POV: Darleen

Way to go, Darleen, you totally blew it, again! Ugh. Why? Why is so hard for Skylar to see me? She couldn't even see how obvious it was that I wasn't mad at Vida or that I hate her, I'm just jealous of her. Ugh! Stupid, stupid, stupid, I totally blew it.

I sit at the table and eat dinner alone. I told Skylar the food was here, but she hasn't come out of her room. I got to fix this somehow, but I don't know how.

She said Vida was going to be her next girlfriend like she already made up her mind. Like there are no other options. I'm such a freaking idiot!

I hurl the plate across the dining room and rest my head on the table.

I hear a sigh and quickly look up.

Skylar is staring at the mess I made on the floor.

"I'll clean it up," I quickly say.

She shakes her head and kneels down to pick it up.

I quickly rush to her side to help.

"I'm still mad at you, I'm just hungry." She grumbles.

She's so freaking cute.

Focus!

"Skylar, can we just rewind? I'm sorry okay, that came out all wrong."

"I don't think there is a right way for it to come out," she says.

Touché.

"Vida's really been there for me these past few weeks. Even before Jade and I broke up she was there for me. She gets me on a deep emotional level, and the fact that you think I'm "Too good" for her, when it's probably the other way around, just really ticks me off. Maybe she doesn't have money or status but what she does have is much more valuable to me. She has empathy, she cares, even when I hurt her over and over again. She's strong in a way that words can't describe. You don't know her, so you don't get to judge her." She says firmly.

"I'm sorry," I say in defeat.

Nothing I do will make her not hate me.

I fucked it up.

Again.

"Why would you do that?" Skylar asks me seriously as we move to throw away the mess in the trash.

"Because I'm frustrated!" I shout.

She looks at me waiting for me to go on, but I can't tell her the truth, not yet. So instead, I say,

"I was projecting. The girl I like... she's falling for someone else. And that just... I can't tell her how I feel without ruining everything. So I just have to stand by and suffer as I watch her be with the wrong person, again, and again, and again when I know! I know... if she would just give me a chance... I know." I say as tears fill my eyes.

"Darleen, why didn't you tell me sooner?" Skylar moves to comfort me.

Sometimes I really hate Skylar.

How can she be so oblivious?

"Doesn't matter, nothing I do will change the way she sees me. I'm just a friend to her."

"But what if you could be more? You have to take a chance, Darleen." She pushes.

"I can't. I love her too much to do that to her."

"Just tell her how you feel, Come on, I'll help you. Practice on me, if I were her, what would you say right now to change the way she sees you?"

I shake my head no.

Skylar sighs and washes her hands. I clean up the rest of the mess on the floor before doing the same.

"Nothing will ever change if you don't take a chance, Darleen," Skylar says to me.

"Whatever, it was a stupid idea anyway. I knew there was a chance she'd never see me like that, I'm the idiot that went for it anyway. Some goals are just unachievable." I plop back down at the table.

"I don't believe that for a second, you can't give up! You just can't. You deserve to be happy. Come on, practice on me. I'll tell you if it's good or not." She sits in front of me.

I take in a shaky breath and turn to face Skylar.

"Just try, put your heart into it." She says.

I grab her hands in my own before saying,

"I know the timing is shit. I know you aren't in the headspace to even entertain this right now. But I have to tell you, I have to get this off my chest and open your eyes because if I don't I feel like I'll drown in all of it. I love you. I have for a very long time. I know we've had our chances before, but neither of us was ready then. I'm ready now. I'm not that same girl anymore. I've grown, and I know you have too. If you would just see me, look at me, I have all this love inside of me, all these feelings, all these ways I can make you feel better. And I know you don't need me to be whole again, you never needed me. You've always been strong all on your own. But maybe I need you. Watching you suffer is killing me, slowly, painfully. Being by your side again has awakened this need inside of me, this fire. When you aren't here with me, when I haven't heard your voice in a while, I worry. All I can think about is you. Call me crazy, but I know I can do this. I know I can be the girl that you need. If you would just give me a chance," I feel tears slide down my cheeks.

"That was perfect Darleen," Skylar says softly her own eyes watered over. "Just tell her just like that. She'll have to see you then." She caresses my cheek, wiping my tears.

I can't help but laugh through the pain.

It's awful, I can't say that. Because it didn't even make a dent.

"Darleen," Skylar says in concern.

I rest my forehead against hers. She squeezes my hands to comfort me.

"What will it take?" I whisper.

"What do you mean?" she says with equal intensity.

"What will it take for you to see me?"

There is a long stretch of silence.

She pulls back to look at me, her eyes wide with realization. I stare at her sadly before leaning in and pressing my lips softly to hers.

"Forgive me," I whisper against her lips. "I know the timing is off... but you did tell me to go for it"

She pulls back.

I sigh and look down.

"The girl... was me?" Skylar says for clarification.

"Isn't it obvious? It's always been you." I say.

She rests her elbows on the table and grabs fistfuls of her hair, sighing heavily.

"Say something," I beg.

"I can't... I can't do this." She gets up and quickly retreats back to her room.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. At least this weight is off my shoulders. At least I told her. Even if nothing comes out of it, at least I can say I tried.

I put up her food and clean up the messes before going to my room and turning my lights off and laying down to sleep. I feel my heart crack right in half and despite my best effort I start crying.

I bury my face into my pillow and sniffle.

I try to sleep but I can't.

Why does falling in love have to be so painful?

The door to my room opens a few hours later, it's late now. I watch Ace waddle into the room wagging his tail and I can't help but smile. Skylar peaks her head in shortly after.

"You awake?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say softly.

She walks in and gets into bed with me.

I turn over to face her, pulling her into my arms. She rests her head on my chest. For a moment all is right again. I feel at peace. I wish I could feel like this all the time.

"I've thought about what you said," she says softly.

"And?"

"About all of it, from the beginning, ever since you told me you liked that girl. I've thought about all the nice things you've said about her, all the ways you've described her."

"Described you." I point out.

"You really think all those things about me?"

"Is that hard to believe? I've always thought those things about you."

"Darleen."

"I didn't want to tell you yet, I wanted to wait until the timing was right." I defend myself.

"So Vida?"

"I don't think any of those things about her, I'm just jealous," I admit.

"I knew it," she sighs. "I think deep down I knew what was going on, all the signs were there. I just didn't want to face it. Didn't want to add to the already big pile of mess that is my life. Darleen, I'm a train wreck right now."

"The cutest train wreck I ever did see."

She giggles.

That makes me smile.

"I know you're not ready to hear it yet. But I just wanted you to know there was more than one option. That Vida isn't the only one waiting for you. I just... really want to give this another shot. I'm not the same immature girl I was in high school. I'm not going to force you to love me, when and if you are ever ready to try this again, I just want you to know the option is there." I state my case.

"You're so unfair sometimes, coming in here, being my knight in shining armor again. Fixing my life with me. Acting as if nothing bad ever happened between us, when I was so awful to you when we were in high school. How can you still be in love with me after everything?" she asks seriously.

"Because I see you, Skylar. You were never invisible to me. You're not perfect, and neither am I. You can call me crazy if you want, but I always thought you and I were perfect for each other. Only when we are together do the stars shine. Seeing you again was all it took to reawaken this fire within me. I know I can be the person you need. I know I have what it takes to go the distance with you. Maybe I wasn't ready before, but I am now."

I feel her hand travel up my stomach and wrap itself in my shirt, exposing my hip.

"I hate you," Skylar whispers, I can tell she's crying by how shaky her voice is.

"Skylar," I pull her closer.

"I know you can make me happy. I know you can. You will always have a soft spot in my heart. I know you can be everything I need."

"Then don't fight it." I plea.

"Maybe you're ready, but I'm not. You are the right person Darleen, but you always come into my life at all the wrong times. I'm not ready for you yet, my heart is still in torn-up shreds because of Jade. I can't be what you need right now. I'll only break your heart again. I want you, I want us, but I'm not ready." She sniffles.

"I can wait," I assure her.

"No."

"I will wait. You can't stop me."

"I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have." She moves to look me in the eyes.

"The pain is always worth it when it comes to you," I kiss her.

She melts into the kiss and rolls on top of me.

The way she kisses me, passionately, with purpose and care, like she means it. I wrap my arms around her and pull her as close as possible. Her hand slides up my shirt, I wonder if she can feel how hard my heart is beating, how it hammers against my rib cage, begging to be let free so that it can reach out to her.

I reach for the bottom of her shirt, tugging it upwards but she pulls back.

We stare longingly into each other's eyes as we catch our breath.

"Sorry, didn't mean to get ahead of myself," I say.

She smiles and shakes her head at me before pecking me on the lips one last time.

"You didn't, it's just that time of the month for me."

"Ah, I really do have bad timing."

We both laugh.

"We should take this slow," she cuddles up in bed with me.

"Whatever you need, you know I'll do it." I relax and pull the blankets over us.

"Let me think about all this, okay?"

"Take all the time you need, I just wanted you to see me, see I can still be more than a friend to you." I peck her on the head.

"I see you, Darleen." She says softly.

Those words make my heart flutter. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It comforts me enough that I can close my eyes and finally fall asleep.