We stood within the train. I held on to the handlebar that was near my face, and she held on to the metal rod as she stood right next to me closely. Naturally, I didn't speak much, so the silence didn't bother me. The train had shaken suddenly, and some salarymen had bumped into her. I forced her to collide into my chest, which made her drop her book bag and hold onto me tightly. Her hands gripped my uniform shirt like claws. She was trembling like crazy, as if a kitten were drenched in water. She was scared. Everyone was a bit surprised, as they hadn't bumped into her hard enough to warrant this reaction. However, I knew exactly what that reaction was. 

I didn't bother asking whether she was all right. I knew she wasn't. I let her cling on to me for the remainder of the train journey. We were a stop away and the glances and murmurs became more intense, which eventually drew my attention. It took me a bit to grasp what territory we were entering. This wasn't really a residential neighborhood. It had several hotels. While there were some residences, there weren't many. Mostly love hotels. There were largely apartment complexes; however, this area was famous for its distinctive and hidden love motels. At the time, I didn't question it. The train came to a halt, and I held hers and my book bags as we got out. I saw some of the glances we received but disregarded them. She didn't seem to notice them either.

I handed her the bag, and she bowed slightly to thank me. She said nothing. She went ahead of me, and I stood behind her. I put my hands into my pockets as we left the train station. She came to a complete halt, as did I. She was squirming and looking around, as if she didn't know where to go. At first, I didn't question it, but it appeared as though she was lost and unsure of her direction. I wanted to know whether she needed assistance. I didn't bother, since I've never been great with words.

 
So, I simply stood there. She ultimately took out a piece of paper. There were some scribbles on it. It was a very little, crumpled piece of paper. It seemed to have provided her with the clarity she needed. We resumed walking as if nothing had occurred. I didn't doubt her motives, and I felt certain I wasn't in danger. I knew I could always protect myself if necessary, so the concept never occurred to me. We walked for about 6 minutes before we reached a sketchy-looking building. There were neon lines down the side. Unnaturally, they flashed, suggesting that one of the bulbs was faulty or in need of repair, yet no one took the time to consider doing so. I can't recall the exact words. But there was a sign at the front of the building that stated, "Cheap loans up to ¥10,000,000!" Back then, it was a lot of money. Even banks wouldn't offer that without comprehensive background checks.
She paused and cast a quick glance behind her. I presumed to see whether I was still with her. She remained silent. She did not offer me any directions or remarks, either.

I suspected there was another reason she wanted me to accompany her. Not because it was late, but she may have assumed that if anything occurred, I would be able to defend her. We entered the building. The inside was considerably dirtier than the outside. Mold and water damage spread throughout the walls. The stairs were dirty, smelling of booze and something else. I would be unable to explain. She went up the stairs first, and I followed her. We climbed approximately four flights of stairs, and she trembled with each step. When we got to the fourth floor, she halted. That's when she took another look at the crumpled paper. This time, I was closer behind her and could see over her shoulder. It was information. She looked for the room number on the paper before we arrived at office number '005'. 

There was a caution placed on the front of the door that said: "Knock, wait, then enter." So, she did it. We waited for nearly two minutes until the door eventually opened. A middle-aged guy opened the door. He was around 178 cm tall, somewhat grayed, and had a normal physique. He had tattoos, but they were western tattoos, not irezumi. The tattoos looked like they were done in prison. Nothing a professional would do. That's for sure.

“You're here, and you're late.” He spoke with an angry look.
I recalled what he said because, when he opened his mouth, his breath reeked. Perhaps he had decaying teeth that were being ignored, or there was another underlying problem. Anyway, I couldn't get over the scent that emerged from his mouth.

“I got lost, sorry.” Mai said it in a feeble voice.

In any case, she was never shy or uncomfortable at school. Even though I didn't pay much attention, I saw how she interacted with our classmates and others. It was even more unusual for a girl like her to visit this shady spot and meet these dubious guys.

“Who the hell is this?” “Did you bring your boyfriend? There is no way he is going to come in. He'll have to wait out here.” He scoffed.

Normally, I don't question things, particularly if they aren't my concern, but there was no way I was sending her into that room alone with five crazy guys. 

“Or what?” I intervened, slamming my right hand on the door to hold it open. I didn't say anything, but he jumped. He took one glance at the irezumi pattern on my arm and cleared his throat, retracting his comment.

“Okay, alright. There's no reason to become rowdy. The boss will not like it. But you may come in.”

My designs were not random. Each syndicate had a different design, making it simpler to identify who was who, and no one dared mess with Tanaka syndicate members. My father, the boss at the time, was quite rigorous about the penalty he would impose on anybody who even tried. He was not a forgiving guy, so death was typically the outcome. Anyone who worked in the underground and was savvy enough would avoid dealing with us.
We ultimately stepped inside, and I remained near the entrance, letting Mai do what she came here to do. I kept my thoughts to myself and said nothing. I watched Mai ruffle her bookbag uncomfortably, shivering where she stood. She took out a huge white packet, which drew my attention.
It was clear what the contents of the envelope were. She handed it over to the serious-looking man, who was almost twice her size. She didn't speak loudly enough for me to hear, but I could hear him tell her.

“Your old man still owes us 5 million yen. Don't forget it, and don't be late with your next payment. Get moving, and don't let anybody see you go, or you'll die. Have you got that?”

She nodded silently while he scowled at me and spoke defensively.

“And take your fucking boyfriend with you."

I did not say anything. Not that I needed to. My silence typically spoke for itself, but it seemed he was trying to size me up. I waited for Mai to exit the room first, then followed her.

She did not say a word to me. Nothing. I didn't even try to strike up a conversation. In some ways, I would have preferred that we did not talk. We exited the facility at approximately 10 p.m. It was nearly time for me to go to work. But for some reason, I continued to follow her back. The walk back to the station was even quieter, with just the laughter of passing friends and grownups intoxicated from work filling the night air.
I remained behind her, hands deep in my pockets. When we got to the station, we navigated through IC to find our platform. She lingered briefly before moving to a single sitting area near our platform. I stood alone for a time before moving over there as well.

She took one of the vacant seats, and I sat next to her, my legs wide as I placed my bookbag on the ground between my knees, my fingers tangled in the thick straps as I rested the back of my head against the wall behind me. After approximately 5 minutes, I found myself looking up at the ceiling above us. There was a dim light with an uncomfortable flicker, yet I couldn't take my gaze away from it.Mai sat next to me, her bookbag on her lap, gripping it tightly, her legs shaking, peering forward at the train tracks with what seemed to be a zoned-out stare. Her dark eyes hardly blinked, mirroring the shadows cast by her bangs. Empty. I would say it was even more empty than mine was.

I tilted my head slightly in her direction, keeping the back of my head pressed against the wall. I looked at her side profile. She had long eyelashes, which I might have noticed if her bangs hadn't masked the upper half of her face so often. I returned my head to its original position, with my eyes back on the ceiling.

“I must go soon. Got work.” I told her. 

The fact is that I knew I was going to be late for work, but I had already prepared a strong lie in case I was. To my surprise, she grasped my left hand and tightly held it, then squeezed my fingers while murmuring softly. 

“Do not leave. Not yet. Please.”

“Sit here with me for a little longer.”

So, I did. Her hands were colder and softer than mine. They were small, and her fingers, like the rest of her body, were extremely thin. I had never seen legs so thin before. They reminded me of the wooden sticks on popsicles. My gaze shifted to her feet, and her loafers caught my attention. They were worn out, and the sheen was hardly evident, but unlike my worn-out outfit, hers was in excellent shape. No dirt or wrinkles were visible.
We sat there in silence for perhaps 30 minutes. The station was starting to thin out as train after train went by, along with passengers boarding and disembarking. The looks became more intense, and they hurriedly looked aside to escape my attention.

What astonished me was how simple it was for Mai to ignore people's judgment and lack of concern. It was a natural reaction for her. To disregard those around her.
We waited for the next train, which was the last of the night. We boarded when it came. We said nothing to each other. The train wasn't busy, but it wasn't empty either and we were the only students in our train car, so the other passengers' microaggressions were prevalent.

One lady was audible enough to exclaim to her gray-haired buddy near her, “What a shame.” “Why is a beautiful girl out so late with a delinquent?”
Mai disregarded it as she sat there, gazed ahead, and was plainly tuned out. I doubt she heard what was stated. I sat next to her on the train, keeping my bookbag on the floor, and waited for our stop.
To be honest, I didn't really care about anything back then. I avoided all forms of relationships, particularly with girls. Girls my age were even more off-limits to me. Not with my father wandering about. They were exactly his style, and I wanted to protect them. This was a new experience for me, and I wasn't sure how to handle it, so I had no clue why I mindlessly followed her that day.
After our train arrived and we got off, I followed her out of the station, where she turned around and stopped me.

“You don't need to follow me anymore.”
“Thank you.”

I didn't question it, and I honored her requests. She bowed and went on her way. I watched her go away until she vanished into the darkness of the night. I went to work immediately after.

I'd missed a week of school, so time flew by quickly. I never went to school very frequently, but when I did, it was to pass the time or get some sleep. I never slept well at home. I normally get around 4 hours of sleep at home. When I woke up, I always had trouble going back to sleep. My father was not gracious enough to let me sleep in, either. As a result, it was either sleep at school or work, and I wouldn't dare sleep at work, so school it was.
After that, Mai and I never talked again. She would sit across the classroom, her desk near the announcement board on the wall, and I would sit on the other side, toward the rear of the room, near the window.

The classroom usually rotates the seating every couple of weeks, but my seat never changed, which pleased me. I accepted the solitude and lack of harassment. My school life experience was not as horrible as others. I wasn't bullied, and I never bullied anyone else. There were a few delinquents at my school. I knew a few of them, and they were new to the syndicate. We hung around in the rear of the school periodically to eat lunch, smoke, and speak about our work, but that was it.

Unlike other 'delinquents', these individuals were involved in gang activities and weren't merely misbehaving at school. They never genuinely bullied anybody, unlike others who were just acting off at school. The teachers and kids also avoided us as much as possible; at least that was my experience.

Although Mai didn't face bullying, the more popular girls in our class treated her like an errand girl. At school, she was a different person, which turned me off.
A month passed, and we never spoke to one another. That was okay with me, but today was different. It was Friday, and I wasn't in a good mood. Bandages covered about half of my body, and I was in excruciating pain. Unbearable pain. I was still recovering from my father's wonderful punching session with my body the night before, and I didn't want any disturbance.I had work in the evening, as usual, so I remained late at school to seek some sleep and serenity away from home.

“Does it hurt?” I heard a soft voice asking me. My head was resting on the desk. The class was empty the last time I looked, but I moved my head slightly to see who was staring down at me.
It was Mai, with the same shallow, hollow eyes. She repeated, her gaze turning to my swelling black eye, purple from the bruising. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“What?” I asked.

“Your eye. Does it hurt?” She repeated. 

The tone was calm. It was mellow, yet it lacked any real anxiety. She wasn't concerned about me but rather wondered whether I had experienced any pain.

“It did. It's bearable now."

“That's good.” She replied, smiling. 

She stared straight at me before sitting on top of the desk that faced me. Her skirt was shorter, and she purposefully parted her legs so that I could see between them. I sat in my chair, which caused me to eventually sit up and lean back. The classroom was dark, but there was a light in the corridor, and I could hear music from a club playing in the hallways. Mai sat on top of the desk's counter, her feet resting on the chair that accompanied it. The drapes in the classroom were partially but not completely open, letting the evening light in.

We gazed at one another for about 5 minutes as she gently expanded and closed her legs at intervals, as if on purpose, while I scowled at her with my arms crossed and my legs slightly bent.
The classroom doors were locked, but there was some noise outside. She just sat there, staring at me, before speaking. 

“You can look if you want to.” 

“I wouldn't take offense if you did.” She smiled.

“Guys like to stare between my legs. “

I sighed, and my busted eye twitched slightly in discomfort. I went into my pocket and took out a pack of cigarettes, then grabbed one before lighting it.