I’m lost. In this moment, in this idea, in this connection between Madison and I. All I keep thinking about is how this is what it could look like if we weren’t tangled up in such a mess. That this is what it could look like if I take the chances needed to pull us out of it. Madison might not be aware of the dangers she’s in the mix of, but I do. I know how the slightest mistake can make things pull out from under us instantly. I have to protect her. Protect this.

Things are so sweet in this moment, so I try to hold onto that. Hold onto Madison as my arms are wrapped around her waist. It’s a little surprising how much she’s been letting me be affectionate with her. I’ve still made sure to be careful not to push too much, but I have been doing little things here and there to test the waters. I watch as she finishes up the stuffing, almost wanting to steal a kiss. It’s the one boundary I have yet to push on. One I’m unwilling to without her being the one to open the door to it.

I just hope she stays this open once everyone else starts piling in. I’m also willing to give her that space, and I know if she’s this comfortable with me now, it will be there when everyone’s gone. I know aswell that I’ll miss this in that in-between. But what I want or not, it’s her that I’m wanting to put first. So I’ll be fine. I’ll have to get used to it, push the desire down. It’s something I’ll figure out when it comes to it.

That maybe coming sooner than wanted when I check Madison’s phone and find out that her brother is already here.

Well… I guess that means it’s time to stop dreaming.

I know this is still a step I need to make no matter how much I’d rather stay by Madison’s side. I still aim to try and stay with her as much as possible, but being close by her has to be enough. For the most part that is. I will steal my little moments the chances I get, but I have to mostly stay mingling and gathering intel. For him, for me, either way it’s the must to know the next move to make.

Maybe her brother will know why she froze the other day, but is he safe to ask?

I’m unsure, but I can at least plant a seed and see what it leads into. If he won’t give me direct answers, maybe then he’ll reveal it with someone he’s comfortable with and I’ll be able to over hear whether he knows or not. Whether any of them do.

“It’s your brother. He says that they’re here. I’ll go greet them while you finish up, Love. I have to check on the turkey anyway.”

“Thank you.”

I cherish the smile from her before I head off to meet her brother. I’ve seen pictures of him, so I have to be careful not to make it seem like I know him or any of who else is with him. I have to be very careful today with what is said. I’ve already slipped up a time or two with the girls, but am thankful it was never anything they seemed to pick up on.

Opening the door, I notice familiar faces, Jonathan, the friend Madison mentioned, Canton, and Zach?

He’s Madison’s cousin, and from the intel I’ve gotten, something happened between the two of them. I’m not sure exactly what, but she doesn’t seem to care for him all that much, so seeing him throws me off.

I put a big grin on my face and try to act the friendly self many love and let their guard down around. Similar to the charming self I put up with ladies, but not exactly the same. I mean, flirting with males won’t come across the same, so it’s more of a laid-back, we’ve been friends forever kind of self. A self I’ve held a lot longer than the other, but still isn’t completely genuine.

So, the front goes up again.

It doesn’t feel completely great anymore. It never did before, but somehow it feels worse than before. Like I can feel the taint that has been put into it that I never recognized before had slowly been bleeding into it.

That’s certainly new.

“Hey! I take it one of you is Jonathan?”

The guy in the middle waves at me with three fingers up and a gaze curious of me.

“Yo, that would be me. And you are?”

I let the smile relax some to not seem so forced but keep a friendly demeanor.

“Your sister’s boyfriend.”

I let it sit a second before I let out a light laugh.

“I’m kidding. I wish, but I’m just the neighbor and good friend for now. It’s Kalston.”

I move to the side and let them in. Zach looks inside with curious glances as if he’s searching for something, but unable to spot it. But Canton is instent with the smiles.

“What up, Kalston. You seem pretty chill. You know Jonathan then, that’s Zach, and I’m Canton.”

I offer a hand to him.

“Thanks, it’s nice to meet you all. I’d stick around a moment longer, but I have to head to make sure everything is good in my place, but welcome. I’m sure I’ll catch you guys in a moment.”

I’m the one that now on the outside, and take note of the uncomfortable feeling set on me when passing Zach. His silence too makes me feel as if there is something about him that I need to be careful of. Not the same as the silence of Ash when he came in. Almost like there is something he’s hiding. A caution more so from being in the dark instead of afraid of it.

‘You’re the one to talk.’

And that’s how I know the difference.

I make it into my place and the shift in the silence is unmistakable. It’s not darker here then it was at the girls, yet the shadows seem more intense. As if they are slowly swallowing the space instead of shading it like over there. The space almost feels heavier in a sense as well. I close my eyes for a moment to gather my bearings and remind myself that this is my doing. That this is the real home I’ve made for myself. That the dark here is a show of that in me.

I go back to what I said I was doing, checking the turkey. Making sure along side it to put in an ear bud to flip through it’s channels while I’m alone. Listening to the conversations had on the other side of the wall. I flip to the other kitchen, and listen to the conversation between Jonathan and Madison. There’s a strain in her tone that doesn’t settle well when she’s talking about Zach.

So, she didn’t know he was coming over.

Able to hear her weary about it, and Jonathan’s dismissal of it, there’s no mistaking that he’s gaslighting her. That he’s saying things anyone knowing Madison would know she wouldn’t push back on. And of course, she doesn’t. It’s then I know the two I need to stick around.

I need to make sure Zach stays away from her today.

What ever happened, I know that it’s something that still bothers her. That makes her still bothered by him. So if my job is to not be around Madison much, then I’ll make it sticking to him as much as I can to be sure he’s not sticking around her.

I’ll protect you, Love. I’ll be sure to do what ever it takes to make you feel safe.