Amalia

Oh, oh, here I go!

I'm about to discover which emotion will rule me because I've been drifting between anger at Talan for avoiding me, embarrassment for being a fool, hurt because he crushed me, and sadness that he's leaving.

Talan thinks he left his wallet at Kade and Kinsley's house and asks to use the phone to check if it's there. 

"You don't have to ask," Jaxon says as Talan enters the doorway, practically vibrating with cheerful energy; his eyes widen when he spots me on the sofa, and to my horror, his charming smile fades, and he abruptly stops. 

"What's up, Ama?" The casualness of his greeting pierces like a hornet sting, sudden, sharp, and painful. 

I want to die and find it hard to look at him, but I force myself to respond likewise. "Nothing much."

He reaches for the back of his neck and rubs at it, looking away. "I'm gonna use the phone."

"Go!" Jaxon nudges him forward and follows him into the kitchen.

Erik's hand squeezes my shoulder after they're gone. He was near me through the awkward interaction, but it was as if he had vanished and re-appeared. I bite my lip and then try to smile. I don't need to say anything because he sees everything. It's his gift. I've always admired how he could be there for someone and still mind his business.

I should go to my bedroom now, but I don't want to show my wounded heart, so I stay where I am, and Erik sits beside me.

When Talan gets off the phone, he, Jaxon, and Mom come into the living room, take seats, and chat happily, oblivious to my inner turmoil because, for me, it feels like the end of the world.

Mom and the boys are wondering about campus life, the rules, and the ways to keep in touch. I wonder whether he'll find a "serious" relationship like Jaxon did this summer or his parents did when they went there. Will he turn to someone when he gets lonely?

Lost in thought, I keep my face down, pretending to read the magazine, realizing that though his disappearance and indifference more than injure me, the pain pales compared to how I feel from being unable to see him anymore. I can't look forward to him like I did every day since he knocked on our door. It's the actual reason I won't face him. If I do, he'll see how much I care about him. How much I'll miss him. How much I want to cry. In all reality, I might tear up, and everyone else will see it, too.

A recognizable difference in Talan's tone, sounding drained of his earlier liveliness as he responds to Jaxon about being able to take a cell phone, makes me lift my head. "I could if I had one. But I'll try to call you guys when I can somehow."

He's in a funk now, and I have no doubts I caused it.

"Talan will be back before we know it," Mom says, "And you could always write to each other."

Jaxon and Talan smirk, making faces.

She catches it. "Why? Am I missing something? What's wrong with writing?"

"Writing's for wusses," Jaxon says, "Girls and wusses."

"Is that a weird rule I don't know about? Guys can't write to guys. That's a stupid rule. Can they at least write to girls?" She looks over at me.

Irritation rises in me, and I scrunch my face at her.

"We could take laptops if we have one, which I don't, and they have a computer lab, but we're only supposed to use them for schoolwork. So, they say. Maybe we can email people. Gage says they get around some rules all the time."

"Are you going to prison or school? Because it sounds like it sucks," Erik says.

Jaxon chuckles, but Talan only shrugs. "It must not. Everyone wants to go back every year."

Jaxon adds his two cents worth. "I can see why everyone goes back. All those girls and no parents. I'll tell you what rules they're getting around."

"Jaxon!" Mom glares, then changes her sudden raspy voice back to normal. "Well, there it is. Talan will call and email when he can. And, like I said. You can always keep in touch the old-fashioned way, eh, Talan?"

With a teasing expression, Jaxon asks, "Who did you promise that to?"

Talan responds in a flat tone, appearing not to notice the razz. "Ah, I'm not pen-pal material. I, uh, promised nobody anything."

His eyes meet mine.

What's that supposed to mean?

I won't wait around to find out. I spring up, clenching the magazine, stroll out the back door, and drag a lawn chair to the secluded corner nook behind the house to hide from everyone.

I'm not out there long when Talan's deep voice interrupts my useless page-flipping. "So, Ama..."

Hardening my expression to mask all my feelings, I lift my head.

"Um, I'm taking off now."

Hesitation keeps me seated for a few seconds, but I'll have to power through, so I stand up. "All right. Have a safe trip, and I hope you like your new school."

He takes a fast, lengthy stride toward me. "Look, Ama, I'm sorry I didn't come over. I should have. I wish I did."

Relief washes over me. I didn't realize how much I needed Talan's apology until he gave it. "I'm sure you had a good reason."

He gulps and glances to the side, pushing his fingers through his short hair before turning to me. "I had a reason."

Whatever the reason, he was struggling with telling me about it. I know he doesn't have an optimal home life, so I can't fault him for it if that's why he didn't drop by.

"I told you it's all right. Just forget about it." I try to reassure him with a smile.

"Are you sure?"

I nod and switch the conversation to the bluish bruise on the tip of his chin by pointing at it. "I couldn't see that inside the house."

"I took a weak uppercut. It bruised, but if there was something real behind it. It might have dropped me." He's semi-smiling, and the return of enthusiasm to his body language makes me feel much better than I did when he first arrived.

"Does it hurt?"

"If I press on it. It could have been worse. I could be showing up to school with a busted face, looking like a troublemaker on day one. It was stupid, and I could have gotten Kade hurt. He got in the way, trying to break it up the wrong way and at the wrong time."

"It sounded like he was trying to keep you from kicking that guy in the head or somewhere else and getting into serious trouble."

"I know, and that kills me when I think about it because I pushed him aside way too hard without meaning to, but if the other two guys jumped into that fight, Kade wouldn't have let me fight alone."

"Right." I bite my lip, reigning in my upward-turning mouth as I decide to tease him. "I heard it was over a girl."

A large, dazzling smile pops on his face like the one he was wearing when he first walked through the door, and he laughs. "Not me. I wasn't fighting over a girl. He was."

We're smiling and staring at each other, and I'm happy that, while not entirely back to normal, it feels good between us.

Casually stretching his arms above his head, he tells me it's time to go and says, "I wish I could stay longer, but I've got to get my wallet, run some errands, and finish packing."

I want to tell him to call, email, write, or help me figure out how to keep in touch with him, but I say nothing on my mind. "I get it."

We hug goodbye, and as we're parting, he says, "I'll see you Christmas vacation." To my shock, he lifts my chin, leaning toward me, his lips touching my cheek with a softness that sends a warm sensation through me; I light up like a beacon because, to my heart, it's a promise.

As he walks away, I yell at him. "No fighting!"

He pauses and turns back, wearing a just as revealing smile. "I'll do my best to do it only in the ring." I watch him go, more than optimistic that we're onto something about to be remarkable when he comes home.

I'm elated, drifting into the house and up to my room until it dawns on me ... Talan is gone.