I'm used to rejection. Family, acquaintances, and those I've had crushes on, they've all rejected me. I came to realize that my personality might be hard to accept or get along with. Everyone wants me to be something I'm not.

"But... You're a boy," my first crush said.

"You shouldn't cry," my mother said while avoiding eye contact.

"It's so hard to be around you when you're acting like such a baby," my older brother said.

"You're nice, but you talk a lot, you know? I can't relate to anything you say nor can I get a word in. Let's just part ways, okay?" my second crush explained.

I figured I should change myself. I should always smile, talk less, and not form crushes on those who don't want it. So with this new self of mine, and a new chance in front of me, I hoped I could form the relationships I've always wanted.

The first day of my new high school began.

"Hello!" The group of friends I approached looked startled by my loud greeting. I should lower my voice next time...

"You're the new kid, right?" One of them asked.

"Yep, I'm Owen, nice to meet you! What are your names?"

"That's Jason, Sally, Kim, and I'm Noah."

"Why'd you transfer a month into the year?" Kim suddenly asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.

"Ah, my family moved for work. It was kinda sudden but I hope I can adapt and make some friends!"

"I'm sure you can do it," Sally said with a radiant smile.

"How old are you?" Jason asked, eyeing me up and down.

"16! Same as you guys, right?"

"Yeah... You're just so short I wasn't sure."

"Guys can be short!" Kim said, irritation in her voice.

"Sure, I know that, and maybe he'll get a growth spurt soon."

"Even if he doesn't, it's fine!"

Sally nudged Kim in the stomach with a smile, immediately shutting her up. "Where did you live before here, Owen?"

I continued chatting with the group until class started. I also did my best to greet and meet the rest of my classmates. Some weren't as welcoming or talkative, but I tried to keep a smile on my face. Making connections may not come quickly or easily, but I have to try if I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

My first week of school was alright regardless. The first group of people I talked with let me eat with them at lunch and hang out. But the next week became strange.

"Sorry little dude," Noah said as I tried to follow them to the cafeteria for lunch. "We've got an internal crisis we have to sort out."

"Oh, is everything alright?"

"It's something we don't tell most people. See you around."

He walked away and the familiar feeling of rejection seeped into my chest. He said it was a crisis though... It could pass and they'll let me in again. I shouldn't jump to conclusions just yet.

But as time passed, the whole group seemed distant and evasive. Time didn't help the situation at all. When I found Jason on my way home after school, he turned on me.

"Just leave us alone man! You're too much, you know that? You keep talking and talking and talking. We're sick and tired of it. We're not your friends. We were just being nice to you because you're new. Get the hint already." After he said his piece, he stormed off.

Ah... So I wasn't wrong. I was rejected yet again. I got ahead of myself. I got too comfortable. I feel so small and insignificant. Like an ant in the middle of a desert. I'm used to it though... I'll be alright... Right?

I went home that day and my older brother poked my forehead.

"What's with the gloomy expression?"

I hesitated to speak. But when I opened my mouth finally, he cut me off.

"Whatever you're worried about, calm down. High school is so insignificant in the long run even if it feels like too much right now. College is so much worse. Just you wait. Enjoy these years while you still can and stop looking so sad."

He walked away before I even said a word. Right... I was supposed to be smiling... That's all he wants to see, anything else bothers him.

Before I was able to get to my room, my younger sister grabbed my arm.

"Owen!! Owen!! Let's play!! Let's plaaayyyy!!" She tugged on my arm with her whole body, rocking on her heels.

"Sorry Abby, I'm not feeling very well today—" I know I have to smile and be fine, but I can't right now. I'll get there if I'm left alone.

"But you promised! You said we'd play today!! You said after school! So come play, plaaayyyy!!"

While I was at a loss for what to do, my older sister walked by.

"Leave him alone, Abby. He doesn't want to play."

"But he promised!"

"I'll play with you, okay?"

"You will?! Okay!" She immediately let go of me to latch onto Millie.

Millie gave me a look. "Make sure you play with your younger siblings. No one wants you around when you're like this."

They both walked away leaving me alone once more. I already know that... I have to sort my feelings out and put them away already...

I went up to my room and closed the door, not bothering to turn the light on even though I was now cloaked in darkness.

I thought I could make friends, but it's so hard. I shouldn't have gotten so comfortable around them either. I hate feeling rejected. It's the worst feeling in the world for me. Even though I should be used to it... Even though I am used to it... It can still hurt so much. And my family won't even let me feel down for one minute... They reject the part of me that feels down sometimes... I'm not sure what to do about it.

My eyes begin to sting. I try to swallow all my feelings down past the lump in my throat. But it's too hard to push it all down. My cheeks get wet and I grit my teeth to avoid sobbing. I sink into the darkness of my room and let my emotions seep into the shadows around me.

The next day, I tried smiling widely in the mirror. Enough of the sappy stuff and feeling down about everything. Let's make today a good day.

I saw Noah, Sally, Jason, and Kim, but they quickly turned away when I put my hand up in greeting. Well I guess I shouldn't bother them anymore... I decided to greet the rest of my classmates as I usually try to do. But when I sit down for lunch, I'm alone... What's the problem with eating alone anyway? It gives me time to think and enjoy the quiet moment. Everything will be alright.

More days went by and I decided to not make any contact with my now old group of friends. We practically ignored each other and that is how we kept peace. Greeting the rest of my classmates didn't do much to make more friends. In fact, some stopped trying to greet me back. I began to feel myself losing energy so early in the day. The back two seats were the last of my rounds. I'll just greet them and enjoy the rest of the day by myself.

"Good morning! Oh, is that My Love Of Horses Helps Me Escape Death? I love that series!" I referred to the comic book that Eli was holding.

He perked up. "You've read it?"

"Of course! I can't wait for the next volume to come out!"

He suddenly smacked his friend's head laying on a desk. His friend, Wayne, stirred and barely lifted his head.

"See? Other people read it too. I'm not crazy."

"Is that so?" Wayne put his head back down to keep sleeping, seeming completely unbothered.

"I'm rereading all the volumes so far," Eli continued. "I have all of the physical copies."

"That's so cool! I only read it online but I've been tempted to buy some of the volumes to keep."

"So you've never held it in your hands, flipped through the pages, and enjoyed the vibrant art with your own eyes? You're seriously missing out."

"Nerd..." Wayne muttered into the desk.

Eli raised the comic book up, ready to swing it down onto Wayne's head. "I would hit you with this book but I don't want to ruin it!"

I couldn't help laughing at the scene. Luckily the bell rang at that moment.

"Well, class is starting so see you later!" I waved goodbye as I quickly maneuvered around desks and people to find my seat. They didn't think I was laughing like I was mocking them right...? I don't want to be rejected again today...

The next day came and it surprised me. When I went to greet them, Eli was holding out the first volume of My Love Of Horses Helps Me Escape Death, aka MLOHHMED.

"Take it before I change my mind! And take good care of it, it's practically my baby!"

I carefully took it from him, staring down at it in my hands. Then I looked up to give him a smile. "Thanks so much! I promise to take care of it!"

"He actually has two of the first editions—" Wayne tried to say, his chin resting in his hand.

Eli quickly covered his mouth. "Quiet! That was supposed to be a secret!"

"He still has it wrapped in plastic and sitting on a shrine in his closet," Wayne continued behind his hand.

Eli dug his nails into his skin to shut him up and Wayne winced.

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "You must really love the series! I admire that. I feel like I'm not being a true fan since I don't have any of the physical copies."

Eli let go of Wayne to grin. "It's true I'm a more dedicated fan than most, but we're all fans of the same series so let's get along!"

"I'm not a fan though," Wayne added.

Eli clenched his fists and looked like he was going to murder him. The bell rang and thankfully I was able to hold in my laughter.

"I'll give you this back tomorrow if that's alright!" I said.

Eli nodded. "Just be careful with it!"

I nodded too and waved goodbye. I tucked the book into my backpack for safekeeping. As I went about the rest of the day, hope swirled in my chest. I wanted to get home and read the book so I could give it back and give my opinion at the same time.

Yet when I got home, Abby begged to play with me again. Our parents wanted us all to have some family time too. We gathered in the living room to watch TV. I played on the floor with Abby and her dolls.

"How's school?" My mom asked me.

"It's good," I said with a smile. If I try to elaborate, she'll just go quiet and look awkward.

"He looked sad recently so that's a lie," my older brother, Max, said with a smirk.

"Oh, um..." Just as I expected, mom looked awkward and didn't know what to say.

"That's surprising, I thought nothing got you down," my oldest brother, Ryan, said. He's only visiting the house today for family time.

"It was nothing really," I lied, "I just had to adjust to the unfamiliar environment."

"Well your father and I apologize for the sudden adjustment. Once you graduate though, you can go to whichever college you want to."

"Commuting from home sucks, move out already like Ryan did," Max said.

It's like he's saying he wants me to move out so he doesn't have to see me anymore...

I was so distracted by the conversation that I barely noticed that Abby had run off. But when she came back, horror filled my veins. She was holding the first volume of MLOHHMED and was already flipping through the pages, getting them dirty with unwashed fingers from dinner and wrinkling and tearing them by not being careful with the fragile paper.