The next morning, an older deaconess by the name of Charis was assigned to keep an eye on me.

“I’ve come to aid in changing Your Holiness’ clothes,” she had said at dawn, a neatly folded temple dress in her arms. 

“... I am able to change by myself.”

“His Holiness insists. It is merely a gesture of goodwill for the Saintess who had protected us all those years ago.”

It wasn’t like I wanted to protect anyone. I was like a doll back then, doing merely what I was told. At first, I did my best because I didn’t want to disappoint the father I had met for the first time. But then that day came, and I slowly realized that no matter what I did, I was nothing but a tool. After all, what story is better than the Pope reuniting with his long lost daughter, a remnant of his old and deceased lover? I believed it myself. At least, I wanted to at first.

“Father.” 

I didn’t realize it until I had left the temple. While it was true Father’s divinity was strong and unparalleled to nearly anyone…

“I can’t hear or feel them at all. The Divine Surya isn’t even here.”

… Father was a fraud. I have been able to feel Surya’s warmth my whole life. Yet when Father preached the Divine Surya’s will as commands for the people, I was not able to feel the slightest bit of the deity’s divinity. The temple became silent, and not a single person in the clergy said a word as all eyes fell on me. I was a child who he could have easily dismissed as being inexperienced. It had only been a few days since I joined the temple after all.

But the way his face fell. From then on, I was no longer a little trinket to garner sympathy and blessings. I was a threat.

The Mister’s fingers firmly pressed into my shoulders, trembling along with the wide and crooked grin on his face.

“Listen here, Brat. I’m selling you off right now. I’m selling you to the man who hurt your mother, just for money.”

The deaconess helped me undress on the first day, peeling away the protective fabric on my forearms. Right beneath were the faded scars that branched into fern-like leaves. No matter how much divinity I had, it’s impossible to heal old scars like those. To inflict such agonizing pain on others using divinity… it should have been a crime. Even corrupted beasts have been killed in a kinder manner.

While the deaconess began folding my old battle dress, I looked at myself in the mirror. Carefully, I traced the large scar just between my ribs. The skin was slightly smoother in texture, but otherwise completely healed.

… it really has been a thousand years, then. 

And so a week passed. Charis showed me to one of the temple baths that were reserved for Cardinals and the Pope. I appreciated that at least, as Cardinals rarely gather at the main temple. It was only during divine events, such as Divine Revelations, when all of the higher ranks in the temple came together. Father abused that religiously.

I had no inkling as to what I wanted to do. Should I remain in the temple just as I did before? If I leave and run, where do I even go? And what to do. Even with few and fond memories of my mother, I knew little of my own people. What I knew could be useless given the change that comes with many eras. Corruption’s Budding Vessel had been dealt with and so the beasts that spawn with corruption should have lessened significantly, rendering the need for my divinity useless as well. 

[—will you come with me, and live with me and my family?]

I clench my fist and shake my head softly. The Temple doesn’t even know what happened after Shivani disappeared. With a thousand years, Surya knows where Shivani’s family have spread off to. For all I knew, their people may not even be in the kingdom anymore. And so, I’ve been left with nothing, and no one to wait for me.

[Find your sun.]

The rustle of fabric upon the bed is abrupt when I sit up. The words I heard in my slumber only come to me now. My fingertips curl upon the surface of the comforter as the gears in my mind shift slowly. It is as if I had finally come to my senses to the present. Could it be possible? Is that why I’ve awoken in this era, and not one before or after?

Shivani is dead. That much, I know now. But in our world that the Divine Surya had created, souls following death after an ambiguous amount of time return to the land where they belong. That cycle of rebirth happens continuously. So then, the reason why I breathe again a millennia later—

—is it to reunite with my beloved? My sun, my Shivani?

The low heels of my boots click against the polished floor as I quickly approach the door of this bedroom. Frankly, such a thing would be nearly impossible. Even if the Divine Surya has allowed us to meet again in this time, there has never been a recorded instance where someone has recollected memories of any of their past lives. Even if I met Shivani, the person they are now would not be the same person as the one I fell in love with.

With a low creak, the door closes behind me. I clench my fist, curling my fingers against my chest. Even that is fine. That doesn’t change a thing. I love Shivani, no matter what form they are in. Even if Shivani is a stranger, who knows not of who or what I am, I just want to see them again.

And maybe, just maybe… they could grant me my one, selfish, wish of finally being happy together.

♢♦︎♢

“What… did you say?”

The man with faded brown hair and aimless purple eyes sits calmly with an unreadable expression.

“I cannot allow you to leave this temple.”

“...” For a moment, my mind went blank. Did I mishear him? I blink away as my heart begins to palpitate in my chest, ironically reminiscent of this situation. Quietly, I steel myself, murmuring about, “... May I ask why?”

“Did you really think you could leave? Escape?”

The images begin to overlap one another again, and I can’t help but compare them when the next words leave the brunette’s mouth.

“You are not prepared—”

“You are not prepared for the outside world.”

And so it happens again. Father and this man’s silhouettes, and even their words mirroring each other. The Pope lifts his head, his irises moving as if searching for something from me.

“Did you read any of the texts left in your room?”

“A wench like you can’t even memorize the basic texts.”

My fingers stiffen by my side.

“No,” I barely manage to breathe out. Vaguely, I do recall a small pile of books left on a dresser in the room I was assigned to. Some of them looked quite old, and some of them newer. Either way, all of them were preserved in the highest condition possible. “Why would I need to look at those old scriptures again?

Once again, their words overlap, reminiscent of one another. It’s an uncanny resemblance that it almost makes me laugh.

“You are young and naive, too ignorant to how the outside truly works. It’s much different than the sheltered life you’ve lived before.”

All the while, the Pope of this era remains calm and collected, slightly wrinkled but unblemished and well kept hands folded over one another. This time, I scoff incredulously.

“Sheltered? Young and naive…?” It’s under my breath, but it’s still appalling nonetheless. For the only time it seems, I look the Pope straight in the eye. “Your Holiness, who am I?”

He’s silent, contemplating, for a moment.

“... why, the Saintess, of course.”

“Yes. I am the Saintess.” My cold fingertips have become hot as blood rushes to my head. I’m practically seething now. “The Saintess, who, instead of an army of knights or a platoon of Paladins and Priests, was sent off to fight all of the land’s corruption infused monsters at fourteen.”

It’s comical.

“I was ‘old’ enough to save the country and even its borders with the others, but now I am too young to walk through the streets of the very Kingdom I died for?!”

The Pope’s eyes then close as he breathes a quiet sigh.

“... the first the Saintess should know is that we are no longer a Kingdom, but an Empire.” He pauses a moment longer, as if it’s supposed to mean something greater. As he sees I haven’t changed in demeanor, he continues. “And while I understand your frustrations, Daughter of Surya, the dangers of the era a thousand years ago are much different than the ones of the current.”

Does he think I am a child? Does he take me for a fool? As someone who will simply take such a bizarre and obvious reason such as that? 

“I know that much, Your Holiness. But,” I stress, narrowing my eyes as I grip the fabric of the temple dress. Does he truly think I am the sheltered and naive of the two of us? I know how power in the temple is passed. Father did nothing but exert his authority, tarnishing Surya’s name under the guise of god’s will to grow the temple’s influence and riches. He had not lifted a finger, using the people’s faith to boost his ego and glory just to rival the palace. It wasn’t just Father either, it was everyone in that temple regardless of status. But in those nearly five years, I had witnessed horrors beyond those pristine temple walls; where thatched floors were covered in rotting flesh infested with maggots, the air condensed with putrid throat stinging stenches and the dirt stained with its people’s blood. “Are you truly saying that humans are worse than monsters? The beasts that ravaged through villages mindlessly without a thought, be it wealthy or poor, woman and child?”

For just a moment, a split moment, something crossed his face that made me hold my breath. His aimless eyes seemed focused for but an instance, the eyebrows above softening as the corners of his thin and chapped lips lifted ever so slightly in an almost solemn smile. Slowly, he stands up from his chair and faces away from me.

“... as the Saintess is adamant, I suppose I can only allow it. But if you are to venture outside temple grounds, you must take at least one paladin with you.”

“...” I ponder over it for a few seconds. All I wanted was to enter the town enough to get a general feel. What—or rather who I am looking for, I already know won’t be easy. But if I continue to wiggle my way, and slowly expand my search enough across the kingdom—er, empire, I know I’ll find them. Whoever Shivani is, in this era. But at least for now, on the first day, pushing any more might make it difficult for me in the future. It’s just for a little bit, I simply have to bear with being watched for a little bit longer.

With a sigh, I concede.

“Fine.”

After my response, the Pope walks toward the window behind his desk. On the window sill are what look like various small bells. His hand wavers over them for a moment, before his fingers find a specific one and he rings it. It makes no noise, however. Very faintly though, I could sense it. A quick and thin line of divinity, condensed so much it’s almost like a thread in the breeze. But it’s not the Pope’s divinity. I can tell. In fact, after composing myself, none of the bells have the Pope’s divinity but rather they all seem to be different. As quick as it came, the whiff of divinity disappears behind me. Just as the Pope sets the bell down next to the others again, a knock comes from the door.

I turn around abruptly as the Pope turns and beckons the visitor to come in. The door pushes open and a Paladin enters. A weird sense of deja vu consumes me for a moment as the young man looks somewhat familiar.

Ah. One of the paladins from before, when the Pope came to fetch me. It wasn’t the blonde one though. Contrary to the blonde’s attempt to be friendly, this paladin’s expression was as dull as his cool gray hair. There wasn’t an ounce of emotion behind those eyes either. Until they wavered over to me. There was a flash of irritation, for just a moment. I arched an eyebrow, puzzled. But almost immediately, his cerulean gaze returns to the Pope’s, retaining his firm stance.

“This is Sir Ianglade. He is one of our most skilled paladins, and had grown up in the capital,” the Pope explains, introducing him. I nod vaguely, but the paladin remains focused on the Pope. Alrighty then. The older brunette man turns more toward Sir Ianglade. “As you know, this is the Saintess. She requests to venture into the castle town, so you are to escort and guard her.”

“Of course, as you command, Your Holiness.”