“Oh, Paige! Come, eat with us.” Mom’s voice could be heard even from my room as she opened the front door.

I rolled my eyes at her before I went back to preparing myself for today.

The fear of being made fun of, was still eating away at me as I combed my hair even though it was practically useless since no one would be seeing it. But, being seen by Paige, I knew I had to look good.

Maybe it was because I liked her a lot more than I believed I did, or because she was going to be the only one from now on, who’s going to be seeing me without a paper bag in school.

No matter how degrading it felt, wearing a paper bag to hide my face - it was still comforting in a sense.

“Jade! Paige is here!” I took a deep calming breath before opening my bedroom door and grabbing my back pack from beside the doorframe, before going downstairs.

In the kitchen, mom was cooking pancakes while humming some old song, and Caleb was busy browsing through a file.

But, my eyes didn’t stay on my brother and mother, it went directly to the girl sitting at the dining table, looking as perfect as always.

I could feel that today, she wasn’t looking as cheerful as always, since she wasn’t looking up from the book she was currently reading.

“Good morning.” I mumbled to anyone who’d listen. Mom was the only one that looked over her shoulder, to me, and smiled. Caleb and Paige, still had their hands in files and books.

Sighing loudly, I sat down beside Caleb, across from Paige. I couldn’t help myself but to stare at the beauty that Paige flaunted without even her knowing.

Her hair – today – looked even more silky than usual – I just wanted to run my fingers in them.

“Dude.” Caleb nudged me with his elbow, making me snap out of my daze, as I looked at him. “What?”

“Stop eye-fucking her.” He whispered to me, and I couldn’t control my cheeks from heating up. “What the fuck are you talking about?” I whispered back, harsher than I had intended to.

He only gave me a knowing smirk which was even more fuel to the fire that was now burning in my cheeks.

“Here you go. Pancakes for my lovely children.” Mom smiled as she set the plate full of pancakes in the middle of the table. “And for the beautiful Paige.” Paige closed her book and placed it beside the plate that was in front of her, as she raised her head and smiled at mom, who reciprocated.

“Thanks for the breakfast, Mrs. Bryan.”

“Oh, please. Call me Olivia, or even Liv for short.” I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes at my dearest mother.

“So, how was school yesterday?” Mom asked as she sat down beside Paige. Everyone sitting at the table knew who mom was referring to, but I pretended to act oblivious.

Mom sighed before she looked up at me. I ignored her stare, as I placed two pancakes in my own pate and immediately began to eat.

Now, Caleb and Paige, were also staring at me, and I could do nothing else but to answer her stupid question. Of course, it went horribly wrong and everyone made fun of me, and also made me wear a paper bag, but it was also my own decision to wear it.

“It was fine.” Mom, already believing my lie, smiled brightly. “I told you, everything will be just fine.”

“Yeah.” My lips stretched out into a fake smile, and mom went back to her plate, just like Caleb, who had already eaten more than any of us.

The only one that wasn’t going back to their breakfast was Paige, who stared at me in disbelief, before shaking her head and beginning to eat.

I could only sigh.

***

The awkward silence in the car could’ve been perfectly broken by the radio, but since Paige owned the car, she decided to not let me touch her radio.

The moment, we had left my house, Paige only gave me glances that looked really threatening and hard. She didn’t even give me a smile, which I was already missing. But, I couldn’t ask her to smile for me, since that would sound creepy and downright weird.

I was nothing to her. Even when I would always entertain the idea of Paige, being my chauffer and close friend, we really didn’t talk that much or we never really spoke about becoming friends or anything.

I could only imagine us as schoolmates.

“Why didn’t you tell your mom about the bullying?” I glanced calmly at Paige, even when inside, I was freaking out. Why was she suddenly asking me this question?

“She – Hah, she doesn’t need to know.” She did, actually. But, knowing how she’d behave, I didn’t have a better reason not to tell her.

“Are you kidding?” Paige glanced at me in disbelief and I shrank in the passenger seat. “You have to tell her. What are you going to do? Keep on wearing that paper bag over your head.”

“Why? What’s wrong with that?” Everything, but I needed to know what she’d say.

She remained silent for a minute before she sighed, “Everything is wrong with that, Jade.” My heart picked up its pace as soon as I heard her say my name, with such carefulness and concern.

“It doesn’t matter.” I spoke, looking away from her, and out of the window.

We were getting closer to the school building.

“It does.” Her voice was barely audible, but judging by her silence after it, I think that she believed, I didn’t hear her, when I most definitely did.

She parked her car at the end of the parking lot, once again, and I groaned just from thinking of walking all the way to the building. It’ll be like the walk of shame where I have a paper bag over my head.

Anyone can point and laugh at me.

This time, I didn’t wait for Paige to say anything to me – I just got out of the car as fast as I could, took out the paper bag from inside my bag and placed it over my head.

As I began to walk over to the building, I felt all the stares of the students in the parking lot and after a minute, I felt them hitting me with paper balls.

Oh, Lord, could it get any worse?

I walked faster and when I got to the double doors of the school building, I couldn’t have been any happier.

My smile fell from my face just as I opened the doors and came face-to-face with Paige’s best friend, Bridget.

Her face turned almost amused just as she saw me, and I tried to walk past her. The keyword here being: tried.

“You look better with something covering your face.” I tilted my head forward, not wanting to punch her face or run away from her with tears streaming down my face.

I wanted to calmly walk away from her, as if her words or actions were not making me want to cry out to my mother.

“I need to get to class.” I mumbled before being successful in walking past her.

***

No one would know my desperateness to leave the school grounds more than me. No one.

And why was that so, because I was currently having something being drawn on my face, and by face, I meant paper bag.

These two girls were doodling on my face while their two extra muscled boyfriends watched with amused smiles on their faces. They seemed like football players, and I wasn’t in the mood at the moment to be used as a replacement for a football.

It almost made me pee my pants from fear, but I didn’t want a repeat of that time. I was already made fun of as it is.

“That’s a good one, babe.” One of the two guys, laughed as he nudged his girlfriend’s back, who in turn threw a glare at him from over her shoulder. “Don’t disturb me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Now, I was more afraid of the girls than the two boys.

“Stop moving.” Straightening out myself completely, I tried to stay still. Key word here being: tried, desperately tried.

But, like always, I failed.

“Damn it, freak. Stop moving.” She hissed and I gulped harshly.

I could do nothing else but to comply, since they had me cornered in the hallway, which was empty. No one would even hear my calls of help, and even if they did, they’d rather laugh at me than to help me.

When I had stopped hoping that someone would come save me from these four tormentors, we heard someone’s voice.

It was a familiar voice and I hoped inside that it wasn’t who I thought it was. I desperately hoped, but since god hates me and would rather watch me unhappy and depressed than together with someone – I looked at the person that was now standing near us. The person specifically being Paige.

The two girls smirked while glancing at each other before they backed away from me, whereas the two boys looked worried for some reason.

“Paige.” One of the girls spoke and looked at her. I, honestly, wanted to run away from there since now no one had their attention on me.

“You should get back to class.” Paige crossed her arms over her chest as she narrowed her eyes at the four other students, who only glanced at each other before meeting her eyes again.

One of the girls laughed, “Nah, we’ll stay here for a while.” She turned to me again and began to draw something on my paper bag again.

Paige looked at me for a minute, in which our eyes met and she stared into mine, as if she was looking deep into my soul. It made me tingly all over my body.

In a swift motion, the sharpie from the girl’s hand was now in Paige’s, who glared at the four students. “Leave.”

“You’re not the boss of us.”

“I doubt that.” She scoffed before she continued to stare the girls down. I was seriously doubting the fact that these girls would even move, and when the three, kept staring or to put it truthfully, glaring, at each other – the two boys and I remained silent as to not disturb their moment.

But, to be really honest, Paige looked extremely hot in her pose at the moment. With her arms crossed, and her weight solely put on her left leg. She watched the girls with narrowed eyes, and if it wasn’t for the humiliation I had already felt, I would’ve been rooting for Paige.

I could just imagine myself with imaginary pom-poms, cheering for the girl that had such a way with my heart. Hah, dreamy sigh inserted.

My drooling internal state had been snapped out of, when the two girls finally moved away from Paige’s stare, and grabbed their boyfriends before leaving. But, not before giving the blonde girl a glare.

I stared in awe as the four students went on their merry way, while Paige stood rooted beside me.

Her eyes followed the four, before she immediately turned to me, and almost gave me a heart attack due to the intense staring. I gulped audibly before I smiled, which she couldn’t… see.

“You don’t have to keep wearing this stupid bag over your head.” Her voice was low and sympathetic, and her eyes were almost telling me the same thing, but with a little pity dancing with the green and blue color.

Frowning, I shook my head, “I have to.”

“You have to or you want to.” The way she said it, didn’t sound like a question and the way her eyes went over to the area below my eyes on the paper bag, I realized that whatever the girls had written was painful for her to see.

It made me want to almost take the bag off of my head, and see what they wrote. Almost.

I would’ve done it, if the bell hadn’t rung and students hadn’t piled out of their classes, bringing noise and chattering to the previously silent hall.

Paige looked back up to my eyes, her eyes glistening with an emotion I wasn’t aware of, before she turned around and walked away from me. It took her only a minute to fade away into the sea of students that would glance and whisper at me. Probably, making fun of me, or telling their friends about the reason why I was wearing this brown thing over my head.

I sighed to myself, before I, too, turned away to walk to my next class, hoping inside that this time someone wouldn’t hold me against a wall and draw things on my face (paper bag).

***

It was lunch time. A time when food and humans connect in more ways than possibly known. A time of peace and serenity. Well, that was what I had thought all along.

But, now, as I sat in the far end of the cafeteria, and watched my crush and ex-best friend interact with each other while glancing subtly – actually, not so subtly – over at my table, I realized that the world was really my number one enemy at the moment. What am I saying? The world has always been my number one enemy.

My hands trembled as I tried to eat the damn sandwich I bought, while trying not to show the two that I was being bothered by their glances.

I mean, yes, it was quite bothering, feeling their eyes on me every few seconds, but on the bright side, it was better than the whispers and stares I was getting from the rest of the cafeteria.

Honestly, I felt like a zoo animal at the moment.

Was this how my life would continue on? As if I am an animal in a cage? I could really pass as a monkey, but that’s beside the point. I don’t want to be a monkey. I can’t even do any tricks, and I hate attention.

 And, besides, monkeys are way more fun than me. I’m as boring as they come. All the exciting rumors that the school had spread when I had transferred here, were gone and now they were substituted by the awful incident when I had peed my pants in front of a whole classroom.

It was traumatizing, and I felt nothing but shame.

The desire to start digging a hole with my bare hands and then go hide in it, was the most powerful at that moment, when my bladder’s content was soaking up my jeans and pooling on the floor.

I zoned out of my thoughts, not wanting to relive that moment again. Paige’s face was masked with seriousness but I could feel the disgust that she had felt for me at that exact time.

I sighed, before I dropped the drooping sandwich on the food tray. The sandwich felt the same way as me. Ashamed for existing.

I sighed again, and then I got up from the table.

Wanting to leave the cafeteria, I went to the double doors, and felt all the eyes follow me there as well. One thing was for sure, I could do anything to leave people but their harsh jokes, and awful whispers would follow me everywhere.

Everywhere that I went.

I just wished it wouldn’t follow me home, where mom would question me about it. The last thing I wanted was for mom to be worried about me for no good reason. I was okay… as long as no one became physical in their brutal attempt to make fun of me.

I was okay. I was okay. But, deep down, I didn’t feel okay.

***