Talan

As I bounce from the bus, a chilly breeze greets me. I have my jacket draped over one shoulder and my backpack hanging off the other, so I quickly tug the coat over my thin sweatshirt and inhale the fresh outside air. I'm finally home, and my anticipation of seeing Amalia is overflowing. Thoughts of her occupied me throughout the entire bus ride. But irritation overshadows my excitement as I climb into my dad's truck and realize that spending time with my family before I can see her comes first. 

Aunt Rayna fixes a home-cooked snack for Kinsley, me, and Kade, and they clue me in on anything I missed while I was away. It doesn't sound like I missed much. There's hardly any excitement in New Sable or our reservation; all that ever changes is people's ages.

Kinsley and Aunt Rayna leave the kitchen when Kade and I turn our conversation to boxing. After they're gone, the conversation quickly changes to girls. Kade tells me of some girls he'd gone out with, and it's music to my ears when he chats about a girl named Everleigh, who he describes as beautiful and liked a lot. It was too bad it didn't work out; I'm proud to hear he dumped her as soon as she tried to play him. I'd never put up with shit like that. As I listen to him, I get the impression his crush on Amalia is in the past and ask, "I take it you don't like Ama anymore?"

He lifts his head from the plate of macaroni and cheese he's shoveling into his mouth and cocks it, staring at me with a puzzled look, then gulps the bite he's chewing. "What makes you say that?"

Taken aback, I shrug and step away from our conversation. I'm offended that he's going out with other girls, yet claims he still likes Amalia. 

Until I remember, I do it too. How wrong is that?

Sure, I've hooked up with an occasional girl if I thought I liked her. All I keep finding out is she's not the girl for me. Nothing ever lasted. No matter how cool a girl was to hang out with or how hot she was to look at, it always got old fast. I couldn't even call those times going out. They were more like hanging out. Trying to date another girl left me thinking about Amalia. It made me notice how I don't stop feeling about her. I never stop thinking about her or wishing for her, no matter her proximity to me.

It didn't feel wrong because Amalia and I weren't a couple, but it didn't sound good when I heard it coming from Kade's mouth. I'm considering this when Kade says something that sounds like he went out with Amalia. I tense, tapping at my ear with my fingertips, wondering if I heard him correctly. "Hold on. Say that again."

"I said. The best part about the Everleigh mistake is that it led to me going out with Amalia. We went to the holiday dance together." A prideful glimmer shines in his eyes. "That's what I've been getting to all this time."

"Oh, yeah?" I swallow hard, breathing a lung full of air and letting my breath out as he says they only went as friends. But to him, it's more than that.

Excitement buzzes in his voice as he re-caps their evening. "She said it was the most fun she's had in months. She told me she was glad she went with me, and then we..." He stops talking with a mysterious grin.

I slant an eyebrow, leaning forward and waiting for him to finish. "You what?" 

He pauses and rubs his lips together as he glances away, then leans back in his chair. "We had fun, that's all. It's a start, though. Don't you think?" 

"Yep, it's a start." In actuality, it is a start. Anger and jealousy towards him well up inside me. I clear my throat and muster the strength to say, "Good deal," keeping eye contact as I rise from the table to clean my plate. 

I thought the situation would fix itself if I left things alone. Kade's crush on Amalia would disappear, or he'd put her in a position where she'd have to tell him she wasn't interested, hinging on the very idea she wasn't.

I would have been insanely selfish over her if it were another guy. This is Kade; he looks up to me. What am I supposed to do now? I'm to the point where I don't want to step aside, cousin or no cousin. I return to the table and pay little attention to his story about the football season. 

The more he talks, the more he gets on my nerves. It relieves me when Aunt Rayna makes him chop firewood before we can leave to see everyone. This gives me time to learn what's happening between Kade and Amalia. 

Kinsley is alone in the living room, on the sofa, slumped over with her elbows on her knees, holding the Xbox controller, her eyes glued to the TV screen, and playing Halo. 

"Kinsley, can I talk to you for a minute?" 

"As soon as I'm done here. I'm on a roll."

"Pause it!" Snatching the controller from her hands, I lift her from the sofa and drag her into the guest room, commonly known as my room.

"What are you doing?" She scowls with a raised voice. "That was the furthest I've ever been!"

"I just want to ask you something." I close the door, and so she can't escape; I lean, holding it closed, contemplating how to begin. Kinsley knows Kade likes Amalia, and according to her, I can only talk about Amalia after speaking to Kade about her. She's my only source of information, though. "Did Ama mention me while I was away?"

"Ah, Talan! It's called plausible deniability, remember?" Before she sits on the bed, she shoves my duffle bag aside with force. "I'm not getting involved in any shape, way, or form, so don't even ask."

"I'm just trying to figure out where I stand." I stare at her, urging her to say something with my stern expression, but she keeps shaking her head.

"Come on, Kinsley! This isn't just about me. It's about Kade and Amalia, too. If I knew beyond a doubt that she likes him and not me, I wouldn't interfere with them." I stop short of saying, "I think."

She scans me with skepticism. "Yeah, right."

My stubborn younger cousin, who acts older than her age, is about to make our talk way more complicated than it needs to be. "I wouldn't! Kade is the main reason I stayed away from Amalia all this time. You already know that. So, is she into him now or what?"

"She didn't say that to me, if that's what you're asking." A harsh breath rushes from her. "Talan, you know how I feel about this. You're not being fair to me by putting me in the middle. If he asked, I wouldn't talk to Kade about you and Amalia."

"Why can't you just tell me, Kins? It'll be easier for all of us. I promise."

She grimaces, cutting her eyes away from me, then huffs. "All right, I'll tell you what I think. If you had asked me that question two days ago? I would have told you no. Kade doesn't have a chance. But now ... I'm not sure. He might. You need to ask Amalia."

"No. I'm not doing that. Has Amalia mentioned anything specifically about me?"

"Just that she hoped you would have called her or something."

"I hoped she would answer the phone at least once when I could call over there. I wanted to avoid causing problems if I asked Jaxon to speak to her. He probably would've hung up on me. Is that all she said?"

"The last time we talked about you was before the dance, and she was looking forward to you coming home." Relief runs through me despite her emphasis on the word before. "She's openly said she likes you." 

Joy swells up in me, and I accidentally smile. 

Kinsley catches me and stiffens, her expression appalled as she adds with bitterness. "So, you've got that over on my brother."

Ouch! 

She just as well kicked me in the shin. Her tone makes me see how upset I'm making her. Kade is her twin, and I'm putting her on the spot; she probably feels like she's betraying him. Despite my first happiness, I suddenly feel guilty about asking her anything. "I'm sorry, Kinsley. You're right. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. You know I would never purposely hurt Kade. I'm trying not to here."

The whiny tone of her voice sounds like she's pleading with me. "I know that. It's just that ... It broke Kade when things didn't work out with him and Everleigh. He won't admit it, but it did. You should have seen him, Talan. And I felt it. Even though I'm unsure how Amalia feels about him, I know how she feels about you." 

Unbeknownst to Kinsley, her words told me more than I could have hoped. I bite the insides of my cheeks to hide all my elatedness and excitement.

"I don't want to see him hurt again. I'm afraid that'll happen if you go over there and try to pick up with Ama where you left off."

"I don't want to see him hurt! I don't want him pissed off at me, either. But how is it fair to Amalia if she's waiting for me to come home? Or what about me?"

"It's not fair. That's why I can't get involved in whatever you all do, and that's why I can't know anything about it."

"So ... do you think I should wait until Kade's over this Everleigh girl?"

She rolls her eyes and snaps at me. "I didn't say that! I said, do what you want, Talan. Just leave me out of it!"

"Okay, Kinsley. Jeez!" I sigh and rub my face. "Can I at least ask you this? If I waited until summer because I'll only be here for ten days, do you think Kade will give me the same courtesy and not interfere?"

In disbelief, her jaw drops. "You'd risk the possibility she could fall for Kade or some other guy in the meantime? May is months away."

I ask if it's an enormous risk.

"It's a risk. As far as I know, it's tiny but still exists."

If Amalia and I get together now or not, she could still fall for Kade or some other guy before I come home. May is a long time away. "I might risk it. Like I said, I don't want to see Kade hurt. I really missed Amalia, though, more than anyone."

"If you waited, I'd talk to Kade for you and do my best to get him to understand. Ama, she'll hate me if she even thinks I talked you into anything. It has to be your decision, Talan. But either way, I'll respect whatever you decide and won't be mad at you."

"Thanks." I'm grateful for her honesty. 

After spending more time at my aunt and uncle's house, I'm ready to see Amalia and everyone else. We don't call and tell anyone we're coming because I want to surprise them.

I knock, the door opens, and Jasmine's emerald eyes widen. Her typical kind, motherly smile makes me feel instantly welcome. Since I only saw my mom for two weeks every summer, I appreciate the caring way Jasmine always looks at me. But my mom and I speak constantly on the phone, so I wouldn't say we aren't close.

"Talan!" Jasmine hugs me, then steps back and looks me over. "You're getting so tall!" 

"You're the third person to say that to me today," I say as we enter the warm, cozy living room, which is heavily decorated for Christmas and smells of fresh pine and pumpkin pie. 

"Well, don't grow too much taller. Remember, I'm saving Amalia for you." She winks, and I can't help but grin while inadvertently glancing at Kade and catching and ignoring his aggravated eye roll. "I'll try not to." Over the years, I had heard Jasmine make similar remarks but didn't know why she made them. I thought it was just to irritate Jaxon or to embarrass Amalia. Whatever the reason, I enjoyed hearing that from her.

Mateo is even more surprised by my growth spurt, even though Jaxon and I caught and passed his height a while ago. He stands about five-nine, but his muscular physique gives him a taller appearance. Jasmine is only an inch or two shorter than him, so Jaxon got his height from her. I got mine from my dad. They used to call him and my uncle Chase the Twin Towers when they were in high school. 

She tells us Erik and Jaxon went to the grocery store for her and that Amalia is up in her bedroom and not feeling well. Her voice lowers, and she whispers. "I don't think she's sick; she's just feeling holiday blues." She suggests I go up by myself to surprise her. Because I didn't call Ama, I'm nervous to see her again. I wish I realized it back at school, but Jasmine wouldn't have thought twice about me asking to speak with Amalia instead of Jaxon.

As I climb the stairs, the wooden floorboards creak annoyingly beneath my feet, creating echoing reverberations through the walls. If someone tries to sneak in or out of the house someday, the stairs will be a dead giveaway. 

Good luck with that. 

The quiet hallway makes me uncharacteristically anxious. I take a deep breath, hoping with all my heart that Amalia is excited to see me, and I knock on her door.