A girl was singing as pulsing, sparkling beats accompanied her voice. In general, the bar beyond was full of clinking glasses and patrons who were scrambling to get a drink and then sit down again. Beyond this white wall, the whole place was buzzing. But it seemed so quiet here, even though I was only a wall away.

In the small club beyond, Tata was surely entertaining. If I listened hard enough, I could hear his voice. Ringing above the others in mocking, making a joke. Welcoming people in, laughing. No regard to the girl on stage trying to do her job. Too busy making merry, causing people to feel good. 

He could be quiet at times, especially at home, but now he was in his element and I wondered if he was happy here. 

I'd said I was going in the back to sneak my asthma inhaler. I was doing no such thing. Overwhelmed by the noise still, coming back after so long with this place quiet. How different it was now, after so many days of coming in and there being silence. Not even a piano player to entertain the silence. My goodness, the stark difference. It was hard to get used to, no matter how many months it had been.

I'd be on the stage to an empty audience. The chairs weren't even arranged. I'd sing and close my eyes, but then the bell would ring above the door and then the door would close again. I'd be silent and act as if I were doing anything else. Sit down on the piano bench and act as if I were cleaning the piano with nothing but my hands. Not wanting to be caught, even though it was my job to perform music. Because, I'd been emulating him, the man who would become my lover and now partner in life.

Sometimes in the late evening, I'd be here and he'd come in. A mask would be on his face, but I'd recognize him from his gait. A strange shuffling, as if he'd had a hurry and a place to be. He was only coming here, but it seemed urgent every time. He was always going too fast, no matter where he went. 

One must go to Cinderella Bar, and one must go to Cinderella Bar. That's the way it goes. I knew that, too. That's what I'd come to understand about everything. 

Sometimes after he came, another queen would arrive and it would suddenly be a party. A party with three people. He'd go behind the bar and suddenly there was drinking and merry making. Like Christmas all over again. The lights were more golden, the cheerfulness brighter. Just because he had company who would actually entertain him. I'd sit at the piano and offer some music without being asked, all the while keeping distance as we'd be instructed to do. Instead, only able to watch from afar and catch a naughty glimpse of his face as he tugged the mask down to drink from time to time. But, facing away, I often had to sneak these glances from too far. 

It was strange now that the bar wasn't ours alone. It belonged to everyone now, anyone who wanted to come in and gawk at us. There was always live entertainment, perhaps Cham was home and would joke with everyone. Maybe Darla would come and everyone would cheer and shout as he played old favorites and asked everyone what they were staring at. Maybe everyone would be here as it was tonight, and the house would rock and shake and everyone would be too happy. 

I longed for the times when it was nearly empty. Nearly, because there he'd be, wandering around the club inspecting things or perhaps being in his own thoughts. Until I played the piano and started to sing with it, he acted as if he were by himself. As if someone could be watching. Online, it was an entirely different story, and one that didn't translate to real life.

What are you doing now? Oh, is that so. Why do you feel that way? Wanna talk about it? My cat found my sneaker and chewed it up. Now I need a new sneaker. Hey, my headphones broke. Oh, you can buy one from Amazon. Can I buy hand sanitizer from Amazon? I have a new chocolate bar. Don't eat chocolate, though. I wish we could go out and eat steak together. I like pepper steak. What kind do you like?

I understood his hesitance in real life. Online, you can speak about anything. It's just you two, in a cage maybe. Completely isolated. Nobody is going to butt in and talk to you or take you away. It's a linear line. A clear point A and point B. We could talk online all day and no one was going to say anything, because they didn't know. But, compared to that packed bar with all of our friends wandering around? 

The owner of Cinderella Bar is going out with that new queen, the piano player. Oh, I know. It's favoritism. It's unfair. He's the favorite. Who is he, anyway?

Under the cherry trees, he'd found me one day. I was playing piano at the entrance to the park, a publicly installed piano that anyone could play. He'd been so charmed, and I caught him out of the corner of my eye. Dressed in a sweater that was almost inappropriate for the newly spring weather, his thick glasses slipping down his nose. His hands clasped to his chest with his mouth open. 

I'd felt bad that the piano was lonely, and the first time it rained the piano would likely be ruined. Its life would be ended, this installation was really careless. Put the piano in a mall or under the semi-roof of a shopping center. Don't put it under the cherry blossom trees. But as my fingers flew around the keys, the cherry blossom petals played with them, too. More fell in my hair, tickled my face. Honoring this poor piano who'd been left out here carelessly, a lonely life.

I never expected him to stop that day. Nobody really had. I wasn't playing anything dramatic or special. But he stood there as if enchanted. 

He told everyone at the club how he'd found me, but that was it. No more real interaction. I played for him and everyone, a simple accompaniment to their much more flashy routines. Drag queens in full dress, of varying kindness to me. It became so apparent why he wasn't giving me much time. Every queen wanted his favor and to be the favorite. How much control he had over everyone's careers, simply by being the owner of this club. 

I didn't want any special attention, even now. I liked to keep to myself. But, my lover was always needing attention from anyone at all. 

The curtain of fuchsia and purple beads washed together like ocean waves, a strange sound back here. I pressed to the white wall, the inhaler in my hand like a weapon in my surprise. But, there he was, as always. Except, this time I knew it was a special case.

He went to adjust the long, dark pink skirt of his dress. It was almost red, but in the right light it was a dark pink. How excited he'd been when he'd had it made, this rare fabric he'd found. He patted it down now, always trying to look his best even though it was just us two back here in this small room. 

"Oh, I need to get more of the prosecco we just got imported," he was saying to himself, but not really to himself. He was actually talking to me as he went to the storage room, but not really. I recognized it, though. Inviting me to talk, his sneaky way.

"Ah, the prosecco?" I asked, offering him this attention he so desired.

He absolutely launched. My hand went over my mouth, my inhaler banging into my lips harmlessly as I did. His arms went out in a wild gesture all over the air, scrambling. "They love it!" he burst. His finger poked the edge of his mouth in thought, however. "Or is it that it's on discount? The special we're running. Do they really like it, or is it just the sale? Ohh, Yuki, is it just the sale?! I really liked this one! Do they only like it because of the sale?!'

He was so loud, probably from being in the other room. It only made me smile, though. I abandoned the wall, going over to him. The long, dark auburn wig he was wearing was a deep and autumnal orange color in this golden light. My hands met his bare shoulders, brushing the silk of his sleeves as they went past and my body met his and his warmth was overwhelming, as like the noise of the room beyond. His own hands met my back, his strong arms clinging on. My chin met his bare shoulder, and my eyes closed. 

I took in a deep breath to show him I was okay. "Do you just want more of the prosecco for yourself?" I accused. 

"Ahh, meeean Yuki," he mock complained, but that laugh soon arrived and it was my reward.

"Selfish Tata," I mocked him back. 

"Ahh, agaaain," he whined, so cute that I couldn't help but smile and really truly that was his aim. 

As he laughed again, I finally eased enough to laugh with him. Lingering like that with him, finally having him all to myself. Just like those Covid days. I must be the only one in the world who wishes they never ended. But, a selfish reason is a selfish one all the same. 

As we hugged, I closed my eyes and began a daydream. Tickling on my fingers, light pink blossom petals. An image at the corner of my eye, of a dorky guy who couldn't take his eyes off me. Some creep at the entrance of the park, but my how he'd transformed my life. Living in that moment, wishing to be there again. And yet so glad to be here instead.