I wake up when the sun is already high in the sky, in the arms of Elio who lay peacefully beside me. It was the first time I had the urge to actually share my thoughts and feelings about death as well as the extinguishing of lives.

I wasn’t able to talk about it with Tia because I knew that he had his own burden to bear. He always looked so guilty when I broached the topic of taking responsibility for the outcome of my orders and I didn’t want to increase his burdens.

In my mind, if there was ever someone who could begin to understand the weight of the responsibilities I carry it would be Elio. While he is naïve for a future ruler, there wasn’t any doubt in my mind that the concept of responsibility was drilled into him ever since he was a child and this would help him understand the burdens I carry as well as prepare him for the burdens he will soon be subjected to.

I observe him in a way I had never observed anyone other than Tia before, the way the specks of sunlight dances on his face make him downright ethereal. His silver hair surrounded his face in an almost mystical glow, his full pink lips slightly parted, his lean muscled arm casually draped over his chiselled but barely visible stomach. He looked like art.

I carefully slip out of bed, covering myself with my robe I quietly walk out of the room. I was never shy about waking up in another man’s arms but it was the first time I had thought about how the other person would feel.

Knowing Elio he would persistently assure me that he had done nothing untoward while I slept. He would also tell me that I could always lean on him whenever I needed to but I wanted to preserve my memory as is, with him beautifully laid on the bed beside me.

When I exit the room, I see that Tia is one of the guards standing watch and I smile at him. He had always waited for me to get my bearings back whenever I hit a slump. I had always wished that he would have the courage to comfort me in his arms but I also knew that doing so would be equally as difficult to him, he would be devoured by his guilt.

“Would you care to walk with me?” I ask, reaching out my hand. He nods and weaves my arm over his.

“I never thought there would come a day when I would be ‘the other man’,” he says jokingly and I smile.

“You could never be the other man. One of the things that I will forever be grateful for to Elio is how he understands that I need you in my life even when I hadn’t told him anything,” I say.

“The palace walls are thick but I heard you crying last night. Are you okay?” he asks tentatively.

I stop walking and turn to him. I cup his face in my hands and gently tug him closer, tipping his forehead to mine.

“I am,” I answer him.

I was about to let go when someone clears his throat.

“It seems the rumors were true. The empress is in love with her personal knight. My poor cousin, not even married for a whole two months and his spouse is already finding comfort with another,” The stranger remarks, his eyes alight with scandal.

I slowly let go of Tia’s face and turn to study the audacious stranger. He has silver hair and deep pine green eyes. He looked comfortable traipsing around the palace and his confidence in speaking to me without being addressed first despite knowing who I am either makes him cunning or incredibly foolish. I continue to stare at him unabashedly, without any indication that I would speak or move.

After a few seconds of silence he walks towards me and extends his hand, waiting for me to reach my hand out allowing him to greet me something I was not inclined to do and so I don’t. When he realizes that I will not be giving him my hand, he straightens up and clears his throat.

“I apologize if I had offended you in any way your imperial majesty. My name is Nathaniel Vera Alissier, cousin of the crown prince,” he introduces himself and I nod.

I have made quick work of who he is, not only because I had everyone who were staying in the palace while we would be here investigated but also because there were only handful of people who had silver hair and all of them were closely connected to the royal family.

Nathaniel Vera Alissier, Elio’s first cousin on his father’s side and the eldest son of the Duke of Feylon. He is an ambitious young man who has been secretly holding meetings with the sons of the most powerful nobles in the Ocelon kingdom.

There is no doubt in my mind that he is eyeing the throne and it seems as if he has no intention of hiding his joy regarding the rumors floating around, if anything I would say he is actively participating in its spread.

“There is no need to apologize Marquess Alissier I have not taken offense. However, I do believe that it is my duty to warn you that sullying my name as well as my husband’s could land you in an unfortunate situation especially since my empire is not as forgiving as yours,” I tell him, bowing my head slightly and leaving with Tia just behind me.

This is one of the moments that I am thankful for the rumors of my cruelty and tyranny. Of course I wouldn’t hurt or kill someone because they talked badly behind my back but no one who doesn’t know me quite well know that and from my count, the only people who could possibly know me that well is Tia and now Elio.   

“He looks like quite a character,” Tia says when we’ve walked a considerable distance away from Nathaniel.

“He is,” I tell him smirking. “No doubt this wouldn’t be the first and last time we’ll be seeing him,” I say.

When we arrive in front of my room, I tell Lina, my personal maid, to prepare some late lunch for two. I needed to speak with Elio and I was starving. I enter the room and was surprised to see Elio drying himself off with a towel.

“You should’ve woken me before you left,” he says, rubbing his hair with a towel, leaving me with a clear view of his bare chest.

I walk toward him and guide him towards the seat in front of the vanity. I wordlessly reach for the towel which he willingly lets go and start gently drying his hair.

“and you should’ve asked someone to help you dry off. You should never be that aggressive with your body, I’m the only one who can ever treat you roughly,” I bend down, whispering in his ear.

He turns beet red and I can’t help but laugh.

“Don’t laugh at me and stop teasing me,” he says indignant.

“But you like it,” I reason and he stays silent, unable to deny the intrigue and excitement he feels whenever I tease him.

I finish drying his towelling him off when Lina knocks on the door with our food. Elio makes his way to the bathroom to dress and I let Lina in. After he has dressed he joins me to eat and we start talking like old friends. After what happened last night, it was apparent that we had grown more comfortable with each other and it seems as if he has started to know me more.

“Now that we’re done eating, could you please tell me what you wanted to tell me?” he asks, placing his utensils down on his empty plate and I smile.

“It seems you have gotten to know me well these past few days,” I remark and he shrugs.

“It is time for us to go home. I have postponed my work as much as I could but there are matters that require my attention and can no longer delay,” I tell him and surprisingly he just nods.

“Of course, I’ve already informed my parents that we would be living soon and all they ask to have a meal with us before we go,” he says and I nod in agreement.

After our talk about the departure everything suddenly became fast-paced. It would seem that I wasn’t alone in the need to leave the Ocelon Kingdom and go to our new home in the Tiarhan district, back in Pavenia. It only took two days to get everything in order and we were on our way to the place which held many of my cherished memories.

The palace in the Tiarhan district was my father’s gift to my mother and the place where we spent most of my childhood vacations in. It is a symbol of my father’s love for my mother as well as a memento of the once complete and happy family that I had. It was one of the few places where I could think of my mother with only the slightest hint of resentment.

The palace is not as expansive as the main palace in Pavenia but it was well-kept and has been undergoing expansion ever since we had decided to make it to the main palace, courtesy of Elio’s parents. We were welcomed warmly by the staff and before I could even reminisce I was whisked away by Ethan, the Lord Chancellor and my friend.

As expected there was already a ton of work waiting for me and he made sure that I wouldn’t even stand until I finished at least half. It was weeks before I had the chance to breathe but of course, the universe just couldn’t let me be because when I enter my room I see Elio on the bed waiting for me.

“I didn’t expect to see you back this early,” he says and I raise an eyebrow.

“and I didn’t expect you to be on my bed,” I answer, emphasizing the word my.

I was aware that we hadn’t seen each other for weeks and I wasn’t able to abide by our agreement of meeting twice a week but I barely even had time to eat and sleep while Ethan watched me like a hawk.

“I needed to speak with you,” he says apologetic.

I sigh and plop next to him on the bed.

“What is it?” I ask, utterly exhausted.

“Both the nobles from my nation and yours have been pestering me about the consummation. I know you’re quite preoccupied but could you please give me an estimate so I could relay the message,” He says timidly.

I groan inwardly. How could I have forgotten? It was only natural that they would start demanding that we start consummating the marriage especially since it has almost been three months since the wedding and an heir would further stabilize the partnership of the two nations. I go over my schedule for the next few days and make a mental note to shuffle some appointments around.

“I could be free two nights from now,” I say and I feel him tense.

“Is that too early for you?” I ask, turning to look at him.

He immediately shakes his head.

“N-no, that would be perfect,” he answers and I nod before exhaustion lulls me into a dreamless sleep.