Lucas

As expected, Alyssa’s father-daughter dance was everything a kid could want. Aside from the dance floor that was decorated with streamers, balloons, and strobe lights, there was a bouncy house, cotton candy, and more sugar-laden beverages than any proper parent would allow their kid to consume. Given she’s kinda like my kid, I did my best to limit her sugar intake while still maintaining my cool points as Uncle Lucas. It was not an easy feat, but given the smile that was on her face most of the night, I’d say the mission was a success.

During the two hours we were there, we danced, I got to chase her as she ran around with a pack of wild kids—an undertaking that at times left me with the same emotional trauma I experienced in BUDs—and I got to hang out with a bunch of real dads. That was the strangest part for me. I’ve hung out with many men throughout my life, but unlike the guys I knew in the service, all these men talked about were bowling leagues, little leagues, and work. It was weird. I had zero in common with any of them, hence the kink in my neck from all the nodding I did as I pretended to follow along with their conversations.

“Okay Ally girl, do you want banana-rama, strawberry-nelly, or peach-please?”

“Peach. I want peach!” She yells happily, making sure I hear exactly what she’s said.

After paying, I grab both our drinks with one hand, and then guide her over to the outdoor patio area, where I know it’s quieter. Aptly named The Smoothie Bar, the place is like a kid’s version of a bar. There are dozens of round-top tables with colorful bar stools, all filled with boisterous families. Between the crowd of people, the coin-operated kiddie rides, and the arcade machines whose sounds reverberate off the walls, the place is loud.

Unfortunately for us, much louder than my PTSD-laden brain can handle. It’s my fault, really. After the dance, I figured it would be a good time to check the place out, not realizing others at the dance might have the same idea.

Thankfully, Alyssa doesn’t complain about the change of scene, and I’m pleasantly surprised as I watch her take in the outdoor area with a look of awe. I can’t blame her, since the string of lights that brighten the space gives it a magical feeling that complements the soft island music playing on the outdoor speakers.

When I find an open table at the end of the patio we take a seat, my back to the exterior wall so I can see the entire space. It’s a balmy June evening, so the cool breeze coming off the lake is refreshing. Taking off the suit jacket, I lay it over the chair next to me and then unbutton the sleeves of the white dress-down shirt so I can roll them up to my elbows.

“Uncle Luc, do you know my dad?” Alyssa asks between sips of her smoothie.

Yeah, I met the asshole.

That’s the response that comes to mind, but given she’s just a child, I do my best to tamp down the hatred I feel for the man.

“Yes, I’ve met him.”

Looking down at her drink, she continues to work through her thoughts.

“Do you know where he is?” This time, those sad little eyes peer right at me.

“I don’t, I’m very sorry, Ally.” I’m grateful my answer isn’t a lie.

“I don’t think he’s coming back but don’t say anything to Mama. She gets sad when we talk about him.”

This comes as a surprise, as I didn’t think Embree’s girls were aware of what’s happening. Based on this conversation, it’s clear Alyssa knows and understands far more than we thought. It’s something I’ll need to bring up and discuss with Embree.

Not knowing what to say, I remain quiet.

“Mama says he’s working, but I talked to my friends and they said work only lasts until nighttime. It doesn’t take this long for other dads to come home from work.”

“Some jobs do take a long time, Ally. Like my job. I would go away sometimes for a year or more. And I couldn’t come back until the job was done.”

“Did you leave your kids, too?”

Her question stirs something deep inside of me, forcing an answer before I have time to think.

“I don’t have any kids, Ally. Not yet anyway. But some guys I worked with did, and yeah, sometimes they had to leave them behind.”

“Why didn’t you have any kids? You’re old, right?”

I chuckle, one eyebrow going up as I question her reference to me being old.

“Well, I’m old enough, if that’s what you mean. But no. I just…my job kept me busy. I was traveling all the time.”

“You don’t want kids?”

“I do.” Though up to this point, it’s something I’ve always denied to anyone who asked. It was just easier that way. Better than having to explain how I never thought I’d be good enough to deserve them.

“Did you not want to leave them?”

Her question is like a punch to the gut and stirs the throbbing ache deep in the pit of my gut. For only being 6 years old, this little girl is wise beyond her years.

“No. I didn’t want to leave them. It was just easier to not have any until I was ready.”

“Are you ready now?” She asks, her face serious and looking an awful lot like her mama’s.

Ruffling her hair, I tease her. “What’s with all the questions? You’re sounding an awful lot like your Aunt Jen.”

When she doesn’t smile and looks down at her drink, the ache in my gut settles over my chest. Fuck. I don’t know if I’m equipped for this. I can sense the importance of this moment and I’m terrified I don’t have it in me to say or do the right things to help this little girl. The same little girl that just seven days ago became legally mine. All without a background check, security clearance, psych evaluation, or even references to show I was equipped for such a task.

But like I said, I can sense this is important, so I press past my fear and give her the reassurance I’m ready and that more than anything, I want to hear what she has to say.

“What is it Ally girl? Tell me what’s going on in that little head.”

With a shrug of her shoulders, those sad green eyes come back to mine, and with her words, she lands one final blow.

“I wish my dad was ready.”

Fuck! Emotion clogs up the back of my throat as my eyes burn. If I hated the man before, I beyond hate the motherfucker now. How could he do this to her? To Mallory? How could he walk away from his children, dooming them to an existence where they’re left wondering why they weren’t enough for him to want to be here with them?

But then again, isn’t that one of the reasons he came back? To right his wrongs by making sure someone was there to take his place. Someone who could be there for them and could help guide them through life so they wouldn’t succumb to the trauma of feeling abandoned. It’s why I’m here and why I signed those papers. To protect them. To help them feel chosen and loved. To help guide and support them through life’s struggles and hardships.

“Well, I’m here now, sweetheart. I don’t have that job anymore, so I’m back for you, your mom, your sister, and Aunt Jenny. Because I’m finally ready to have a family. No matter what, I’ll always be here for you.”

“Promise?”

Fuck. Just like her mom.

“Cross my heart, but just in case, let’s seal it with a pinky promise.”

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Author’s Note: 

This scene broke my heart! Like Lucas said, little Alyssa is wise beyond her years. Though she may not understand what's happening between her parents, she knows something isn't right. However, because she can tell her mom is saddened by the situation she chooses instead to internalize her struggle as she tried to understand. 

And Lucas... for a man who doesn't feel like he's equipped for the challenge of helping these little girls, he sure is good at it. I especially love how he goes out of his way to reassure her that he's back, and that he'll always be ther for her.

Now it's your turn. Tell me what you think of this chapter? Would you say that Lucas handled the situation well? 

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