Now, where was I? Yes, jumping to my death. The only obstacle in my way: My mother.

"Let me go! I want to die!" All I could see was the ground, it looked so inviting and it also was offering me peace. I wouldn't get the chance to pee myself in front of anyone anymore. I'd be free and this curse wouldn’t follow me anymore.

"Please, Jade. Just tell us what happened, we'll fix this together!" Mom yelled as she held on to my waist while Sydney was grabbing and pulling on my arm with all her strength. I heard the neighbors shouting at me to get down from the roof and how I am so young to die.

Oh, I'll get off this roof but not from the same way I climbed it and it doesn't matter if I die young or old, I want to die and that's the end of the story. I can't forget the way, the whole freaking class laughed at me and since I was crying, I couldn't see Paige's reaction but I know what she would be thinking. She'd be thinking about how disgusting and repulsive I am. And Tim, he'd break our friendship off the very next day, the very next moment he sees me.

But he won't see me because I'm gonna die right here, right now and no one's gonna stop me. I managed to get out of mom's hold and I was able to get to the other side of the railing with all the strength that I could muster. A sadistic smile came on to my face as I stared at the ground from above here. It looked so beautiful, and you know what would look even more beautiful; the world, when I cease to exist.

Just as I was ripping Sydney's hand off of my arm, I felt someone pick me up. I thrashed in their hold as I cried for them to let me go. "Let go! Let me jump!" And a second later, I was back inside the confines of my living room with mom and Sydney looking at me with their eyes holding worry in them. The person that was carrying me, my older brother Caleb, put me down on the sofa with a sigh as he looked at me with his eyes slightly watery.

"What happened that made you do that, sis?" I just felt my vision get blurry again as I tried to look away from him but he immediately cupped both of my cheeks, looking into my eyes. I knew that I could never lie to him while looking into his eyes so I just shut mine tight. I heard Caleb sigh again and a moment later, I felt my mother's arms engulfing me in a side hug as I sighed out into her embrace.

"What happened, Jadey?" I shook my head as I kept my eyes closed, burying my face in my mother's neck as if I could disappear into her embrace. "I, I did it again, mom." I mumbled out into her neck with my words coming out muffled. 

Mom backed me away from her shoulders and made me look at her as she asked me again, "What happened?" This time the authority in her voice was evident. She knew, and I knew that I wasn't 18 yet and that meant that she still had control over me and my life. 

"I did it again." I croaked out due to all the crying and screaming to be let go. Mom looked at me confused while Sydney who was sitting in front of me on the coffee table, looked lost. Caleb had entered the living room again and he looked at me with a small smile but I didn't smile back. I just shed all my tears hoping that somehow, I would forget all that happened.

"What did you do again?" Mom asked and Caleb came to me, sitting on my other side with his arm around my back. I sighed before I closed my eyes uttering the embarrassing thing that I had done in front of my history class and not to forget, Paige and Tim. 

"I peed myself again." The way my mom's eyes held recognition told me that she remembered my not so little accident in my previous school.

"I thought we were over this, Jade." Caleb spoke from beside me as he rubbed his face with his other hand. Mom was sitting silently as Sydney smiled uncomfortably at me.

"I was sure that nothing would happen but then I looked into her eyes and I just...." I bowed my head down as I trailed off, knowing that my mom and Caleb would be able to complete my sentence without my help. Caleb sighed audibly before he looked at me in question, "Who did you look at?" I felt the heat rush to my cheeks and stay there as I recalled the moment when I had looked into her greenish blue eyes and I just lost all my senses, well except for the one that helped me avert my eyes from hers.

"Um, her name's P-Paige." I mumbled as I began to play with the hem of my polo shirt while chewing on my bottom lip. I had changed and cleaned myself but I had not taken off my polo shirt. I thought that I would need all the luck I could get to even take my own life and that I did.

"Wait, wait, wait. Is this girl's name Paige Stone?" I looked at Sydney with my eyebrow raised as she stared at me the same way. I slowly nodded my head without breaking eye contact and this made her smile at me widely.

"Do you know this Paige?" Caleb asked as he looked at Sydney with his eyes holding confusion. Sydney looked at Caleb with a huge smile. 

"Uh huh, she's my little sister." The moment the word 'sister' came out of her mouth, my mouth went dry and the only reaction my body had for that revelation was to puke all over Sydney's dress.

"Hayden!" I felt my eyes close and darkness consume me while I still heard Caleb and mom shouting at me but the only thing that I could hear over and over again was, 'she's my sister'.

***

I groaned as I felt something hit me repeatedly on my face. I peeked an eye open and immediately closed it because of the light that blinded me. "She's alive." I heard someone try to fake an evil scientist accent and I immediately knew who it was.

"What the hell, Caleb?" I groaned again as I began to sit up with my eyes squinting. The moment I opened my eyes, I was met with Caleb's smirking face which was a sight for sore eyes.

"How're you feeling?" He asked with his voice all cheery and chirpy. "Ugh, I feel like shit."

"Oh, why's that?" The chirpiness didn't leave his voice as he smirked at me with a knowing look as if he knew something that I didn't.

"I had a nightmare where I peed my pants again and this time in front of my crush, who turns out to be Sydney's little sister. It was awful." 

"Au contriare, my sister. That really did happen." I stared at him wide eyed and the little bit of doubt that still tried to stay in my brain jumped out of the window when I saw Sydney walk into the living room wearing a large shirt and shorts with a tray with two cups of something that I had no idea about.

Sydney saw that I was looking at her, and she offered me a smile that pretty much said, 'I know that you have a crush on my sister'.

For a moment, I found myself staring from Caleb to Sydney and then I rushed to get off the sofa and to run up the stairs to the roof, to finish my unfinished business. But unfortunately, Caleb held me down the moment I leaped towards the staircase. 

"Let me the fuck go!" I yelled as I fought in his grip.

"Yup, crazy sister is back." Caleb joked as Sydney immediately went to the kitchen to maybe get mom or something. "I will kill you before I kill myself." My voice had become deadly even though I was shaking my head on the inside at the white lie I just told Caleb. 

"Yeah, and I'd like to see you try that." The smirk on his face was enough to make me slump back down on the sofa with a frown and my arms crossed over my chest. A minute later, Sydney and mom came out of the kitchen with their heavy breaths as if they had just run a marathon.

Mom was looking frantically around the living room before her eyes met mine and a relief washed over her face and she let out a sigh. Beside mom, Sydney was smiling slightly at me.

"Don't you even dare pull that stunt on us ever again." Mom spoke as she walked closer to me with a deadly look on her face and being afraid of mom's wrath, I just nodded frantically.

"Check this out Sid, she thought that her peeing herself was a dream." Caleb looked at Sydney while cracking up. Sydney gave him a glare that made him quickly shut up with his index finger over his lips.

I bowed my head down with a sigh as I felt tears threatening to spill from my eyes again when the nagging feeling washed over me again, the embarrassment that I faced today. The laughs that were directed towards me, I was made fun of and nothing is ever more humiliating than being made fun of in front of your crush. The first time this happened was humiliating too but at that time, I wasn't interested in a girl but this, this was just torture. Surely, the universe doesn't want me to be happy.

"I want to transfer schools." I murmured as I kept my head bowed. I thought that no one had heard me but then mom spoke. "Again?"

I looked up at her with my tears already running down my face. "I can't go back there." She sighed before she came towards me to sit beside me. “Honey, we can't just leave."

"But, I want to leave. I don't want to go back there just so everyone can make fun of me and laugh at me." I spoke with a slight whine as my tears were still flowing down my cheeks.

"You can't always run away from your problems, sometimes it's better to face them." Mom spoke as she soothingly wiped at my cheeks. I just kept up the water works as I shook my head. "B-But, Tim and Paige saw me." I spoke silently as I bowed my head down.

"Paige won't make fun of you, she's a really nice person. Why don't you just give it a chance?" Sydney chimed in as she gave me a soft smile that wasn’t much help.

"And besides that, maybe one day you'd remember this day and laugh." Mom, Sydney and I turned towards Caleb, who was smiling widely. Mom gave him a disapproving look while Sydney gave him a glare which made him cower in fear. 

"Forget your brother, he's an idiot." Mom spoke as she turned back to me. Caleb pouted slightly as he leaned back in the recliner. "We have to face our fears someday or another." Mom continued as she smiled a soft smile while running her fingers in my hair, I nodded my head hesitantly as I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hands.

"Okay." Mom smiled before she got up off the sofa. "Good, now why don't you go change and I'll make you some pasta. I know you love it." I laughed lightly with a shake of my head as she frowned. “I’m not hungry.”

Mom glanced from Caleb to Sydney before turning back to me and nodding her head in understanding. Leaving the living room, Mom went back to the kitchen where I know she might’ve started on dinner.

"Look at the ground, look how I peed for you. Just the way you wanted me to. And it was all yellow~" Sydney turned to Caleb with a deathly glare while he just laughed loudly. I felt the tears come back again as the reminder did, and I got off the sofa to go to my room to change. 

When I had reached the staircase, I heard Sydney scolding Caleb and I couldn't help but to smile a little. If my situation wasn't so humiliating, I would've really laughed out loud at that.

With heavy steps, I climbed the stairs and went towards my room. Entering my room, I first of all locked the door and then collapsed on my bed letting tears stream down my face again. It seriously felt like the end of the world for me.

After crying for a good while, I sat up and wiped away my tears with the back of my hand before getting up to go to the bathroom to wash my face and change. The striped polo shirt was killing me as it didn't do shit for me today.

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I noticed how my eyes were red and swollen because of all the crying, my hair was reaching past my shoulders and the color looked dull. I didn't know why I just kept looking at myself but then like an invisible bulb lighted, I got an idea. 

If I can't kill myself, then maybe I can change my appearance a little so people won't recognize me. I mean, it’s a long shot but maybe it could work.

Taking a pair of scissors from the bathroom cabinet, I took a deep breath before holding a strand of hair with shaky hands and cutting it. The snip was heard in the silence of the bathroom and a large amount of my hair fell to the floor of the bathroom. I breathed out before taking more pieces of hair and cutting freely.

Maybe this could help me a little.

***