"Does 'out of my comfort zone' mean sex," I asked nervously.

Obviously, I'd told Vanessa all about my coffee date with Paul and I was honestly... scared.

"I would certainly hope so," she said, cheerfully.

"The thing is..." Would she think less of me if I told her? "...I've never had sex."

"You mean with a guy?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

"With anyone," I answered honestly.

"Oh, god. What have I done!" she said, covering her face with both hands.

"Huh?!"

"I thought you were just shy around Paul, I didn't know that you were completely new to it all!" she said, now grabbing me in a smothering hug.

"So what should I do?" I asked as if she was the Oracle of Sex.

"Babe, you're so cute!" she said.

Did that mean she would help?

"Welcome to one of the most exclusive clubs in New York," Paul said enthusiastically.

The place looked particularly nondescript from the outside.

"A friend of mine works here," he said, nodding at the bouncer. He let us in without uttering a word.

Paul got us gin and tonics from the bar and walked us to a cocktail table with a reserved sign on it. Only then did I realize that the place was packed with only men.

I didn't understand what all the commotion was all about until I saw a guy walk onto a stage wearing long robes and a mask. He performed something that reminded me of a Japanese ceremonial dance, until the robe came off and...

Holy fuck!

He was now twirling around a pole wearing nothing but a bright crimson corset and a pair of matching frilly underwear... and was that a tail sticking out of his rear?

Paul seemed to be studying me, in between cheering the performance. He'd brought me to a male strip club!

I could feel my cheeks burn, as the performer discarded his corset and dropped his underwear.

He had an enormous dick and the tail was attached to a buttplug in his ass.

I'd never been exposed to anything like this and all I could say was...

"Why?"

Paul finished his drink and said, "Because it's OK for you to enjoy this. It's OK to be gay or bi or pan, or whatever you feel fits you."

"Can I kiss you again?" I asked.

For the first time, he didn't say "no".

Paul was a New Yorker and had his own apartment. After drinks with his friend from the strip club, he invited me to his home.

I was crazy nervous, knowing all too well what might be expected of me.

To my surprise, he treated us to popcorn and two episodes of the latest Neil Gaiman show.

Once the credits rolled, he turned to me and said, "If you've never kissed someone before me, I'm assuming that you haven't had sex before."

"No," I breathed.

"I've been with three girls and two guys, so I have a bit more experience than you do," he said.

He was being so practical about it, that it put me at ease, despite my inexperience.

"I really like you," Paul said. "And I'd like to have sex with you but only if and when you're ready."

He actually liked me? This was the second time we'd hung out together but I hadn't completely known where he stood.

"I've thought about it a lot," I said truthfully. "Can we maybe... try?

"Do or do not, there is no try," he said in a flawless Yoda voice.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"How about I take the lead? Let me show you what feels good and then we can take it from there?"

I nodded carefully, not sure how much of a chore this would be for him.

"You know what puts me in the mood?" he asked, standing up and holding out his hand. "A nice warm shower."

He was definitely right!

Paul had carefully explored my body under the warm cascade. His touch electrified my skin and I stepped out of the steam wanting... more.

I sat on my towel on the edge of the bed and he placed his on the ground before kneeling on it. He rubbed my legs up and down, his hands moving closer and closer towards my groin.

It clearly had the desired effect because my dick rose to the occasion effortlessly. Before I knew what was happening, Paul pushed me onto my back and took my throbbing hardon into his mouth.

I watched in fascination, as he swallowed me whole, a plethora of sensations taking over my nervous system.

Paul kept on sucking very slowly and deliberately until my knees started to shake with pleasure. I knew what was going to happen next and I desperately tried to pull away.

He wagged a finger at me and kept going until I could no longer control the natural conclusion of his actions.

My hips convulsed as I came in bursts into his mouth. He kept on moving up and down, until there was no longer anything coming out of me.

The euphoria flooding my brain was beyond anything I'd ever been able to do to myself and I relished every moment.

Paul wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and asked, "How was that?"

"Do you really need to ask?" I said, breathing heavily.

That made him smile his beautiful smile. How the fuck had I gotten this lucky.

"Let's allow your body to relax a little before we continue," he said, standing up.

I admired his naked body, as he idly tugged at his own semi-hard dick. Not wanting to leave him unattended, I tilted my head over the edge of the bed.

"Can I?" I asked, urging him to move closer.

His eyes flared as he carefully put his dick into my mouth. In my upside-down position, I felt the head swell up against my tongue.

I did not have the skills he did, so I closed my lips around his dick and started to rub my tongue over the top of the head.

Paul let out a soft moan before gently grabbing my head with both hands. He then moved his hips back and forth, essentially slow-fucking my mouth.

For some reason, he did not think that coming inside my mouth was a good idea because he suddenly pulled out. He shuddered as he shot his load on the towel that I was still lying on.

"Holy fuck!" he said, leaning down to kiss me. "That was... sensational."

I thrived on the compliment, especially since I'd never done any of this before.

Apparently, Paul had no intention of letting me out his bed anytime soon. And I was in absolutely no rush to leave.

He claimed that for us to continue our adventure, he'd need a little help. I watched him sit but naked in the window sill, smoking a joint.

He offered me a toke, but this night was already so full of firsts that I declined.

When the coin finally dropped why he needed help to "relax", it was already too late.

He handed me a bottle of lube and a condom and said, "Take it easy on me, I've only done this once before."

Paul expected me to do him?!

This was the part of sex that I'd been most scared of, yet I'd come as prepared as I could.

I handed him the bottle back and said, "If you use lots of this and we do a little warm-up, I can do... this part."

His gaze searched my face for a moment before seemingly making an internal decision.

"Are you sure?" he asked, with an unexpected tenderness.

"Yes," I said more confidently.

"Ok," he breathed.

Apparently, agreeing to be the catcher instead of the pitcher came with its own very special reward.

Paul lifted my legs and parted my cheeks to give himself intimate access to an area that I didn't know was this sensitive.

His tongue made my mind do summersaults before he pressed in first one then two lubed fingers. They stretched me and tickled my inner erogenous zone until I squealed.

"Enough!" I whispered, delirious with lust. "I want you inside me."

It didn't take him long to roll on the condom and lube up and before I knew it, he was gently rocking in and out of me. 

The initial pain quickly turned into pleasure as Paul introduced me to a new kind of heaven.

"Is it too late to ask for a drag of that joint?" I asked, as I lay in his arms.

We both laughed, as I pondered how utterly incredible it was to have lost my virginity to him.

I never expected that I'd be staying the night. Sleeping in a guy's embrace was something I'd yearned for but only now allowed myself to do.

He was right, it was Ok to be gay. I'd decided last night that this was where I belonged. In a guy's bed, not a girl's.

I slowly turned out of my curled position as his small spoon to look at him. He seemed so peaceful, yet I wondered what was going on in his head. Was this also more than a hookup to him?

"Are you watching me sleep?" he mumbled, without opening his eyes.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Do you like what you see?" he asked.

"No," I said calmly, using his own tactics against him.

"Huh?" he said, opening his eyes in incredulity.

"Kidding," I said. "Although, I prefer to look at you without all that blanket cover."

"That can be arranged," he said, closing his eyes again and pushing away the sheets.

His morning wood was pressing against my leg, so I decided to be naughty. I quietly took the bottle of lube from the nightstand and covered my hand with a generous amount.

Then, I grabbed his dick and started to slowly jerk him off. He muttered something incomprehensible and leaned into my hand. I slowly increased the rhythm and he squirmed under my touch.

He still hadn't opened his eyes and didn't notice me lower down to finish my wake up call with a very sloppy blowjob.

Did I mention that... I swallowed!

"Holy shit!" he breathed. "What a way to start the day!"

"I expect breakfast," I said, cheekily.

"Consider it done," he replied, kissing me softly. "Sorry about the morning breath."

"Sorry about the cum taste," I said, laughing at my own dirty joke.

When did I morph from the inexperienced shy kid to this brand-new me?

I wasn't sure, but Paul was definitely to blame!

Paul and I were together throughout acting school. Then, I went to LA and he stayed in New York.

We tried the long distance relationship but it didn't work out. We had an amicable break up and I quickly started seeing other people.

When I landed a role in a Netflix series, I ended up in New York for a press tour. All it took was one text for Paul and I to spend the entire week literally inside each other.

On the last day, I thought I'd have to say goodbye again, but he ended up surprising me. He had secretly auditioned for a Hollywood movie and got the part.

At first, I let him stay in my apartment as a house guest but we were already too much in love for that to last. He officially moved into my bedroom three days later.

Our grueling and conflicting schedules meant that we didn't see much of each other but when we did... it was a whirlwind of unbridled passion.

When I introduced him to my parents six months later, there was no longer a shadow of a doubt as to how and with who I wanted to spend my life.

My older brother married us in a small ceremony in our backyard before we escaped to Bali for our honeymoon.

Paul had been cast in another movie, yet my acting career was in a slump. The irony was that after all those years of wanting to be an actor, I'd recently discovered the bliss that was directing.

What started with a documentary about queer culture vs sexual identity, ended up in a director's chair of Amazon's latest LGBTQ+ sci-fi series with two Hollywood A-listers.

I loved my husband with all my heart but I'd decided very early on that it was definitely not a good idea for him to play a part in one of my projects.

Until the day he did and we both won an Oscar.