A memory, floating in the darkness. My eyes were wet. Tetsu's breaths, moving our bed as he slept. Darkness.

It was months ago, mid-October. I was in my apartment, carefully laying a puff pastry layer on the bottom of a glass casserole dish. I'd gotten the puff pastry dough from my favorite bakery. It was too complex to make from scratch in such short of a time. A timer went off, and I splashed my hands under the water of my faucet, rubbed them with a towel, so quick. Used the same towel to take a pan of cookies out of the oven. I put them on the cooling rack, and went back to my dough. 

Warm, heavy arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me backward. A loud laugh rang out in my ear. I started giggling. 

"What are you doing?" Sang Tetsu's voice, literally a song. He rocked me back and forth from behind, pressing his body to mine. His chin found my shoulder. 

I giggled. "Making a casserole."

"A casserole? What kind?" He seemed so excited.

"Hmm. Puff pastry on the bottom, kind of like a crust. Then some scalloped potatoes with cheese, um...actually it's gratin dauphinoise. I'll add more cheese as a layer, melty cheese. Then some white gravy. It's from the southern United States, this gravy. It's really good. Then I'll add a layer of spiced beef. More white gravy. Some crispy, buttery hash browns. Then on the top, I'm adding an Italian bread crumb crust." I was so proud, to tell him. I'd devised this casserole recipe myself.

He rubbed his cheek on my cheek. "Okay, bye, I'm going to the gym." 

I let out a laugh. "Whaaat?" I turned to look at him. He was grinning at me. 

"Because this casserole is going to make me gain about a million pounds!" He was laughing so hard. "I'm joking, I'm joking!"

I giggled with him, and he held me to him anew. "I admit, it does have a lot of calories. So much milk, butter, and cream." I thought about the recipe in my head.

"And carbs," he said, poking me in my cheek, which made me smile so much.

"Yes, and carbs." 

He kissed my cheek, so sweet. I felt I could fall down, ahh, his kiss. Made me weak in the knees every time. 

"Are you making it for Lyra? Oh, yeah, it's Wednesday. They're coming over. Darn it, I have to go to rehearsal. I'm going to miss them." 

"When is rehearsal?" 

He pressed his cheek to mine again. Made a warm feeling in my chest. I swear it had to be his favorite thing to do to me. He did it so much.

"Three o'clock."

"Hmm, well, as you know, Lyra is always here pretty late. They might be here when you get back."

"Nooo, I think everyone is going to want to go out after. They keep me out pretty late."

"Hmm." I tapped my chin in thought. He sounded a bit upset about this situation. How could I make it better? I also really wanted my friends to become friends with him. Especially Yami. Yami kept giving me the evil eye whenever I mentioned Tetsu... I'd told him to get over himself. 

Then I knew what to do. I snapped my fingers. "I can save you some casserole, or you can eat before you go. Or both. And we can call you when they're all here, maybe just to say hi. I know I'm going to miss you. So I'm going to want to call."

"You'll miss me?" He was using such an adorable voice. Sounded like a kitten. It was all I could do not to completely go into fan mode and freak out. He rubbed his cheek to mine, so cute. 

"Of course I'll miss you."

"Awww." He squeezed me tight. "I'm going to miss you, too." His regular tone of voice, that curious mix of feminine and masculine that I've always loved. 

A timer sounded. I jumped and Tetsu did, too. 

"What's that?" He wanted to know, and unwrapped his arms from me, knowing I needed to attend to something quickly.

"I made a pan bake cake. A sheet cake." I took the towel from its crumpled pile on my counter and opened my oven door. Heat blasted my face as I took the pan out from the lower rack. 

"Ooh, what kind?" 

I put the pan on top of my stove, shoving it to the back to let it cool. "A spice cake with pumpkin. So Autumnal. I'm going to put cream cheese frosting on it. It's traditional that way."

"You know, sometimes I wonder how you're so petite. You make all this rich food." He was grinning at me, joking. He liked to say things like this, to get me to keep talking. He said I could be a bit shy, and he liked to hear my voice. 

But the truth was... He hadn't noticed, in these two weeks we'd been together. I wondered how long it would take him to notice. He must have been so involved with the food he was eating, that he hadn't noticed, and that was okay. The truth was...I wasn't eating this food. I was taking a few bites and moving it around on my plate, intentionally serving myself a smaller portion that wasn't immediately detectable to the eye. In reality, I was living on glucose-free protein shakes and a diet mostly free of carbs and sugar, trying to eat a lot of fowl like turkey and chicken, eating vegetables, things like that. And if I didn't have these things available, I did without. Apparently I'd been doing a very good job of hiding this, and I felt relief. 

I was hiding that I have diabetes, specifically, hyperglycemia. My liver also couldn't process a lot of foods. Anything deemed "not safe" in my mind (dairy, red meat, green vegetables) could trigger uncontrollable nausea in me. I couldn't really eat any of this. Especially the lovely cakes I made. I was just glad he was enjoying the things I made. It made me so happy, seeing him get excited about each new dish. I made something new every time, just for him. 

"Can I have some of the cake when it's done?" He asked, wonder in his voice. He wandered to my right side, said something I couldn't hear. He'd wandered to the side with my bad ear. Something else I hadn't told him. I pretended I heard, just nodding my head with a smile, which is what I did whenever someone did that. That was the reason why my bassist was on my left side at all times during performances.

"Did you make the frosting yet? Can I have some?" He was so excited, like a child wanting to lick the spoon.

I laughed at the expression in his face. His eyes were so lit up. That adorable grin. "I haven't made it yet. I'll make it now. So you can have cake before you go."

"Yay," he said in English, borrowing my word. It made me laugh more. So adorable. 

I knelt down a little to open my fridge and before I could, he was pulling on my arm. I turned around, and he grabbed my face with his lovely hands, tilted it to the side a little bit, and suddenly he was kissing me. If I had been holding something, I would have dropped it. 

I made a small noise, and this seemed to encourage him further. The kiss got deeper, and I was all his. My entire universe became his mouth. His tongue. His heat. I felt myself press to the counter opposite the refrigerator. We'd apparently walked backwards, and I hadn't even noticed. I felt him taking off my belt. My eyebrows raised. I began unbuttoning his pants, and he let out a small moan into my mouth. I absolutely turned into jello. Moldable by him, anything he wanted to do, he could do it. 

He got my pants and underwear off, and to do that his lips left my lips. I desperately wanted them back. My hands found his face, and pulled him to me. I paused, staring at his lovely eyes. They were sparkly in passion, but a soft expression. I sighed. He kissed me gently, and I felt his arms lift me almost up onto the counter, and I knew what was coming. I embraced him, and...

I was moaning involuntarily. There was nothing I could do about it. His cheek was pressed to my cheek, and with each movement, our cheeks separated and then touched again. He began saying my name, this new name I'd told him I liked. Sana. Sana. My Sana. 

My Tetsu.

I tried to cover my mouth with my hand, my sound. But he ripped my hand away and I placed it on his back again, my fingers digging into the muscles there. Digging, grabbing, everything.

Afterward, we laid on the couch together, me on top of him. He was playing with my hair, smiling to me. I adored that smile. It was so blissful. 

I whispered. "Hey, Tetsu."

He grinned at me. "Hey, Sana."

I giggled. "I know how you can maintain your weight."

He let out a Japanese noise of wonder at me, his grin growing. I laughed, he was too cute. I leaned my face to his ear to tell him my secret. 

"You can fuck me more."

He let out a snort, a half choking sound. I straightened up to see his surprised face, totally taken aback. I just smiled at him, waiting. 

He let out a huge laugh. There it was. My goal. I nuzzled my nose to his nose, scrunching mine a little. He nuzzled back, and he was kissing me. I pressed to his mouth, intensifying the kiss. My tongue slipped inside, gently licking his. He ended the kiss, a sneaky expression on his face. 

"Round two?" He asked, eagerly. 

"Round two."

"Yay!" He said in English, making me giggle again. He wrapped his arms around me, and made to roll. I put my feet on the floor, and he got up. I laid down, and he climbed on top of me. He was smiling down at me, like a magical being, I thought. His shiny black bangs framing his face. He looked so beautiful. 

He leaned down, and gave me the most passionate kiss I've ever had in my life.