Amalia

The light snowfall dusting the area this morning had almost melted away. Although it is chilly out, it isn't cold enough to keep people indoors. It's a beautiful winter day, and Talan should be getting home anytime, making my day a trillion times brighter.

I breathe in the smell of fresh-cut pine at the Christmas Tree Market, which puts me in a Christmas mood, then rearrange my scarf and tuck my chilled hands into my coat pockets as Dad and I search for the perfect one. Trailing behind him, I plow into the chest of a body as I round a row of tall, broad Christmas trees.

Tarran is swift on the reflexes, clutching my shoulders and steadying me upright. "Ama, are you okay?"

"Tarran!" Tarran is one of Talan's closest friends from childhood who also goes to Chemawa. I spread open my arms, giving him a colossal welcome-back hug. I'm dancing inside at the sight of him. "Better than okay. You're back!"

"Well, I guess you're all right then," Dad gives me one of his typical looks. This one shows he doesn't quite understand today's teenagers' behavior. "Good to see you, Tarran," he says as he walks away.

"You too, Mateo!"

Seeing Tarran means Talan is home. I can't wait to see him or contain my excitement as I ask, "Where is he? Did he go home or to the Walkers?"

"J? I should have known it wasn't me who put the humongous grin on your face."

The speculative nature of the quirked eyebrow on Tarran's too-slender face makes me stop to take a calming breath.

"I take it you missed him?"

"Oh, we all did."

"His dad picked him up when they dropped us all off at the school on the rez. He said he was going home first but was eager to see everybody, so I'm sure he'll show up in New Sable soon."

I turn toward my dad, willing him to hurry and pick a tree. Finding the perfect evergreen isn't nearly as important to me as it was a moment earlier.

"Hey. You'll probably see Talan before I do. Can you give him this?" Tarran retrieves something from his jacket pocket and then holds out a piece of beaded jewelry interlaced with colorful little gemstones. "He left it on the bus."

"What is it?" I reach for the pretty strand of beads.

"Something for some girl."

The beads slide through my fingers, sinking to the damp ground as the air swooshes from my lungs.

"Oops." Tarran leans his thin, lanky body over to retrieve them.

"His girlfriend?" The question fell out of my mouth, but I'm listening wholeheartedly for every returned word.

"Could be. He didn't say, and I didn't ask."

The knowledge that Talan found a girlfriend he cares enough about to buy jewelry for her floors me. Though I always knew and feared the possibility, I wasn't prepared for it. The memory of his hand snug with mine, the sweet, soft kiss he placed on my cheek, and the smile he graced me with before he left gave me enough hope to think it wouldn't happen.

My exhilaration suddenly plummets, leaving me with a lump in my throat. I drop my gaze away from Tarran, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I ignore his outstretched hand as I clear the sudden waterworks from the corners of my eyes.

Tarran's eyes shoot open, and his face shows his conclusion as he blurts out. "Amalia, Talan never said..." He makes a fist around the beads.

With a lift of my hand, I interrupt him, covering my nose with the other hand like I'm staving off a sneeze. "It's allergies. Standing by these trees isn't helping." I twist toward Dad with a determined attempt to get myself together, focusing on him to buy some time as he walks around another tree, inspecting it. Blinking my eyes to prevent more moisture, I'm not about to let Tarran, or anyone else, witness my tears and my stupid behavior.

Dad points at the tree. I smile and holler, nodding my head. "I like it!" Passing my smile from him to Tarran, I face Tarran's questioning stare. He fidgets noticeably uneasy. It's obvious he's concerned with my initial response. "No, Ama. You were about to cry."

I wouldn't have guessed he could be so blunt.

"Cry ... Cry for what?" I fake a sniffle while rubbing my eyes like something irritates them.

"I didn't mean to make it sound like Talan has a girlfriend because he doesn't."

"Like I care." I fake a laugh. "Whether he does or not is none of my business. I don't know why I asked."

"Don't act like that, Ama."

"Like what? I'm not acting like anything. I don't care what Talan does. Why would I?"

"At school, he told me all about you and him holding hands at the movies. I just forgot."

I drop my head, giving up on my facade. I hate that Tarran's revelation surprised me so much that I couldn't don the mask I had always worn.

Dad pays for the plump Christmas tree and starts hauling it down the path to the truck.

"You're right, Tarran. I'm sure I behaved like an idiot enough for one day. So, I care. You don't need to backpedal or cover anything up for Talan. It's not like I can do anything about it, and I don't want to anyway. We should just drop it." There isn't any point in continuing our discussion. "I have to go."

"Listen to me, Ama!"

I roll my eyes. The impulse to cover my ears like I did when I was younger whenever Erik and Jaxon teased me to death tempts me. I don't want to hear anything more about Talan. Or the girlfriend he doesn't have but bought jewelry for, anyway.

Tarran smooths a hand over the slicked-back hair tied into a ponytail. "Honest. Talan never said who it was for. He doesn't have a girlfriend. I wasn't thinking." He points at me. "And you're jumping to conclusions."

Dad calls out from beside the truck. "Amalia!"

I lift my hand, signaling for him to hold on while I repeat Tarran's "could be" and "some girl" in my mind, staring at Tarran. "Maybe I jumped to a conclusion, and he doesn't have a girlfriend. There is some girl, though, right?"

Tarran's brows wrinkled, his distress visible. He puckers his lips, pointing them sideways before answering. "I... I really don't know."

"Stop it now, Tarran! You wanted me to listen to you, so tell me."

"Shit." Bowing his head, he let out a rough sigh. "There's no one special."

My stomach turns.

Tarran throws his head back, looking into the sky. "Ugh, Talan is gonna pound me for this. He will ... Okay, he went out with some girls, but I know there's nobody he's serious about at school. That's the truth, Amalia."

Some? Dad calls my name again. "I'm coming, Dad!"

My misguided heart is aching while my levelheaded mind is trying to rationalize. Do I have a right to feel betrayed? I shrug. "Nothing happened between me and Talan, anyway. The movie was a fluke occurrence. He doesn't owe me anything, and I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell him we saw each other today."

"I'll second that." He sighs in relief, wiping a hand across his brow.

"I better go." I turn away.

"Ama!" Tarran reaches out, touching my shoulder, and I turn back to face him. His features are set sternly, but his narrowed hazel eyes are softened with sincerity. "Talan wishes something would happen between you two. It's true, Ama. I know it as a fact he does. Just give him a chance."

I force a meaningless smile, drowning in my pain and confusion.

As soon as I get home, I purposely forget to mention Talan is back and tell everyone I'm not feeling well as I haul myself up to my room, wanting nothing but to be alone. I had looked forward to his homecoming for four months. Now, I only want to forget that the womanizer Talan Swifthawk exists.