Elias was about to drop the hilt of the sword, when Sabur grabbed his hand on the hilt and pushed the sword deep into the kid’s chest, finally twisting it. Elias could feel the flesh and bones ripping apart at the blade. Sabur, hands still on Elias, pulled out the sword. Blood splashed on Elias’ hands and face.

The boy's eyes rolled back, and he fell to the ground, face forward. Elias was still holding the sword, his tremor stopping. He just stared at the gash in the boy’s back.

“S-son?!” The Captain tried to move towards him, but Kian held him firmly. “H-how could you? How could you?! You fucking fen-”

Elias didn’t even see when Sabur pulled out his pistol and pulled the trigger. He jumped, dropping the sword. “Kill the rest, throw the bodies in the water, raid the ship then blow it to pieces.”

Elias watched petrified as they picked up the bodies and threw them overboard. He looked down at his bloodied hands.

He killed him.

He killed a person.

It felt as though the blood on his hands was like acid, eating through his skin. His chest started to burn, his lungs ached. He started to gasp for air. His knees buckled and he would’ve fallen if Sabur hadn’t grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him.

“This Elias,” he grabbed his chin and pushed him to look at the pirates dropping the bodies into the sea. They gathered the rest of the royal crew together. “This is reality.” Elias knew what was coming next. He wanted to look away, but Sabur held his chin tightly. “Look!”

The pirates stabbed every last one of the men. Elias wanted to scream, tears now rolling down his cheeks in rivulets.

“This is what it means to survive. This is what it means to join us!” He pulled his chin to face him. “Understood?”

He didn’t wait for Elias to answer. He shoved him away and Elias fell to the ground in the pool of the boy’s blood.

The boy you killed, Elias.

“I expect you to know what your place here is, Elias.” He stopped midway to his cabin. “You either kill or let yourself be killed.”

He made his way to the cabin and slammed the door shut. Elias gasped for air, as he looked at the blood drenching his clothes. He had to get rid of it. He had to get rid of it before it ate its way into his skin.

Elias staggered to his feet and ran below deck to his spot. The blood was still hot and it seemed to Elias as if it was sticking to his body, spreading and making its way through the flesh. He grabbed the nearest bucket and plunged his hands in, scraping the blood off urgently.

It came off after some time, but Elias could still see it. He could still feel it. He scraped and rubbed, now scratching at his skin with his fingers.

He killed him.

He killed a kid.

He killed a person.

Elias couldn’t steady his breathing. He gasped and gasped for air, his frenzied breathing mixed with sobs. He would have screamed, but the air in his lungs was too scarce. He would have wiped away the tears, but he didn’t want to get the blood from the hands on his face. It would have been futile either way, because the flood did not stop. He would’ve scratched off his skin if Nick wouldn’t grab his hands and pull them away from each other. He forced Elias to look at him.

“Breathe Elias, just try to breathe first.” Elias couldn’t. His lungs ached, not allowing any air inside. Every inhale was shallow, irregular and sharp. “Elias, look at me. Breathe.”

“I c-can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Breathe with me. In.” He took a big breath, Elias tried to do the same, his breath riddled with hitches and sobs. “Now out.” Nick let his breath out and Elias followed with two extra involuntary inhales. “Again.”

They did that till Elias' breathing became somewhat even.

“That’s it. You’re doing good.”

“I killed h-him.” His voice came out laboured and weak. “I killed a person.”

Nick moved to hold his trembling hands. “I know, I know.”

Tears fell down his cheeks again, his face contorted in a pained grimace. “Nick, he was the same as me.” He fought the urge to burst into another cry, his shoulders hunched, his body shaking. Elias jumped into Nick’s arms, burying his head into his chest. “He was a k-kid.”

“I know.” He wrapped his hands around Elias. “I know. There was nothing else you could have done.”

Elias sobbed harder. He knew Nick couldn’t do anything but just hold him. Elias knew there wasn’t any other way. Like Sabur said, it was to kill or be killed and Elias had to choose.

He must’ve fallen asleep in Nick’s arms as he woke up in his net, drenched in sweat, his head spinning. The days that followed were strenuous. Elias would lie in his net, body in tremors, fighting a fever. He was in and out of consciousness, his body wet from cold sweat.

He kept seeing it - the boy, his eyes terrified as his, the dead crew and when his nights were the most troubling, he would see them mixed with the faces of his parents. Sometimes he would be the one who killed them, but even as he would plunge his sword into their hearts, they would still smile kindly at him.

They were bringing him food, but Elias had neither the appetite nor the strength to move. Sometimes Nick would come and put a wet cloth to his forehead or just sit by his side.

When he managed to get back on his feet again, Sabur told him to go on land with the crew to take a job - the job involved killing again, and Elias was forced to watch it unfold before his eyes.

He felt sick again and this time it was even worse, for his body was still weak from the previous fever. Nick had forced him to eat, even if Elias would vomit everything out.

When Elias would get better again, Sabur would repeat the process, sometimes even standing beside him, not leaving until Elias forced the blade through the victim's heart. Sabur wouldn’t let him show fear, sorrow and especially pity. He wanted none of it. He wanted Elias to strike fear in others.

Elias had no other choice but to do it - escaping wasn’t an option. If they would catch up to him, Elias was sure Sabur wouldn’t just beat him up. He had no other choice, but to kill. He wouldn’t look into their eyes when he did it, it was enough that he was hunted by one pair.

He believed in no Gods or Saints. If they existed, Elias wouldn’t be here. However, he would still say a prayer or a word for every soul that was misfortunate enough to cross his path.

Elias was sleeping less. He did so only when it was absolutely necessary or when he was so exhausted to the point of passing out. Either way, slumber didn’t come easy to him. When he couldn’t sleep, he would sit on the deck, staring blankly at the horizon.

One of those times Kian walked up to him. “Captain wants to see ya.”

Shivers went down his spine. Now, every time someone would mention Sabur, Elias’ stomach would convulse with pain, despite him being on this ship for nearly four years. He never knew what he would do to him.

Elias nodded to Kian and got to his feet. He slowly made his way to the cabin, hesitant to open the door. When he finally gathered enough courage, he pushed the open door and stepped in the dim atmosphere of the Captain’s cabin.

“You wanted to see me?” He hated that his voice sounded afraid.

“Close the door.”

Elias did so, the room swallowing them in near darkness. Sabur lit up a lantern and turned around in his chair.

“Heard from Lee, that you watched as a man crawled away.”

Elias contemplated on what he should say. “He was bleeding at his side. He wouldn’t have made it far.” He was telling the truth. The man's side was a mess, gut was dragging along with him. He wouldn’t have survived the night. And Elias didn’t want to increase the number of his victims.

“A man could still survive if he is wounded.” He slammed the metal leg against the ground. Elias flinched. “A man could still survive if his leg is cut off.”

Sabur leaned in his velvet chair. “You’re doing a good job, Elias. But next time make sure there are no witnesses. Understood?”

“Yes.”

He turned to leave, but Sabur stopped him. “Not yet, Elias.” The boy stopped, hesitant to turn around. “I’ve got something for you.”

Elias wearily looked over his shoulder. Sabur pointed at something wrapped in cloth on his desk. Elias carefully reached for it, unwrapping and revealing two twin swords.

“They are the same sizes and they weigh the same. They are lighter than your previous ones and will be easier to wield.”

Elias picked them up, familiarising his grip with the hilt of the swords. Sabur turned around. “Don’t make me regret giving them to you. Now, leave.”

Elias quickly tugged both of the swords in one hand and left the cabin. He ran down into the ship to his net and sat down. He took the swords into his lap and admired them. It wasn’t like the swords his father made. These two had no mark or signature. They were unique, a pair identical to each other. He traced his fingers down the silvery shining blade.

He wanted to promise himself, he wouldn’t let them be dirtied by blood, but he knew that it would be an empty promise.

Elias knew what Sabur meant with these two swords - kill for me.

He placed the swords beside his net.

“Sabur gave them to you?”

Elias looked up at Nick. “Yes.”

Nick only nodded, as if he also knew what it meant. He stood there quietly and when Elias was about to cut the painful silence, Nick spoke. “Elias…” He sighed. “I know he doesn’t give you any other choices, and he probably never will, but please... Try to avoid it.”

“What do you mean? You know I can’t do that.”

“I know, but maybe just try to… I don’t know…”

What is he saying? He knows damn well, I can’t just not do it.

Elias shifted in his net, frustrated.

“Maybe if you just pretend to do it and-”

Elias raised his voice. He never raised his voice, especially not at Nick. “I can’t Nick. Are you out of your mind? I know I can’t. My only purpose here is to do it!”

“That’s not…” He sounded desperate. “I can’t watch you lose yourself. You’re just a kid Elias.”

Anger burst out of Elias as he stood up, like a dam finally giving way to the water. “I’m not a kid!” He pushed Nick away and strode towards the stairs. “Haven’t been for a while.”

As soon as he was sure Nick couldn’t see him anymore and that he wasn’t following him, Elias ran. He ran up on deck and towards the front of the ship. He sat down, buried his face between his knees and let the tears go.

“Why are ya cryin’ shary?” Elias' head jerked up and he immediately wiped away his tears. “A boy like ya shouldn’t be cryin’.”

Elias hated the way he said boy. He said it too slowly and too softly. He didn’t have the time to care about why Pit was calling him a shary. He was almost as tall as Pit himself. Elias strode away. “I’m not a boy.”

He went back towards the middle of the ship and just as he was about to sit down, a light coming towards the ship caught his eye. He just had the time to shout when it hit the back of the ship.

Immediately, everyone was up on deck preparing the cannons. Elias went to retrieve his swords, catching Nick watching him, nodding his head away. Elias ignored him, rage building in his chest again, and went up on deck with his new swords.

Both ships had already sailed towards each other, now sailing side by side. It was a pirate ship. As the men jumped down on their ship. Elias gripped his swords tighter, ready to strike.

Again, he tried not to look at the faces as first one man dropped to the ground, then the second, then the third. He wouldn’t listen to their screams, he would just try to make it through.

It would’ve gone well if he hadn’t caught eyes with one of the pirates. The man stopped in shock, then burst out in laughter.

Why is he laughing at me?

The man wouldn’t stop. He gripped his knife in one hand. “Didn’t know The Rose Sparrow has kids as fighters. Can ya even hold these two up?!”

Elias was speechless, frozen on the spot.

“What do they have ya just to distract us?” He was getting closer to Elias, who just watched him stunned. “Ya can’t do anythin’ to me. Yer just a little kid scared of his own shadow. How could anyone fear ya?”

He had his knife up to Elias’ throat when a bullet went through the man’s head. Elias, still shocked, looked to his right at Sabur. His eyes were on the man lying at Elias’ feet. He was thinking. Suddenly his eyes went to Elias, who had a sudden urge to apologise.

Sabur lowered his pistol and said, his voice thundering through the night.