I’m going back. I’m really going back there after 4 years.

That was all my brain could think about right now. Around and around the thought went in my head.

You see after that certain incident four years ago Ma had threatened to kill me. I caught Ma hitting Carol after I got home from school that day. I decided enough was enough and acted. I had foolishly thought that after the first beating she would understand the consequences of doing something like that again. But she obviously didn’t get the fucking memo. Not even 10 minutes later did I hear Carol screaming at the top of her lungs. This time Ma was choking and forcing herself on Carol. I was absolutely appalled and disgusted, so I ripped Ma off Carol and gave her another beating.

Carol was so shaken up at this point that I decided to call the ambulance for Ma and took Carol to a hotel. I know that some people would have just left her to rot, but I still had a conscience. I wasn’t like Ma. I still had a moral compass that was perfectly intact. Maybe that wasn’t the smartest decision considering who Ma was, but with her injuries I didn’t want to take any chances with the police.

I just hoped after she reached the hospital that she would let sleeping dogs lie.

I was right. Everything seemed ok for the first few weeks. Ma didn’t call or bother us, so I thought we were in the clear. I was wrong. I was so very wrong. That decision came to bite me back in the ass.

I remember that shitty day like it was yesterday. It was hot like any day in Florida. Me and Carol were relaxing in our hotel room when Ma broke down our door. Ma had apparently found us through credit card statements and drove here right after being released from the hospital. After Ma was in our room, shit hit the fan. Ma wasn’t 100%, but she had brought one of her guns from home. Her eyes were wild and she looked dangerous. I knew than that Ma had come there to kill one of us.

I shivered in my seat just thinking about those few hours.

 I laid my head on the plane window and absently thought about the scars now on my body because of Ma. Yes, scars. She was there for me not Carol. I thought that was a saving grace because I didn’t want Carol to go through more than she already had. I sported a nice gash on my left eyebrow from the close call.

Ma had brought the gun, but she also had the knife she took everywhere with her. I was thankful that I kept up with my physical fitness because I had just enough time to dislodge the gun from Ma’s hands. After that it was a tussle on the ground. She somehow managed to grab her knife from its sheath and proceeded to use it.

At that point I was already breathing heavy and the adrenaline in my body was at an all-time high.

Ma was a pretty good fighter and weapons expert, so she had gotten off some nice slashes. That was where the eyebrow scar came from, but I also had some others on my body that were deeper like the one on my arm. That one needed 40 stitches. If someone had seen that hotel room, they would have assumed someone was killed in there. I had lost a lot of blood, but Carol had thankfully called the cops and they came just in time to stop Ma from killing me.

So, all in all I had pretty horrible memories of the place I was heading back to.

But it was time.

This job opportunity was just an excuse. I needed to know. Four long years and my feelings for Carol still linger in my heart. Did that make me pathetic? Pining after a woman I probably could never have? My best friend said it was, but she didn’t understand the depth of my feelings.

I sighed and pulled up the only picture of her I had on my phone. It was four years old, but I doubted her beauty had diminished in the time I had been gone. Looking at the picture only made the longing for her worse. I hoped she was single. I hoped she didn’t move on. Hope is a funny thing, but it was my main driving force.

I moved my eyes to see the time. Only one more hour. One more hour and I would be back in Florida for good. I wondered if Carol would be surprised by all the changes. My hair was now buzzed, I had a couple of piercings, and I had somehow grown an extra inch which left me at 6ft. I know I was tall, but I didn’t really care. In college, women seemed to flock to me and gush about my looks. The feeling of being wanted was nice, but they just weren’t her.

The plane’s intercom seemed to crackle and I heard the captain’s voice making an announcement. “This is your captain speaking. We will be landing soon, so buckle your seat belts and make sure to turn off all electric devices. That will be all. Thank you.”

This is it.

***

              I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was hot as balls. I was hoping for some rain, but I knew my luck wasn’t that good. The one time I wanted the weather to be bi-polar… Oh well. I guess I’d have to settle for the scorching sun. I didn’t like it. At all. Even though my skin was dark, I still could get burned. Isn’t that some bullshit? I remember Carol always warning me about it, but I never listened. Typical teenager shit.

              I looked up from my phone and saw my uber had finally arrived. I didn’t blame them for being late. If you had the displeasure of going through MIA (Miami Internation Airport) then you’d know it’s a clusterfuck here.

              When it pulled up to the curb, I immediately went straight to it and got in. “Thanks.” I looked at my phone again to see who the driver was. “Jianni.”

              “No problem. Is the address you inputted, correct?” She asked.

              “Yes, that’s it.” I replied.

              From then on, I decided to put my earbuds in and relax a little. I am not a people person, so riding in a plane that cramped had my anxiety at an all time high. And since my anxiety was high that meant I couldn’t sleep. I had anxiety induced insomnia, so the entire flight was just fucking awful.

              Thank God I went for uber premium. These seats are comfy!

              As I got comfortable, my mind wandered back to what I was thinking about before. About how much I changed. I turned twenty-two in January and Carol turned forty-four last August. It’s a big age gap I know, but I love who I love. And hey who doesn’t love older women? They are peak sexiness. I had thought about dating this one older woman I had met at a bar, but I decided against when I realized it wasn’t fair for her. I was just projecting my own feelings onto this woman and was subconsciously using her as a replacement. No, I didn’t figure that out by myself. As soon as I got to college, I went and found a therapist. I obviously had shit I needed to work through. So, it was in one of those sessions that we came to that conclusion.

              Who knew therapy actually worked?

              I wouldn’t recommend it for just anyone because there are some bad therapists out there, but the concept of therapy just works. Unfortunately, my good mood plummeted when I brain decided to be a shit head.

              Maybe this was a bad idea… I was having second thoughts about this.

              I was on my way to Carol house. I gave no prior notice and haven’t spoken to her in all these years. And no that wasn’t our decision. That was under the advisement. We had no idea when Ma would get out of prison and didn’t want her to potentially find me, so she could finish what she had started.

              But four years was long enough right? Ma was still serving her sentence for attempted murder with no indication that she was getting out soon – and yes, I checked religiously – so it was time for me to come home. Finally.

I felt the car stop and the driver trying to talk to me. “Miss? Miss? We’re here.” Jianni said.

Fuck, that was fast. I must’ve dozed off or something.

I was nervous. Very nervous. This was the only woman in the word who could get me to act this. All the women at school couldn’t get me to break out in nervous sweats. My hands were white knuckling into my pants. My heartbeat was faster than it had ever been. Shit. Was I ready to do this? I don’t know if I was. What if doesn’t want to see me? What if she hates me? What if she is disgusted at the mere sight of me? I did get here partner sent to jail… Goddamnit!

“Miss? Are you ok?” Jianni asked.

Her words brought out of my spiraling thoughts. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Thanks for the ride.” I said and hopped out of her car.

I was now left alone, on the street with my belongings, and outside of Carols house. I lifted a hand to my face, so I could keep the sun out of my eyes. I squinted and looked at the house that I had grown up in. It hadn’t changed at all. Maybe, a fresh coat of paint, but it looked exactly the same. I was both excited and terrified by the thought. This house was where I had fallen in love and it was also the house where my worst memories came from. I was surprised Carol hadn’t found somewhere else to live.

It’s now or never dumbass. Stop stalling.

Fuck. Right. I was stalling. I moved one foot after the other and slowly made my way toward Carol’s front door. Step by step, I got closer and closer until I had finally reached my final destination. I looked down and saw my hands were shaking. Was I going to have a panic attack? That would be the worst. I took a few deep breaths and used the doorbell that was on my left.

I took a few minutes, but I finally saw the door opening and I held my breath. This is it. This was really it. I was finally going to see Carol again after all these years! When the door finally opened all the way and Carol’s eyes looked up my own, I couldn’t help my elation.

“Surprise!”