions and before I knew it, I found myself face to face with Elio at dinner. I shove my emotions in a box and put on my “work face”.

“I gather you invited me to dinner to ask about my decision?” I start and he chuckles.

 “You really cut to the chase don’t you?” he asks and I shrug.

“Is there any point in delaying the inevitable?” I answer and he shakes his head.

“While I’ve been entertaining other suitors, I’ve also been observing you. Aside from what your country can offer, I have another major criterion for my would-be emperor. I want someone who could empathize and be compassionate with the plight of my people while also being firm in his decisions. I need a partner, not a glorified authority figure and from what I saw, you tick the box. So yes, I will marry you,” I answer.

He drops the fork he’s holding and his mouth was agape.

“Did I just hear you say that you’ll marry me?” he asks.

“Yes, you did,” I answer and he clears his throat.

“That’s great then,” he answers, trying and failing to hide his joy.

“Though I have two conditions,” I start.

“What is it?” he asks, apprehensive.

“The first one is, the one to have the decision making power in my empire will be me while the decision making power in your kingdom will be you. Of course, we may have opinions about the issues in our respective ruled states but it is the person in charge’s prerogative if they will heed the other one’s advice or not,” I tell him and he nods.

“The second one is, there will be no extra-marital affairs, I want our children to be brought up in a loving and peaceful home. If after we’ve had at least three children and they are all at least ten years old and you want to be with someone else then I may grant you a divorce,” at this, he bristles but I continue.

“Upon the dissolution of the marriage, the alliance will not be severed but you will have to abdicate the title of emperor and you will be signing a contract which states that you as well as your future wife and children will not have a claim to the Pavenian throne. Any breach in the contract will be seen as treason and you as well as your family will be beheaded,” I firmly say.

“What about you and Sir Anthony?” he asks and I inwardly flinch.

“What about us? I do hold affection for Tia but I’ve never been and never will be physical with him. He holds much importance to me than that,” I answer.

“What about your previous lovers?” he questions further.

“What about them? They knew that they were only with me for a night and I never slept nor will I ever sleep with someone I work with, other than you of course. All of my previous lovers only slept with me once and they were all asked to sign a contract before anything happened. No one can ever threaten me in any way in that front,” I answer calmly.

“I see, then I accept,” he says, gulping.

“Are you sure you can do it? It is in my understanding that unlike me, you have been devoted to Lady Olivia and as I’m sure you already know I never leave anyone who cheats me in any way alone. Think about it, and tell me your decision when you’ve come to it. I am in no hurry to get married,” I tell him, standing up and leaving.

After two days, while I was taking a breather in the lake pagoda, Elio finds me.

“I’ve never been here before,” he starts and I smile.

“It’s one of my favorite spots in the palace. It’s so quiet and calm. Everything seems to just stop,” I answer, my eyes trained to the horizon.

He gently places his hand on the small of back, making me look at him. I could feel the sincerity in his eyes and my heart feels like it’s been pricked with a hundred needles. A part of me wished that he would find my terms too steep but it seems not. I see Tia behind him, his eyes full of pain and fear but I harden my heart. This is what the empire needs.

He clasps my hands in his and for the first time since I met him, he looks me in the eyes with certainty and a fierce spirit.

“How you agreed to marry me was not in one of the scenarios I’ve imagined for one of the milestones in my life. So please, humor me and let me propose to you the way I always imagined I would,” he pleads and I nod.

“Our union has been set in stone for quite some time and while it isn’t conventional, we find ourselves in a situation where we as humans have to make way for the good of our people but I am a firm believer in fate,” he says smiling.

“From here on out, I vow to devote my whole self to you, as a fellow ruler, a husband, a future father, but most of all as a life partner. I vow to trust and support you. I vow to be your partner in even the smallest thing, especially when you’re being stubborn,” he says and I find myself wondering how much of it he means.

“All of these I vow in the name of the people that I hold most dear. Would you do me the honor of being my wife?” he asks, opening a small box where a ring crafted to look like entwined laurel leaves is embedded with jewels the color of his eyes reside. I nod.

“I will,” I say.