Its Friday evening, as I am laying down on the hard dirty floor and listening to depressed cringe songs that I stumbled on. I think, or I just clicked on it intentionally, wanting to feel this way. Wanting to feel even more worthless I guess, I don't know.. I hear my parents downstairs talking. I close my ears with my sweaty fingers and listen to my heartbeat and breathing. Everything is so quiet. Why can't it be this way always? Why is the world so loud.

I wake up from my alarm clock or well my phone thats under my pillow. I look at the time and snooze it. 10 minutes later another alarm goes off from my phone. I once again snooze it and do this for at least 2-4 times. Then I realise I am late - as usual. While I am trying to wake up, I hear my mom already being historical and realising she is late bringing her son to school, as always. I do not understand how she does not realise after growing 3 kids and 5 days a week bringing them to school, that doing last minute things will result in being late - most of the time then. Not that I am that different, maybe thats the only thing I am similar with my parents. Doing last minute things and coming late.

I get to my school walking.. Normally I would go with the bus but I am late and missed it. Walking it is. Not that I mind it that much, its good for you. I think? My leg begins to hurt, to be precise my right leg. Don't know why, don't care.

As I walk into my school I already see the receptionist looking at me knowing that I am late and knowing that she will tell the woman that directs those sort of things. Whatever. What will she do? Bite? As I am walking to my locker I see kids looking weird at me, I think? I don't have my lenses in - as always. I don't like to see their faces. Why should I see their face when I already know they’re expression? The expression of looking at someone that you don't know but you know you don't like the person or some sort of opinion. I don't want to know their opinion. I want to say to myself that I am fine as I am. But I am not, my god I can't even look myself in the eyes. I am such a weirdo.

After I opened my locker I looked at my phone for the time. I feel my heart racing and my breathing increases by the second, I honestly don't understand myself. Why the fuck do I care about persons when they don't care about me and most likely think I am ugly. And I know that they think that, they said it themselves that I am ugly. Not that I can say that I disagree, it’s true. But I do want to stop being ridicules.

I walk the classroom in with some confident that I got from Radiohead. Not that it matters because it instantly went away. For some reason I couldn't breath for a moment when I saw their blurry faces. I don't understand myself, not at all. I hear voices. 

"My day is much better now" What? Go fuck yourself honestly.

I walk to my "friends", Eleanor & Chris. They are fine I guess. Eleanor honestly doesn't care about anyone and only herself and Chris appears to be nice but is not. It’s actually quite funny how much he lies and acts. But whatever, 2 months and I am gone from this shit hole.