Many times, I happened to stop and think, wander with my mind, as if I could even move away from my physical body and lose all contact with the outside world.

For a long time, I did nothing but question my entire existence. On why I felt so different, so out of place. As if there was something wrong, something wrong with me. And now, that I have the answer, I suddenly rediscovered a fear that I had forgotten.

Do you remember that famous painting?

In its title, it contains the three questions that we all ask ourselves most frequently in this world:“Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?”

My origins no longer matter. What I fear most is the future, the fact that there is nothing truly certain in this world.

That's why I don't worry so much about “Where do we come from?” and “What are we?”, but I focus more on “Where are we going?”.

I decided to live every day as if it were my last.

No, actually, that was just an excuse, an easy way to justify every stupid and crazy action I did.

I also tried the philosophy of "don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today", so as not to have any regrets.

But, to be honest, I didn't even do that...

I was doing absolutely nothing.

I simply learned to live with the knowledge that one day my eyes would close, forever, because that was my only certainty.

I told myself that, sooner or later, it would happen to me too, and I stopped fearing that moment, the moment I would leave this world.

Just like everyone on this Earth.

I meant it, but the truth is that I never had a real purpose, a reason to fight for, something that excited me and pushed me to keep going.

If I hadn't met you, I probably would never have understood it.

It's thanks to you, and them, if my heart beats again today.

At the same time, however, you have brought back to the surface all my doubts and fears that I thought had been buried forever.

I had almost forgotten what it meant to feel something. And I would have preferred not to feel at all, rather than have, again, the terrible fear of losing the people I love…