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Ah my stomach, it hurts. But it is fine. It will go away sooner... How many days it has been?

I should mark it on the wall and some messages too. Yes, that will be good. My nails are sharper now it should do the job. I reached my hands towards the wall as I drew 1. I looked at the curtains. I should have taken those curtains off but instead, I was crying like a baby in front of him. Now I have no idea what time it is. It is all waste I know I won't continue it anyway.

But the message? No, I have time...

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I don't even want to get up to use the restroom but the urge to go gets me all the time. But even...uh, I got up. when to the toilet. I thought I had no shame after all this but it seems there are some left. I did not eat for a long time then why do I need to restroom? I barely feel hungry. I think it is for good. It will make things sooner whether it is good or bad. I laid down and wrapped myself in bedsheets. I forgot about the curtains...

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I sometimes hear noises, I don't know where they come from but it feels like they having a good time. What is happening...what are they doing is...is it about celebration...is it about a fight...I don't hear it often but when I hear it is feeble but I know they are talking. I know it, I know, I am not crazy.

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Nowadays even the system will not respond. Well, expected. Even the controller has lost hope in me...

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Is it among the workers or it is the customers? It is about the shepherd...

Why am I even thinking right now? Just end it already. I don't want to think anything. I just wanna sleep. I should sleep but I don't feel as sleepy as before.

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I heard a knock. I am not responding. I heard it again. It has to be-

Concierge: "Sir, May I come in."

I know that voice. It is him.

"Come in!" My eyes are getting teary...

I do not feel happy....but it is that there is someone there for me.

He stood near me leaning a little forward.

Concierge: "Are you alright Sir?"

For me, it felt like he was concerned about me.

I immediately took out the rest of the money I had. "I would like to extend my stay."

Concierge: "Sir But..."

"No, I am staying here."

Concierge: "Sir Mr Goulen picked the call."

"What?" No why now.

Concierge: "He-"

"Just go away." I felt like my mind going blank.

Concierge: "Sir pl-"

"GO!" I felt a lot of frustration.

Concierge: "Sir PLEAS-"

"GO!"I felt I will kill him. I grabbed his face. "Fuc"-"Ing" I pushed his face. He fell.

I looked the other way. I am panting.

I am tired.

I think this will make me sleep. Yes. Yes...

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I am terrible. Weak. Pathetic. ...

I can't face reality. I am just that messed up. Maybe I was like this before and that is why they left me.

That is why I should have erased my memory. Because to get a new life...

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I need to go to the toilet. I want to get up. What if Goulen comes in? He should have known me for I don't want even my past self to get to shamed. No just have to control. It will be alright.

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I shitted myself... HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!...

It is all wet all over me. Disgusting. I removed the pants. What did I expect I just do the same stupid thing and expect to get better. Of course, It won't because It never going to change because the problem is me looking at this damn photo for God knows how long., and I just wait here Slowly for my death.

I tried to throw the pants into the painting. The painting was swinging a bit as the pants fell.

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It feels... better half-naked... kinda liberating. I will remove the shirt as well. I take a deep breath. At this point, I don't give a damn. I die now I will just die freely.

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