GIDEON

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d wonder if you’ve been stalking me.”

He teases as he leans against the wall and folds his bare arms over his naked chest.

A chuckle escapes me as I take a step forwards, pressing my body against his. Even though I’m fully dressed, I can feel his warmth through my clothes.

I lift a finger and run the back of it along his cheek. They’re pink, and his entire naked body is flushed, so I know he’s only just returned from satisfying a client. I continue moving my finger along his cheek before I bring my knuckles to his bottom lip. His breathing pauses momentarily as I touch his softness, but he soon begins to take in heavy breaths.

Moving my finger from his face, I run it downwards along the side of his neck as I feel his pulse pounding under my touch.

“I can’t get you out of my head.”

I find myself admitting to him in a quiet tone.

If he’s surprised by my words, he doesn’t show it on his face. He smiles as he leans upwards, brushing his lips against mine.

“To the bedroom, Gideon?”

He breathes out as he pulls away.

Nodding, I drop my hand from his body and we move, making our way towards a room.

As he picks one towards the end of the hallway, he punches in the code before he opens the door as we both take a step inside. And like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, he turns as he addresses me, asking me what we’ll do.

“Is it okay if the two of us simply speak today?”

Stupid.

I sound so stupid.

Which man comes to Dom’s Den to speak instead of being serviced? Me, that’s who.

But sweetness doesn’t seem to take notice of my thoughts as he stretches his hand out to hold mine, tugging me closer towards the bed.

“Whatever you want, Gideon.”

He murmurs out as we both take a seat.

For a few long seconds, we sit in silence. I don’t know how to begin, and I doubt he wants to share anything with me this early on. So, after I’ve taken a deep breath, I open my mouth.

“Can I confess something?”

He nods.

“Of course you can, Gideon.”

I breathe a little lighter as I open my mouth and speak.

“This is the first time I’ve been with a man in many years.”

It’s been almost two entire decades.

The last time I was with a man, it happened within my hometown, and I vowed I would never be so careless to do something as foolish as that ever again. I was of an age where I should have been looking for a partner, someone to settle down with, someone to create a family with, yet there I was, stuck in the middle of a threesome which had unintentionally turned into something more as the years passed.

That threesome happened years prior to my marriage and my daughter’s birth, but there was always that uncertainty of how people would react if it was ever brought up. It wasn’t a good look, and if people were to find out that my daughter’s mother had slept with another man in the same room as I, even though she and I weren’t yet a thing, people would talk.

They would talk badly of us.

We put the entire thing behind us and forgot all about our pasts.

Partners, lovers, sexual experiences.

We put it all behind us the second we tied the knot.

Here, I was free to be who I am, but there…

I could have ruined everything I’ve built for my daughter and I if anybody was to ever find out.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to live a life like that.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to restrain myself from seeking happiness.

“Can I ask why?” he says in a quiet voice as I take a heavy breath in.

That’s the same thing I’ve been asking myself all these years.

Why?

His hand creeps closer as he places his fingers above mine.

“I’m sorry if I’m intruding. You don’t need to answer that.”

Shaking my head, I clear my throat as I answer his question.

“I have a daughter and I didn’t want to ruin things for her. Since she’s married now and grown enough to do as she pleases, I thought it’s only fair to be truthful to myself.”

No matter how far we’ve come as a society, I know there are a few individuals who wouldn't be pleased with the way I am. We stick to old traditions in our town, and I’ve always stuck by them. Many people look down at my daughter purely because she was raised without the presence of a mother, and I would be damned if I give them another reason to look down at her because of me.

I pretended to be someone I wasn’t for my daughter’s sake, but I can’t pretend any longer.

I deserve my own happy ending too.

For a few minutes, we sit side-by-side in silence. His fingers are heavy above mine, and as I turn to look at sweetness, I realise his thoughts are already someplace else.

“My little sister’s the only person in my life who knows I’m gay. I know it’s not the same as your situation, but outside of these walls, I’m forced to act like I’m not. My mother wouldn’t react well if she knew about my sexuality.”

My breath is shaky as it leaves me. I flip my hand and wrap my fingers around his, holding him tightly.

Tough times for us then, tough times for them now.

It’s pure bullshit, and I hate the fact that I know how he feels.

My parents had always assumed I was heterosexual, so I went along with it. After their passing, the only person I ever came out to was Brandon, and William was smart enough years before my formal coming out to him to have put two and two together.

And even to this day, only a couple of people are aware of my sexuality. Times have changed, but that uncertainty of how people will react remains, so I’ve always kept it to myself.

If I had a brother or sister to share the weight of my secret with back then…

“Are you both close? Your sister and yourself, I mean?”

Lifting his eyes, he keeps them locked with mine as he smiles.

“Yeah. Even though she’s a few years younger than me, we’re close. As sappy as it sounds, she’s basically my best friend. Your daughter–does she have any siblings? Do you have any more children?”

I shake my head.

His cheeks turn a soft shade of red as he mumbles under his breath, apologising again.

I breathe out a little laugh as I open my mouth to tell him there’s no need to apologise for asking me a few questions when my phone rings.

Letting go of his hand, sweetness stands up from the bed, ready to leave. He looks down at me as lifts that same hand to wave at me.

“Goodbye, sweetness.”

A small smile appears on his face as he drops his hand back to his side. He walks towards the door after giving me one final look and as he opens the door, I call out for him once more.

“Sweetness, one last thing.”

He turns around as he nods at me.

“Yes, Gideon?”

My lips pull up at the sides because how have I managed to go four days without asking him for it? How have I managed to go four days without calling him by it?

“Your name, sweetness?”

A great smile blooms across his face.

“It’s Victor.”

Victor.

And after offering me one final goodbye, Victor steps outside as he shuts the door behind him.

Victor. My sweetness.