Valentina

I trailed Cassius back to Silver Ash territory in the rain and quickly changed to meet Lillian. On the long journey home, I had tried to accept my fate, but Lillian’s shock sent me back to the feelings of defiance I had experienced at Twin Rivers.

In my lap, I twisted a braid between my fingers while I listened to Lillian's ranting.

“Do you even know what this guy Kenji looks like? Cassius is marrying you off to a stranger! I don’t want you to leave … I just can’t believe this!”

My insides shook, despite my attempt to handle the situation with sardonic humor. “Hidden Spear is so old-fashioned that my dad told me Sunya asked if I was a virgin during the negotiation. Apparently, that’s considered an important quality in a Hidden Spear Alpha’s wife.”

I went on, expressing my mortification that my father had even answered the question—and had gotten it correct. I wished he had lied. I even wished I had indulged Matteo at one point or another so that there wouldn’t have been a need for my father to lie.

Lillian plopped down beside me on her bed. She hugged me first, before laying the truth on me. “In a way, you got yourself into this mess by avoiding sex with a ten-foot pole. Maybe if you’d started sleeping with guys when you were fifteen like I did, you would’ve already been deemed unsuitable for an Alpha as a mate, and you’d be off the hook.”

“Nobody knows what they're doing at fifteen, Lil.”

“Yeah, but that didn't stop me. There's power in giving it up sooner rather than later, especially in pack life. Especially for women,” Lillian said.

On a normal day, her comments would've been annoying, but they made me sit up straighter as I mulled over them. Fucking before marriage would muddle the agreement before it could even officially begin.

“Maybe you’re onto something!” Perhaps it's not too late for me to make myself too morally unsuitable to be Kenji’s bride. Sex wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but leaving Silver Ash to go live with strangers, however, was. “Will you come to town with me?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

***

We headed to the local tavern, which was crowded with more men than I’d ever seen there before on a normal night. My leg bounced under the table. Above us, the tavern light swung back and forth like a pendulum, probably because I was unintentionally shaking everything from the table to the wall, and apparently the ceiling, too.

In front of me on the table sat my drink. I picked it up for a swig and continued bouncing. Alcohol was supposed to give me liquid courage, but it just made me more eager to get this random hook-up over and done with.

Lillian whispered in my ear, pointing out one guy and then another, as prospective candidates for me to have an exceptional night of casual sex with. I noticed a few potential takers, mostly Silver Ash men who looked at me with a lustful question in their eyes when they noticed my staring. That was something, but I needed more than that. Tonight was about more than sex. I had to pick someone up that night and somehow come up with evidence that it happened so I could send it to Sunya. Granted, that risked Hidden Spear resorting to Plan A—terrorizing our pack—but I quickly decided that it just might be worth the risk.

“Something to send to Sunya? That kind of sounds gross,” Lillian said.

“Well, if he’s the one to back out of the deal, it’ll give Silver Ash the leverage we need to come up with restitution that doesn’t involve sacrificing my autonomy.”

Lillian agreed and continued her search of the room. The tavern grew crowded with Silver Ash members. Some of them danced in the middle of the bar with the drum music played by the musician in the furthest corner. Others gathered around the bar for a drink, or three. The main area of the tavern was large enough for drunken merriment, dancing, and even the horizontal tango on the second floor. I watched a couple make out on the steps far across the room before they laughed and disappeared up the staircase.

Did I have to be the perfect daughter? When I could've been bouncing between paramours, I had instead been choosing to make myself useful to the Alpha. I had never left my father's right hand. I'd always put the pack's needs before my own, and while the situation with Hidden Spear was no different, I'd finally decided that I should come first. There had to be another solution than to marry a Hidden Spear pack stranger. I didn't even know what Kenji smelled like!

“That guy over there is cute,” Lillian said.

I searched in the direction she was referring to and quickly remembered that Lillian’s taste differed from my own. The guy in question stood near the bar in stocky, muscular form. With hair cropped short to his head, I could see every inch of his face, including his unkempt, braided beard.

"You're very lucky we're friends, because just what the hell was that suggestion?"

"What? He's cute and has the hardware!"

Sighing, I kept searching until I spotted Matteo stalk into the tavern and sit at the bar. A smirk pulled at the side of my lips, realizing that he was ordering his favorite craft beer. He’s my best option. And I already know he’s interested in me.

“I’m going in,” I said to Lillian.

“Wait!” she objected.

I moved past Lillian’s protests and approached Matteo after a few quick steps across the crowded tavern. He turned to me with a large smile before putting the beer to his lips.

“You need to finish that beer fast.”

“Why?” he asked. “Something going on you need help with?”

“I want to take you up on that offer that you extended at the Lunar festival.” I swallowed deeply, nerves creeping up on me. Serving as my father's consigliere, I'd been used to having tough conversations. This, however, was altogether different. Matteo wanted me, and I was going to use him. Am I doing this? “I want to go to your place. Now.”

I'm doing this!

I looked down at my black dress and thanked myself for wearing something that offered such easy access.

“Whoa, whoa,” Matteo chuckled, his expression lightening. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Now please, before I say something to ruin this.”

Without further protest, Matteo escorted me to his cabin. It wasn’t far from the tavern, and we moved quickly, thankfully. The moment he shut the door behind him, I planted a kiss on his lips. Hesitant and hoping he wanted me as much as I thought he did, I kissed him once more.

My chest soared when Matteo responded. I felt myself being pulled into a passionate embrace as his lips devoured mine. His powerful arms wrapped around me, his large hands tracing my back as he pushed his tongue eagerly against mine.

I yielded to him, sighing softly while he backed me up against the wall. His hands traveled lower on my body as he pressed himself against me. I ran my fingers over his taut stomach muscles, marveling at what I saw before me. Matteo sighed against my lips and whispered his disbelief that this was actually happening. The man was breathtakingly beautiful.

And yet, when we kissed a third time, I felt nothing.

Maybe it was because we’d been friends since childhood that I wasn’t attracted to him. Or maybe it was because in my mind I still saw him as the same little boy who used to tag along behind me catching crickets in the woods. Whatever it was, it was keeping us from connecting.

Matteo continued doing everything a guy should. He caressed me in spots I hadn’t known were sensitive to a soft touch. He kissed me in places I didn’t realize could be kissed. Matteo slid his hands under my dress this time and roamed them over my body. He squeezed tightly and sighed when his flesh touched mine.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against my skin.

I went through the mechanics and tangled my hands in his hair to pull him closer. I just have to get it over with. What can I send to Sunya? The sheets? Wait, what if he takes me against the wall?

“Valentina?” Matteo’s voice pulled me to the present. He’d stopped and was looking at me with those sweet brown eyes. “You’re clearly not into this. I know what it's like when a woman wants me…and this isn’t it.”

My heart thundered in my chest. “Wha—what do you mean? I’ve been dying to have sex with you.”

Matteo stepped away and bent down for his shirt.

Shit!

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but it doesn’t seem like it has anything to do with your feelings for me.” His gaze speared me in his dim living quarters. “I don’t have sex with women who aren’t into it. It wouldn’t be pleasurable for me …or her. And… I value our friendship. Having sex that you won’t enjoy would wreck that.”

Matteo moved to sit on the love seat before reaching over to turn on the lamp beside it.

“You’re right,” I said, my heart sinking. “I’m sorry for putting you in this position.” The truth spilled from my mouth next. “There were some extenuating circumstances, and I shouldn’t have tried to use you.”

My big plan had failed. There would be no sex with Matteo that night. There’d be no sex for me at all before marrying Kenji.

There was no getting out of it now.