I wake up to the knocking on the door. The curtains weren’t drawn and I had no idea what time it was. The space beside me was cold and I wonder why Bell didn’t wake me when she left. I slowly sit up, my sore muscles groaning from the action. I clear my throat and tell the person on the other side of the door to come in.

It was Leo. He draws the curtains and I wince as sunlight fills the room. Just how long was I asleep?

“I apologize for waking you your highness but the empress was adamant that we wake you at two in the afternoon if you hadn’t woken yet,” he says turning to me.

His face reddens and he clears his throat, his eyes darting away from me. I look down only to see that my body was covered with love bites. I cover myself discreetly and ask him to draw a bath. Minutes later he informs me that the bath is ready and I tell him that I am in no need of assistance.

I slowly submerge my body in the water, wincing at the stinging sensation of the water meeting the scratches on my back. I close my eyes and think of the events that transpired last night.

When she disrobed I was already half-heady with desire but it didn’t escape my notice how comfortable she is with her naked body. Back in the Ocelon kingdom it is a lady’s virtue to keep their bodies unblemished, it is perceived as a shame when a lady acquires even a shadow of a scar but that notion seems to be non-existent in the Pavenia Empire.

Bell’s body was covered in scars – stories of suffering, triumph, and growth. Stories that I hope I will come to know once she decides that she trusts me enough to tell me. I am especially curious about the scar across her back. I know she obtained it from the first war she fought in and that Sir Anthony saved her but that is all. Regardless of her scars, I see her as the embodiment of a goddess, my goddess.

She wielded her body expertly, like a warrior in the middle of war or a predator hunting her prey. She always exudes power and control but more so in bed. She was dominating but she also craved to be dominated. I had never thought lovemaking could feel that way. My experience with Olivia was vastly different. I always felt as if I had to be gentle with her, as if one wrong move could break her frail body.

Bell was anything but, it was almost as if she wanted to be broken. She knew what she wanted and she was skilful in instructing me. She knew what to say to provoke me and she also knew what I wanted to hear but she wasn’t selfish, because as much as she enjoyed it, I am pretty certain that I enjoyed it more. She introduced me to a world of pleasure I never even knew existed.

“Enjoying your bath?” I jump in surprise, slipping and submerging my head in the process. I quickly gasp up for air to find Bell kneeling beside the bathtub with a towel in hand.

“I apologize if I surprised you, I thought you heard me come in,” she says worried and I shake my head.

I lean forward intending to kiss her lips as a greeting but she turns away, so I kiss her on the cheek instead. I try not to take it personally, after all last night was our duty but I would be lying if I say that I never thought that our union last night has brought us closer. She wordlessly hands me the towel and leaves the bathroom.

I thought she had left, not wanting to talk about what had happened and so I was surprised to see her waiting for me on a table filled with fruits and beverages.

“Would you like to eat with me?” She asks and I nod, sitting across from her.

I knew she felt my eyes on her but she made no move to meet my eyes. How could the woman I passionately spent the whole night making love with suddenly seem so distant? It was as if she has deliberately erected a wall between me and her, closed herself off from me. But why? Even if our marriage was put in place for our nations we are still husband and wife and I don’t see anything wrong with us growing closer. 

“I’m sorry for turning away, I didn’t do it to hurt you but I was never one to worry about what happens the day after. It has never happened to me before,” she explains.

“Because they were only here for one night and I’m not,” I finish and she nods.

I reach for her hand and place a kiss on top of it.

“It’s okay, I understand but I feel like you must know. My feelings for you have started to grow,” at my confession shock and surprise show on her face.

“I hope you didn’t look so stunned. I am not expecting you to feel the same right now, I know that Sir Anthony still holds a large portion of your affections but I do hope that someday you will afford me even a fraction of the affection you hold for him especially since you dream of a happy family,” I say hopeful.

“It is not as if I hold no affection for you at all. I do care for you but I won’t lie, I do hold affections for Tia as well,” she hastily explains.

“I know and I am patient. Feelings can’t be forced,” I reassure her and she releases a sigh.  

“The truth is I find it difficult to be intimate; the intimacy of a light kiss, a gentle touch, or the mingling of the minds. I find these small expressions of concern or love to be more intimate than the sexual union between two people,” she says, shaking her head.

“These expressions that most people find comfort in scares me, it makes me feel vulnerable. It seems such an absurd idea, for people in our station to be comfortable in such public displays of affection and favor especially since showing favour to our own family could be construed as a weakness,” she explains further.

“As you know I was raised quite differently. I have only ever seen my parents be affectionate with each other. I grew up thinking and believing that it is normal for a husband and wife to be affectionate, that hiding one’s feelings for another would only beget pain and suffering. I have no intention of hiding my feelings from you, especially if they are of my affections,” I tell her.

“But I understand how you might be overwhelmed and I will match your pace. I do not want you running farther for me,” I comfort her.

“And on that note, I’d like you to know that I enjoyed our time together last night,” she says, smirking. It is clear that she’s steering the conversation back to her comfort zone. I smile.

“Well, that relieves me. I was worried that I hadn’t been a satisfying lover for someone as experienced as you,” I tell her and it’s the truth.

It has been on the back of my mind. Did I please her enough? Did I meet her expectations? She seemed to enjoy it but did she really? I’m not entirely inexperienced but I am not as experienced as her.

“You were satisfying enough, very obedient,” she assures me, amusement in her eyes.

The air notably became lighter. She became more comfortable and we found ourselves talking until the sun went down. It was as if I was enjoying the company of my closest friend and instead of going back to our own chambers we decided that it would be in the best interest for the both of us to share one chamber. This way the nobles would lessen in pestering us for an heir.

After we had taken our dinner I found myself strangely comfortable on the bed in Bell’s personal chambers while I watch her silently brushing her hair in front of her vanity. Then I suddenly realize that she had just spent the entire afternoon with me when just a day before she had been glued to her work.

“Why were you suddenly free the entire afternoon?” I ask and she smiles.

“Why? Did my presence displease you?” she teases.

“You of all people know that your presence greatly pleased me. I just found it oddly convenient that you suddenly had some time to waste with me,” I answer.

“Time with my husband, who is coincidentally the crown prince of the Ocelon kingdom and my emperor, will never be a waste of time,” she says, sliding into bed beside me. I give her a pointed look, urging her to answer my question. She rolls her eyes.

“Fine. Earlier in the day I asked Lina, my personal maid, if there was a sort of protocol that lovers did after love making. She told me that simply being there to provide comfort and assurance was more than enough so I shuffled my schedule and made time to spend it with you. I do hope that it worked,” she answers, her face reddening.

I cup her face in my hand and place a gentle kiss on her lips. It made me happy that this time she didn’t avoid my kiss nor did she turn her cheek.

“I think, it is safe to say that it has worked and it is still working,” I murmur against her lips.

She places a gentle kiss on my lips. I could feel her hesitance and just as I told her, I don’t do anything that would make her feel that I am compelling her to do or say anything. After a few more chaste kisses, she starts trailing kisses down my neck and I could feel her hesitancy dissipate. Her kisses grow more passionate and when I stop her she looks at me confused.

“As much as I enjoyed last night, I am afraid that my body still haven’t quite recovered. It seems as if you have pushed me to my limits,” I tell her, embarrassed.

She caresses my face and places a kiss on my cheek.

“That is nothing to be embarrassed about but we will have to do something about it especially if you ever want to satiate me,” she casually says, laying down beside me on the bed.

I shake my head, wondering how I ever thought it would be difficult to hold affection for someone as magnetic as Bell and the next few days proved how easy it is to grow my feelings for her. She and I have been taking our time getting to know each other. While I did notice how expertly she navigated our conversations away from her personal matters, I do acknowledge her effort in being more comfortable in receiving affection publicly.

People in the palace seem to be more welcoming after they have seen the improvement in our relationship. More and more nobles have been warming up to me and I know it is because they have seen our closeness as the empress showing me favor. They are in haste to curry favor with me, in hopes that they could whisper in my ear and in turn I would whisper in Bell’s.

Most of the time I trailed after her in her meetings and watched her work, in a way she has taken me under her wing. In one of our talks, she had asked me if I wanted to learn more about how to traverse the political world and I was eager to do so. I may seem like a pup following its master but I am learning more than I expected.

I have learned how to observe people and how to slowly read their intentions. However, I do find difficulty in gaining useful information without Bell’s help and while I do trust her, I know it would be wise to heed her earlier warning because I know that when it came down to a choice between her Empire and my kingdom, she will always make a decision that would benefit her Empire – a decision that I deeply understand.

Although I have acquired more knowledge, I am still in awe of how Bell’s mind works. Watching her work day and night, going through countless meetings, ensuring the best for her people, I have found newfound respect not only for her but for my parents as well.

I oftentimes try to imagine myself in her shoes but I could never envision what decisions I would have made. I wonder if I would have made the same decisions that Bell did, would I have been able to fight for my people as well as she did, and would I have seen a bigger picture, one that Bell always seem to see? Could I ever do any of these things?

I was always vaguely aware of the weight my name bears but I have felt the weight more ever since I met Bell again. I found myself questioning my capabilities, even my legitimacy as a ruler. I have been regretting the time I seem to have wasted away, doing only the bare minimum of what was expected of me. Do I have it in me to hold my ground and wield my authority to nobles who know that I lack practical experience?

Do I have it in me to perform a balancing act? Keeping the nobles happy while taking care of the people’s needs. It’s not that I think of myself as incapable or inefficient but I do sometimes measure myself up against Bell, an unhealthy habit but it seems that I cannot stop.

There are numerous people who see me as a trophy, as a mindless puppet being controlled by my father, but I keep reminding myself that it is within my power to change their perception and I can easily do so with Bell’s help - something that I will be forever grateful for.

These thoughts that plague me during the day are always vanquished when we are alone together. Just the mere sound of her voice or the gentle touch of her lips is enough to silence my doubts and fears. More than my goddess, she has become my sanctuary - an escape from my thoughts and even myself.

Before I knew it, a week has passed since the day we consummated our marriage and it has been the most surprising week since we had been wed. We had become more comfortable with each other. I could finally see spending my whole life with Bell, just as we have.

I was listening to Bell convince the nobles of the benefits of building a school for commoners when a messengers informed me that Olivia had come to visit and after I discreetly told Bell of the unexpected visit, I made my way to one of the drawing rooms where Olivia was shown into and she was just as I remembered her.

“Your royal highness, I am pleased to see that you seem well,” she greets, bowing.

“and I am delighted to see that you haven’t changed,” I greet back, sitting across from her.

“But I have changed. I’m pregnant Tay, and it’s yours,” she says unflinching.