The Flower Dances and the Wind Sings

Chapter 5

Silvery morning light began illuminating the dark room, slipping through Ersella’s eyelids. She frowned before turning toward the other side to reach out and feel the spot next to her. When her hands could not feel any warmth, she finally opened her eyes slowly.

I suppose he didn’t come home after all…

That side of the bed was empty. Harzen did not return until very late last night, leaving her to go to sleep alone rather than having any sort of discussion. He did come to bed though, Ersella thought as she dazedly glared at the spot.

Judging from the way that the beddings were disturbed, Harzen must have just dropped in to sleep before leaving. She looked up at the window and saw that the sky was lighting up as the sun rose. Harzen must have returned home early this morning, only to leave before sunrise.

Apparently, he was busy with some border conflicts with the neighboring kingdom of Conrad. Still, she did not imagine he would be so busy that he came late into the night just to leave before the morning light. She told herself that her husband must be made of steel. The man was never late, waking up before she did and moving per his schedule.

Did Harzen also live that way all his life? Ersella thought, wondering if such a strict schedule was simply this family’s tradition. If so, she could understand why things turned out that way yesterday. Maybe Harzen thought nothing of his methods as that was all he knew. The idea that Harzen might have grown up like Vicente made her fury melt away to be replaced by pity.

Still, this should not do, she thought.

Indeed, that was neither here nor there. Whatever kind of cruel life Harzen might have led, he had no right to force his son into the same fate. The man must not know how wrong that was. Ersella felt the need to have a proper discussion about the matter with him.

Getting up, she decided to get ready for breakfast. Lianne came in to announce the time and help her get dressed. Her hands moved busily as Ersella prepared for the earlier-than-usual breakfast.

Braiding Ersella’s blond hair, Lianne rolled it up into a clean bun and fixed it in place before picking out an outfit.

“All finished, Your Grace,” she said.

It was time for Ersella to dine with Vicente.

He wouldn’t refuse to come, would he? Ersella thought.

Lianne must have seen the concern on her face because she smiled. “Lord Vicente is already waiting for you.”

Relieved that the disaster of yesterday would not repeat itself, Ersella sighed. “Let’s go,” she said.

She walked into the dining hall to see the boy sitting primly at the right side. He was sitting straight and facing front with his eyes slightly downcast. Ersella’s lips hitched up into a smile at the fact that her son really came.

“You’re here,” she greeted.

Vicente got up from his seat and bowed respectfully. “Mother.”

Despite Ersella’s soft greeting, the response was nothing but stiff. But it did not hurt her feelings. After all, she couldn’t expect him to get over years of issues with just a few kind words. She deserved more pain. She would take whatever cruel words Vicente decided to give her.

But he did not say anything malicious. He didn’t speak at all. He was just maintaining distance from her as he always did. Her own sins were too great to give up from a few cold shoulders.

Feeling like she deserved this, Ersella walked to the head of the table, where Clifton elegantly pulled out a chair for her. With a slight smile, Ersella sat down.

“It’s been a while,” she said.

“Yes, it’s been a while since I had breakfast,” replied Vicente.

Indeed, they hadn’t faced each other let alone eaten together in a long while. Feeling nervous about the unfamiliar situation, Ersella began to observe Vicente carefully. The boy still had his eyes downcast, avoiding her gaze, which made it easier for her to observe him.

She had to admit, once again, that he was beautiful. Though his overall impression was cold, each line on his face was soft. His features were picture-perfect beneath his jet-black hair, which looked darker than midnight. His clear blue eyes shone with intelligence, and he had the air of a nobleman.

Ersella smiled, marveling at how well the boy had grown—even in her absence.

“Do you… know why I called you?” she asked, forcing herself to speak softly against her habit. Vicente’s calm eyes turned toward her.

“I do not,” he replied as flatly as ever.

“Um… I…” Ersella stuttered as she tried to pick the right words.

If anyone saw her right now, they might think she was incredibly stupid. She would also have been ashamed had she been who she was before. Now, however, she couldn’t care less about such things.

“From now on… I would like to…” she continued. Who cared if this was embarrassing? She would gladly throw away her useless pride if she could get what was more valuable to her. “I would like to eat with you,” she finished with difficulty. Ersella never imagined asking someone to join her for breakfast would be this hard.

Vicente remained with his mouth clamped shut. He did not seem to know what to say. Though Ersella desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, nothing was visible beyond his deep, dark eyes.

After a moment of silence, he parted his lips, apparently thinking that he could not delay his response any further. “Then tell me why you have decided so.” He was formal and expressionless, saying neither yes nor no. It was clear that he did not know how he should take her current demeanor.

Ersella did not know what she could say. Her reasons? Couldn’t she just say that she wanted to eat breakfast with him? She realized that, sadly, she and Vicente did need a reason to have breakfast together.

A reason, huh…?

But she had no grand reason for wanting to dine with Vicente other than wanting to spend time with her son. For a moment, Ersella wondered if she should make up a reason. However, she did not want to lie. She wanted to express her heart as it was. She did not want to go through the tragedy of leaving this world unable to utter what was on her mind.

“I have no reason,” Ersella said. Vicente didn’t reply. “I just want to dine with you. That’s all,” she continued as she looked Vicente in his eyes. The boy still stared at her with an unreadable expression.

“Are you…” he muttered.

“Huh?”

“Are you lonely because Father is busy?”

What was he talking about? Ersella forced herself not to frown at the ridiculous claim. Indeed, she had been an uncaring mother. It made sense that Vicente did not understand why she was acting this way. So she could not expect him to give a regular response. Assuring herself over and over silently, Ersella said, “It’s not like that. I-is it strange that I want to eat with… my son?”

Her question was met with silence. Apparently, it was. She could tell that Vicente’s expression had hardened. The strained muscles around his eyes made her wonder if she should make up a reason right now.

Just as she began to feel the pain, he spoke. “I have a few questions for you.”

“Go on…”

“Clifton told me that you reduced the number of tutors for me. You also ordered that the training hall be kept locked until eight in the morning. Why did you do that?”

Ersella had given her order to Lianne which would have reached the butler first since it was concerning Vicente.

Though the boy’s eyes still remained devoid of any feelings for her, Ersella was not fazed. Perhaps she would never see her son smile. She sighed and said, “Because it strains you.”

“It does not,” Vicente replied firmly.

However, Ersella had no intention of backing off. “No, it does. I heard you only sleep five hours a day. You spend five hours in the training ground, six for your lessons, four for reviewing, and two for reading. When you have some time left, you apparently do paperwork for the estate.”

“That’s…” Vicente trailed off.

“I’m sure you take breaks from now and then. It’s also admirable that you’re so diligent and eager to learn. But what if you ruin your health by overworking yourself without proper nourishment? Don’t you think about those who might worry if you fall ill? I can’t speak for other people, but I’m worried about you. You’re my son, and I’m your mother.”

Mother. Even as she said the word out loud, she felt shameless. Anyone with any remote connection to her would know that she did not have a shred of interest in her son so far. She couldn’t imagine how ridiculous Vicente must feel to hear her mention her being his mother when she had neglected him all along.

Her face fell. She didn’t feel too proud. This made her sound like she was going to ignore what had happened all this time, though she clearly did not mean to. She would never forget her own guilt. The words that she uttered out loud seemed to stab her through the heart as well.

But the reason she mentioned the word “mother,” despite knowing that it would only hurt both of them, was that she wanted to stress the fact Vicente was still under her care, even if he did not want to admit it. If she did not do so, he would not listen to her.

“Does Father know about this?” he asked.

“I’m going to tell him tonight,” she replied.

Vicente seemed doubtful. He seemed to think that what his mother did today was all because of some whim. After all, the one who had the final say in the family was the husband, not the wife. Indeed, Vicente was right. Ersella was acting on her own without consulting Harzen.

However, she had faith that her husband would not stop her. While others might see Harzen as a cold patriarch, he almost always indulged Ersella. Though she wasn’t sure that he might do the same this time, she wasn’t about to back off. If he didn’t accept, she would think of another way.

“Also, you should take today off. You’ve worked hard enough so far,” she said.

“I have my lessons,” Vicente replied.

“I told the tutor to go home.”

Vicente raised his brows. Though he was trying not to show it, he clearly wasn’t too happy about the situation.

Ersella couldn’t imagine him being too happy about his neglectful mother suddenly trying to control his life. However, this was for his sake. Even if it offended him right now, such practice had to be fazed out right now for his future’s sake.

Sorry for being so selfish, she thought. Without averting her gaze, she stared straight into his cold eyes with an apologetic smile. I hope you can forgive me, though you might not like it.

“Or do you want me to fire all of them? Because that’s fine by me,” she said kindly.