This is the biggest lie: it can't get worse.

This is the cruelest truth: you can survive. Over and over you can survive.

The only thing you can trust: the blade in your hand. This is where freedom lies.

Did you forget, Azul? Only the details, the way you stop feeling the wind's searing blow against your skin when it's not buffeting you. You remember there was a wind, of course. It's unnecessary to probe deeper; this is all you need. The rest can be safely forgotten.

It's not true, though. A part of you will remember everything.

Always.

***

I woke up to the chirping of the birds. Opened my eyes to the champa bricks around me. I was in bed alone, hugging My First Biology Book close to my chest.

Through the open window, dust motes rode a stream of golden light into my room. It looked like any other summer morning, but nothing good would come from pretending. A part of me was terrified—it’d remain terrified until this mess was through, one way or another. But another part was excited—eager, even.

I'd had a weird dream. That was inevitable after such a weird night, I suppose. It hadn't even been that bad for a weird dream, even if Vanth had been there.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. He was supposed to be the real person, wasn’t he? It wasn’t enough to have my real life invaded, now my dreams were too! Dreams are supposed to be close to the Underworld, you know. All sorts of things could come crawling from there! Which is why it was a good thing I’d only attracted Vanth.

What did he say? Something about keeping the spell with his essence in my person at all times. I wasn’t arguing with that. The spell was still wrapped in my hankie, so I could easily carry it in my pocket.

What time was it? We didn't own any clocks or watches. If we needed to know the approximate hour, we checked the position of the shadows—at least when the sun was out. I was sure I hadn't overslept, though. Valentino seemed to be the type to politely knock at my door—and then, perhaps, less politely—rather than allow me to miss our train.

I dragged myself to the bathroom and took a quick sponge bath. When you have to draw your own water from the well, you don't even bother owning bathtubs. Unless you can hire servants, I guess. But even rich people would have to ration water in those hills. No wonder they rarely bothered to drop by.

Before I left my apartment, I added My First Biology Book to my bundle.

I didn’t meet anybody on my way to the main building, but when I came near the kitchen, a tide of high-pitched shouts washed over me. Arguing over breakfast. It smelled of frying green onions. A pleasant scent, but wasn’t it slightly overdone? I rushed in.

“You're burning them!” Lucero accused.

Luna brandished a wooden spoon against him. “Because you won't leave me alone!”

“No, I was warning you.”

“Back off! You’re gonna burn your tits off.”

“If I have tits that’s more than you have.”

They argued over a cast-iron frying pan while Sol pounded big juicy white kernels of corn to make huminta, crushing almost as loud as they shouted. The twins wore aprons, but Lucero was down to short pants again.

“Let me see.” Luna gave me the wooden spoon without argument. “Well, they're slightly browned, but not burnt. Sol, that's enough pounding. Set the corn leaves in the table. Luna, get the butter and cheese. Lucero, bring out the coffee tin and check there's enough milk. Remember we have a guest. And you’re going to put a shirt on before we sit to have breakfast.”

Lucero huffed, but didn’t put up an argument. All of the siblings went on to do as I’d said.

Now I could hear the birds again.

“This is such a mess.” Sol slapped the corn leaves on the table. “You haven't left yet and everything's such a mess.”

“And? I'm not leaving to the Big Mom.” That was the largest of the moons. The Big Mom, the Small Mom, and the Child. “You do remember I went to the capital before and came back, right? Well, Lucero doesn’t. He wasn't born yet when that happened.” I turned to the boy, who was wiping the pestle clean. Then I looked at Luna stirring butter into the onions-and-corn mix as it melted with the fritters's own heat, and at Sol still arranging leaves. “You twins were four, so you probably remember.”

Lucero brought a tray with more tomatoes, a couple of locotos, and a handful of herbs to the table, and they all started chopping them finely, so that the task of grinding them would be easier. For an instant, only the steely chewing of knives could be heard. A delicious scent of basil and killkiña slowly spread over the kitchen.

“I do remember when Azul went to the capital,” Luna said.

“Auntie told me you two cried the first few nights I wasn't around,” I said. “Don't start mocking them now, Lu.”

“My name isn't Lu. And I know that. Four is, like, a baby.”

When Lucero was four, he followed me into the orchard, plucked a locoto right off the vine, and shoved it into his mouth before I could stop him. Apparently he'd mistaken it for a bell pepper, which I suppose is a fair mistake for a baby. Locotos look very innocent. After he finished chewing, Lucero told me he felt “bit hot”. That kid ain't normal.

“So they sent you back twice but now they want you to go over there again?” Sol asked.

“Yes. But I came back both times, so you know I'm going to come back again.”

“That don't make any sense,” Luna said.

“I'm going to come back because I said so. I'll finish the humintas. You can set the tableware.”

“If you do everything for us,” Lucero said, “what are we gonna do when you're not here?”

“Guess you're right.” I looked around. Luna poured water on the big pot, just enough so that the little pot would fit inside and double boil properly. Lucero spooned the corn mixture on the leaves, not too much and not too little. Sol pounded the tomato and locoto and herbs mix to make llajwa. She really seemed to enjoy crushing things to a fine pulp.

Children grow so fast.

It was petty as all hells, but it pleased me that they'd only managed to work smoothly after I arrived. I even felt a bit of pride as they carefully wrapped up the humintas and arranged them on the little pot to steam. We had half an hour left till it was time to make coffee—or rather, they had half an hour left. It was time to leave them to their own devices.

In the living room, Auntie Estrella was fiddling with the radio set to catch the morning show. She didn't look up. I had the feeling she found this situation as awkward as I did. We had some things in common, though it didn’t look like it. Untie Lago had just come in with three mitema eggs in a basket, each one larger than my hand. Such a big harvest! I decided it was a good sign for my journey. I needed all the good signs I could get.

Untie Lago grinned at me, their eyes crinkling. “Good to see you up and about, boy.”

“Good to see you too.” I picked my hat from the rack.

Early morning sun glared in my eyes. My Grandmas walked slowly around the crops, saying something about the upcoming harvest and an extra pair of hands.

I walked to them. “Are you gonna hire a farmhand?”

Grandma Alba scratched her chin. “We're considering it.”

“Well, don't jump to conclusions. Maybe I'll be back before harvest time.”

“Don’t start worrying about it, child,” Grandma Cielo said.

“And how are you gonna pay them?” I asked.

“We're thinking,” Grandma Alba said, “of some kid who'll work in exchange for room and board.”

“Oh, like me but less of a smartass?”

“Why, that'd be perfect.” Grandma Alba clapped my shoulder.

“If you wanna do something,” Grandma Cielo said, “go check on Blondie by the washing machine.”

As it turned out, Valentino was hanging our laundry simply by looking at it. I’d forgotten he could do that. He whistled something, a song from the capital I thought, rather out of tune. I stood by, watching him work. You can get away with not hanging dry-washed clothes out in the sunlight if you must, but it’s better to let them breathe a bit so that they don’t pick up bad odors. Our dry-washing machine, a very useful contraption, was sitting at the shade. As its name suggested, it laundried without using water. Repairing or replacing it in the case of a sudden breakage would be one of the emergencies we carefully saved nureals for.

“Sorry my family conscripted you.” I really wasn’t, but it felt like the polite thing to say.

“I'm the one who volunteered. Better than sitting around like a flour bag, isn't it?”

“Well, I can't say you're wrong. Do you need anything for the journey ahead? I don’t think motorcycles run on energy beads, but maybe they need something else?”

“They’re batteries, but I've brought enough to go all the way back to Vorsa.”

Imagine riding all the way to the capital on a motorcycle! Say what you will about flying, at least we wouldn’t end up buried in dust before we left I Doronte.

Seeing how Valentino was feeling helpful, I recruited him to fix the broken wheelbarrow. In exchange, I helped him check on his motorcycle, which wasn’t entirely necessary but didn’t go amiss before a long trip. I doubt I was very helpful though. After that, it was time for breakfast.

I smelled the oily scent of picarones before I saw a big tray of them sitting right next to the humintas. But then, I’d sort of developed an instinct for the ones Grandma Cielo made. They were one of my favorite treats, even the imperfect ones made by other people: fried doughnuts of squash and sweet potato. Seeing Grandma Cielo kneading dough loops was one of the few things that got me to sit down and stay quiet as a child.

“How many sweet potatos are left, anyway?” Again, I spoke in Khachimik. “Between this and yesterday’s dinner, I think not many. And we ate all of the mutton.”

“And?” Auntie Estrella, who was closest to me, answered. “Would you prefer to let the worms eat our produce?”

That wasn’t the only possible alternative, of course. One of Auntie Estrella’s favorite rhetorical moves was saying something almost impossible to argue with, regardless of how much sense it made. My grandmas told me Dad would endlessly pick her faulty arguments apart, which only made her double down on even more unreasonable comebacks. And ever since Dad wasn’t around to argue with her, Auntie Estrella would take advantage of everyone else’s unwillingness to argue back.

Oh, well. I’d left them more than enough nureals to get by. I would’ve left them the whole checkbook, but I didn’t know what troubles I’d face on the way. Bribes are one of the great universal reliables.

“You didn’t have to bother for my sake is all.” Again I took a seat at one end of the table. Seeing how nobody was continuing the argument, not even Auntie Estrella, I offered Valentino the picarón tray. He politely picked a couple.

“These are really easy to make,” I said, “but nobody makes ‘em as good as Grandma Cielo. Crunchy on the outside, fluffy on the inside.” I served two humintas on his plate. “The humintas are really good too, but the green onions got a little bit browned.”

“Oh, I like browned green onions.”

Across the table, Sol scoffed. I’m pretty sure Auntie Estrella kicked her under the table.

At least we wouldn’t have to spend another meal like this.

We didn't have any reason to dawdle at the farm after breakfast was over. My family kept mobbing me at almost every step, the adults asking if I remembered to bring this or that along, the kids chattering nonsense, so that I could barely pick up my bundle. A chicha bottle was handed out to Valentino and me both, and I got a couple spell necklaces from every one of the adults. The twins were still learning so they gave me one they'd made together, and Lucero pressed a shell in a string on my hands. Then, naturally, I had to stop and open my bundle so I could fit those things in.

I kissed and hugged everyone back, and promised to write, and wished everyone luck, and swore I'd stay safe, and reassured them I wasn't lacking for anything. Valentino gave me an extra helmet and we set off on the path toward El Meandro. I waved behind me once before remembering what Grandma Cielo thought of those contraptions, so from then on I held on to Valentino and kept my eyes on the road.

I could swear the Sabrewing-issue motorcycles were more uncomfortable than Vanth's, or perhaps they were simply less roomy. I felt I was going to fall off if I so much as moved my butt. Honestly, I closed my eyes and hugged Valentino extra hard when we took the curve. It's such an awkward situation to find yourself in, clinging to a handsome man like a limpet and not having any fun.

The hills rose to our right. We approached the place where I'd met those things—the needleteeth, Vanth had called them. I poked Valentino's shoulder. “Can we stop just a moment? The curve was a bit too much for me.”

He slowed to a stop by the roadside. Going by the way he glared at me as he lifted the visor of his helmet, his patience had begun to fray. Was it the heat? He wore every single piece of regulatory clothing, all completely buttoned up. I'd have to keep an eye on him. Some people drop like a sheep turd when the low blood pressure or whatever gets to them.

“What's the issue, Your Excellency? We must reach Vorsa posthaste.”

Again with the nagging, were we? And here I thought he was going soft on me.

“Aw, c'mon. I just wanted to remind myself of what solid ground feels like. By the way, how come you don't keep your hair loose under your helmet so that it can fall dramatically when you take it off?”

“Why would I do that?”

Instead of waiting for an answer, I slid off the motorcycle and skipped up the hills. Or rather, would've skipped if the ground was any less steep and rocky. Valentino chased right after me.