“In his words, it was for my sake. He just wanted to keep me alive, that's all. But I don’t feel the same.” 

I was, without a doubt, a prisoner. 

Such a method was only temporary; however, it didn’t fix the problem. People still saw me as a curse, and they blamed me for everything. 

When the tension was reaching its boiling point, that’s when the “Saint” came in and made a suggestion. 

‘What if I draw a seal. One which would purify Her Majesty of the curse. She would no longer be able to do harm then.’ 

Everyone believed her. All her lies swayed everyone, including my very own husband. 

No. 

Perhaps he knew that she was lying. That the seal she spoke of was no more than a facade that doesn’t actually serve any function other than to convince the people that I would no longer bring misfortune. 

It doesn’t have any tinge of Holy Magic, Magic, Sorcery, or any tinge of power. It was merely scars. 

Perhaps Leo knew of that fact. Yet in desperateness to keep me alive and to prevent me from getting executed brutally, he agreed to the “Saint’s” demands. 

They put me in chains, restrained me so I couldn’t move, stripped me of all of my clothing, and with a hot knife, the “Saint” started to carve through my skin with a smile of delight in her face. She would sprinkle salt on my wounds and pretend to pray, calling it “cleansing”. 

She was very skillful in how she did it. She made sure not to exhaust me too much, and made sure that my weak body could handle it and survive. When I’m on the brink of death she would stop and save me. 

The days felt endless as I woke up and slept constantly in pain. 

It was horrifying. 

She tortured me, the closest she could ever reach the Goddess, and brought me into so much pain for her revenge. 

It was frightening and painful. All I could think of at that time was my desire to die, yet she wouldn’t even let me. 

I needed someone to save me. 

At that time, I screamed and reached out, I begged Leo to save me. But he only shut his eyes and turned his back on me. 

He said it was all to protect me. To save me. That it was the only way for me to live. 

But he didn’t understand. 

I wanted to die. 

Only then could I be free from this pain. 

It was my salvation.

If I had to go through such horrible torture just to live, then was it even worth it? If my life had no happiness and only suffering in pain, then what was the point of living? 

Leo loved me. That was true. But his obsession with keeping me alive made his love painful.

I couldn’t bear it. 

Four very long years were spent like that. But even I don’t know the reason why he allowed my death. Still, I was thankful. 

It was because I died that I could be happy right now. 

That I could be with you.

***

-Barf! 

“Cough cough!” 

Louis vomited everything in his stomach while tears constantly flowed from his eyes. 

Lucena told the story so nonchalantly like she was talking about someone else, but it felt different for Louis. 

Lucena always kept things secret from Louis. But now he understood why. 

His life was barely even more than a decade, yet he had already seen many different versions of his sister. 

The first Lucena he ever grew familiar with was a bright child. She always smiled and laughed so cheerfully despite her many misfortunes. Her adorable smiles warmed the otherwise big and cold castle making it a nice home for their family. 

It was the sister he first learned to love. 

But when they were ten years old, Lucena went through a change. She learned their fate, and came to know despair. The cute sister that always smiled was gone. There was neither laughter nor smiles to be seen on her face. 

Instead, she developed a temper and threw frequent tantrums. She always appeared angry and said lots of mean things she didn’t mean. The gifts that she used to love so much were all discarded in a corner that light couldn’t reach. And at night when no one else is around, she would find a place no one could find her and cry on her all alone. She kept crying everyday like that. 

The next Lucena he came to meet was a child far too mature than her actual age. A girl who's come to accept death. She didn’t cry, but she smiled calmly with a sad look on her eyes. A girl who surrendered to her fate. 

But since the Goddess had turned back time, Louis came to meet another version of his sister. She felt most unfamiliar amongst others she had been before. She was the one he struggled most to understand. 

She was cheerful like she had been before she ever came to know what despair felt like. But in a way, Louis always felt like it was all fake. This Lucena always hid her true feelings beneath a cheerful smile. In times where she should cry, she would laugh instead. And he felt so much pain just looking at her. 

This Lucena looked as if she was carrying a heavy burden. But she shrugs it off as if nothing is wrong at all. 

This Lucena always felt the need to be strong. She always seemed so desperate and her eyes only reflected sadness. 

She hides it all in a cheerful facade. She acted as if the strongest blizzards wouldn’t affect her, when among all other Lucenas Louis had met, she was the one who felt most fragile. 

And in the library earlier when he found her, Louis's heart couldn’t help but skip a beat. His heart felt like it was being gripped when he saw her, he found it difficult to breathe. At that time, Lucena’s eyes looked so lifeless. Like an empty and hollowed doll that had no will left to live. 

He couldn’t help but mutter an apology. 

Several months had already passed, yet Lucena cried only once. She didn’t cry when she saw him again for six years of being apart, nor did she cry when she saw Father again. She only did cry when her existence was validated, perhaps because she was finally given hope that her existence isn't a source of misery for her family. Till now, she just unveiled the biggest fear and pain she kept buried in her heart. She trembled but she did not shed tears. 

She looked to be in so much pain when she spoke, yet she kept a smile on her face. She looked like she wanted to cry, but lost all hope that anyone would ever hear her cries. Instead she buries it all in her heart. And she continues to suffer all alone. 

At first, he wanted to know what she went through to become like that. But now that he knew…he found himself struggling to breathe. 

“Cena please…I'm right here.”

Louis called to her, embraced her thin frame as she shivered, but she remained in daze. As if unable to see him.

Perhaps in the depths of her heart, she still believes that all of this was a dream. 

What must he do to save her? 

To save his dear sister who was drowning and so lost?

It’s okay. Take your time. 

When the day comes when you no longer need to hide to avoid the pain…

When you could finally express yourself without the fear of being ignored and rejected…

When you can smile when you’re happy, and cry when you're sad. 

Till that time comes, I will shed tears in your stead, my dearest sister. 

That was…the only thing he could do. 

It felt so miserable to be able to do nothing else but watch.

-Rustle

-Thump!

“Ah…” 

Louis went back to their room hearing the noise. Lucena was there, standing, gazing at the moon. Or at least, it seemed like she was. 

“Cena, let’s go back to bed.” 

He gently coaxed her, and held her hand. But instead of doing as he said, Lucena started walking in daze, out of the room. 

He patiently accompanied her. 

This wasn’t the first time. Lucena would randomly sleepwalk at night after especially stressful days, and he would always accompany her. Quietly protecting her until she goes back to bed. 

“Louis? Cena? Why are you two…” 

His Father’s words were unable to finish once he got a good look at his children. Then he sighed. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Me?” 

Louis asked in confusion, to which the Archduke nodded patiently. 

“I…” 

Louis looked at his sister whose eyes were still clouded and unfocused. 

“I’m not okay.” 

There was silence for a moment, before Louis opened his mouth again. This time, he looked at his Father. 

“Dad, what is salvation?” 

How do you even save a person?
The Archduke could only gaze solemnly at his child who was asking such a difficult question. Even in the dark night, he could see his son’s face looked pale, his eyes bloodshot, and looked as if he’d been crying continuously for hours. But most of all, he could see the cuts on his son’s wrist which still had been dripping with blood, although hidden under his sleeves. 

He can’t answer his question, however…

“My son…”