Lucas

 “What the fuck is taking so long?” I growl under my breath. The question meant for no one since it’s just me and Nero sitting in the empty space. Being relegated back into the hell that is sitting in a waiting room separated from the woman I love by yet another door is fucking torture. The smiling images of women—some with pregnant bellies, others holding babies—hanging along the walls mock me like they’re well aware of the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that won’t subside. Especially since she looked at me with sad whiskey eyes and asked me to wait for her out here.

Wait the fuck out here!

I shake my head and scoff, pretending I’m just angry and that her request didn’t gut me. Reluctantly, I nodded while schooling my expression so she wouldn’t see how much that simple request hurt me. I mean, come on, we’re fucking together, aren’t we? I’ve seen her naked, and have spent the past couple of weeks getting intimately acquainted with her body. After everything we’ve been through, why wouldn’t she want me to be there for her, especially with how worried she’s been about this appointment?

Thinking back to our conversation yesterday doesn’t help. Distraught and filled with remorse, she begged me to forgive her for what happened between her and Creed in that cabin. She feels as though it was a betrayal to me, but the thing is, not for a single second have I ever blamed her for what happened that day. All culpability for what transpired falls squarely on the shoulders of the asshole who took advantage of her and violated her trust.

Taking the stool next to her, I spin her seat so she’s facing me. Refusing to give her an out, I pull until she’s caught between my legs. I need her this close, both so I can be her pillar of strength and so I can see the truth behind those whiskey eyes as she recounts what that asshole did to her.

“Tell me. What happened before we got there?”

“He didn’t rape me, if that’s what you think.” Her statement is laced with such vitriol I have to wonder if she’s attempting to convince herself just as much as she’s trying to convince me.

“If that’s true, why were you so upset when I found you? Matter of fact, why are you so upset now?” That she’s attempting to downplay his actions and what we walked in on in that cabin shoots sparks of fury through my veins. What that man did to her is reprehensible, and that she doesn’t see it that way makes my blood boil.

With eyes full of anger and contempt, she lifts her chin in defiance and professes, “Because I let him use me and I was ashamed! Because in my desperation to be touched, to feel loved and wanted, I forgot he’s one of the reasons I feel so worthless. And I knew it. Deep down I knew he would leave me shattered yet again, but by the time I tried to stop, it was too late.” At first, she spits out the words with vehemence, but as the oppressive admission settles in the air around us, the anger that bolstered her disappears. At the sight of the quiver in her chin, I pulled her hard against my chest.

“It’s never too late to say no, Embree. Never. And if that fucking bastard doesn’t know that by now, then maybe it’s time someone teaches him the lesson.” I growl into her hair as I take in her sweet scent and hold her close. This is all my fault. My only job was to keep her safe and out of the clutches of those trying to hurt her, and I failed. The suffering and the self-loathing she’s experiencing is on me.

“It wasn’t like that, I swear,” she sobs, desperate to make me believe her. “I just… I made a mistake.” She pulls back, cupping my face as she looks deep into my eyes, imploring me to believe her. “I swear on my girls, Lucas. He didn’t rape me. I just got lost in the moment and didn’t see it for the mistake it was until it was too late. I messed up.”

I didn’t believe her then, and I don’t believe her now. Even if she consented, any man worth their weight would have restrained himself. He took advantage of her vulnerability. He had sex with her, knowing damn well he was there to pull the rug out from under her yet again. As far as I’m concerned he violated her, fulfilling his own needs, regardless of what it would do to her. He’s a selfish coward and if I ever see him again, I swear to god, I’ll teach him a lesson he’ll never forget.

“Christ! What the hell is taking so goddamn long?”

Defeated, I lean forward and with elbows on my knees, I hang my head. I’d give anything to be in that room with her right now. The last time we were here it wasn’t my place to be there for her, but this time it feels like it is, and that she doesn’t feel the same burns me up inside. Though hell, after everything she’s been through, including all the things I’ve done, maybe I shouldn’t blame her.

Still, I can’t shake the feeling that something else is going on. Something spooked her into closing back up. Not that she’s withdrawn completely, for she still seeks my touch. She still pushes up against me when we lay together in bed at night like she’s desperate for my comfort. I know with certainty that she loves me, for I see it in her eyes and feel it in the way she craves our connection. That’s what’s so fucked up about all this, and why I’m going out of my mind trying to figure out what the hell has changed.

When the door finally opens, a very pale Embree comes into view. Hannah in her white doctor’s coat follows behind her and neither of them says a word as they approach me. Though Hannah’s demeanor is relaxed and pleasant, Embree’s posture is subdued and her red-rimmed eyes tell me she’s been crying. It’s taking all my self-control to not pull her into my arms, so I can get her the hell away from this place.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I’m desperate to touch her but when I move to reach for her I’m stopped short by the way she wraps her arms around herself and averts her gaze.

“Hey, Lucas.” Hannah steps in front of Embree and leans in for a friendly hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“Likewise,” I croak, as I struggle to swallow down the panic. When we pull apart, my attention immediately drifts back to Embree. “Talk to me, sweetheart. What’s going on?”

“Everything’s okay, Lucas.” It’s Hannah who responds. “It’s been a stressful couple of weeks, so she’s feeling a bit under the weather. I’d like to see her in about two weeks to check back in. Think you could bring her?”

Well alright. 

If Hannah says she’s just a little under the weather, then whatever it is can’t be all that serious, right? But as Embree fidgets under my stare, doing everything she can to avoid my gaze, my suspicions are confirmed. They’re not telling me the truth. It makes my blood boil. The lack of clarity around what’s happening fans the flames of my frustration, making it damn near impossible to hold on to my restraint. To keep from losing my shit and demanding the answers that for some reason they’re not willing to give me, I take Embree by the hand and pull her against me. Planting a kiss on the top of her head, I inhale deeply, taking a long pull of her sweet, summery scent to keep me focused on what matters. My purpose in this life is to love her and stand at her side. To support her and be there until she’s ready to confide in me.

“Of course. Thanks, Hannah. We’ll see you in two weeks. Same time?”

“Yes,” she answers with a friendly smile, but then, with eyes full of concern, she stares at my girl for a second too long before bidding her goodbye. It pisses me off, for that look is further proof that she knows what Embree is hiding from me. It also tells me whatever it is, it’s something serious.

Afraid I’ll say or do something I’ll regret, I take Embree by the hand and lead her back out to the parking lot where Zeb is waiting with the car. As soon as he sees us, he steps out from the driver’s side and comes around to open the back passenger door so she can get in. Certain that he’s got her and needing a minute to rein in my anger at the situation, I keep going, taking Nero to the back of the Expedition where he’ll have more room to lie down. After closing the back hatch with Nero inside, Zeb comes to stand next to me.

“What is it, brother? Is she okay?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly as I scan our surroundings while fighting back the fear that’s twisting up my insides.

“Then let’s get her home so you can figure it out.” He pats me hard on the shoulder in a reassuring gesture that doesn’t help in the least.

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Author’s Note:

I really feel for Lucas. Just as things were finally falling into place, he can sense something has shifted in Embree.

What do you think about this chapter? Do you think he's doing the right thing by not pushing for answers?

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