“Ez!” A familiar voice called and I realized I was dreaming, the grass vibrant green and blowing in the gentle breeze around me.

“Lacey!” I called and went chasing after a small girl with onyx hair and blood-red eyes who was running through the field, “Princess wait!” I shouted before suddenly tripping over an exposed root and tumbling into a hole, the memory ending suddenly when someone shook me.

“Papa?” Celeste poked my nose and I realized we were still sitting in the cellar of Robin and Mads’ home.

It’s not a dream.

We’re actually here.

“Sorry I was dreaming,” clearing my throat, I yawned softly and hugged Celeste, “Robin?”

“Yes, your majesty?” Robin smiled at me from a small wood stove that was in the cellar.

“None of that. In… what you call the Land of Reason, I’m nothing more than a cook. But I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Where exactly are we?”

“The neutral zone,” Mads popped up from behind the couch, tumbling over the top of it, “no fights or arguments. No no no. No hunting for royals. Safe here, we are, and safe you will be if you listen to Robin and listen to me.”

“We’re in Wickersham Forest,” Robin sighed, “he’s right though. This is the neutral zone. The army of Nouvelle and the Emperor's false army cannot clash here. Anyone who resorts to violence in the neutral zone is cursed and dies immediately. It was a blessing created by the original Alice so that all peoples and creatures of the land are safe.”

“What is this world called?” Celeste bounced happily in my lap.

“Well it’s never really had a name, love,” Robin brought over a small bowl and handed it to me, “it’s porridge. All I can make down here. No one bothered to name all of the connecting lands. It’s just been the Kingdom of Nouvelle, the Kingdom of Serce, Wickersham Forest, and the Empire of Alanin. That’s where Emperor Myran is from. It’s to the south. Nouvelle to the west, Serce to the east, and Wickersham Forest is the center. There is nothing to the north as the border of Nouvelle and Serce meet at the grounds between the castles. Alanin was never a problem until you disappeared. As soon as you were gone, Myran raised up his army and took the Prince from Serce. Where the prince can take someone’s magic, you used to be able to give it. To grant people gifts. It was beautiful to see.”

“On the pretense that all of this is real… you knew me as a child?”

“We both did,” Robin smiled lovingly at Mads who ran over and kissed him softly on the cheek, “Oh stop that. I was training to be the royal chef. I made all of your meals with my parents. Mads well… I call him that and so did you but his name is Oleano, he’s just always been a bit off, he made clothes alongside his father. Beautiful gowns and robes fitting for someone at your station. When you disappeared, we lost hope. We were supposed to serve you. You had already decided that we would take our parents' positions and Leon would be your advisor.”

“Wait if… Leon is my older brother why would I be…” the same pang of a memory shot into my head and I clenched my jaw, my eyes tightly shut.

“Lost his memories he did,” Mads called softly, “locked them away.”

“I’m worried if I give you too much information you’ll have a shutdown,” Robin softly touched the top of my head and a warmth flooded through me, “it’s something that needs to be shared through experience. Seeing Mads and me should have helped you a bit. Gave you some memories.”

“Yes. A bit. I remembered his name as soon as I saw the both of you,” I gestured to Mads who was now eating with Celeste, “I was able to find this house because of the yellow smoke. It popped up in my mind.”

“You used to visit Mads here. This was his childhood home before he moved into the castle. We raised our many adopted children here. They’re all safe though. Part of the king's royal guard or training to be apothecaries now. King Chevalier sent a courier to us and offered safety for them. So we agreed. We trust in his judgment but we knew better than to leave this house. We had to wait. Even though it took 16 years.”

“For… oh,” I gasped quietly when I realized that he meant for me to return as I was 26 years old, “for me to come back. It’s been that long…"

“Yes. We assumed you had died or chosen that the life you had in the other Land was better than this one.”

“I suppose only one part of my life is better,” I gestured to Celeste who was showing Mads her stuffed cat as he smiled lovingly, clearly caring for her, “everything else is… bad. I have a wife there. Cassandra. She hurts us. The world there would be as strange to you as this one is to me right now simply because I can’t remember it and don’t want it to be real. But… if it is then what will they think happened to Celeste and me?”

“What were you doing when you fell back in?”

“Driving my car.”

“C… car?” He tilted his head confused as I got to my feet, setting my empty bowl of porridge on the table.

“Um… ah. Horse made of metal that uses a certain oil to make it move. They go incredibly fast and are highly dangerous. I guarantee my car crashed into a building.”

“Then they’ll presume you're dead or missing. Is that such a bad thing? If your life was so hard there, would it be so bad if they assumed you and the Princess had disappeared?”

I looked back at Celeste who was now quietly reading a book with Mads, a relaxed smile on her face as he was incredibly animated as he read to her, “No. Not if… not if I get to see her that happy. I used to tell her stories of this place. I thought it was… I thought I had made them up. Told her about a Prince from a forgotten land. I never…”

“Realized you were talking about yourself?” He gently rubbed my upper back.

“Yes. But I don’t know how to be a… to be a prince or king or… I’m a chef. That’s all I remember being. A chef, a father. The oldest of three kids with parents from a country called Germany. But I-I don’t look like them. I never have.”

“You look like Alice,” Mads called, “oh no I am wrong. Celeste looks like Alice. You look like your mum.”

“When you talk about Alice,” I came over and squatted down next to the chair he was sitting in with Celeste, “do you mean the original?”

“Oh yes oh yes I do. My great-grandma found her first, she did. Onnera and Hare. Found Alice in a tree just out there,” he pointed to the hatch, “but the tree is gone and the portal burnt up. No way to go back unless you wish enough. You wished to escape, to be someplace safe so you got to come home. With a princess in tow.”

“Hare?”

“Great-grandpa Hare looked like a rabbit,” he laughed, “with bushy ears and a nose that twitched.”

“The March Hare, Papa,” Celeste nodded, “Mads would be the Mad Hatter. Robin is the Cheshire Cat. You’re Alice. But everything else is different. This isn’t Wonderland. I like it though. Can we stay here?”

“We might have to, sweet pea,” I rubbed her arm softly, “but it sounds like we’ve fallen into the middle of a war. Something that Papa isn’t prepared to help with.”

“First step!” Robin threw the hatch open, letting out a sharp whistle and a small woman in bright red leather from head to toe fell through, “We need to get you to the castle in Nouvelle. Red, this is-“

“Prince Ezra,” she nodded, her eyes wide as she crossed her right arm across her chest and bowed at me, “you’ve returned.”

“D-don’t bow I…” I rubbed the nape of my neck, suddenly feeling awkward.

“He doesn’t remember,” Robin whispered, “he’s starting to gather a few things. Mostly him,” he gestured to Mads, “but I’ll take it.”

“I’m sure Nouvelle will help him,” Red smiled, “oh,” her gaze fell on Celeste, “did you adopt another orphan?”

“No,” Robin laughed, “Red, this is Princess Celeste. Daughter of Prince Ezra.”

“Oh, it’s been so long since we’ve had a princess!” Red beamed.

“That’s not true,” I shook my head, “who is Princess Lacey?”

Everyone looked at me before exchanging awkward glances for a moment, Robin finally breaking the silence with a loud groan.

“Oh of all the things you could have remembered! Princess Lacey is no longer the Princess. He is the Prince of Serce that we’re trying to find. Zarian. He goes by Zari.”

“Transgender then,” I nodded, fixing my hair and they all once again exchanged odd looks, “what?”

“What is that term?” Red poked me, “That’s a word we’re unfamiliar with as we’ve never had this happen here before.”

“Oh! In the Land of Reason sometimes a person is born in the wrong body. They may present as female at birth but know that they were meant to be born male even if their anatomy hadn’t realized that. So, transgender. Trans means across from. So transgender means to be born across from the gender you should have been. That’s all. There are procedures and medications that you can be given to help you be authentically yourself. Although, transgender people, those who identify as a member of the… you won’t know that term either as it seems that things like gender don’t matter when it comes to love here. It was illegal for two people of the same gender to marry for a long time. It still is in places. Some people are murdered for loving a person who is the same gender as them. It’s… not a welcoming place.”

“But Papa taught me that no matter who you love as long as they're nice then it’s okay,” Celeste smiled, “but Mommy was a witch. A mean mean lady. She hurt Papa a lot. She didn’t love him. Papa should be loved. He’s the best papa in the universe!”

“Oh Celeste,” I laughed, “thank you, baby.”

“The Land of Reason sounds unreasonable,” Red huffed, “I should be able to be with my wife if I want. But that’s for another time. We have very little time to get you and the Princess safely to your father. We have to leave now, Your Highness.”

“R… right,” I nodded, uncomfortable with the title she kept giving me, “Robin? Are you and Mads coming?”

“Not right now. I have to see if Dean and Dominick have found anything regarding Zarian. We have paths to the castle that will keep us hidden. We’ll be behind you soon. Maybe a week or two. Here,” he held out a leather satchel and I swung it over my shoulder, “food for you and the Princess. Oh and,” he looked at Mads who nodded and clapped his hands.

My clothes were suddenly replaced by a beautiful midnight blue cotton tunic with silver embroidery along the chest and matching pants, a hooded traveling cloak of silver settling on my shoulders and a pair of mid-calf black boots appeared at my feet that would make walking simpler. Celeste was now in a similar outfit to mine, however, everything was far softer shades, giving her an ethereal appearance, my daughter now looked as if she was a member of the fae. Robin quickly pulled Celeste’s hair into a high ponytail, tied it with a silver ribbon, and placed a small brooch on her chest before coming to me and pinning a larger but identical one to my tunic that had a small clover with vines of silver along the outside.

“What in the world are these pins?” I sighed, sitting on a stool and pulling the boots on, tying them as quickly as I could.

“They signify your place as Nouvellean royalty. Celeste has the one you wore as a child. King Chevalier had a new one made for you and entrusted it to me as the chances I’d find you first were high. We were correct. It will allow you to pass through the gates of the castle easily. The journey will be fine. Red knows the land better than anyone. She’ll stop at inns along the way so Celeste can rest. You’ll be at the castle in a week. The weather should hold but if not, Red’s magic is focused on shielding. She can create one for both of you that will keep you dry from the storm. With the Princess being able to use illumination magic, if you find that it’s too dark she can picture light and it will form. She’s still learning, her power is new so don’t be surprised if she struggles. But the best thing to do is know you’re safe with Red. Have trust in her. She is the second in command of the Knights of Nouvelle behind Prince Leon. She will deliver you safely to your family. To your father and brother.”

“They are unaware you’re coming,” Red helped Celeste into her boots before flipping the hood of her cloak up, “we thought it best that we limit the number of people that knew you had returned. Other than us three and the Emperor, no one will realize.”

“I trust you. I have no choice,” nodding, I took Celeste’s hand before turning to Mads and Robin, “When things are back to how they should be, I promise to reinstate you at the castle. But Robin, I could use a tactician. You’re clearly good at that sort of thing. Mads can continue to make clothes though. He’s fantastic at it.”

“I want nothing more than to cook in the royal kitchen your Highness,” Robin shook his head, “you have the best tactician in our lands at your side right now. Place Red in that spot and allow her to marry your brother finally.”

“I thought you had a wife?” I looked at Red confused.

“I do. But I can also have a husband. I’m tired of simply being his consort along with Peri. We wish to marry him. He refused to marry until you came home.”

“Whatever you want. But all of this hinges on our ability to stop Myran.”

“And we will. With you back, we can find Prince Zarian. But we must reunite you with your family. Regain your power and memories.”

“Alright. Then let’s go.”

“Alright,” Red smiled with a nod and we climbed out of the cellar, Celeste on my back.

Step one.

Find Castle Nouvelle.

This is my life.

My true life I suppose.

How did I ever forget it?