12-The crush dilemma

Shawn's pov

Ever since the whole Sweet Sixteen disaster, things have been only bad for me but also oddly good.

I would say things seem to have changed and I don't know if I'm the only one that thinks that.

I don't know it feels like the whole vibe changed. Yeah, there's the gang that now definitely doesn't like my parents, calling them buzzkills but despite being with them all the time those days, it's not what they think that interests me. No, it's rather Axel.

Even if the night ended badly, I can't help but have a small smile on my face every time I think about the kiss I shared with Axel. I really can't stop thinking about it.

Even if that kiss confirmed a lot of things for me, it doesn't confirm much concerning Axel, if only I'm more confused.

I don't get why he would kiss me back. Yeah, he could blame it on me being drunk but he had the choice to push me away and he didn't.

Though I have no clue what that means, does that mean he likes me?

Even if I would like to think he does, I know he probably doesn't. The guy is not only straight but he dated Grace of all people, he wouldn't go me.

Through, those past few days I can't help but get my hopes up.

To no surprise, things have been weirdly awkward between Axel and me, a reminder of last week but then again I know it's mostly me.

Then just two days ago, out of pure curiosity, I gained the courage to ask Axel if he likes someone and he says he does.

And gosh, my dumb brain can't help but get its hopes up that it could maybe be me, especially since he doesn't mind that I might like guys.

Even if all that happened just this week, my current circumstances always remind me how I can't do much more.

I desperately want to put an end to my questions but things are already basically impossible because Axel is no longer a part of the gang and the gang members hate his gut, minus Zayne.

This limits greatly my chances to talk to him.

Of course, I could just text him but there's no way I'm asking him that by text. I'm already embarrassed by what I did 2 days ago in PE class.

Then my next opportunity is only next Monday with the music club meeting meaning I have to wait an entire weekend.

At this point, I'm doomed. I fear I'll never get my answers.

Ugh, having a crush sucks, why did I have to start liking Axel of all people?

As if to remind me of why, a bit further in my class there is Axel and I can't help but hopelessly stare at him. Unfortunately for me, he notices me and I immediately snap my attention back upfront the class.

Oh gosh...that was so awkward he caught me staring at him. What is he gonna think? That I'm a creep?

Of course, I can't help but turn a bit red but unfortunately, I'm in that one class where Tessa decided to sit next to me...

"What's up with you?" She says confused and I panic a bit.

"Um...it's nothing." I try to get myself out of this but I should know who I'm talking to.

"Oh, I see, you were busy thinking about me, were you?" She smirks and I only feel uneasy, knowing damn well I wasn't thinking of her but of Axel instead.

"Um...no it's not that, I'm fine." I try to deny but she doesn't buy it.

"Hmm, shy are we?" She smiles devilishly and it only causes me to be more awkward about this.

"Not really..." I risk my luck and of course, she doesn't believe me once again.

"Oh come on, I don't bite and you know it." She smiles devilishly and I start to run out of options to get out of this but to my luck the teacher comes to my rescue.

"Nathalee Pennington, do you have something to say to the class?" Her smile drops instantly and she almost rolls her eyes, earning her an annoyed look.

"Nothing that would interest you professor."

"Good, now students I want you all to pay attention to the class, unlike Nathalee over here." This earns chuckles from others but Tessa's death stare immediately shuts that down.

Though I can't help but notice everyone that's looking at us, including Axel, Jasper
and unfortunately, Grace who's right behind glaring at me.

I hope Axel doesn't think Tessa and I...What am I kidding, he knows that she's scheming but he doesn't know that she's actually blackmailing me...

Regardless the class resumes and Tessa turns her attention right back at me.

"Anyways, you're quite cute when you're shy." She smiles devilishly but I couldn't care less about her comment, it's not from her that I want to hear it.

I know I can't really go against her but I can't possibly be having this conversation with her during the entire class time.

I want to pay attention to what the teacher is saying unlike her.

"Maybe but the teacher is right, we should pay attention to the class." Her smile drops briefly but she quickly recovers.

"Right, you're a nerd." I can't tell if that was meant as a compliment or an insult.

I'll just ignore it.

Luckily she listens to my request for the rest of the class.

The bell rings and we start packing our stuff off.

Immediately Grace and Zayne join us and I barely have time to notice that Axel leaves the class alongside Jasper. Since when were they that close?

"Damn, that pesky teacher, that wasn't nice of him to pick on you," Zayne says first.

"Yeah, he's annoying but it's fine." She grins through my attention and gets quickly shifted unto Grace.

"It seemed like Tessa and you were having quite fun chatting during class." She smiles brightly at me as she pats my shoulder. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes. Of course, I can't forget she was glaring at me earlier.

"Nah, it was nothing. She just thought I was being shy around her but it was a misunderstanding." Her eyes warm up as she's visibly relieved.

"Good then."

"Good for what?" Tessa asks curious, oh I hope she didn't hear what I said. I hope Zayne's charm kept her locked in for a minute or two.

"It's nothing interesting. Let's go eat, shall we?"
Grace's lips widen and it shows her white teeth. Ugh, thanks for the reminder.

"Hmm, yeah sure," Tessa says still skeptical and Zayne agrees too.

We finally leave the class and like I do every day in my new routine at school, we go to our lockers, pick our lunch for those that do have it and then head to the VIP table.

As usual, everyone looks at us but especially me. Gosh, when will they stop putting their attention on me?

To make matters worse, Grace gets closer to me and almost touches my hand which only increases the attention on us.

Of course, she smiles loving the attention but I don't.

"Smile" She orders in my ear as we sit down and even if I feel a bit disgusted at this, I do.

Ugh, today won't be fun and I'm sure it.

———————

I was right, it really wasn't fun at all.

I already knew Grace had ideas in mind but I certainly didn't expect her to force Tessa to change seats.

Of course, Tessa fought back but she should have noticed how happy it made Zayne, if only she would pay attention to Zayne instead of me...

Through Grace was a lot more intense than usual, did something happen and I'm not aware of it?

Regardless, the school day has finally come to an end.

It's such a relief for me because yes I do love weekends and I'm free from the gang, well kind of but it's not just that.

Last week my dads grounded me and Jasper for the very first time and as it's Friday it means I'm no longer grounded.

Regardless, I'm back home and finally, I get to speak with Jasper.

Because of the popular gang, I get to talk less and less with Jasper, it's even to the point where I can no longer talk to Jasper at school. Yeah, the popular gang keeps me away. They haven't said a thing but sometimes it seems to be purposeful. After all, they do the same for everyone.

Gosh, sometimes I wish I wasn't forced into this. I really missed the time when Axel had my back.

Anyway, earlier I noticed how odd it was to see Axel and Jasper together. I need to know what that is about.

Jasper is about to go to their room but I make sure it doesn't make happen.

"Hey, Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to know something, how come you're so close to Axel all of a sudden?" I ask and immediately Jasper grins and I am thrown off by that, why?

"Oh, you noticed?"

"Yeah and why is that?"

"Knowing you, you might be thinking that I'm stealing your man but don't worry, I have no such plans." My man...Wait what the hell?

"Jasper the hell?!" I say caught off guard and visibly embarrassed but Jasper only grins more visibly amused by this.

"Oh come on, we both know that you were thinking that."

"No, why would I? I'm not that crazy." I say a bit appalled.

"Oh, so you admit you're crazy?" Jasper grins.

"What no? You are. Stop changing the subject. Why are you and Axel friends?"

"Well, we are both excluded from your gang so we thought we might as well hang out together. Though I'm mostly doing it for you." Jasper says plainly yet still smiling.

"For me? Why would you do that for me?" I say quite confused.

"Because you like him, duh!" Jasper says it like it's the most obvious thing but being caught red-handed makes me turn scarlet red.

"What? How can you say this?"

"Maybe you don't want to admit it but you like him. If you're in denial because you don't know if you're gay, then I'm announcing to you that you are." Jasper says excitedly and I'm just standing there flustered.

"Ok, I admit I do like him." Jasper's smile if it's even possible grows larger.

"Finally you admit it!" Jasper grabs me and holds me tightly all excited squeezing me in the process.

"Um...you're kinda squeezing me," I say struggling and a bit breathless. Immediately Jasper backs off.

"Oops, I'm just too excited! My brother finally likes someone!" I get wherry of their loud voice.

"Shh! No need to tell the entire world!" I say wherry.

"Ok, ok, I'll stop shouting but you know I can't help it," Jasper says filled with energy.

"Yeah, I know. So, what should I do?" I say uncertain.

"You obviously need to talk to him," Jasper says like it's obvious.

"Ok but how? I have no way of talking to him."

"Hello? Technology, use your phone and text him."

"No...I don't want to do that."

"Why not?" Jasper says a bit shocked.

"I don't want to ask him who he likes by text," I admit and quickly realize my mistake as Jasper starts smirking.

"Ohhhh, I didn't know you wanted to ask him that."

"I already told you the other day that I asked him if he likes someone."

"Yeah, and he said yes. So, what are you waiting for? Ask him." Jasper says overjoyed.

"That's the problem, I can't. The gang would kill me if I did." And Jasper's grin and whole overjoyed demeanour disappear.

"Right...the gang. I almost forgot about them." Jasper says a bit melancholic and there's no way I don't notice that's odd.

"Wait, why does that bother you so much?" Jasper's eyebrows quickly raise in surprise but quickly recovers.

"It's just that this gang of yours poses a problem. So, yeah talking with Axel might be troublesome." Jasper surrenders and I am in disbelief.

"What? You're agreeing with me? Aren't you the one who doesn't care about obstacles?"

"Yeah, but in this case it can't be helped." Jasper shrugs.

"Wow...I can't believe this. So this means you don't know what I should do?"

"Yeah...you're right, you can't really go against the gang, though don't give up, I'm sure there are other options left!" Jasper says a bit down but quickly regains their energetic demeanour.

"Yeah, I hope so. Still thanks for the advice."

"I'm serious don't give up on him!" I chuckle and then I go to my room to reflect.

——————-

Even if Jasper didn't give me the answers I hoped to have, I realized while reflecting that maybe talking about it to my dads wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Maybe they know what to do in this kind of situation, they have more experience after all.

Since my dad Garrett isn't home yet, I go downstairs to find my dad Brandon watching the TV.

"Hey, Dad?" He looks up front the TV and looks at me.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I want to talk to you about something."

"Oh really? Is it something your dad shouldn't know about?"

"Kinda but he's not here so I'm trying my luck on you."

"Ok, shoot." He says clearly curious.

"I kissed a guy at a party and I like him but I don't know what to do," I say closing my eyes a bit scared and then when I open my eyes I first notice that my dad is quite surprised.

"Damn, that's random but it was about damn time you start liking someone." My dad says clearly pleased and proud.

"You know everyone starts liking someone at their own rhythm?"

"Maybe that's true but at your age, I was already busy f**king women." He says bluntly and I immediately cringe modified.

"Dad..."

"What? It's true."

"Maybe for you. Oh whatever, just tell me what you think I should do." I give up realizing it's pointless arguing with my dad.

"You already kissed him once, just go at it.  Don't stress, you'll know if it works or not and if it doesn't, well too bad for the guy." I already don't like this idea but knowing my dads' love story, makes this advice make more sense.

"Thanks for the advice but I won't do that."

"Why not?"

"I'm not like you."

"Ugh, why are you making it harder than it is?" I'm about to argue back but the sound of keys interrupts our discussion.

It doesn't take long for the door to be unlocked and reveal my dad Garrett.

"What's going on here?" Oh yeah, there's no doubt he wouldn't notice the tense atmosphere.

"Our son likes a guy." My dad Brandon bluntly says and I glare at him.

"You like a guy?" My dad Garrett asks pleasantly surprised, yet a bit confused.

"Um...I didn't want you to figure it out that way but yeah...I do." I say awkwardly but to my grand surprise, my dad walks at me and hugs me tightly.

"Oh! My big boy has a crush! Tell me everything!" My dad Garrett smiles overjoyed and my other dad just smirks at me knowing damn well he put me in this situation.

Without having much of a choice I start explaining everything to my dad Garrett and my dad Brandon stays in to listen.

"Yeah, seems like quite a tricky situation." My dad Garrett says.

"And he told me to just go at it and kiss him." I point at my other dad and he raises his hands.

"Hey, in my defense you didn't say your situation."

"Fine, you're right...."

"Your situation is quite tricky but not impossible. Here's what you can do when you're not near the boy, watch his body language, you can tell whether he likes you or not. Then when you have the opportunity to get to know him and read the room, you'll be able to tell too. Don't trust his words too much, ok?" My dad Garrett says and I'm quite honestly surprised. Through it's not for the same reason.

“Hey! Are you trying to come back at me or something?!” My dad Brandon says heated up and my other dad chuckles.

"You know and I both know how much your words betrayed you constantly times."

"That's not entirely true."

My dads ended up in this heated conversation and I decided to get out of there, I don't need to hear their story once again, it's already enough.

Regardless, even if it's not the perfect advice, I think my dad Garrett's idea is actually a good idea.

I think I might try it out next week but unfortunately, I'll only be able to try it next Monday.

Even if I like weekends, I already can't wait to figure out if there is even a slight possibility that I'm the one Axel likes.