8:15 PM, No longer on schedule, I spat in the alleyway on my way out— never to look back— emerging onto the city plaza now rushing with water because of the onset downpour. 

Some were still stuck around holding umbrellas and enjoying the rainy night, although there was a significant decrease from when I came here initially and I could walk comfortably on the street and see the grass fields at its center.   

The blazer on my head started getting overwhelmed by the storm-like rains— getting wetter and drenched the longer I walked— while the surging breeze made me cling to it with all my might or it’d get picked up and tossed away. 

However, it never mattered how cold the weather got, as it never helped in cooling my mind after my realization— this betrayal of heart and mind— immersed in distraction forever leashed by people exploiting that system. 

Built up for failure since birth by a place I called home, to be a part of the countless victims with ruined unhappy lives. So much for valuing memories that never had value, to connect to my past self who turned out to be the person I despised most. 

If I’d continued believing fallacies then I was just as misled as they are, and much like the landlord said, I wouldn’t have what it takes to reach success, this was what she must’ve been talking about. Just now, I didn’t possess what was needed of me to be successful. 

Even though I felt comfortable that I had given it my all my sullied attachments leech off my hard work, poisoning me until my weakest moment, which will then spring and cause me to lose my grit and focus and into the inevitable downward spiral to substitute my success.    

What I’ve been doing until now hasn’t been enough, if she’d only tell without her condescension then perhaps for once I might’ve thanked her. 

Alas, her ego got the better of her, and she, along with the alley will be forgotten— incinerated— and from the ashes, I’ll complete my metamorphosis, two years of struggles, and rebuilding back to a firm foundation just to glimpse the opportunity of success.  

Ironic as it was to sacrifice myself to make a complete restart, it did fit that I’d have to clear myself to begin anew properly. To have my old self not glimpse what I have moving forward, to never remain even in the darkest recesses of my mind.   

From here forth, I reject my past, the one who has lived in this alley, the one who fell prey to distractions and waywardness, to the person who I was before entering that computer shop, preciously recalling these errors as “nostalgia”. 

You and I— we’re no longer the same two people—  I do everything now to ensure my happiness, and being successful is the only guarantee, which means that I will take no second chances and no retries. 

I will do it here, and now, no more delays and setbacks, I’m sick of them. To achieve something meaningful, and to live a life where I’m in control, when I’m independent, no longer restrained to the movement of this world. 

I only wish to feel pride and happiness in being myself, nothing more, nothing less.  

I couldn’t take the same way back the way my commute dropped me off, that was a oneway road and I’d be taken elsewhere if I rode through there. 

To make my way back I had to cross a footbridge, which meant I had to trudge through more rainfall, and my blazer was nearing its limits as to how much water it could repel, though none had leaked to hit me yet, I was unwilling to wait before that happened and I quickened my pace as a result. 

8:30, time no longer mattered. On my way around the plaza center, the eyes of several onlookers bore holes into me— razor-sharp blades piercing my entire body— how strange must it be for them to see someone with actual ingenuity, then again from their designer handbags, and delicate dresses, residing in coffee shops late this hour with their triple-digit orders. 

How nice must it be to have the world handed to them, to have everything— the things we dream of— at arm's length. To be handed the silver spoon, in this ruthless unforgiving world, why wouldn’t I feel envious? Whilst I tirelessly work to earn the right to spend, they seem to have the right to spend whatever earned their attention.  

However, something urgent broke my line of thought, as the noise of electronic crackling and the immediate scent of burning plastic widened my eyes at the phone in my hand. 

“That’s not right,” I whispered with a look of concern. I raised it to get a better look…I’d turned the flashlight off and placed it in my bag long after leaving the alley, why would it start acting wrong now? 

Even though the footbridge was straight ahead my full attention was on the screen. Typing something on its own— a message— just like the one in the office. 

“When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” Another message…  

“What the— Ouch!” I stumble back, bumping into a stranger, knocking the phone off my hand and dropping it… Bump— ploop— off the curb and on the road, submerging itself in the accumulated rainwater.   

With clenched fists, I yell “Damn it!” before kneeling on the curb  “Eyes on where you’re going!” I shout at the oblivious man, whilst scooping my phone off the road. Thankfully, no gutters in sight to deliver my phone straight into the sewer lines. 

With barely a nudge of his neck to look down, his boots stomp on the water, splashing me with water while he walked. “You were camouflaged in your blazer, how was I supposed to see? Tsk!” He scoffs before leaving my sight.

I didn’t even care about being in the rain anymore, grasping the phone with both hands and the blazer on the sidewalk. I repeatedly clicked the power button— no response— there was no way I could afford to lose my phone— because I couldn’t afford a replacement. 

But, If I can’t get it working here, then I can still ask for someone who could, If I get home right now, then I’ll still preserve this thing in time.  Coincidentally, a jeepney stops by on the other side, reminding me of the footbridge and my commute. 

With desperation coursing through my every being, I snatch my drenched blazer, which was now heavier than my carry-on, and make it as fast as I could— except for these damn heels— making my foot wobble every so often while ascending. 

The jeepney was still there, it waited for me. Holding onto the railing, I ascend without caution— exhausted by a day’s work in the office— the weariness of the landlord’s transaction and lilac street.   

Step. step. Step— RIP— 

In the split-second, I became negligent—lost focus— that was when disaster struck. As this day finally caught up to me, my blazer jacket caught on one of the railing bolts, tearing and yanking me back a step, leaving me off-balanced as my heels snapped and I stumble down the footbridge with uncertainty in mind… 

The second that followed felt like an eternity— in limbo— For once I couldn’t think, for once time felt so slow… so uncharacteristically peaceful, serene, it was a moment only I could cherish… if death was something to cherish about.  

No— my mind was clear about one thing— my future, my new beginnings, my tireless efforts, will life rob me now when I’d just begun? NO, I— I refuse, I renounce it— I will NOT die, you hear me? 

Click  

And just like the snap of a finger, as if I just challenged some deity, time blitzed shortly after, My hand slammed on the concrete floor of the footbridge support and the clanging of metal rang like tinnitus in my ears whilst I collided several times with the steps before ending up on the concrete sidewalk

But, what could I do then? As I lay on the sidewalk, petrified… helpless… alone…  what, would I do in this situation? What would Dad do… 

As the raindrops rang like the tick-tock of a clock, It was cold, uncharacteristically cold… everything is reduced to a blur, with my eyes and ears comprehending nothing. Lights, far off in the distance, were those the stars? 

My eyes meet the void of the rainy night sky whilst I drift slowly to the verge of sleep, with only two words ringing in my mind— echoing throughout— 

Begin Anew…

Begin anew…

begin anew…

begin…

Darkness

At, 9:99 Eve is delivered…

To the hospital.