A few minutes passed. Mai and I were standing outside of her apartment. She wore the same dirty, large T-shirt, boy shorts, and slippers that were much too big for her feet. We left her father inside, who seemed to have passed out. I didn't bother checking, since I didn't care or want to.

Mai told me nothing, and I didn't say anything to her. We communicated by just staring at each other. It's as if my eyes could convey all I wanted to say without my words. 

We took a gentle stroll together to a local park, around 11 minutes from the apartment complex. This time, I enjoyed walking next to her without feeling awkward or defensive. This was a first. It felt good. 

It was hot outdoors—hotter than normal and a little humid—but it was bearable. We sat on an unoccupied park seat under a Sakura tree. We didn't say anything and stayed quiet for approximately 15 minutes. I can't recall. I only know that there is usually a significant amount of silence between us before we have a proper conversation. The park was empty. It was just us. Fortunately, the tree we were sitting beneath prevented most of the sunlight from shining on us, even though the sun was blazing fiercely. 

I focused on my shoes before shifting my gaze to Mai's feet. I realized I'd missed seeing her grubby, worn-out loafers on her feet.

"I enjoyed having sex with you, Hiro." 

"Running around with a boy my age and attempting to avoid detection by our teachers or classmates was the most fun I'd had in a while."

"It was really fun." She informed me with a quiet tone, as if she were speaking while remaining silent. She was smiling—not at me, but at the sky. 

I didn't know what to say at first, but after a suffocating pause, my words began to flow. "I had fun, too. I'm not sure why you bothered me. We'd never talked to each other. Weren't you scared?" 

"I did, but it was much more complicated than that." She exclaimed. 

"You didn't appear dangerous, and I'm not sure why I felt afraid that day. At the same time, I sought protection. I did not want to go there alone. I was aware of the consequences if I did so."

"I noticed that you always stayed at school late, and I just trusted my gut, and no matter what anyone said about you, I still took that step." She went on to explain, "In a way, I suppose, I was just scared of you saying no, more than anything else." 

"Yet, I didn't." I uttered. 

"Exactly. Why didn't you?" She said, "Why didn't you say no that day? You followed me, just as I requested, and returned. You weren't even somewhat suspicious. You never asked me any questions. You just followed me, despite the fact that I had never spoken to you before and avoided you like everyone else at our school." 

I sat back in the seat and glanced up at the sky. The clouds were clear, and the sky was bluer than ever. I could feel the uniform shirt's perspiration trickling down my back.

"I felt that, out of everyone you know, you must have been desperate if you had to approach someone like me for help. That is all. I didn't see the sense of asking a lot of questions either." I responded. 

She said nothing. I glanced at her side profile and saw sweat flowing down her cheeks from her hair. She was simply staring ahead of her. She did not seem unhappy or furious. It was the total opposite. Despite her bruises and filth, she seemed content with her condition.

We sat for another ten minutes silently. The insects were noisy, and the wind blew at intervals, stirring up the dirt from the ground and the sand on the playground in front of us. Even the fallen trees' leaves seemed to dance as the wind blew them about.

"Idiots". She murmured something strange. 

"Huh?" I exclaimed, puzzled, and stunned. 

"They're all idiots. Every one of them. All the kids in our class. All the teachers. Everyone around us. They're all fools. They are mere sheep, lacking any original thoughts of their own. They know nothing." 

"Nothing at all." She vented as she glanced at the sky, and then proceeded. I could see her expression, and despite the sun's brightness, her eyes were dim. Her eyes were filled with much more bitterness than before.

"Think about it. They avoided you because of your family. Your parents’ identity and actions play a significant role in this. Because of this, people avoid you. But honestly, think about it. Why do they do this? Why would they do that? It's just because someone told them to. Their teachers and parents. They all advise others to avoid you. But why? You are not a bully. You do not steal or lie. You go to school and sit in the same classroom as everyone else. However, they avoid you. I mean, don't you find it crazy?" She ranted. 

"If you really think about it, only idiots do things mindlessly without questioning them." she uttered. 

"Doesn't that imply I'm also an idiot? I did what you asked without question." I remarked.

She interrupted me as she remained focused on the matter, maintaining eye contact with the swing in front of her. 

"No. Listen. Seriously." 

"That's different."

"So different. If I had instructed you to stab someone, would you have done so?" She questioned. 

"No, I wouldn't." I responded. 

"If I had asked you to murder someone for me, would you have done so? Without questioning me?" She inquired again. 

"No way," I replied. 

"Exactly. That's why you aren't an idiot. Why do they avoid you? They merely do what someone tells them to." She informed me, unfazed.

She eventually turned to face me, peering straight into my eyes as she proceeded.
"That boy is bad, so stay away from him." She ridiculed, then continued in her usual tone, "I bet they never even asked why, and if they did, their parents or teachers probably held their ground." 

"Don't ask why. Just trust me and do as I say." She mocked. 

"What really makes them idiots, though is that you show up to school every day covered in bruises, some of which are quite noticeable."

"You are just 16 years old and covered with tattoos. Your clothes are often wrinkled, you sometimes smell, and you always sleep in class. You also do not eat lunch." She recalls. 

"Anyone with a functioning brain would see that you are not a bad person. You're simply being abused. Your father is the evil guy. Right? Seriously, you are the victim here." She persisted. 

"Rather than helping you, everyone would prefer to ignore your existence. But I suppose it's easier to not notice an abused kid when you make him an outcast in society." Her eyes sank as she said, "You do not have to be polite to the outcast. So, you don't feel guilty." 

I simply sat there. Silent. As usual. But hearing her say all those things about me made me feel even more worthless. It had been a long time since I thought of myself as a human being. I've always felt like a bug, or something. In my dreams, I saw myself as a baby bird. When I was sad, I would think about how I am only a baby bird, and it is not my fault that I am delicate to the touch. I believed that a human had touched me, and my parents had abandoned me as a result. However, I learned that this was a myth. The things I told myself to cope with in my life were just pitiful in the eyes of others. 

From the moment of my conception, I became an outcast. There was no way my mother could have loved me. Not in the way I was made. I didn't believe it mattered. If nobody loved me, after all, I was not a human being. Just a baby bird. My parents abandoned me, and I would eventually die. Nobody would have cared, since they didn't notice me. I wouldn't have left anyone behind, ensuring they wouldn't experience any sadness over my absence. I was okay with that.

The more Mai complained on my behalf, the more I observed the swing in front of me sway back and forth due to the wind blowing it. I was tuning her out. 

A tremendous loneliness overtook me, and I wanted to apologize to my mother. This was exactly how I felt in my dreams. Every night, I apologized to her. I'm not sure why. I felt sorry for her. I felt horrible because I let a human touch me, forcing the mother bird to abandon her nestling. It was not her fault. It was all my fault for allowing a human to touch me. How could I not have known better? How was she, as a little bird, meant to defend me, her baby, from the huge, dangerous human? Of course, she could not. It was not her fault. It was all my fault for allowing that human to touch me. 

I hope I can dream of living a life of happiness. However, I'm not sure how to fantasize about something I've never experienced. Even in my dreams, I cannot escape.

"That's what makes them murderers and idiots." When I eventually regained awareness, that's the first thing I heard Mai say. 

"They would rather watch a child be beaten to death than help them, because society told them that kid is bad." 

"Whatever the fuck that means." She finished.

“I’m not a bad person. I don’t know why people around me treat me the way they do.” I exclaimed. I still don’t know why I said that.