Everyone was at the Fall Dance, except Aarav, who was excused. Lawke had nabbed the key to Coach Fadel's desk; don't ask me how, but he did it.

Lawke
(Shifty.) I have my ways.

That's what he said to me - now Aarav had it.

Only problem was keeping Harley from remembering her ring. Yuna made sure to be in the girl's bathroom at the same time, getting all powdered on their noses and whatever.

[Ravi
Hopefully not with coke.]

I'm- sorry? Where's that coming from?

[Ravi
(Awkward.) I was just- uh. I just have this one friend, she used to, um... don't worry about it.]

Wow, it really sounds like you're not over that, whatever it was. Like I was saying, when Harley tried to go for the classroom, Yuna rushed her to the gym, which by then had been repurposed with a disco ball, a stereo, and a half-assed floor sweeping for some moving and grooving. Harley insisted, but Yuna had a plan that didn't involve jewelry: a dance-off. For SOME REASON, she knew Harley couldn't resist.

Yuna tied the bottom of her dress shirt in a knot, to show off her belly, and rolled up her pant legs. She starts swaying her hips, back and forth. Harley was a prenatal ballerina who'd recently taken up watching hip-hop music videos, and after a few good stretches, she responded with some truly graceful popping and locking. Coach Fadel was on watch, he tried to break it up, but Lawke and Murphy started chanting:

Murphy & Lawke
DANCE-OFF, DANCE-OFF, DANCE-OFF!

The whole crowd was going, and then Lawke and Murphy started kissing!

Murphy
(Smiling warmly.) No homo, bro.

Lawke
(Stone-faced and smoldering.) But of course. And a no homo to you.

Lips to lips, only one who saw was Coach Fadel, and unfortunately, me. He looked like he was gonna lose his lunch, tried to grab them boys by the arms. I guess seeing two bros kiss wasn't in his itinerary that day.
Meanwhile – the dance was poppin' off. Yuna took off her dress shirt, threw it to the crowd, tank top underneath. Boys are starting to blush, girls are getting jealous. The ladies were hoppin' and boppin', facin' off, they started line-dancing... Coach Fadel was about to shut it down, when his key-ring fell out of his pocket. That's when he saw it... no desk key. He stormed out, and I was scared there for a minute... but true to his word, Aarav rolled in, and delivered the ring. I held that little gold circle in my hands, and I let out a sigh of relief.

The ladies had danced breathless, and came to a respectful decision: the dance-off was a tie.

[Ravi
I just remember them sort of awkwardly dancing to pop country and taking a lot of breaks because they messed up a move.]

It was a sight to behold. Many things jiggled and rippled that day, and men were made from boys.

[Ravi
Okay, gross.]

With the ring in hand, I took Lanzo aside and delivered it to his waiting palm. I asked:

Aurion
So hey, where's your date?

Lanzo
Over there. Isn't he dreamy?

I look over, there's Thor crackin' moves on the dance floor, tryna do the worm.

Aurion
Does HE know it's a date?

Lanzo
(Winking.) No, but we'll see what I can get from him. Anyway, you can keep the ring. I just didn't want Harley to have it.

Aurion
What about my payment?

Lanzo
Sell it, I don't care.

Thor comes back, and Lanzo grabs him by the arm.

Thor
Dude, what are you doing? Are you gay or something?

Lanzo
(Sweating.) I, uhh...

Coach Fadel stomped in. My blood ran cold, and his was boiling.

Coach Fadel
(Furious.) WHO THE HELL WENT AND BROKE INTO MY DESK?! WHO WAS IT?! WHICH ONE OF YOU PISS-STAINED INFANTILE SCREW-UPS THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN ME?!

Lanzo let go of Thor in an instant.

Lanzo
It was Aurion, sir! He has it right here!

Coach Fadel
OOOHHH, OF COURSE!! AURION SLIMANI, RESIDENT GANGSTER, EVERYBODY.

Aurion
(Betrayed.) Lanzo, what the fu-

Lanzo
(Eagerly, but afraid.) He was showing off cause he said you were too stupid to catch him!

Aurion
(In disbelief.) Oh, WHAT?! I can't BELIEVE you!!

Coach Fadel
(Nostrils flaring.) Lanzo, you'd better not be lying to me. And did I see you holding hands with another boy when I walked in?

Lanzo
(Bowing his head.) No, sir, I was just, uhh... helping him up. He was doing the worm.

Bro's excuse was so bad I slapped my own face from second-hand shame. Bruh, my fingers were dragging and digging into my cheek.

Coach Fadel
Aurion, you're coming with me. And Lanzo... you'd better keep your hands to yourself.

Well, that was the end of our little adventure. Lawke and Murphy got time for "indecent activities", and Yuna for "indecent exposure". For showing her ankles and a little cleavage, for cryin' out loud. I got suspended for a month. My mom was so disappointed, she grounded me for two.

[Ravi
So you're stuck at home? That explains why you weren't at school today. Nobody wanted to talk about it.]

It's a depressing situation.

[Ravi
So how come your mom let you come over now?]

She thinks we're doing homework. Anyway, it's not all bad. See, the other teachers heard how Coach Fadel lost his temper at the dance. He was on thin ice with the Principal. And when Aarav, Murphy, Lawke, and Yuna all shared detention with Lawke, they got to thinking. Thinking led to scheming. Now, I never saw... the pop-up.

[Ravi
Oh, boy. I know what you're talking about. Lawke and Murphy showed me in the computer lab, they couldn't stop giggling.]

Well, our good friend Aarav knew a thing about code. He knew that putting a real Trojan Horse virus on the school system would be going too far, so he wrote a little pop-up program. What it did was ask a question.

"Are you gay? Yes, or no?"

We all know homophobia is out like trash, but Coach Fadel didn't know that. So when he clicked that little program on his desktop, well... I don't know what his answer was. Nobody does. It doesn't matter anyway, because both options lead to this message:

"You have downloaded sixty-nine gigabytes of gay porn. Please enjoy!"

[Ravi
Hahaha.]

Of course, no such thing occurred. There was no sexually explicit material put on his computer, only a fake message. Sure fooled old Coach Fadel, though. His reaction was so explosive, so volatile, so furious, that the other teachers laughed at him. Turns out old Mr. Shrew, a year from retirement, had just come out, and Coach Fadel's response to an accusation of homosexual activity was ill-timed and wildly inappropriate. His coworkers lost all respect.

[Ravi
He seems like the kind of person who thinks the world is against him... or that the only side he needs to be on is his own. He's always twisting the fence around himself, instead of letting it be a straight line.]

I couldn't say for sure, but he's definitely got a habit of walking around like the world is in his backyard.

[Ravi
So did they catch you guys for writing the pop-up?]

Big-brain, big-wheel Aarav had written it straight onto Coach Fadel's own computer, so it was untraceable. They'll never know who did it.

Oh, and Lanzo? Well...

Aurion
Yuna heard the truth from Harley: there was no "mix-up" in the first place. Lanzo was trying to make his mom think his dad had cheated on her, so they'd get a divorce, and he wouldn't have to live under his dad's roof anymore. So he took his dad's ring, and gave it to Harley.

Ravi
But...

Aurion
But Harley found out Lanzo was using her to look straight at school, and didn't have any real feelings for her at all. She threatened to show them the ring, so he'd get in trouble.

Ravi
That's kind of sad, though. Lanzo screwed you over, and he did string Harley along, but he didn't do anything wrong just by being gay.

Aurion
To be honest, that's why I'm not as upset as I could be. I'd rather be the guy who successfully pulled off a heist and lost it, than the guy who outed Lanzo to his homophobic, scowling father. I may not always see eye to eye with him, but I can hop to his side of things sometimes. See from his patch.

Ravi
(Smiling.) So you ARE a good guy. I was hoping you would be.

Aurion
Yeah, well, don't tell nobody. I have a reputation to uphold.