Skylar POV

Talking to Darleen finally gave me the courage to do what needed to be done. I have to put my big girl panties on,  just rip it off like a band-aid. Jade needs to know. She deserves that much.

First I had to talk to Vida and make sure she is ready for the fallout and the raging storm that is sure to be called Jade Tate heading her way. So when I got off work I went to her house.

"You promised you'd call me when you went on break," she pouts when I walk into her apartment using the spare key.

"Sorry, I ran into an old friend and got to talking. I think I needed it. I've decided I'm going to tell Jade."

"Now?" she stood up from the couch.

I nod.

"Like right now, right now?"

"Yes. I can't put it off anymore. She needs to know."

"Uh, okay. Well, where does that leave us?"

"She'll hate you for sure, as for us... I don't know."

"Do you... do you want to be in a relationship with me?"

"I think so."

"You think?"

"I just, I don't know okay. Jade and I have been together for so long. I might need some time to fully heal. Is that okay?"

She smiles and nods.

"Also I might have to crash here for a while, she'll for sure kick me out. She does pay the bills after all."

"Well, you are always welcome here." She assures me.

"Thanks," I smile.

"Just be strong, be brave, and get straight to the point." She grabs my hands in hers and interlocks our fingers.

"Okay," I take a shaky breath.

"You can do this. If you need me, you call me."

"I will."

"Good. Look at me."

I meet her eyes.

"No matter what she says, don't let her run all over you. You always do that, you always let her bulldoze over you. Your feelings are just as valid as hers. Okay?"

"Okay."

"You ready for this?"

"No."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. I have to do this alone."

"Okay, let me know how it goes." With that, she pecks me on the lips.

"I will. Be prepared. Jade will come after you."

"I'm not scared of her."

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I can take care of myself, but thanks for caring." She pressed her forehead against mine.

"Okay, I can do this."

"I believe in you."

I nod.

"Go."

I take a deep breath and kiss Vida one last time before leaving to do what must be done. When I get home Jade's car is in the driveway. My heart starts racing and I feel sick to my stomach. I walk in and there is Jade sitting on the couch cuddling with the countess and cloud as she watches a movie.

"Hey, how was work?" she asks.

Just say it, just get it over with.

"Um, Jade..."

She turns to me.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure." She pauses the movie and pats the spot next to her.

I take a shaky breath and move to sit next to her.

"What's up lover girl?"

I look down and fiddle with my hands.

"Skylar?"

"Jade... I have to tell you something."

She sits forward and the cats jump off the couch and run off somewhere.

"I... I..." my eyes water and the words get caught in my throat.

"What is it? Are you okay?" she reaches for me.

I pull away and have to look at the wall, away from her.

"I cheated on you. I've been cheating on you." I spit out.

There is a long pause in silence. So long that the ac kicks off and the tv dims.

"You're lying." She finally says.

I shake my head no and cover my mouth to keep my sobs in.

"Liar!" she shouts.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Look at me! Tell me this is a joke," her voice cracks.

"I can't," I sob and refuse to look at her.

"Look at me!"

I shake my head no.

"Who? Vida?"

"Yes," I swallow a lump in my throat.

"What the fuck, what the actual fuck is happening right now?" she stands up.

I sniffle and wipe my tears.

"How long?"

I don't answer.

"How long!?"

"Remember that night you kept calling me, and I told you I was helping Vida unpack? That's when it started."

"What the fuck," she sits down on the coffee table, a look of disbelief on her face.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry that you did it or sorry you've waited this long to tell me? It's been nearly three weeks!" she says.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what!?"

"Sorry I waited this long. Sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Why are you doing this? Why did this happen? Help me understand." She says.

"You are always gone! I can't fucking take it anymore! I need you here, I need you present in my life. The longer this drags on, the more I feel trapped."

"This?"

"This! Jade. Us. Our relationship."

"So you want to break up with me?" her voice shakes.

"Don't you want to break up with me? I've been cheating on you."

"I don't want you to leave me," she says softly.

I look at her then.

Those damn green eyes break my heart. Silent tears are streaming down her face. She looks me dead on when she says,

"I love you."

"You do?"

"Yeah, even after learning this. I fucking love you, Skylar. I... I want to marry you."

"Why?"

"Because I love you! I love you, I love everything about you."

"You're killing me, Jade. Slowly, softly, I feel like I'm dying." I admit.

"Why? Don't leave me, help me fix this. Please." She sobs.

"I'm tired of trying to fix this," I say softly.

"Skylar, please. Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it. Please." She begs.

Watching her cry breaks my soul.

"I cheated on you! You are supposed to hate me, you are supposed to be yelling at me and throwing things at me. You have to break up with me!"

"No." she shakes her head.

"Why?" my voice cracks.

"I love you."

"I had sex with her, multiple times. Long raunchy sex. We even did it in here once. On the bed. The bed you sleep in! I fucked her just yesterday." I say trying to get a rise out of her.

"Okay," she says.

"Stop it! Scream at me!" I beg.

"No."

"Fuck, what the fuck." I get up and start pacing.

"We can work on this. We can fix it. I won't give up on us." She says.

"You are supposed to hate me. You have to break up with me."

"I won't. If you want to end this, you do it. I won't."

I shake my head no and cover my face with my hands. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. The old Jade would have cussed me out and pushed me out the door. This Jade has grown out of that, this Jade has learned from past mistakes of acting out rashly. This Jade makes it impossible not to love her.

She grabs my shoulders and stops me from pacing. I move my hands and look her in the eyes.

"Why did you do this? How can I fix this? Do you really not love me anymore?"

"I don't know," I say.

"Bullshit."

"I don't—"

"Bullshit! Do you love me?"

I open my mouth but no words come out.

"I'll spend more time with you, I'll take you on dates and surprise you with lunch more often. I'll do whatever it takes to save this. I love you, you're it for me."

"But I cheated on you..."

"Okay, we can work on this. We can do couples counseling. We can work it out."

"What if this isn't worth saving?"

"I think it is."

"I can't do this anymore Jade. It's not just the fact that you've been absent lately. I feel like I hardly know you these days. You control me, you made my world revolve around you, and then you left me all alone. I cracked okay, I held out as long as I could. But I needed someone to touch me again. I needed to feel what it felt like to be loved and wanted. Our lives are going in two separate directions. I can't... I can't do this."

She shakes her head no, her lip trembles as more silent tears fall down her cheeks.

"I love you; I will always love you. Nothing and no one will change that, but I feel trapped. I feel empty. I feel so run down. You've drained me dry. I have to go. I have to. Love isn't supposed to feel like this. I'm not supposed to feel like this. If I stay now... it will only get worse. Who knows what else I'll get into? My desperation to feel anything is taking control of me. I'm leaving for me, but also for you. Go on, be great. Make a name for yourself. You're Jade freaking Tate. Wow, the world. Stop letting me hold you back."

"Please... I love you," she whispers.

"I love you too, but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

She breaks down into full-on sobs and flings herself at me. I catch her and hold her close as she cries into my chest. I break down too and cry, holding her as close as possible. This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done. It hurts so much. Like I've just ripped out my heart and thrown it on the ground and stomped on it.

We hold each other and cry it out. Afterward, I'm left feeling numb. I pack a small bag that should last me a week and leave with the promise that I'll be back for the rest of my stuff. She told me I didn't have to move out, that I could have the spare room. But I can't. I can't be around her anymore without being in deep horrible pain.

I had every intention of going to Vida's place but I was just so numb. I drove to an overpass and pulled over. Going to the edge and sitting there. I don't know what I was thinking or if I was even thinking anything. I just felt so numb.

I just sat there and stared off into nothingness. I wasn't even scared. One wrong move and I'd fall to my death. A cop pulled over to see what I was doing.

"Why don't you just come down from there young lady," he says.

I turn to him and nod before moving to get off. He walks over and helps me back onto the side of safety.

"What were you doing?" he asked.

"I don't know," I say softly.

"You okay?"

I nod.

"Okay then, why don't you just go on home."

I nod, but I don't really have a home anymore.

I get back in my car and drive. I end up back at my job, I use my employee discount to get a room and just go in it and curl up on the bed. Letting the numbness take me.

What if I never recover from this?

What if I made a mistake?

What if my heart can never heal?

So many what if's...