My cellphone rang on the table, and I picked it up before Sana could hear it and wake up. So quick. On the line was my violinist, Hikaru. "Hey, how's it going?" he said, so hurried for some reason. 

"It's going okay. How are you? Are you getting as much of the snowstorm yet?" I adjusted my cellphone on my ear. My hand went to Sana's forehead, smoothing one of his bleach blonde hairs off his eye. This was my habit. Sana had pointed it out to me some months ago, and I just couldn't stop. It was an addiction. 

"Yeah, we're in the thick of it. Ice, snow, all of it. We were lucky and didn't get much of it last night. Hey, we went out with Lyra last night. Sana's band is really cool. I can't believe I hadn't met them yet. You didn't tell me their background is from visual kei! I couldn't stop talking to them!"

"I didn't?!"

"No! They act like jazz musicians now, but they can play rock and metal just as well! They played for us a little last night. And between you and me, I couldn't take my eyes off of their guitarist, Shi-chan. That chick can really shred. I found out she's a violist, too. Am I dreaming? You tell me, is this real? Did I pass out, or did I hear correctly?"

I was laughing now. Oh, cute, innocent Hikaru. "You know she's thirty-seven, right? And you're twenty-one? You're practically cougar bait." Noises of loud crackling met my ear, and I closed my eye shut as I pulled my cellphone away from my ear, and then put it back. 

"I'm sorry, the snowstorm must be screwing with the connection." He made more crackling noises. "The cougar I'm currently talking to said what?" Hikaru was laughing. I pursed my lips together in mock offense.

"Sana is only five years younger than me. That's hardly a difference."

Hikaru laughed harder. "Yeah, I guess when you're that old it doesn't make a difference!"

I was doubled over now, trying not to laugh. My hand went over my mouth to avoid making as much noise as I was trying to. Sana looked so peaceful. He needed sleep after yesterday. "I'm only thirty-nine! Since when is that old?!" I whispered, snorting instead of laughing in my effort to keep quiet. 

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because Sana is sleeping!" 

"Oh, okay. Okay. I'll calm down. I'll try not to make you laugh. I just figured you needed a laugh." He breathed out a long sigh. "I saw your update yesterday on your blog. It sounded so scary. But, is Sana-san okay now? He's safe? And, I'm not trying to be rude, but...is it really okay to share that stuff? Sana-san and Lyra are okay with it? We were talking to the members of Lyra yesterday. They said he used to be really secretive about that stuff. He's their leader, right? They said it was like a secret society or something. They really had to keep that shut." 

My finger went back to Sana's bangs, smoothing them out as gently and hopefully as subtly as a breeze. No, I just wanted to touch his face. That's what it was. "Yes, he's safe. He's on monitors. He's pretty stable. He can sleep safely. But he's been pretty okay in that regard lately, with the sleeping. He just got so nauseous yesterday. Honestly..." I adjusted in my seat, slightly away from Sana, though I didn't want to, but I had to whisper my feelings, so he couldn't even hear me in a dream. "Honestly, I was so scared. I found him on our bathroom's floor, and it looked like he'd been there for a while. He was so pale, clammy. He wasn't wearing any makeup, so I could really see it. I didn't know how long he'd been there. He was awake, though, thank god he was awake. I got him in a sitting position and he vomited, and I thought, 'oh god, no', because what is that from? I wanted to take him to the hospital right away, so I picked him up as you've seen me do-"

"Like a damsel in distress." 

"-Yes, like a damsel in distress. Oh, Hikaru... He was so floppy. I've never seen him like that. My panic level was just going up and up with each passing second. I called out to my mom, yelling that I needed help. I didn't know what to do."

"Oh no, Tetsu... That's awful." He interrupted me again. He'd met Sana only twice, and Sana had charmed him utterly. I could tell from his voice that he was gutted. But, when Sana was feeling healthy, he could light up a room. There was little wonder why his nickname by his fans was Mother Star. And his fans had named themselves his Little Stars, basking in his shining, warm light. And to have seen his light flickering...

"I know... I know. I put him in his wheelchair, but he just couldn't support himself. I was trying to put him in there so I could put his coat on so we could go directly to the hospital. But he just fell, and I couldn't catch him in time. I just screamed. I just... I just screamed. My mom burst into the room and found us, told me to call the paramedics, and she rolled Sana onto his side. I'm so glad my mom was a nurse. I don't know what I'd do sometimes without her. I'm so scared. I don't know what's going to happen." My breathing. I had to calm my breathing. I was getting too panicked. My hand gripped my cellphone too hard as I tried to steady myself. My eyes flicked over to Sana's face. He looked so peaceful. His color was back. I'd applied a light tinted pink gloss to his lips as he liked, and a bit of the light purple eye shadow I'd gotten for him for Christmas, and his eyeliner. Everything he needed, I'd done it patiently yesterday. My thoughts went to his nails. He needed a new coat of nail polish. I'd do it right when he woke up today, in the hot pink color that he said felt scandalous. I felt my breath calming. My heart slowing. As I thought these things, Hikaru was talking and I hadn't heard him. I closed my eyes, trying not to reprimand myself. Sana didn't like it when I was hard on myself. I had to remember this.

"I wish we could bring something to you," he was saying. "Maybe some roses? I bet that would brighten up the room and make it smell pretty. You said Sana likes things that smell pretty. Is the snowstorm really bad there? Could there possibly be deliveries?"

I perked up at this. "The hospital has some flowers in vases in their gift shop!" 

"They do?! That's perfect!" 

"Yes! Sana's favorite flowers are white roses and light purple roses. I think he said the purple roses are...ah... Oh! They're called Ocean Songs. But wait, I don't think the gift shop would have those."

"We'll try. And I know you like pink roses. You deserve something nice, too. We were discussing it after we saw your post." He sighed hard. Oh no. "You're both really going through it. Are you really okay, Tetsu? Do you need us to come down there? After what you just told me, I can't pretend I'm not concerned. We can all go down there, take some time off. Us, Lyra, everybody. Do you need us? Be honest. We're really worried about both of you."

"Oh no, but you're a student. How can you take time off? And I know everyone is in different projects, and-"

"Masaki-san warned me you'd say that. Is that because Sana-san is embarrassed?"

The stern face of Lyra's bassist popped in my head. He was normally so quiet, but had become Sana's watch dog after their drummer left the band in January. I had to remember that. 

Hikaru went on. "Masaki-san said there's nothing to be embarrassed about, and it could really help if Sana-san's bandmates were there. Even Shi-san said she was in the band ten years ago before she pursued different projects. She said she's familiar with Sana-san's illness a bit. Maybe until things stabilize? In the post, you said Sana-san hadn't been feeling well for the past few days. Masaki-san said not to let any potential embarrassment stand in the way of help if you two really need it. He said they can even frame it as a band meeting, like they used to have at Sana-san's apartment. You said he was working on songs again, right? We could all come down and see you two, and Sana-san can show them the new material he's been working on. There doesn't need to be any bad feelings." He paused, and I found myself staring at Sana's purple eyeshadow. His delicate closed eyelids. He looked like a child like that. I blinked my eyes. Oh no. No, no, no. 

I sniffed hard, and shook my head, pinched my eyes closed, opened them again. Sana was blurry. I can't cry here! Stop it! If Sana saw...

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." I pulled my cellphone from my ear, just as I heard Hikaru respond.

"Wait a minute, are you crying?! Tetsu, wait-!"

I hung up and wiped my tears slowly. I needed to splash cold water on my face right now. My cellphone rumbled in my hand, and I looked at the screen. A text from Hikaru.

'I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I'll explain to Masaki-san that it isn't a good time. I'll make him understand. Don't worry.'

I just put my cellphone in my pocket, and moved as quickly to the bathroom as I dared.