My talk with Elio gave me another thing to ponder. What I told him is true, I never relished war but I would lying if I say I never enjoyed bringing people to justice, especially those who threaten the stability of my empire.

I told him that I understood how he felt about the marquess and the count but do I really? I never grew up with aunts or uncles but I did grow up with my parents, the knights, and the palace staff, all of whom I treat and think of as family. Is what Elio feels similar to how I would feel if they were threatened?

My reverie was interrupted when Tia speaks.

“Are you well? Did he say or do something that upset you?” he asks and I notice that I hadn’t moved from the door.

I shake my head and make my way to the chair placed beside the bed.

“He didn’t say anything wrong. It was just as we had expected, he came to plead for the live of the marquess and the count,” I tell him, releasing a sigh.

“It was to be expected but it doesn’t make him a bad man,” he says and I look at him curiously.

“I never said he was a bad man,” I answer and he chuckles.

“You never said it but you almost always seem to treat him as either the enemy or a pup you must train,” he says and I recoil.

“I do not,” I say indignantly then I pause to think.

I do hold resentment for the way he was raised, as a precious flower in a greenhouse made to seen only the beauty that life could offer while I was forced by circumstance to fight for survival, covered in the blood of countless soldiers, made to shoulder responsibility for the lives of millions.

At times, I do see him as someone akin to a blank canvass. Someone who needs guidance and is easily swayed those around him, someone who is not equipped to think and make decisions on his own. Do I really think so little of him? I know it isn’t entirely his fault, as a child we do need someone to teach us. In this aspect, it was his parents’ fault for sheltering him as they did.

What must really bother me is the fact that he was comfortable with just accepting the throne that would be passed to him because it was his ‘right’, without knowing the responsibility that came with the position. This could be the reason why I always find myself training and guiding him like a pup.

“Okay, maybe I do,” I say, defeated.

“But I can’t help it. I see him lost and floundering in the most basic decisions and I get irritated then I find myself pitying me then follows a sense of dread,” I look at him and he nods.

“I understand. You are now married, if you were to die without an heir, he would be the one leading the empire and you feel that he doesn’t have the skills he needs to be a good ruler,” I nod and he sighs.

“I agree with you. I did say he is a good man but even I can see that he is unequipped to lead a small country much less an empire but you do have to respect him and not treat him like a stray pup, begging for your scraps. If you cannot respect him as a prince of the Ocelon kingdom then at least respect him as a human being and teach him,” he says, placing a hand over mine.

“I know you hold resentment because of the difference in how you were raised but if you really want for your partnership and marriage to work then you must slowly let it go. Be patient with him, he might not be the sharpest nail in the box but from what I gather, he is an enthusiastic and a fast-learner,” he says and I can’t help but laugh.

“I never thought that you of all people would be giving me advice on relationships much less my marriage but thank you,” I tell him and he laughs with me.

“I never imagined it either but it seems I have grown rather comfortable with Elio. He was persistent in getting close to me back in the empire and I may have softened towards him quite a bit,” he says.

“I noticed but that doesn’t mean I will be revoking my decision, even if he does beg me,” I say and he nods.

“I know and I understand your decision. I won’t be convincing you of anything in that front and if he is wise, then he won’t convince you either,” he says.

Elio doesn’t seem to be as wise as Tia said. The day after our talk, he came to me once again to convince me to revoke my decision. Because I remembered my talk with Tia and partly because I was bored since Tia practically chased me out of his room, I decided that I would be patient and talk this as a teaching opportunity.

I knew that I would not be revoking my decision but he didn’t so I used his determination and enthusiasm to assess his skills especially because my intuition told me that he would be coming to convince me every day until the end of the week and I was correct.

The first day, I decided to assess his swordsmanship. I told him that I would consider revoking my decision if he could land a hit on me while we sparred. I knew that he had been training with Tia but what he didn’t know was that I am the strongest swordsman in the empire and that Tia had only ever landed a hit on me once, when I was still 14 years old.

As I expected, he could not even catch me off guard but he is better than some of my guards which is a feat on its own. I did notice how much he seemed to enjoy sparring with me. He was tired, out of breath, and sore by the time we finished but he still had a smile on his face.

When we finished, we sat on a bench at the side of the training grounds to rest.

“I never thought that I would ever get to spar with you and I never really wanted to meet you opposite the battlefield,” he says and I turn to look at him.

A smile pasted on his face, his silver hair matted with sweat, and his blue eyes alive with excitement and adrenaline.

“I never knew you wanted to spar with me. Why did you never ask me?” I tell him and he slowly shakes his head.

“When I was in the Pavenia Empire, there were days when I went to visit the nearby towns. I went in disguise and I always talked to the residents, just like what Sir Anthony told me, not once did someone say something untoward regarding you,” he says smiling softly.

“And in those days, I would return to the palace elated to tell you of the praises I heard and every time I would see your office, hard at work to ensure that it would stay that way. How could I ask you for your time when I knew of everything you needed and wanted to attend to? As a future ruler, it would be my honor to be even as half as competent as you,” he tells me, looking up at the darkening sky.

“I have every belief that you will be a good and great ruler, especially if I have anything to do it,” I say jokingly.

After I had dinner with Elio, I go to Tia’s room to talk and visit him. I was also quite excited to share what had happened during the day.

“I heard you were beating the future king of the Ocelon kingdom up at the training grounds all day, what happened to being patient?” Tia greets me jokingly and I roll my eyes.

“I was not beating anyone up, we were actually sparring,” I tell him while I lay beside him, careful not to touch his wounds and bruises.

“So, what did you find out?” he asks and I look at him.

“What do you mean?” I ask innocently and he shakes his head.

“You are not the type of person who would spend her whole day with someone without an agenda,” he simply says and I feign shock.

“I detest the implication that I am such a cunning and manipulative woman,” I say and after a few seconds of silence I release a sigh.

“Fine, I wanted to assess his abilities especially since I have a feeling that he would be convincing me to revoke my decision until the last minute. What harm would it be to gain something from this opportunity plus it helps us both,” I confess and he looks at me disapprovingly.

“Basically, you’re stringing someone along with false hope that you might revoke your decision when you know that you have no intention of doing it. Aife, what you’re doing is cruel regardless of who is subjected to it but more so because he is your husband,” he says and I look up at him.

“I’m not hurting anyone,” I say defensively and he scoffs.

“How can you say that when you know that once he knows of your intentions he would see it as you making a fool out of him,” he tells me and releases a sigh.

“It would be a different story if he knew you well enough but we both know he doesn’t and he really is holding on to the hope that if he does fulfil your condition, you would reconsider your decision. You know me, I would never tell you what to do but I will always tell you what I think and I think you should be honest with him, just as he has been to you,” he says and I nod wordlessly.

I turn away from him and mull over the things Tia said. I knew everything he said was true. The only reason he knew I was up to something was because of the years we had spent together and Elio didn’t know me like he does. I knew that Elio might get hurt but wouldn’t what I am doing benefit the both of us?

In the process of me assessing his abilities, we would be getting to know each other more and it isn’t as if I was faking my reactions when I was with him. I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. I just happen to achieve gain information about him too. I heard what Tia said and I had reservations with how I would be going forward but ultimately I decided that it would be more beneficial for the both of us if I continued.

The second day I gave him a decision puzzle. I wanted to know how he would handle a precarious situation between nations so I gave him a hypothetical situation and just as I thought he handled it quite well. Unlike me he had a warm and friendly disposition which was perfect for diplomacy, something that I generally lack.

On the third day I asked him to compete with me in a hunting competition. I wanted to gauge how well he could track animals in the forest as well as how well he could fare in a bow and arrow. While I still bested him, I was pleasantly surprised. He was better in the bow and arrow than in swordsmanship, no doubt because of the queen.

On the fourth day I gave him a whole day to decide how he would handle insurgency and I gave him a situation wherein some of his own government officials betrayed him. I wanted to know what he would have done differently if he were in my shoes. I already knew that he would decide on a route with less death, what I did not expect was who he chose to execute.

Unlike me who executed everyone who was found guilty of treason, he only decided to execute those who held considerable power and were found guilty of treason. He decided to spare those who were of lower standing. When I asked him about it, he told me that he decided to show them mercy because by doing so he would have nurtured their feelings of loyalty and gratitude.

I understood what he meant but he did not account for change. Feelings, either it be loyalty or gratitude, can easily change depending on one’s situation. My belief is simple, if someone was able to plot my death once, they have the ability to do it again and instead of relying on something as mercurial as feelings, I would rather have comfort in the thought that they can never do so again.

The fifth day has come and I am mentally exhausted. I could not think of anything else I wanted to do with him and Tia’s berating every night did not help my troubled mind. I finally decided to speak with Elio and tell him the truth. I do not think I would be able to sleep peacefully until I do.