Frazer: Are you home? Sent 5:58pm.

I was in the midst of washing the dishes when my phone screen illuminated with his message.

Drying off my hands, I was quick to unlock my phone, dejected that he had ignored my previous text, but glad he had finally said something.

Me: Yeah. Sent at 6:00pm.

Frazer: Can you come out? Sent at 6:05pm.

I let the water drain from the sink as his next text came through, and hurried to dry my hands once more. 

Me: It’s a bit late. Sent at 6:07pm.

Frazer: I won’t take too much of your time. Sent at 6:08pm

With a sigh, I grabbed a jumper on the way and told dad I’d be back. 

“Let me know if we have to break out the ice cream when you’re back,” he called after me.

And as I walked down the hallway to the front door, I smiled as my brother said, “Or we could break it out anyway. Ice cream is a celebration food as well as a break up food.”

I took a deep breath before I opened the door, eyes then searching the yard for him.

Though when no one was in immediate sight, I walked a little further out, whispering to the darkness, “Frazer?”

“Boo!” a voice suddenly came from behind me.

A yelp escaped my mouth before I whipped around.

Frazer snickered, and I shoved at his shoulder. 

“Why would you do that? You scared the daylight out of me.”

“But daylight was gone over half an hour ago.”

Gaze narrowing, I replied, “It’s an expression, jerk-face.”

“Jerk-face? That’s a new one.”

“What do you want?” I sighed, not buying into his playful attitude.

But even my tiredness couldn’t faze him. Grinning from ear to ear, Frazer grabbed my hand in his and pulled me further into the night.

He rejects me last night, ignores me all day, and now he’s holding my hand again? What game is he playing?

Though once we were in his driveway, he let me go and waved his hands out in a jazz-style. “Ta-da!”

I glanced towards where he was indicating, my eyes slowly adjusting as I took in the vehicle. “I don’t get it.”

Though then the brake lights flashed as the vehicle unlocked. Turning back to Frazer, I realised he was holding the keys. 

“Did you get a car?” I finally clued in.

He nodded, still grinning. “And my licence. That’s where I was all day.”

“Congratulations,” I replied, though as happy as I was for him, we both heard the lingering defeat underpinning my tone. 

His smile wavered for a moment, but then he forced the grin again as he shoved me towards the car. After opening the passenger door, he rounded the vehicle to the driver’s side.

“Let’s make this very clear. I’m not going anywhere with you while you’re in the driver’s seat,” I quickly quipped before he could get a word out.

“What do you mean?” he whined back. “I have my licence. I passed the test. So what’s—”

“Maybe once you’ve made a few drives on your own I will consider getting in a car with you. But most certainly not until you’ve had some practice.”

The smile fell from his face for a moment, until he said, “Then how are you going to get to the music shop tomorrow?”

I blinked a few times as I took in what he was saying, and then, “No. Nuh-uh. I will catch the bus. Or get my dad to drop me off. No way am I—”

“That just sounds tedious. Look, I get your hesitancy, but it will be day time. I’ll be super careful. And I did pass the test, Em. I’m permitted to drive.”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

“Mhmm… Well, if this was all, I’m going to—” I started to say, wanting to remove myself from the confined space and put some distance between us again.

“Wait,” he then said, hand gripping my arm until I straightened back in the seat. “Why did you text me today that you’re sorry?”

“I…” I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I thought we weren’t hiding things—”

“And I thought we were hanging out every day, but you didn’t even message me until this even—”

“I was busy.”

“You could have told me.”

“I figured you’d be too… wrecked after last night to notice or care.”

“Yeah, well, I did notice.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Clearly it’s not.” Though I had nothing to say back anymore, because I knew we were going to keep going in circles. “Why did you say you’re sorry though?”

I shrugged. “I thought maybe you were upset with me after last night.”

“Upset?” He scoffed. “I actually think you make a funny drunk. It shocked me, that’s for sure. I didn’t expect it from you. But I wasn’t upset. Actually, I quite liked… Nevermind. I just… I wasn’t upset or mad about anything. I was just busy today getting my licence and then the car and sorting the rego and getting all the accessories… I should have texted you to let you know. But I still ended up seeing you! So you can’t say we haven’t hung out every day these holidays so far.”

He grinned at me, waiting for me to meet his gaze. And once I did, I felt all the worries drift away until I finally returned his smile. 

“I should probably let you head back in. Make sure you go to bed earlier though because we’re leaving at eight.”

“Eight in the morning?” I retorted.

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“Obviously to do a Maccas run for brekkie before we go to the music shop. We’ve got a recording room to set up in the afternoon, Em, with only a few hours in a day.”

“But I want to sleep!”

“I’ll let you sleep on Friday. And I let you sleep today, so…”

My eyes narrowed. “You better stick to your promise,” I warned.

“I’ll never break any of my promises I make with you,” he vowed.

If only that statement remained true.

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

True to his word, Frazer was in his driver's seat, ready to go when I walked out the door at 8:10 the next morning.

“You’re late!” he accused when I warily climbed into the passenger seat.

“Hardly.”

“Every minute is important, Em.” He put the car into gear and backed out of the driveway.

“Don’t stress. It’s not like Artie’s is a place that’s ever bustling with people. Especially first thing in the morning.”

“I know that. I’m not worried about the shops being packed.”

“Then traffic?”

“No.”

“Then what’s so wrong with me being ten minutes—”

“It’s ten minutes less time we could have spent together.”

The car fell into an awkward silence. That is until my heart started emitting the most obnoxiously loud drum solo and my cheeks flushed redder than the sun.

I didn’t know what to say back to him.

Because… Is that a declaration? Does he… does he like me back? Surely not. He stressed that we are just friends on his birthday.

But what does ten minutes matter if I’m just a friend?

Yet then he cleared his throat and said, “Holidays are almost over and then we won’t get to hang much anymore. My mates will get in the way and so will assessment. So we have to live up our time now.”

My cheeks were quick to cool as my heart dropped back into its usual rhythm. 

If he liked me, he wouldn’t have tried to explain himself then. He’d have let me read into his words.

Unable to withstand this conversation any longer, I reached for the radio. “Mind if we listen to some music?” I changed the topic.

“Sure,” he replied, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

I flicked through the stations, settling on Triple J as it tuned in.

“That was ‘Bleed’ by The Kid Laroi. Remember when The First Time was our feature album and we were the first to hear it? What a time. In case our listeners didn’t know, The Kid Laroi was also an artist who was once a finalist of Triple J’s Unearthed High, and, if you’ve just tuned in, today we’re revisiting a lot of artists who made their start by participating in Unearthed High’s competition. Why? Well, today is the day our Unearthed High Competition opens! If you’re a teenager trying to make a start as a musician, why not try submitting one of your best songs to the Triple J Unearthed website? We listen to every song that gets uploaded, and make a finalist list from there. Head over to the website for more details if you’re interested. Now, I think it’s time for some more music. This one is from last year’s winner, JACOTÉNE. This is ‘I Need Therapy’.”

“Oh my gosh,” I said, turning the volume back down as JACOTÉNE’s resonant voice boomed through the car.

“What?” Frazer replied, glancing at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“Frazer… you could do this.”

“Huh?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Were you not listening? Unearthed High!”

“Uh… No.”

“No?”

“That’s for actual musicians.”

“It’s for teenagers who are aspiring musicians.”

“I’m not an aspiring musician.”

“Well, you should be.”

He was silent in response.

“Do you really not think you’re good enough?”

“I know I’m not.”

“So you think I’m deaf or delusional then?”

He said nothing back.

“You do?”

“No one has ever said anything before.”

“Why would I think you’re so good if you weren’t?”

“I could think of one reason.”

I paused as his muttered words that weren’t meant for me to hear hit. 

His eyes flickered my way a moment before going back to the road,  avoiding me from thereon.

If only I hadn’t drank yesterday… Then he may have never found out.

How can he still hang out with me like this? Isn’t it awkward for him knowing I have a crush on him?

But Frazer’s too kind of a person to cut me off just because I like him. We’re friends first. He’d put up with my fangirling and crushing over making me feel alone again.

Before the mortification could end my mission, I asked, “Have you ever genuinely sang in front of anyone other than me before?”

He shrugged. “Sort of.”

“Mumbling under your breath or purposely singing off key because you’re goofing around with mates doesn’t count.”

“I don’t see the difference.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know you do. Why don’t you just… trust me? Try singing in front of someone and then tell me you can’t sing.”

“But why?”

“Because you really have talent, Frazer. And I wish you’d admit how amazing you are. If you gave others a chance to see it, I wouldn’t be the only one gushing like this.”

He didn’t say anything after that, except for asking my order when we pulled up at the Maccas drive thru. 

And the rest of the ride to Artie’s also continued in silence, his discomfort with my request loud and palpable. 

But when we pulled up in the car park, he finally said, “Fine. I’ll sing for my mum.”

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

Putting on a brave face, I smiled and blabbered our whole way home after we selected the items we’d need for our makeshift recording room. It was difficult to ignore the uncomfortable air between us, yet I tried my best. Because if he could feign ignorance for the sake of our friendship, I should too.

All the while, I managed to convince Frazer to invite his mum in during one of the recordings under the guise of helping us record it—that way she could fashion up her own compliments.

And true to my claims, she was quick to clap the moment he strummed the last cord. 

“Mum,” he scolded, “We weren’t finished.”

“Oh, you can do it again later. Fraze, that was so good! All this time I didn’t know. I should have put you on one of those TV talent shows!”

He glanced at me, eyes narrowed, before he looked back to his mum. “Did Em set you up to this?”

“What do you mean?” she replied, genuinely confused and giving me a questioning glimpse.

I shook my head and explained Frazer’s doubt of his abilities.

“You think your friend Emilia, who barely says three words when she’s alone with me, would arrange some plot to get me to compliment your singing? And for what purpose?”

I felt my cheeks warm at her comment about my lack of social skills, but nonetheless felt smug as the defeat set in on Frazer’s face. “How about you sing in front of the guys when we’re back at school? It would be the ultimate test.”

“I don’t know…”

Yet, even though he was reluctant, by the end of the day I had managed to convince him.

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

When the sky had become a myriad of oranges and yellows outside, I excused myself from Frazer’s company and thanked his mum on my way out. 

Though I had barely made it down his driveway when he called out to me from behind. “Em!”

“Did I forget something?” I asked, glancing at his empty hands.

“No… I… uh…” He ran a hand through his hair and looked everywhere but me. “I just wanted to say thank you for today.”

“You want to thank… me? I forced you to do this for my personal gain.”

“Not the recordings… More just… believing in me so much.”

“Oh… You needn’t thank me for that. Friends are supposed to lift each other up, right?”

His emerald gaze shifted back to mine, a tenderness consuming them as he gave me a brief nod. “I also wanted to ask… if everything’s okay between us?”

The slight smile that had previously graced my lips dropped. He must be referring to my confession… and his clear rejection. “Why wouldn’t we be?” I forced another grin.

He shrugged. “You’ve seemed a little down all day.”

“... I’m fine. Really.” Eventually I will be.

“Okay… Well, I’ll see you tomorrow morning then?”

My brows furrowed. “We’re hanging tomorrow?”

“Why wouldn’t we?”

“Well, we did a bunch of recordings today.”

“Are you telling me you’re satisfied with just a few songs?”

“I mean… I’d never say no to more.”

“There you go.”

“Don’t you want to, like… hang out with your other friends though?” Though, what I really meant was, Don’t you want to put distance between us?

“I’ll see plenty of them when school goes back.”

“... Right.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyway, I better—” I started to turn to head to my house, but his hand grabbed my wrist.

“No, what?”

“I just…” I glanced at his hold on me, which forced him to drop my arm immediately, almost as if I had the plague. Pretending I wasn’t offended, I explained, “It’s just… next term will be different, won’t it?”

“... Probably. Though each term is always a little different. In the first, you and I weren’t friends. Last you barely hung out with me. And next—”

“We will barely hang out again.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll be spending lunch with your mates and won’t be catching the bus anymore so—”

“I thought we got past the ‘you avoiding the music room’ thing?”

“You still want me there?”

“Duh. You’re my friend too, Em.”

“But what about the guys?”

“They’d love your company. They also thought you were a hoot the other night, so they’d love more opportunities to get to know you.”

The wave of mortification washed over me for the millionth time today as memories of yesterday came flooding back once more. “Please do not mention your birthday dinner to me ever again.”

He snickered. “I’m not making any promises there. Also, what does it matter if I’m not catching the bus anymore?”

“I guess… because that’s where we spent most time together last term?”

“And we will spend that same time together in my car now.”

My face deadpanned.

“Oh, don’t give me that. You survived today. Admit I’m a great driver.”

“Never.”

“C’mon, Em. You know you want to!”

I started backing away towards my house. “Your driving is terrifying.”

“Nonsense! You were too distracted by the music the whole time to notice!”

“More like I was so scared I couldn’t talk!” I called back, almost at my door now.

“Liar! See you at nine?”

I barked a laugh. “I’m sleeping in tomorrow after today’s early start.”

“Nine-thirty then?”

“Try eleven.”

“That’s basically the afternoon.”

“But it’s not.”

Even with the light nearly gone, as I paused at my door, I saw him grinning over the fence at me. “Enjoy your evening, Em.”

“You too, Fraze.”