How much dignity had fallen down the drain? Enough dignity had been replaced with broken wine glasses and cigarettes. What a mess. Herself, her room, and her life. The house stunk of smoke. Shattered vases, overturned furniture and even a cracked TV. Mold grew in the corners infested with spiderwebs and stuffing ripped out from the mattress of the bed. 

Disgusting.

In the middle of the living room, lying on the dusty rug, Mina Lee's eyes were shut tightly. She could barely prevent herself from throwing up after drinking two bottles of Soju. The bitter taste still lingering in the back of her throat. 

She hated it. Hated herself. Hated her life.

She especially hated Joo-Young. 

Oh how dare he.

Mina got up, put a hand on her throbbing head, and hunched over. The curtains were drawn, no light seeped in. She felt around her for her phone. 

Her fingers curled around the edges of her demented phone. As she brought it up to her face, her eyes squinted and her brows scrunched, trying to read the time and notifications. All she saw was 14145656. 

Maybe if she wasn't so drunk, she would've realized it was two fifty-six. Maybe if she wasn't so drunk, she would've realized this was the time Joo-Young usually would finish his cello lessons. Maybe if she wasn't so drunk, she would've thrown her phone across the room in anger and started crying out of frustration. 

She sat there silent for a moment, her eyes rocking back and forth to see the time clearly. 

Ding!

A white box appeared on her home screen. An unknown number. 

+82-145-6▇▇

Under it, a message from Kakao read, "This is J/Y's friend? Please reply as soon as possible."

Mina's half closed eyes widened. She slides her phone open, fingers shaking, and opens the app. She brought both thumbs up to the sides of her phone.

She meant to type who is this, but since she was so drunk, it ended up being, 

"Wgi os rhiw."

As quick as she replied, the answer popped back up. 

"Darling, is your keyboard messed up? Or are you enjoying your soju too much?"

Mina scrubbed her eyes and scratched her dirty oily hair before looking around her room. 

"Are yoy warchinf mw/"

"Unfortunately my princess, no ㅠㅠ."

She could barely read the text. A sharp pain shot her right through the head and she clasped and pulled on her hair for the pain to leave. Her eyes burned from the light of the screen. 

"Dear? Are you still there?" 

Yes I am! Mina threw her phone and it hit against a box. She then shrunk her legs together tightly into a ball and began to cry. Again.

It hurts.

It hurts so bad. 

Make it go away.

Make it go away. Make it go away. Make it go away.

She'd just pass out after having a breakdown. She'd wake up in a clean and comfortable room. She'd wake up to him playing the Melody of Night 5.

She knew down below under all those fantasies that would never happen. She knew it so well. And it hurts so much.

-

Ah. Another day. She wakes up, aching all over. She searches for her phone.

Mina thought, shivering, thinking what she had done this time to her phone. Her only source of communication. 

It was stuck between the ripped up couch exploding with springs and the box that she threw at yesterday. 

She crawled her way over and brushed the screen a few times. Another crack formed. She swiped it open, suddenly remembering the person she texted last night. Was it real?

Mina's phone lagged for a moment, then slowly, notifications from Kakao exploded from the top of her screen. They were all from the same number.

+82-145-6▇▇

When she fired up the app, there were over five hundred messages. 

All from them.

She scrolled. Up.

It just didn't seem like there was a beginning. 

All the messages were similar to each other. 

"Darling, where are you?"

"Come back ㅠㅠ"

"Princess, I have a surprise for you, come back :["

"I want to see you again..."

"Please come back, I want to talk Y.Y"

Five hundred of these messages.

Who is this? Mina continued scrolling up, past all those crying emoticons. No images. No emojis. Just messages and emoticons. 

And they acted like she was dating whoever was on the other end. 

"Ah..." She'd just noticed she scrolled up to the top of the conversation. Her eyes trailed over to the beginning message, the little words in hangul. 

"This is J/Y's friend? Please reply as soon as possible."

Who the actual fuck is this? Mina's anger boiled up. Just as she finished mental collapse yesterday. Why must she be reminded constantly?

Why.

Why?

WHY?

"Who is this?"

"Oh princess, you woke up *(^o^)*"

"Who are you?"

"You don't need to know."

It was even cold to see through the phone. That line was as if their mood had been suddenly sucked away, replaced with ash. She looked around. No cameras. She hadn't left her house in over a month. Her fridge was empty, and the only thing she filled her empty stomach with was wine.

And more alcohol. 

Her phone had turned off while her thoughts entranced her. This type of tone...was quite familiar. 

"Are you still there?"

Mina looked back at her phone. Emoticons. Who still uses those besides the creeps on the internet trying to prey on young women? Unfortunately, Mina was unaware that many people use emoticons, and the reason for her small range of knowledge was that she had really only one friend in her life. 

"Yes I'm still here, what do you want?"

"Your attention princess."

Oh this is definitely some sort of weirdo. She thought maybe after texting a bit, this person would stop sugarcoating honey names, but no, they didn't.

"No, seriously, what do you need?"

"..."

Silence. 

Then her phone started ringing. The unknown number was calling. She picks up.

"Hello?"

More silence.

Then an exasperated sigh floods her ears, a familiar one. "Princess, don't you think it's about time you wake up?" A very familiar, male static voice began.

Mina shivered. "What do you mean..."

"Come. Why didn't you visit me today?"

Visit him? The only place she goes to is Joo-Young's grave and the supermarket. She has not interacted with anyone in over a year, and her money supply was depleting.

"Visit where?"

"Me."

"You, but where?"

"You know. Don't make me wait."

Wasn't that Joo-Young's voice? The one she knew?

I should stop drinking so much. Mina sighed, pushing herself off the ground. Whoever that she just heard was right though: she hasn't visited Joo-Young's grave in a bit.

He would be so disappointed if he was well and alive to see his best friend in this state. It's not what he wants, but he shouldn't be able to see her like this either. Mina dragged her heavy body to the bathroom and looked at herself hard in the reflection.

Red eyes from crying, a dirty face, dry marks from the tears that had been harshly rolling down her pink cheeks, a cracked mouth, and ghostly thin, pale skin, reflected a ghost back to her. Was she really that pathetic? She leaned on the sink for support, moving her face towards the mirror. 

It was rather...comforting to hear someone similar to Joo-Young. She brushed an oily strand of brown hair aside. When Mina brought her hand away from her head, the tips of her finger were shiny. 

She'd ought to wash her hair today.

Mina looked back at the monster in the mirror, which was then she realized her brown hair looked as if someone had sprinkled salt over chocolate. Dandruff stuck all over her head, and it was even difficult for her to look at it. 

So she reluctantly got into the shower and washed her hair for the first time ever. When the water hit her scalp, she had winced in pain from the recurring headache she had. It felt nice to be clean after a long while though.

As she got out of the shower, Mina tore through the small bathroom cabinet for her eyedrops and make-up. Alas, when she found them, the products were close to expiring, but they were still usable. 

As Mina looked back at herself once again into the mirror, she looked less pathetic. Maybe a little pretty. Joo-Young would always compliment how she would look beautiful everyday without trying. 

It had taken over an hour to fully clean her hair to the max, and almost another hour to fix her hair and do light make-up, since her skills diminished along with Joo-Young when he died.

Mina managed to find something decent to wear. A dusty, ironed, compressed sweater shirt and flared pants. There wasn't much use of the beautiful outfits that were rotting in her closet since she rarely went outside. 

Her brown hair rolled back and parted was between her neck. The perfume was somewhere right? It was the one that smelled like moonlights and stars were taken from the night sky and mixed into a scent. That was Joo-Young's favorite.

It was at the bottom of the torn up couch along with many other things that Joo-Young loved or loved about her. There were a few drops left in the bottle, enough for one day. She looked over and above the couch, to the doors left was her heavy leather jacket that reached her knees.

It was a birthday gift Joo-Young had given her when she turned twenty-three. And it was expensive. 

He received a good scolding from her for using his money unresponsively on her, but Joo-Young denied that saying she was someone very special to him. Mina refused to wear it for a year, but eventually gave up for the sake of seeing his smiling face when she wore his gift.

Until he died a year later.

Mina slipped the coat of the hanger and tugged it on both sides. It was still too big for her, yet, it did smell of her old perfume, the one with stars and the moon jumbled together. Her left hand sunk into the pocket and fell around. Her fingers wrapped around a wallet and she pulled out so quickly some coins flew out. 

The wallet was also a bit tattered and dirty since it was white, but it was usable. Mina opened it, a sliver of hope escaped as she let out a small, audible gasp. 

She still had around one hundred forty thousand won (108 U.S dollars), and even though it wasn't much, it was enough to buy some flowers and maybe a convenience store meal. 

The sharp pain returned to her head, causing her to grip the doorknob so tightly her fingers scratched against the peeled off paint. Mina held onto objects as she made her way towards the mountain of boxes next to her couch, one hand flipping boxes after boxes over for pain killers and the other on her throbbing head. Her eyes focused on the first non empty orange pill bottle that was in sight and immediately ate around eight.

Of course, she knew quite well it was overdosing, but she had been doing it so often it didn't have an effect on the pain anymore. 

-

Mina's car still somehow had gas. The car puffed a few times before starting up, and Mina drove out of her garage and down to the streets she once knew so well.

She turned the corner to the small and humble grocery store. It was empty today, since it was a Monday, so she could freely walk around for a bit without being squished or walked on. 

She checked out at the cash register without meeting their eyes, staring at the bright colors of the red roses she bought as she handed them the cash and made her way back to the car.

By then, her head started to itch a little on the inside, but otherwise she was okay. It was as if something she had done wrong but couldn't remember was scratching the inside of her head. Mina felt around in both pockets sitting in the car to realize she hadn't brought her phone. 

Alright, so that must be it.

She started up the engine again and headed out of the parking lot. The view of the supermarket slowly softened as she drove further and further north to the graveyard. 

Her head started to itch again. More noticeably this time. 

Mina got out of her car and grasped the roses tightly, walking as steadily as possible to the grave. 

Joo-Young's grave. 

She stared at it silently in the cold. The weather chilled her arms, even though she was wearing two layers. It was as if the sun had completely avoided this area and shined down on other places. 

Mina crouched down, unwrapping the flowers sluggishly and placing it down on the dirt. Then, she got down on her knees, and shut her eyes for a bit, praying.

My friend, how are the heavens? I wish to see you again so dearly, but I fathom I can no longer. I have decided it is finally time to let you go. You wouldn't want me to continuously hurt myself for longer would you? Could you bear to see me in this state? I haven't had a lovely time since you have died. In case you didn't know, I've been trying to be as formal as possible, just the way you like it. I don't want you to become disappointed, but what could I have done without you? It's truly difficult to let go. But, it's about time I move on, for I, even myself, cannot seem to progress no more in my life. I've always loved you, and I forever will. Farewell, Joo-Young.

Mina released her glued hands that were clasped together tightly. When she opened her eyes, it blurred for quite a bit. Mina got up and stood there in front of his grave, trying to still herself. The itching in the head grew more and more uncomfortable as she made her way back to the car and slammed the door. 

Shit. She remembered she had no phone.

Since she had no phone, no map, no nothing, all she could do was drive around until she found a pharmacist or a hospital to treat her head. 

Once more, she starts her engine and drives out of the graveyard, crushed memories fluttering behind turning to dust.

It really wasn't a good idea to immediately start driving. Her headache returned, even more painful this time. It was so bad she could only focus on it rather than driving properly.

-

Oh, to see the clear sky again. Only it erupted into fiery orange flames that consumed her body. The taste of blood would never leave her mouth. And to her ears filled the music of sirens.

It was a little bit painful to say the least.

But it was all okay now. She would no longer hate herself. Joo-Young would be there for her again. It was a sparkling life with him.

At least, she can be at peace. No longer having to worry about anything, not herself, not her money, nothing. 

It's the quiet ending she had longed for in the very back of her mind.