“Prince Ezra? What are you doing out here? It is so late,” Antoni called from behind me as I ran a small knife down the wooen shaft of an arrow I was carving, “how are you doing that in the dark?”

“I can see perfectly fine,” I nodded, continuing what I was doing.

As soon as Zarian was bathed, fed, and properly dressed I attended to Celeste, spending some time with her as I hadn’t managed to since we had reached Nouvelle and I was feeling guilty. Once I had her asleep, I checked on a few small things around the castle before heading onto the training field, wanting to try archery once again as I hadn’t used a bow in 16 years. However, all of the arrows I had found were damaged, incapable of use as I wanted. Due to this, I climbed through a few trees that littered the area around the training grounds and began to cut down branches, piling all of them so that I could create a new quiver full for myself.

“But why are you doing it now?” Antoni sat on the empty stool next to me and I sighed softly.

“Because I cannot sleep. Too much has happened and I can no longer keep up. I needed something to do that shut off my mind. I can craft arrows quickly without much thought. I was going to practice shooting. To shut up the racing thoughts in my head.”

“Is it due to Lord Zarian’s return?”

“Yes.”

“Did your feelings for him return?”

Shrugging, I tossed one of the arrows into a small pile I had already created, “I have no idea. We planned an entire future together as it was what was expected of us, but if there were emotions involved, I don’t know. He’s in no place to love right now.”

“Then when the war is over we need to start finding you a proper partner if Zarian won’t do,” he nodded, “I’m sure there is someone in the village that would adore being with you. But that is a low priority right now. So much needs to be done. Now that Alanin knows Lord Zarian and Lady Sidra are gone, they will come to Nouvelle in full force.”

“That’s what I am preparing for,” nodding, I slung my quiver across my back and grabbed my recurve bow, heading to the dummies I could safely shoot at, “it’s been so long.”

“It should be instinctual,” Antoni watched as I got into position and he let out a soft sigh, “no, my liege,” he gently touched my elbow, pushing it down slowly, his other hand coming to my hip as he adjusted my stance, “there,” he whispered, still gripping my hip, his cheek against my back.

“Antoni?” I swallowed thickly.

“Now. Breathe in and as you breathe out, release the arrow.”

I did as he instructed, my arrow immediately hitting the dummy square in the chest, “oh. You were right. Instinctual.”

“Very good. A moving target is harder but this shows us that you remember. That it is natural to you. Are you… Prince Ezra, are you planning to join the battle?”

“I… don’t think so. No. I may take to the walls to fire arrows but I will not leave the castle unguarded. Do we have a plan for the children?”

“Mads is going to take all of them to Wickersham Forest through the mirror. Celeste shall be joining. Morgan is coming along to assist with care. They are safe in the forest. It is undamageable.”

“Good. And you? Where shall you be?” I turned around, setting my bow carefully on the ground.

“I am trained as a soldier. I will be on the front line.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Prince Ezra,” his eyes grew wide, “I must be. It’s what I was trained to do. To protect Nouvelle.”

“I won’t allow it. Zarian will need a guard. He cannot leave the castle.”

“He’s going with Mads and Morgan. I will be on the front line. Why are you so worried?”

“You… could die,” I whispered, gently touching his cheek, “I don’t want you to die Antoni. I would be unable to handle that. I need you to live.”

“For what purpose?”

“Didn’t you promise to serve as my advisor until the day I am gone? As my closest ally? How will I manage a kingdom without you?”

“You’ll have Lord Zarian,” he swallowed thickly, “you won’t…”

“I will need you,” I whispered, “please. Is there any other position you can take during a battle?”

“I’m… as skilled as you with a bow. I could be on one of the walls…”

“Then stationed there you will be. Promise that you won’t leave my side. Swear it. From this moment forward, you will be at my side, Antoni.”

“Prince Ezra,” he gasped quietly when I covered his mouth with my hand, shaking my head slowly.

“Promise me,” I whispered, “promise that you will do everything in your power to stay at my side and I will do everything in mine to keep you with me. You were right,” laughing softly, I rubbed his cheek with my fingers and he visibly shivered, “I need to see you as you are now. So beautiful. Shining. You glow, Antoni. It’s beautiful to see. Am I the only one who can see the golden glow?”

“Yes,” he nodded, covering the hand I had on his cheek with his own, “as I’m the only one who can see it on you.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Antoni. How? How can someone become so important so quickly? Is it a memory? Based on nostalgia? Or are you just… meant to be here with me?”

“I can’t answer that,” he shrugged, smiling, “but I… I promise. I already told you I want nothing more than to serve at your side.”

“And when I’m gone?”

“I will serve Celeste and her children and their children until I am too old and rejoin the land.”

“Will you remember me?”

“Oh yes,” he whispered, laying his hand on my chest, “absolutely. I will be incapable of forgetting my soul bond with you.”

“I wish it was safe here,” I pressed my forehead to his, my free hand wrapping into his hair, “I want to ensure your safety and I can’t do that.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Always.”

“I searched everywhere for you. Traveled all of Nouvelle trying to find you. I realized that you were in the land of reason and very nearly threw myself into a portal to try and find you. But logic won because the likelihood I would remember where I was, who I was looking for was low. Add to that the fact we probably wouldn’t have landed in the same area and I decided against it. Decided to simply… wait for you. You finally came home,” he leaned back and smiled, “and are exactly who I hoped you would be.”

“Antoni…” I whispered, “Thank you. For waiting…”

“I was never going to marry until you returned. Actually, I have no plans to marry.”

“Not even me?”

“Ezra,” he rolled his eyes, “you’re not supposed to marry me. You’re supposed to marry Zarian.”

“I don’t care about that! My god, you’re all so stubborn! It should be my choice!” I shouted and Antoni stared at me in shock.

“Prince Ezra… I’m going to head into the castle. I have some work to get done before I retire for the night,” Antoni pulled away from me quickly, taking a few steps back, “sleep well.”

“Antoni…”

“Goodnight,” he spun on his heel and rushed into the castle and I could feel my heart shatter for a moment, the healing pieces breaking and I clutched my chest, finding it difficult to breathe.

If I hurt his feelings…

If I startle him…

It hurts me too.

That’s how powerful a spirit bond is.

Terrifying.

Shaking it off, I slowly worked through firing arrows, trying to calm myself before I snapped and threw my bow as hard as I could against one of the castle walls, the wood splintering immediately.

“Acts of emotion are rare from you,” Chevalier called, coming down the stairs that led to the back hall of the castle, “what troubles you?”

“Antoni,” I muttered, raking a hand through my hair.

“Ah. Yes, I can see how he would be confusing.”

“We have a spirit bond. Something I never knew existed even as a child. Now if he’s hurting, I am. It’s confusing and painful. I am already struggling, it’s been less than 2 weeks since I’ve returned. I can’t handle all of this. What should I do, Father?”

“Do you want to go back to the Land of Reason? You can. If you simply want to go back, forget all of us, no one will stop you.”

“I… why in the world would I do that?

“I’m just giving you an option, my child,” he patted my back softly before looking up at the sky, “do you wish to marry?”

“I am in no place to marry anyone. It hasn’t been long enough away from Cassandra to consider that. I may not have loved her in two years, but that doesn’t mean I can suddenly marry another. I will not be forced into it. I want to make my own choices.”

“And you will. Even if you were supposed to marry Zarian when you were young, I never would have made you do it. I want you to be happy, Ezra. Marry who you wish. One person or two. Five. I don’t care. Just be happy.”

“What do I do?” I sighed, “I need advice.”

“Heal. I never remarried after your mother because she took part of my spirit with her when she was gone. How do you feel being away from… her name is Cassandra yes?”

“Yes. I feel… happy. Relieved. I’m not scared anymore. But 8 days away from Arizona is not enough time for me to suddenly move on and I feel like things are being expected of me that I am simply not ready for. We have bigger problems to deal with than who I’m going to marry.”

“That we do. When the war is over, when Alanin is finally crushed, we can come back to this. Okay?”

“Okay,” nodding, I walked over to my bow and picked it up, groaning, “I broke it.”

“I had one made especially for you. It’s sitting in the armory. But it is very late. Please get some rest. There will be plenty of time to practice over the next few days. We are still strategizing the best way to take over Alanin. To begin the battle. I am going to talk with Leon and Red tomorrow and when we have a plan, I will call for you. You can be the one to tell us if it’s misguided. Between you and Antoni we will know the best way to proceed.”

“Start with Serce,” I tossed my knife into the air and caught it by the handle, smiling as I twirled it through my fingers, “I don’t remember being this agile.”

“No one is as agile as Red,” Chevalier laughed, “but you were never far behind. Did none of this transfer when you were in the Land of Reason?”

“Oh, I suppose some of it did,” nodding, I followed him into the castle, “I was highly capable with a knife when I would cook. A lot of chefs when they are learning will cut themselves as they learn to go quicker. But I never did. I could always avoid Cassandra when she would throw things at me. Dodge them as though I had foresight as to where the item was going to go. I suppose I did.”

“That you did,” he ruffled my hair and I laughed quietly, “I missed you, son. I am very proud of the man you’ve grown into. I hope that your heart and spirit heal quickly. Just believe in yourself and the support you have from your true family. Know that we love you.”

“I love you as well, father. May I ask something?”

We came to a stop outside of the throne room and Chevalier linked his hands, setting them against his stomach before nodding, clearly curious.

“Tell me more about Leon’s blood lust.”

“He has very little control of his emotions and impulses. Be it happiness, lust, anger. He has only mild control over how he reacts to stimuli. He has always been this way and I have no idea how to curb it.”

“Because you can’t,” shaking my head, I smiled, “It sounds like mental health conditions in the Land of Reason are also part of Tadreprospera. He has bipolar disorder. Decreased need for sleep, accelerated speech, agitation, irritability from nowhere, overconfidence, impulsive and risky behavior. Unfortunately, I doubt that there is any way to help him here. He needs medications and therapy but again… we can’t get him that here. The best thing we can do is keep him safe. Try and talk him out of the riskier behaviors. It sounds like Red and Peri are already incredibly good at that. He loves them entirely and wouldn’t allow anything to take him from them. So while he will be impulsive, reckless, things like that, trust that he is safe with them. I just wanted to know if I could understand what was going on with Leon. It’s nice to have that answer.”

“It’s nice to have words for these things. I remember wishing I had one for the feelings I had when I lost you and your mother. It went deeper than sadness or despair.”

“Depression,” I squeezed his arm softly, “the one difference between grief and depression is the fact that you allowed yourself to be isolated. By locking yourself away in the castle, you never had a support system. Leon and I were too young and there was no one else you could rely on. Then, I was gone. That would have made it worse. Have you had time to work through any of it? To understand that you were never to blame for Mother’s death or me disappearing as long as I did?”

“I did,” he smiled, “I will never marry again but I have also accepted that Clarissa would be angry if she saw me walking through the castle as a ghost. I threw myself entirely into ensuring that when you finally came home, I never gave up hope, that the castle would be in a position that you would be able to take over. I now know that I have a lot to teach you. But we will get there.”

“That we will.”

“Get some sleep. I will see you for council tomorrow.”

“Goodnight,” nodding, I headed back down the hallway and up the flight of stairs that led to my chamber.

“Ezra?” Zarian called as I walked past his bedroom and I stopped, slowly opening the door to find him sitting up, staring out of the window, “I thought that was you.”

“Why are you awake?” I stayed in the doorway, resting my hand against the doorjamb, “you need rest to heal.”

“I have slept for years. I have no need for it. Can you assist me?”

“Where do you wish to go?”

“The fields. I want to look at the stars.”

“I can’t carry you that far, Zari. But,” slowly, I picked him up and carried him over to the balcony, setting him on a small bench that sat out there, his back against the wall and I took the spot next to him, “we can see them here.”

“Ezra. What do I do now?”

“Live for yourself I suppose,” shrugging, I watched as the suns began to rise over the hills, “well it is far later than I thought it was. I must have been out on the archery range longer than I thought.”

“I know. I could hear you talking to Antoni. It is right below us after all. He is determined for us to marry, isn’t he?”

“I think he’s worked himself into a point that he believes I will never choose to be with him. That he can’t compare to you, so why try? But I am in no position to love or marry anyone right now. I am still healing from my marriage in the Land of Reason. Asking me suddenly who I intend to marry after being back here for so little time isn’t fair of anyone.”

“It’s because you are supposed to step into the role of the King. The King must have a spouse and until you do, you won’t be allowed to take over. So they are trying to have an understanding of how to prepare the kingdom. If… I know everyone keeps asking, if you were to choose, who would it be? You can pick me. Or Antoni. Or both. Or no one.”

“Um you and Antoni I suppose,” I whispered quietly and a flash of yellow hair appeared in the archery ground, “oh.”

“He’s looking for you,” Zarian smiled, “go on.”