“Where are you?”

“On my way home.” 

The night was cold and silent that day. The fog was quite thick, creating an isolated space where I walked by myself. The only lights were the dim street lights and the moon that barely penetrated the fog. My hand was trembling, holding that phone to my ear. The sweater I was given was too thin but at least I got to clean myself first before leaving the precinct.

“They released you at a time like this?”

“No. I waited in a cafe. Can’t have the children spot me like this.”

“Are you still a suspect?”

“No. It was a—” a pause filled the call afterwards. My voice refused to get out. “I’m sorry, Violette.”

The next thing I heard from the other side was a sigh. “Have you eaten anything?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Are you going back to your home at Eighth?”

“Seventh.”

“Home’s still an active crime scene?”

“Yes.”

“Are you really going to be okay alone, Sota?”

“Trust me—” I lost all will to even walk one more step at that moment. I stood in front of the staircase of the apartment building. Still. The cold seeped through my skin but I wouldn’t budge. I could feel the air struggling to get through my lungs, racing with my heartbeats. Thump. Thump. Thump.

“Listen to my voice and focus on your breathing.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

I closed my eyes and focused on taking in the oxygen and letting them out again. Violette started guiding the rhythm by counting them all down. As I got calmer, I started to pace towards my unit. One-by-one. I slowly climbed the staircases to the third floor of the building and reached my front door.

My hand was trembling. The fingers that were hugging the handle started to lose their grasp. It finally hit me. Hard. I lost control of my own body as I fell sitting on the floor. I pulled my legs close and had my back leaning to the wall. The welled up emotions forced their way out through my tear glands.

“They- They’re all gone, Violette.”

Tears blurred my vision. My whole body shook uncontrollably. I couldn’t help but hug both of my legs, burying my face between both of my thighs. Fetal.

“I’m all alone now.”

My phone slipped away and fell to the floor. I could still hear Violette’s voice from the other side, filling the empty corridor with her voice. I gradually lost my focus.

“They’re not here anymore and it’s my fault!”

My head was slowly filled with pain, despair, anger—Feel it, human. Caladrius called for me. Feel all of it and let me have that feast. Let your despair turn to anger. Let that anger fuel your pain, and we both shall have a feast.

Darkness loomed. Silence arose. I couldn’t even differentiate what was around me and what was inside my head anymore. I’m sorry. I repeated it over and over and over again not knowing whether it was a voice in my mind or me actually chanting it.

He’s to blame! It’s Beelzebub! That wretched devil was the one who stole everything from you. So embrace this pain, human! With me, we will kill them all.

I lost everything— any sense of space, any thoughts that usually filled my brain, and even the agency over my own body. I was just there, groaning and writhing in pain.

Feed me that pain of yours! Give me all of them. We will be stronger than ever. Beelzebub will pay.

“Sota!”

A muffled voice came from the other side of the corridor, interrupting Caladrius who wouldn’t stop clouding my head.

They stole everything from you! They need to pay! It is their turn to feel the agony—

“Sota, please listen to me!”

The muffled voice got closer and I started to see the silhouette of hers.

Inflict them with pain and feed it to me—

“Idiot! Come back to your senses!”

Her voice pushed Caladrius away. She was crouching beside me now with both of her hands gripping firmly onto my shoulders. It was her. Lady Justice was there.

“Hathaway—”

She pulled me to her shoulder, putting her right hand behind my head and the other one wrapping around my torso. It felt warm. Her voice was the only one I could hear at that time, coming from her mouth and the speaker of my phone. 

“I’m here. I’m here.”

It could be my limit of pain or the fact that I held it in for the past three days. It could also be her voice that traveled through our temples that glued to each other. Whatever it was, it forced all tears to flow. For the first time since I was ten, I bursted out crying. The last thing I remembered afterward was her voice resonating in my ears before I lost consciousness.

“I’m still here, idiot.”