An old oak tree stood a few minutes outside of town, carved with the repetitive initials of lovers past. Beneath its swaying boughs, Jasson explored his love, touching it gently to reveal its tender secrets. The new app store ‘DISS’ blossomed before Jasson, and he caressed for a lifetime.

In actuality, it was fifteen minutes. Jasson had one bar of service after all, so he might as well make the most of it.

Jasson found the app he needed in the free section. The app was EXchange, and when he opened it a drop menu of currencies spread before him. Jasson selected ‘Gold Coin’ from the drop menu and a coin slot appeared on his screen. 

“What?” Jasson said, “I just want to know how much it is. Maybe…no.”

Feeling rather dumb, Jasson tried to slide a gold coin in. Right where the coin made contact a tiny magic circle appeared, like the locker Cabul had used at the pawn shop. The coin slid easily into the slot, and a little ding chimed once the coin passed all the way through.

The value above the slot, which had read 0.00$, now reads 21.38$. Below the slot was a tacky-looking button that said ‘Deposit’. Jasson couldn’t do the math off the top of his head but it looked like he was loaded.

Jasson put a second gold coin in and the amount total read 40.02$.

“So each coin isn’t the same,” Jasson said, holding up another coin to his eye, “Okay. Still, I didn’t know gold was this cheap.”

In the multiverse there are constants, and one of these is inflation. In a system of golden coins, they are clipped, sweated, and shaved until the coin faces look rather perturbed. Only the veneer of gold remained on these coins, but that was enough.

“One thousand eighty-four,” Jasson said, “Not that bad, although that doesn’t buy much these days. Over a hundred-thousand W-Bucks so about fifty skins. I wonder how far it goes here if I- OH @#%$^!”

Jasson frantically searched the app but there was no ‘Refund’ button and no way to get the money back out of the app. He was stuck with no usable finances. Again.

Jasson sighed, giving up. The Deposit button connected to Jasson’s VenGo so at least he could summon Charon or buy more apps. Jasson transferred the money and kept scrolling in his newly discovered app library. There were so many options, yet they almost all cost money. In fact the free section only held 3 apps. The EXchange app, one called FITbyte, and another called SD. So, like any teenager, he started with the free stuff.

“Well, this is fishy." Jasson said, scrolling through the SD description, “I guess the lack of reviews makes sense. Just one from- Kami eh? All right. Another typo-filled boomer review. This app is ‘amazing’ and ‘gives you more storage’? That’s such an obvious scam.”

Even if it was free it might lag his phone or even give him a virus. Jasson decided to ignore SD and went to FITbyte. It looked like some kind of fitness app, with stats and stuff that Jasson didn’t have the patience to read. He clicked install and a message popped up.

Reboot Necessary. Continue Y/N?

“Sure,” Jasson said, pressing yes, “Why n-”

Then the world went black.

****

“UNCLE!” the Clergyman shouted through the chapel, “Uncle!”

The Clergyman burst through the bishop’s office door with triumph in his eyes and exhaustion in his gasping mouth.

“Yes, Nephew?” The Bishop said, struggling to attention, “Don’t knock down my door. What is it?”

“You were right,” the Clergyman gasped, “About Cousin Jasson. We’re being tested!”

The bishop stood and took off his glasses, grinning.

“I knew it!” the Bishop said, “After so many years. How do you know it?”

“Well I had one of the boys following him,” the Clergyman said, “And Cousin Jasson went into the pawn shop. Then he came out with a heavy bag! It contained quite a bit of gold, but I’ll get to that later.”

“Ah,” the Bishop said, “But didn’t he say that he was going to the pawn shop today?”

“Yes,” the Clergyman said, “But two gold alone is worth more than his shirt, and he still had it anyway. After he pawned, Cousin Jasson walked out of the town and found an oak tree in Jakeson’s field. The one with the Arborglyphs?”

“What?” the bishop said, “What’s an Arborglyph?”

“Uh,” the Clergyman blushed, “I-”

“Have you been reading the dictionary again?” the bishop said, “Don’t let that get to your head. I think I remember this word though. An Arborglyph is something carved in a tree. I know the tree you’re talking about then. Went there quite a bit when I was younger.”

After an embarrassed silence, the Clergyman said “As I was saying. Cousin Jasson sat there for several minutes and my boy was about to fall asleep. But then he started putting the gold one at a time into some kind of handheld Locker. That woke my boy up quick, and he says that he lost count at twenty gold on account of him running out of toes.”

The Clergyman walked up and slammed his hand on the desk, “But a couple of minutes after he finished storing his gold he passed out! Dead to the world! The boy tried to wake him up after several minutes and now thinks Cousin Jasson has perished. So the boy came to me and is crying downstairs.”

“Is he dead?” the Bishop said, “that’s rather important.”

“I don’t think so,” the Clergyman said, “It’s obviously a test. Do we rob an unconscious man? Shall the unguarded traveler be helpless beneath our very noses?! So I sent the rest of the boys out to watch over him with strict instructions not to steal from him. Then I came to see you. What should we do?”

The bishop grinned and said “Well done. The children are mischievous but I’m sure that they’ll help. I know I would have if I was a child-”

The bishop stopped, a look of horror covering his face as he said “Surely…but of course. It’s their nature.”

The Clergyman shifted nervously and said “Uncle?”

“These boys,” the Bishop said, “Did they have any charcoal? Or other decorating tools?”

“I don’t know,” the Clergyman said, confused, “Maybe. Why?”

“By the gods,” the Bishop said, “let’s hope he isn’t petty.”

****

“YOU BRATS!” Jasson roared in vengeance, chasing after several boys, “GIVE ME THAT!”

Jasson swerved, cutting off and tackling a squealing boy. After wrestling the boy to the ground Jasson caught a flailing arm and grabbed the charcoal from the boy’s hands. Laughing, Jasson held the squirming boy down and proceeded to enact vengeance. They were brats, but he couldn’t help smiling as he crushed and smeared the charcoal across the boy’s face. 

Panting, Jasson let the carbonized boy go squealing off. That was vengeance on three of them, but the rest had run off by the looks of it. Jasson fell back exhausted, satisfied, and covered in ash.

“What a way to wake up,” Jasson picked the rest of the charcoal out of his nose, “fair’s fair I guess. What happened?”

Jasson unlocked his phone and flipped through his apps. There it was. FITbyte.

“Note to self,” Jasson said, “Don’t restart the phone in an unsafe area.”

FITbyte was still loading when the Bishop and the Clergyman approached. Jasson eyed them. What did they want? He didn’t recognize one of them, but the other was the Clergyman who had helped him last night. So they were from the weird Catholic-Knock-Off(™). The Clergyman was flushed red, contrasting the sweaty pale face of the other man.

“Are you okay Cousin Jasson,” the Clergyman said, huffing and sweaty, “I’m terribly sorry for the boys. They will be disciplined thoroughly. How can we make this up to you?”

It took a couple of seconds for Jasson to fully switch his focus to them.

“Yeah,” Jasson said, “Don’t sweat it. I got them back already.”

“I am the Bishop of this church,” the other man said, “And let me profusely apologize for the behavior of the children. We had entrusted them to watch over you as you slept, and they abused the opportunity to disgrace your countenance. It is a shameful error on our part.”

“Right,” Jasson said, “Erm…It’s okay. Really. I have younger siblings, so I get it.”

I’m filthy, Jasson thought, What I’d love is a shower. I haven’t bathed since…ever.

Jasson paused, then took the leap and said “Mind if I wash up in the church? I’m filthy. And if you really want to compensate me, I could use a lunch. There’s no Floordash in this realm, so I don’t have another option.”

“Yes, of course,” the Clergyman said, bowing, “But our food is humble. Did you lose your gold?”

Ah, it’s about the gold. Jasson thought, Makes sense. The prank wasn’t something to worry about.

“Ah,” Jasson said, “Not quite. I put it all away and can’t get it out again. And I don’t think the restaurants take tap-to-pay.”

“Of course, we understand.” The Clergyman said, obviously confused, “Will you be staying in town then?”

“Nah,” Jasson said, watching the loading bar for FITbyte, “I’m gonna order a ride to Stalt. I’ll be out of your hair in an hour or two, don’t worry.”

“Ah,” the Bishop said, “A ride. Of course. We were presumptuous. We will make preparations. Your food will be ready in an hour if you wish to receive it.”

“Or we could bring it to you,” the Clergyman said, “ If that would work better for you then it would be our pleasure to bring it anywhere you’d like to take your meal.”

“No thanks,” Jasson said, waiting for FITbyte to load, “just head back to the chapel. I’ll be along shortly.”

And just before they were out of earshot Jasson could hear them arguing. Something about failing an inspection. Whatever.

“Finally,” Jasson said as FITbyte loaded, “Gosh, take your time why don’t ya.”

Jasson skipped the tutorial without a second thought and opened the app.

“OH!” Jasson said, “It’s yellow?!?”

Indeed, the breed of yellow on the screen was one more painful than that of a nuclear warning sign. Neon was the closest comparison, although that too fell short. It shone as an agony of colors assaulting the back of his eyes with a highlighter. An app made of eighties fashion and 2000s website design. Simply looking at his phone caused Jasson to squint as if against the sun. 

Assembled in a bright yellow interface was Jasson’s Status. With difficulty Jasson was able to make out his own abilities in familiar categories of strength, dexterity, luck, etc... Jasson had seen Status Screens from animes on TikTik, and this looked correct if far too yellow.

__________________________

Level 1 - No Class - Adventurer  

| Age | 17

| Strength     | 100

| Agility      | 120

| Intelligence    | 140

| Wisdom       | 75

| Charisma     | 80  

| Magic | 50

| Stamina       | 90

| Luck         | 150

“No class but I have a...job? Sounds familiar.” Jasson said, then looked below, “At least I'm an adventurer this time. These numbers look like I have… no idea if they’re better than average. At least I’m smart and ‘Lucky’. But…I’m reincarnated so all these have to be good scores. Right?”

Jasson didn’t feel any smarter, and that boded ill for the rest of his abilities. He’d never gotten good scores on the tests, but he didn’t remember taking any tests for this. How did this system measure Intelligence? And how the heck was he lucky?

“I guess I’m starting low,” Jasson said, “I wonder if there is a way to raise my stats. Man, they should really have a tutorial for these things.”

After a few minutes, Jasson fell back before rubbing his eyes and saying “I guess I’m still level one. Can’t do anything yet. Gods, this #%^$ interface is giving me a headache.”