Not taking much longer to head back over to the girls’ place, I run into Jonathan before I do. A charming smile is plastered on my face to keep things calm. I don’t want him to think that my opinion of him has soured. There’s no reason it should have besides, you know, hearing things I wasn’t around for. Even less do I want him to think Madison has been talking poorly about him when she’s been so keen on keeping things quiet instead. It will only put more bad blood between them when she seems to be wanting to put it behind them. Even if I don’t think she should. Manipulating her the way he did is far from okay, and no one should be in her life who’s just going to do that.

‘Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?’

Not anymore. I never wanted to do that, and I’m far from doing it to her again. The only manipulation will be to keep her safe, but never towards her.

“Oh, hey, sorry we didn’t get to talk much earlier. Madison’s always spoken fondly of you, so I’m glad to finally meet the big brother.”

His gaze tightens, but I keep myself from acting as if I’m weary of him. Keeping my calculations of him far from readable.

“She has? I figured she’d not talk much about me at all.”

“Of course, she’s spoken well about all of her family. She told me that you guys had it rough growing up, but she couldn’t imagine going through it without you and your other siblings. I have to say, it’s nice to hear that she had someone to rely on growing up.”

His eyes dart down for a quick moment before back up as if he’s shifted his thoughts of some sort. Now he seems more chill instead of tight like he’s been.

“Yeah, having each other made things a lot easier…”

Jonathan pulls out a small box from his back pocket before slipping a cigarette and lighter out of it.

“Do you want one?”

I’m not one to smoke, but I also know how doing so can make things feel more connected with the person you’re smoking with. Like a shared interest, but oddly more. It’s a strange thing, but people open up more to those they smoke with.

“Sure, thanks.”

Taking the cigarette out of his hand, it’s like second nature. I slide back into old routines that have a tainted lens as I light it and take a draw. Letting the quick burst of calm settle before it’s gone without much of a goodbye. It’s what always leads to chasing it once more.

“So… You and Maddy? You’re a thing?”

I lean against the railing of the porch, settling into a rhythm we share as I try to use the moment to get what I can out of him. Giving fewer answers than asking.

“I hope so, but she wants to take things slow. A bad history with someone else will do that to you.”

I leave just enough dead air where it’s not anxious in the hopes that it’s not obvious that I’m leading him into the direction of the answers I’m seeking. Jonathan takes the bait as he takes a drag on his cigarette before speaking.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if she’d ever get over that. Maddy’s not one to open up much, but the silence is more so where you can read her. She didn’t take her break up well but, I didn’t think it would take her this long to finally move on.”

Breakup?

Jonathan’s words don’t align with what Madison told me. Maybe I misunderstood what she told me, or Jonathan did about the situation, but whatever it is I need to find out more.

I keep my gaze forward and let my words fall with ease to keep him from locking up.

“I guess sometimes things are harder than you’d expect them to be. I had a bit of a bad breakup myself, so I get how toxic people can make it hard to trust others again.”

He lets out a single laugh before another draw.

“No, more like first loves will do that to you. Maddy wasn't much for relationships, but with Jackson, she fell hard. I’m still not full on the whole story, but yeah, I would say that he was her first. And that, that I get. I tried to help her through it the best way I could, but it only seemed to make her spiral more.”

He’s quiet and I’m unsure how to process what he just said.

But… I thought.

‘She lied to you.’

It’s harder to do so, but I keep it casual. I seriously want to know more. I need to. I need to know if Madison’s been lying, or if there is something more to it all. Something may still be confused on Jonathan’s end.

“How long were they together for?”

“Which time?”

That even more makes me take pause.

Which time?

“Both, I guess.”

Another chuckle, this one is quieter with more to it.

“When they were 14, I’d say maybe a few months, or maybe longer, but I’m less certain on that one. I know they got close pretty quick, almost inseparable. He was into her long before she was him, but she definitely fell hard for him closer to the end of the school year. They went to a program together that year, and something about it just… I don’t know what went on there, but they only seemed to grow closer because of it.

A program? I didn’t know Jackson was in it too. But wait, Madison said that they didn’t grow close until she was a sophomore, right?

“It was a few years after, I graduated already, so she… Yeah, she was about 17, but they started up then. That’s the one that hit her hard in the end. She always says that nothing was going on, but it was. The story was different during the actual time, so… When he came back into the picture she started to act differently. I even caught her sneaking around a few times, and there was only one person who would have been able to convince her to do that. I’m sure you’ve noticed how Maddy is pretty by the rules, well growing up, she was worse. She didn’t want to do anything that could get her in trouble, at least not in any major way. Well, that didn’t seem to be a problem after that summer. Almost like something broke inside her with no real reason why. Liam had to be the reason.”

I try to think this all through and realize that there is a lot more to Madison than I thought I knew. I’m still not sure if I want to believe she’d hide something from me, but maybe he’s wrong? He did say she denied it, so maybe there’s pieces being put together that aren’t showing the true picture?

I don’t know.

All I do know is that I need to do more work to figure out the truth. Maybe ask Bailey somehow to see what she has to say about it.

If Madison is holding things back about her true past with Jackson…

Wait, he said Liam. Who’s Liam?

“Who’s Liam?”

I look over at Jonathan, keeping a confused expression instead of an accused one to keep him from thinking I’m interrogating him.

He looks my way before darting his eyes down and then back up. There’s a slight hardening of his expression.

“Did I? Sorry, I meant Jackson. But what about you, huh? You said you had a history with an ex? Here I am rambling on, tell me a bit about her, or him? Hey, I don't judge.”

He cracks a smile before acting chill again.

“I’ve had a few buddies that swing both ways.”

I give a laugh to keep the situation light and a grin of my own before reminding myself to take another drag as I’ve been purposely holding back from taking too many as much as I feel the pull to.

“No, I’m just into women. She was definitely something though. A complete opposite of Madison really, but I think that’s what I like most about her. Your sister has this light about her that my ex didn’t. Let’s just say, I’m glad to put her and our history behind me. A fresh start was really needed to get over her. What about you? Any toxic exes or major heartbreaks you needed recovering from?”

“Quite a few actually. I seem to be a magnet for them, major heartbreaks that is, not toxic exes. I only have one of those. Ex-wife to be more specific.”

“Ex-wife? How long were you two together?”

Jonathan leans his head back out of the porch before letting out some smoke into the air above.

“Just a year. It was a quick engagement, still in the honeymoon period while on the honeymoon. You know, when those red flags still don’t quite seem that red yet.”

He looks over at me now.

“Let’s just say, wait a year before you actually decide to commit that savvier to someone, otherwise they’ll take half you got while you’re still trying to figure out what happened. But I have a new girl, just don’t say anything yet. That could get me in trouble.”

There’s a smirk on his face as his expression softens.

“She’s pretty nice. And before I forget, you seem nice too, but if you hurt Maddy, let’s just say that it won’t end well with you. Big brotherly duty and all. I can’t let her go through that again.”

And you? Who stops you from hurting her?

“I get it, what kind of brother would want someone hurting his sister.”

Just don’t cross her either, because I promise, I have more under my belt to hurt someone than you.

“But, hey, you do seem like a good guy, so treat her right. She can be a handful, but she deserves someone who can take care of her. I’m about to head back in for a drink, do you want one?”

He puts out his cigarette and I follow his lead.

“That sounds nice, yeah.”

I notice the chaos in the house, nothing bad, just the noise of a full home. A couple of dudes are playing on the couch, Bailey is in the kitchen checking on the food while talking to Railey, her brother on the back porch, but no Madison anywhere.

I look, but can’t seem to spot her.

“She’s in her room with Matt.” Bailey pipes up and my heart drops a little.

I realize that the crowd and earlier’s incident probably made her need a moment. I’m disappointed that it’s Matt helping her through when it’s my job to protect her.

‘Good job! You were so caught up with finding your answers that you neglected her.’

I failed again.

Bailey moves closer to me once Jonathan and I are in the kitchen before pulling me to the back porch. She shuts the door behind us before giving a glance back inside and to her brother who has headphones on. She directs her gaze to me and keeps her words hushed.

“Hey, I need you to do me a favor today, okay?”

I’m about to give a teasing grin before squashing it with the reminder that it’s not to be played on her. So, I keep my expression light with no smile, just eyes showing genuine curiosity about what she means.

“Yeah, what is it?”

She takes a breath before again glancing at everyone inside.

Seriously, what is she concerned about?

“You need to help me make sure that Maddy and Zach don’t cross paths. If you notice her alone, try to be there with her. I don’t-

“Just keep your eyes on them, but don’t make it obvious. Is that good with you?”

Okay, she is definitely the one I need to go to next. She knows the things I want to.

“Of course, but why?”

She grows a bit irritated, but not directed at me as her eyes dart directly at the living room inside. Probably to Zach specifically, but with my back to the door, I can’t tell without making it obvious that I’m looking in.

“I’ll explain more later, but let’s leave it at that there is history. One Maddy is going to try and play cool about and Zach will most likely use that to his advantage. He has a tendency to… He just likes to do what he wants and will push over people easily pushed over to do that.”

A laugh comes from Asher which is all that needs to be for us to know he can hear us.

“More like the dudes a psychopath.”

Now I’m the one wanting to laugh with his words so blunt. He seems to be that way, which is something I like.

The sliding door opens and Jonathan walks out giving Bailey a curious look before looking her up and down with something behind it more than I can place.

There’s a history there too, maybe?

“Hey, so am I interrupting something, or can I get my new friend back?”

She rolls her eyes at him before backing away a bit from me. I didn’t even notice how close we were until the next comment from Jonathan.

“You know, he’s taken, but I’m always free for you. It could be like old times.”

Yep, definitely some history.

A cynical laugh from her, she heads inside with one last retort.

“Yeah, I’ll pass on that, but thanks for the reminder of worse times.”

I hold back another laugh, but Asher doesn’t. He follows his sister’s lead, and with the exchange of them comes out Zach and Canton.

Well, I guess I have a new group to stick with.

Playing it naturally as if I’m sticking with Jonathan, it is my way of trying to play what I’ve already been while going with Bailey’s ask to keep my eyes on one of the two. Rathering to be with Maddy, no matter how much I hate to lean on it, she has Matt right now, so keeping with Zach will be better than not.

The guys settle down in different spots, and I choose to stay standing as Jonathan hands me a beer. Conversations start and I stay mostly listening while giving enough input not to seem out of place. It does feel nice in a way, but something about it almost doesn’t settle well. But, it’s what’s needed, so I blend in the way I do best, and pretend. Another old habit brought back. One only until now do I realize I haven’t had to lean on as much lately.