“Hey, can I just say something to you for a quick minute?
No, no, no! I’m not going to hurt you!”
She saw the man quickly add with his hands raised as she started to rise from
her seat in the café, looking around for a waiter or manager to assist. Her shoulders
tensed with trepidation, she glared at the stranger, waiting for him to
continue. Seeing her freeze her movement, he continued.
“I swear I’m not anyone crazy or dangerous, I can’t blame you for being on
edge-“
“What do you want?”
“Uh… I…. I just had to tell you today and please don’t freak out!
But… I love you…”
She blinked at him, not trusting her ears for a moment and looking around the café,
noticing a few customers casting furtive glances their way, one waiter at the
counter watching closely as if deciding if they’d need to interfere or call the
authorities.
“Excuse me?”
He sighs adding, “I love you. No! Wait! Please don’t freak out!”
“Stay the hell away from me.”
Standing and gathering her bags hurriedly, she turned to face the mystery man
once more adding harshly:
“You’re crazy. I’ve never met you and if you’ve been stalking me, I’ll call the
police ASAP. Never approach me ever again or come into this café!”
Not wanting to draw any more attention to herself, she hastily walked out of
the café and into the park, finding the nearest bench to catch her breath and
calm down.
She hoped she didn’t have a stalker and hated that she had lost her sense of security
and ease first thing in the morning. She was so caught up in her anxious thoughts
that she didn’t notice the football that hit her leg until she heard apologies from
a young voice afar.
Looking up, she saw a horrified child gingerly walk up to her, eyes filled with
remorse at having disturbed an adult. She smiled, lowered to pick up the ball
and stretched her hand out towards the child, who walked closer to her, each
step erasing the fear he felt earlier.
“I’m not angry but please be safe and keep the ball close to you, okay?”
The child took and held the ball close to his chest, nodding enthusiastically
at not being scolded or shouted at, adding,
“Thank you kind lady! I love you!”
She blinked at him astonished but then let out a soft laugh as the child ran
back towards where he came from, ball in his arms. The further the child ran,
the sooner the warmth in her heart was replaced with sadness. She remembered
where she had to go next.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clinical. Chemical. Sterile.
Where words that always came to mind anytime she heard the echoes of her heels
resound on the vinyl flooring of the hospital as she made her way to the third
floor. This time he was lying on his side, his back away from her and didn’t
turn around despite hearing her enter the room.
“It’s one of those days…”
Her heart heavy in sympathy at hearing the words answering her unspoken
question.
These days were the ones where she’d sit next to the bed and gently stroke his
hair in solace. It was the days were words seemed inadequate and presence was
everything.
She felt powerless but was assured that her being there was
incredibly powerful.
How long she sat there silently she didn’t know until her alarm quietly went
off in her pocket. As she rose to stand, he took her hand and cupped his own
cheek, looking at her warmly, adding,
“Thank you. I love you.”
She blinked. Unexpectedly touched, sensing her eyes fill with tears and just
nodded her reply, trying to be as brave as she could.
He smiled once more and gently released her hands.
“Until next time.”
“Yeah… Hang in there as best as you can.”
Riding the bus to her next destination, she recalled how frail his skin had
felt.
How cruel the illness was, eating away at his life-force,
day by day.
A slow torture leading to the inevitable.
She shook her head as if to snap herself out of her sullenness.
“I need to be strong. I must be strong.” She whispered to herself, bottling her
sadness and drawing out as much joviality as she could muster for her next
appointment.
“Awwwww, you shouldn’t have!!!”
“Well, you only went on about it for months and months, felt like I’d never
heard the end of it!”
Gentle hum of customers dining and conversing.
Red wine, flowing smoothly in her veins.
The taste of oregano in the tomato sauce of the pasta dish, still pleasantly lingering
as she celebrated her best friend’s birthday at a luxury Italian restaurant.
She was also genuinely happy that her present was well received.
“I mean! You know how much it means to me! Awww!”
Her friend turns her eyes from the gift to her.
“I love it! I love you!”
She laughs.
“I think the wine has gotten a hold of you a bit too much!”
“No.”
She blinked at the stern tone of her best friend, a little taken aback.
“I mean it. Honestly, you’re an invaluable source of emotional support I could
never want to part from, to part from you. I’m incredibly grateful to you and I
love you.”
She nodded with a smile, slightly embarrassed at the rare verbal profession of
love from someone she had known for over a decade and hid behind the wine glass
that she lifted to take a bashful sip.
~~~~~~~~~~
10pm.
No messages or even a call from him.
The day was almost over and with each passing minute, the bitterness in her
heart squeezed tighter, stealing her ability to breathe easily.
She hugged her pillow tighter, as curled up under her quilt on her bed as she
was.
While she had a lovely time with her best friend, she couldn’t help but swallow
the loneliness with every bite of the pasta and every sip of the red wine as
she saw many happy couples enjoying their time together over the Valentine’s
Day meal.
She had bottled the loneliness but now it unleashed itself in her heart,
threatening to break her wavering resolve and hold her captive in despair.
She would call him.
“Hey.”
“Hey… Happy Valentine’s Day… was hoping to see you tonight?” She asked
tentatively.
“Ah yeah… it is today. Man, I’m sorry babe, work has been manic and I still got
a few things to knock out for tomorrow’s deadline.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat and quietly exhaled before continuing.
“ I mean, you can still come over, even at 3am and stay the morning at least?”
“No… I think I’ll just head home, shower up and go right back to the office.
Next time. I promise.”
Those never-ending recurring words.
Next time.
I promise.
“Okay… I…”
“Hm? I gotta get going, you were gonna say something?”
“I love you.”
“I know babe. Rest well, we’ll meet up soon.”
“Goodni-“
The line had been cut.
It was a gentle action but a violent attack on her heart.
Before she knew it her shoulders were shaking, her eyesight blurry.
Salt was faintly tasted at the corner of her lips.
She wasn’t single.
And yet, she had never felt so wretchedly lonely.
Especially on today of all days.
Sleep was a welcome hug of oblivion for her to sink into and it came fast.
~~~~~~~~~~~
They watched the glittery powder settle on her face as she was lulled to sleep.
“Poor thing, humans are so complicated, yeesh! I mean, isn’t love meant to be
the greatest form of energy that exists!”
He looked at his partner crossing his arms midair in a huff and nodded in agreement.
“It is… but perception at times is much more powerful it seems. Depending on
who says it or who it’s said to, that pure, undiluted energy is received in a
million different ways.
Love isn’t everything for humans.”
“What!? Then what exactly IS love!?”
He smiled and flew over to his partner, placing his head gently on their shoulder,
smiling sadly while looking at the woman, curled up in her teary slumber.
“I wish I knew why humanity often rejects, perverts, abuses it. I wish I knew.”
Their wings intertwined softly and he looked up at his partners now neutral
face with a wink.
“But… I just know that I love you.”
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